This is a question I’ve had for a long time, and I decided to post it based on some of the responses in this thread…
Why are some people so secretive about their finances. I, of course, understand the need to protect *access *to your money/investments/what have you, but why keep secret how much money you have?
I ran into this with my father when I was a teenager. We were discussing retirement (or something) and I casually inquired about how much he had in his pension. I was asking because I had no idea how much was enough, or how much you could get, or something like that. He replied “None of your business” in a manner that shut down the whole conversation.
Reading the above thread, someone points out the “issue” of some power workers looking through the customer’s records, and I’ve also read of the “outrage” of some IRS workers looking through taxpayer records. My thought is - who cares who knows how much I have?
I would never (and couldn’t at this point) brag about my money, but I don’t really cares who knows about it.
By the way - I have $471.00 in checking, $0 in savings - but payday is tomorrow!
Because, in our culture, how much money you have is a key part of “how successful are you in life?” People who don’t have much don’t want to look like losers; some people who do have a lot were brought up to think that bragging about how successful they are is uncouth.
Because some people are very judgmental in financial matters: “You make $X per year- how can you only have $Y in savings/retirement/your bank account? If you didn’t waste it on activity Z, you’d have more.” Something similar is why you won’t get many straight answers if you go around asking people what they weigh, especially if the people you ask are a bit on the overweight side.
Because people who have money don’t want others asking them for it. This might be behind your dad’s not wanting to tell you how much he has in his pension. He doesn’t want you coming back later and saying, “Hey, Dad, I know you’ve got more money than you could ever spend, how about giving me some of it?”
If I may ask - how old are you?
Let me guess - under 25?
I only say that because I remember a time at which I was somewhat surprised at the way people were so unwilling to discuss economic specifics. For me this occurred soon after I got out of school and started making money. It seemed to me that such things as paying rent and buying things were something we all had in common, and could enjoy and benefit from discussing. But I soon learned that next to no one feels that way.
Why? I’m not sure. I think a part of it is competitiveness and an unwillingness to be judged. A lot of people seem to believe that whether they make/own more or less than another person says something about their relative merit.
Another thing has to do with privacy. If I tell you how much I earn and what my investments total, I have no control over who you might tell it to and what they might do with it. To a large extent, what my wife and I make and own simply is no one’s business other than ours. Like your dad said!
Because it really isn’t any of your business. Why would you pry into your father’s (or anyone else’s) finances? People make judgements about you when they know more than they need to. I could look at your statement and say Sateryn76 must be terribly foolish and a spendthrift not to have anything saved for a rainy day. Possibly also employed at a job that doesn’t pay well, so maybe not at all ambitious. That could all be true. But it could all be wrong, too. You could have millions in an investment account, or be a HS kid with no bills.
Personally, sneaking a look at someone’s finances is like being a peeping tom. If someone wants you to see them naked, they’ll invite you to do so. You have no right to invite yourself without their permission.
I too believe it’s an american thing. It doesn’t seem to be much of an issue here in Denmark, I know what most others in my office make and the same with my family. We also discuss it openly.
I can’t think of too many things in my life that I would say “It’s none of your business” I’m pretty much an open book…
I assumed that the reason was to avoid “judgments” from other people. Since I became a more confident person, I seem to be able to completely disregard other people opinions about how much money I have. (I do have other areas where that’s not the case)…
If someone knew about my millions (ha ha) and wanted a loan, I would say no. It’s happened before with my sister.
The meat of my question is **why **you feel that it’s private? I’m trying to get to the meat of that opinion.
I agree with the OP. I have no idea why it’s such a secret. If you ASK, it’s not bragging to ANSWER. And so what if people “judge”? People judge you every day based on what you wear, how you look, what you named your children, your choice of college/job/mate, etc. It’s not like you can keep everything about yourself shrouded in secrecy because you’re afraid of what everyone will think!
I have never understood this, either. My parents were always frank with me about money. My father runs his own business and I helped with the book keeping when I was younger. I knew roughly what my mother made. They know what I make. Granted, anyone that knows where I’m a grad student could find out what I make quite easily. It’s all the same and it’s posted on the school website.
My best friend is very secretive about money. And she doesn’t know how much her boyfriend of five years that she lives with makes. I think it’s creepy.
I would disagree with that, particularly if you know that you make or have a lot more money than the person who is asking does. I think a factual answer to a question can in fact be bragging.
I try not to judge people (being human, I do it, but I try to stop myself). To make this easier, I try not to find out things about them that I know I might judge them for.
I don’t want people judging me, either. There are some things I can’t hide, of course, but anything that people would judge me on that I can hide, I will.
On the flip side, what about if it is your business?
Now that I’m a self-sufficient adult, and my parents are nearing retirement age, I’d really like to have a talk with them about their finances, their plans, etc. It is my business because at some point I may have to start helping them financially or helping them make decisions. But, since it was always made clear growing up that it wasn’t my business, I’m not sure how to start that conversation.
The part about the OP that surprised me was that it was his dad. I think a son asking his father about his retirement arrangements is very appropriate. It’s his father. When the guy gets old, the son’s going to have to take care of him. The father also has the responsibility of being an example of proper financial management and, thus, should be open with his son regarding his financial status, or, at least, be willing to answer simple questions about it.
Saying, “it’s none of your business” to your own child seems to me to indicate some kind of paranoia.
Otherwise, yeah, finances are a private matter, mostly because people will judge you.
I think the stigma is because it becomes too easy to pass judgement on someone when you have that information.
I earn what I consider to be a lot of money at my job. I earn enough to pay for all of my bills, save for retirement, add to my emergency fund, set aside money for a down payment so that I can own property someday, and still have a bit left over for entertainment. I have no debt at all, credit card or otherwise.
Someone else who has made different life choices or lives in a different part of the country might not be able to live the way I do on my salary. They might be able to live much, much better than I do on my salary. They might have children which means that they would have to stretch my salary much further than I do since I am single with no kids.
Even though I am doing pretty well by myself I still wouldn’t want anyone to know exactly how much I earn or how much I have saved. That would just lead to, “I can’t believe she earns $X and still only has that much saved for retirement!” or “There is no way she could be earning that much at 25! I wonder how many dicks she sucked to get that job?” The only people who know how much I earn are my roommate and my boss. It isn’t anyone else’s business, and it is only my roommate’s business because we are financially connected since we split the bills and all.
I already get judged every day for things I cannot hide from other people. Why add another judgement factor to the pile of things people judge me about? And why have another reason to judge someone else?
I work in a service industry and how much everyone makes is absolutely no secret. “How’d you do?” is pretty much an everyday question after when you’re getting ready to leave. It allows other people gauge how they’re doing that night. It also allows people to gauge when money is coming in so they could pick up more shifts if they want.
If it’s a bad night and nobody’s making any tips then it’s probably safe to conclude your lack of income is likely due to the clientel that night and not you. Whereas if everyone else is making money and not you, then you can try to figure out what you’re doing wrong.
“None of your business” is a bit of a harsh response…I usually say something like “I’d rather not say…” if the person asking I really don’t want to tell. Some people ask just to be nosy and I don’t like nosy people.
Plus it can be rather :rolleyes: inducing to listen to someone talk about how much money they have, how much they spend, how much they invest, etc. So seems to me keeping stuff like that to yourself is a polite and smart thing to do. Especially in a public place…you never know who is listening!
It’s no secret. I’m broke. Payday is tomorrow and I have a negative balance in my checking account and $1.01 in my savings (woohoo). My tax refund will get me back on my feet (hopefully).
I think some people ask about finances because they want to know what they are doing right or wrong. In my case, my job doesn’t pay enough and I sometimes slip on my tight budget.
