I submit there is not.
I feel your pain Jod. Every time that woman says, “The floor is heat sensitive,” I cringe.
The guy just needs to put his shoes on.
Yes. But out of respect for you, Jodi, I won’t inflict a description of it on you. 
The person cutting all of the thumbs off of their gloves?
POLYCARP – So you allege there is a dumber one, but offer no evidence.
Do you have a cite for that??? 
There is no conceivable question more likely to earn a “yes” than one beginning “Is there a dumber commercial than…”.
For starters, pretty much any recent Jamie Lee Curtis commercial. The one where the guy holds the phone under his attractive roommate’s pillow while his friend brainwashes her is both dumber and remarkably repellent at the same time.
Yes…
It was on a while back…
A man is stroking his pet cat. He turns to look at the camera and asks, in an earnst voice, “Is my cat’s urinary tract health important?”
Any commercial in which that annoying fucker Henry Ford VIII appears.
“I love Fords.” No shit. I’d love something that made me a billionaire without having to work a single fucking day of my life, too. But you know what I wouldn’t do? I wouldn’t pay for a shitload of national commercials trumpeting the fact that I, a beneficiary of pure, unalloyed nepotism, love the shit that made my goddamn Nazi genius great-grandfather rich.
“(My Nazi genius great-grandfather and his cronies) pretty much invented the SUV.” And you’re happy about that? You’re fucking gleeful to the point that you put your egotistical ass in a national ad campaign to trumpet the fact that your family has a long history of tearing up perfectly good wilderness with your vehicles despite the fact that they’re completely not engineered for it? A Model T off-roading is supposed to make me believe that your fucking SUVs are anything more than status symbols for people whose closest experience to the great outdoors is the suburbs?
“If I could only have one car…” A premise that is profoundly unlikely, considering that since the age of 3, you’ve pretty much been able to walk into the plant and say, “Ooh, I like that one. Gimme.”
I’m similarly unimpressed by your love of the movie “Bullitt,” which you probably saw for the first time in your private theater. That is, if your fucking family didn’t give Steve McQueen ten million dollars to come and act it out for your birthday party. And even if you didn’t, I’m still blaming you for Steve McQueen dying before he had the chance to make more movies, you fuckwad.
“People come up to me all the time and say how great their Ford is.” Yes, I’m sure that you’re used to a lifetime of sycophancy, considering that your family all but owned the city where you grew up (when you weren’t off jet-setting to fucking Monaco for your sixteenth birthday, that is). People coming up to you and praising their Fords is either A) a complete fucking lie or B) the results of being able to say, “I’m glad you like it. Here, take these keys to a brand new one.”
The one with the kid squirting Hershey’s syrup into his mouth and then gargling milk. Stupid and disgusting.
I just want to say that * Stankow * is my new hero.
Ditto!
You forgot to mention that he’s unattractive and shouldn’t be on TV in the first place. He looks like a toady guy sitting in a pool hall talking about his lame truck. Use a stunt actor or something! August Busch the (I think) Fouth can be in as many commercials as he wants because he’s hot and doesn’t try to sell you a line of crap about people coming up to him and saying how great Budweiser is (because you KNOW that’s never happened!)
Oh and you left out the one where he says: *“People tell me it’s hard to find older Fords in good condition. I think that’s something to be proud of.” * WTF?!?!
The weird thing is, I actually know what he meant with that one – he meant that people actually use the trucks, so they’re not showroom-ready. That’s the least objectionable one, besides the fact that it’s also a complete fucking lie. If he’d said, “Focus groups tell me it’s hard to find…” then I might have believed him.
Here’s the thing, Henry Ford VIII – your family name is not “Studebaker” or “Springsteen.” There are thousands upon thousands of guys named Ford out there, so anyone who comes up to you and waxes rhapsodic about their Ford either A) is a complete fucking lunatic, B) knows you’re one of those Fords and is sucking up, or C) is also going to tell you how much he liked it when Jerry pardoned Nixon.
I will offer up those cringe inducing KFC commercials with Jason Alexander. He went from a show about nothing to a career about nothing.
Lest we forget…how bout those “Mother and Daughter” commercials where they talk about that less than “fresh” feeling. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TMI!
And don’t you guys just love commercials about “Erectile Dysfunction.” Ain’t it a hoot to see one of those just before you’re about to go on that date with that…errr…ummm…person you want to score with?
Well, yeah…but they do have the redeeming feature of having Jamie Lee Curtis in them. Mmm…
Actually, I kind of like Bill. Sure, there’s a little noblesse oblige going on, but hell, he’s noblesse. He seemed to be personally embarrassed by the quality fall-off Ford has experienced since about '91 and pretty determined to turn things around.
Don’t get me wrong, given a choice I’d rather go out for beers with Nick Scheele (who’s a riot!), but Ford doesn’t seem so bad.
What about those “Truth” commercials? I hung out with someone who worked for them a couple days ago. Apparently most of those asshole kids inluding him actually smoke.
How about that Burger King Commercial where those mean little bitch cheerleaders prance around chanting:
“You put your burgers in a bag,
they start to drip, they start to sag,
'cause your greasy, your nasty!”.
Ugh! Sticks unwanted in my head worse than the song from the closing credits of Power Puff Girls. And watching that face they make when the do the “your greasy” line is like condensing everything I found irritating about popular highschool girls into one expression.
Oh, and the singing belly button commercial. Only that wasn’t so much dumb as creepy.
There’s a particularly icky beer commercial playing in my area these days:
Man holds party. Partygoers are inside, but for some reason, the stereo equipment is outside. Obviously, the host is an idiot, but that will become evident on other grounds presently. To let indoor partygoers hear blaring outdoor dance music, IdiotHost props open window with beer bottle. Partygoer 1 promptly takes beer bottle from window and windows slams shut, cutting off music. Why Partygoer 1 chose to take the window beer instead of one from the nearby and highly visible ice bucket remains unclear. IdiotHost props open window again, with another beer. Partygoer 2 takes window beer. IdiotHost reprops window with, wait for it, another beer! At this stage, I wonder why IdiotHost doesn’t prop the window open with something less tempting to his alcohol-dazed friends, like a book. I conclude that IdiotHost probably doesn’t even own a book, and his well-used back issues of Maxim and Hustler are probably too flimsy for the job.
An accelerated cycle of IdiotHost/Partygoer is shown, with at least six beer bottles taken from the window before a very dim light bulb flashes over IdiotHost’s head and he props open the window with an empty beer bottle.
The upshot of this ad: I don’t want to buy a product in which the advertiser’s assumption is that I will identify with and emulate a complete fucking idiot!
Trouble is, I can’t remember what brand it was.
My friend Mike loves that commercial.
Mike is SO smart. Mike is SO funny. 