In a sign of the end-times surely being nigh, it has come to this: I’m ready to throw something at the TV every time this Victoria’s Secret commercial comes on.
I don’t mean pretend kisses, I mean if I were still a smoker, I’d hurl a 5 pound brass ashtray at the screen.
The offending piece (no comments, please) is an ad for bras. Normally, ads for bras are ok - they’ve got breasts in them.
While this ad has a lovely young lady exhibiting the product for sale (which may even be bras), her lines, which are in limerick form, are so mind-numbingly moronic it makes me want to simultaneously shove a screwdriver into each ear 'till both meet in the middle, in some vain attempt to un-hear this god-awful drivel.
Maybe I’m getting old, but the sheer stupidity of this “limerick” makes her look about as pretty as if Janet Reno had a love child with Clay Aiken and the chemicals neccessary to bring this encounter about had somehow deformed the resulting baby even beyond it’s cursed genes, after which the Red Sox’ starting lineup beat it with ugly sticks for a day, and then it grew up trying all it’s life to look like Imus.
There once was an angel so fair
Who’s bra was lighter than air
But the reason you see
and it’s no mystery
her bra cups were made out of air!
YOU CAN’T RHYME “AIR” WITH “AIR” ! Goddamnit! There was no-one in the entire VS organization, the ad agency, the film crew - anyone - who could have stopped this abomination?
But now I know. I know what, exactly, Victoria’s secret is… It’s a conspiracy to render all of the free world into so many golems, to do the evil bidding of our fashionista overlords. Paris, Britney, Tom, Jessica - they aren’t isolated incidents, merely celebutards we can just ignore and they’ll go away. No! They are the shock troops of the new and coming world order! The terrorists have already lost. Proof? you want proof?
Clearly the above was no accident, as proven by this other commercial from the exact same company !
There was a young angel with wings
Who could fly without wires or strings
She put on her wireless bra
said, “I’m going out now”
No wires, no worries, just wings!
Oh, the humanity! Not just “wings” with “wings”, but “bra” with “now”?
Kill me now. Please.
Or maybe I’m overreacting. They do have breasts in them.