It’s hard to top those ‘as seen on TV’ ads. The person who can’t pour a pot of spaghetti into a colander was pretty dumb but he was surpassed by the Snuggi woman whose feet are cold because she’s to dumb to know how to use a blanket.
But there’s a new commercial for Pep Boys or AAMCO where people come into the shop and verbalize the weird sounds their cars are making. All these people look like Stephen Hawkings compared to the woman sitting in her car who tells the mechanic, “This light came on and I don’t know what it means.” and the mechanic says, “That’s your check engine light.” and didn’t add, “Idiot.”
There was a series of Sonic Drive In Commercials with the same male driver and a random passenger. Parked at one of the parking spots for the restaurant, the two would have a conversation about what ever item was being advertised.
The driver would be so off and so stupid about something rather obvious, and the two would discuss the misunderstanding to comedic effect.
Then Sonic cashed in all of their chips on the 100% Juice Apple Smoothies [Some apple product]
" stupid " Male driver customer:
100% Juice? That’s more juice than is in an apple
Other customer: No it’s not
Payoff / Punchline:
Yeah it is, I mean, the stem and the seeds have to make up what, 3% of the apple, right? Response :: You know, this is the best argument of yours you have ever had.
The line works, because if you were aware of the campaign you KNEW that he was cast to be stupid. Sonic wanted to cash that check and essentially confirm what we have all been thinking.
But yes, the Black and White [Always Black and White] “” before “” segments in Infomercials are in a class of their own.
My favorite has to be the infomercials a few years back for the “Chef Tony” set of kitchen knives.
“Do you HATE cutting fresh bread with dull knives, only to have squished bread?” Says the announcer. Meanwhile, the idiot in the black and white demonstration is putting about 50 pounds of pressure on the loaf with his left hand, while the knife in his right hand is finishing off ruining this loaf.
Buddy, you don’t need a sharper set of knives! What you need to do is lighten up on your serial rapist’s grip!
There was one from several years ago for some sort of windows. Two women are inside the house; one is admiring the windows and the other tells her about them. Through the window, we can see husband trying to light a barbecue grill. It explodes, and by the end of the commercial the backyard looks like a war zone.
That’s right, he has not mastered fire. In terms of human technological history, that predates the fucking wheel.
Or on the beach. And they never have any plumbing running to or from the tubs. Sweetie suggested we dress as the twin bathtub people for Halloween; I’m vetoing that, not because it wouldn’t be funny, but because I don’t want to be fumbling around wearing a fake bathtub at a crowded party all night.
My personal vote for dumbest commercial character is an oldie but goodie: an AOL ad circa '96 where a guy related that “a friend of mine suggested I sign up for AOL. I said, ‘Why? I have a computer.’” Uhh…yes, that’s probably why he suggested it. I’d like to see you use it without one. The guy wasn’t even supposed to come across as stupid. I’m not sure who it was aimed at. Stupid people who wanted to get online with this newfangled interwebs thing they kept hearing about but didn’t realize you needed a computer to do so? Stupid people who thought that simply owning a computer meant you were already on them newfangled interwebs?
Of course, knowing what most people know now about AOL, perhaps he was smarter than I thought.
Corona drinkers. There they are, on a beautiful beach, looking out at the ocean (or frolicking babes), holding a beer. And holding it. And still holding a full beer with a lime wedged in the top. Okay, now it’s getting warm. And, yep, I’m calling it, Corona at that temperature is pretty much just piss.
ETA: I love acting out Black-n-White-o-Vision in real life. Common household tasks are just so frustrating!
Though I know it is the core of the joke, I’m going to nominate the guys from the new Miller lite commercials. The ones made to look like eHarmony ads. In which the guy explains to the viewer how finally finding this beer has made his life complete, filling a void the supermodel next to him could not.
I’ve spent the last thirty years being told beer will make irresistible to beautiful women. Now I am being told that beer is the actual goal. I don’t like cognitive dissonance in my beer commercials.
