With the holiday season rapidly coming up, I 'd thought I’d solicit examples of gifts you have gotten which struck you as presumptuous, condescending, or perhaps just plain thoughtless.
Me, we had a holiday party at work a few years ago, where I expressed my preference for poultry over beef or pork (pork makes me nauseous actually) at the buffet. I got some whispers from various quarters that I was Jewish. Umm no, I’m not Jewish, I’m half-Scandinavian and look it. We also typically have a gift exchange at these things too.
One co-worker however came to another conclusion, and at next year’s party decided to give me a book titled God Believes in Atheists, or somesuch. Umm no, I’m not an atheist, thanks for not bothering to find out exactly what my spiritual beliefs, views and conclusions are before you gave me the gift, compadre (if you tried to pin me down, I’d probably respond “non-dualist” at knifepoint). I lost a lot of respect for this coworker as a result.
This wouldn’t have bothered me that much, given that I know my extended family probably doesn’t know very well what I’m into…except for the fact that I was 20. And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t meant as a gag. It really made me wonder just what that side of the family though of me as, a kid or an adult (I’m half-way between two older cousins and four younger ones, and I think they were kind of lumping me in with the second group)
From my mom, I got clothing several sizes too large because she had noticed that I was “getting puffy.” She also commented that I had inherited her propensity to gain weight, so that was one of the reasons I’m so big (for what it’s worth, at the time I was a size 10).
Speaking of mom, she was just here for my birthday, which is today. She dug into my birthday cake while I was in the bath last night because she “just couldn’t wait.” I was a little flabbergasted. Not mad - just astonished at the bad manners. My husband and I generally wait for the other person to sit down at the table before eating - we wouldn’t even think of digging into the other person’s birthday cake without them.
I worked in a call center; we handled tech support for people wanting to develop software for new operating systems. The client’s representative came on a periodic visit at about the same time that the client released a new laptop with its latest OS. The client rep proudly handed out carrying cases specially designed for that laptop. They were damn fine carrying cases, except that none of us working for that acocunt could afford the damn laptops that went in the cases – or any laptop, for that matter. If she’d handed out nothing, we’d have been happier. Coffee cups would have been really cool. At the end of the day, all but one of the cases were piled in an empty cubicle. I think she took them back with her.
People generally tend to give me nice gifts. But one year, my aunt sent me a pair of pants. I’m faily tall, and she’s really short, so I guess she just figured that longer was better. They were about 6 inches too long.
A lot of these responses are about inappropirate gifts, but not necessarily condescending or presumptuous ones. I’ve been the recipient of many an inappropriate gift, but not a “backhanded” one.
However, I do have a co-worker (male) who got a doozy. He and his wife are childless by choice. His co-worker gave him a “relationship health” book, because “they didn’t have kids yet.”
ETA: Clarification, the co-worker who gave him the book was at his previous job and not someone we both worked with.
I got a bottle of 10year old single malt scotch from a local swell who I helped move. I thought I was being neighborly and he apparently thought I was some sort of bell hop or sky cap out for a tip.
I guess battered women may need makeup, especially concealer, but my sister always gives strange presents to the local homeless shelter- funny things that need a lot of work to make, like expensive imported Greek fig bar cake mixes, where you add milk and egg and honey. And where do homeless people keep such goods?
You could take that as an insult if you really wanted to, I don’t think most people would though. Helping someone with something as large a task as moving who from your wording doesn’t appear to be a close friend goes way beyond being neighborly- to me, neighborly is pushing their garbage bin to them curb if they’re out of town.
Yeah, and a ten year old bottle of scoch is pretty nice. Way too nice for a bell hop.
My parents gave the neighbor a bottle of liquor (not sure what kind) because of all the noise/inconvenience caused during renovations (in an apartment building). It was just a nice, neighborly thing to do.
AIUI, battered women’s shelters love getting donations of makeup or those little bottles of shampoo or lotion that you get in hotels. I could kind of see the makeup thing- some women feel a lot better about themselves if they’re wearing makeup.
The XL and XXL blouses my sisters and I get from a certain relative every Christmas. My sisters are all size 6 at the most, and they get the XLs, while I get the XXLs and sometimes XXXLs. I know I’m overweight, why rub it in? :mad:
I’d love to be disrespected with a bottle of single-malt scotch, but in **Stable’s ** defense, if he’s a beer man, it might be seen as pretty high-falutin’ to give a guy scotch. The reward should be appropriate to the favor done – if there was little to move and it was not an inconvenience, a six-pack might have been more appropriate. **Zoggie’s ** example, however, is dead-on. Very nice and neighborly of your 'rents, Zog.
One of my brothers always gives me his free corporate swag as Christmas presents. Not to any of my other brothers - just to me.
“Great - it’s a t-shirt that says ‘American Airlines Team Building 2006 Walkathon’ with coporate sponsor logos all over the back. Thanks, that’s very thoughtful of you.”
