How fast do farts travel?

Love Rhombus · #1 05-25-2008, 11:20 AM

I (sigh)

promised a friend I'd ask. He's quite proud of his "thunderbutt". So, what's the word?

Duck Duck Goose · #2 05-25-2008, 11:34 AM

I have absolutely no idea why Google should even return one hit for a search string titled "speed farts", but it did.

http://mistupid.com/facts/page070.htm

Quote:

Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.

Your friend may take that for what it is worth. And you can let Mr. Thunderbutt do the math for how many miles per hour that is.

ultrafilter · #3 05-25-2008, 11:39 AM

Slightly less than 7 mph according to Google calculator.

Chez Guevara · #4 05-25-2008, 11:49 AM

Initial velocity or speed of deceleration?

Qadgop the Mercotan · #5 05-25-2008, 11:50 AM

At the speed of smell, of course.

Sage Rat · #6 05-25-2008, 12:05 PM

"Muzzle" velocity or?

Chefguy · #7 05-25-2008, 12:11 PM

Tell him speed is irrelevant. It's 'hang time' that's critical.

Martian Bigfoot · #8 05-25-2008, 12:12 PM

Oddly enough, the word "fart" in Danish means "speed".

Apart from that, I got nuttin'.

Myglaren · #9 05-25-2008, 12:38 PM

Oddly enough "Brainiac" tested this recently.
I don't watch it and only caught the last half minute but IIRC it was in the region of 4 metres a minute in still air. Stink bombs (half a dozen crushed in a shallow bowl) around 10M/m.

Chefguy · #10 05-25-2008, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peak Banana

Oddly enough, the word "fart" in Danish means "speed".

Apart from that, I got nuttin'.

And in German, it means 'exit'. Okay, it's actually 'fahrt'. Okay, ausfahrt, if you want to get all technical about it.

chowder · #11 05-25-2008, 12:43 PM

Lit or unlit?

Love Rhombus · #12 05-25-2008, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chowder

Lit or unlit?

Now my damnable curiosity is peaked: how fast are lit ones? And how hot?

AskNott · #13 05-25-2008, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peak Banana

Oddly enough, the word "fart" in Danish means "speed".

Apart from that, I got nuttin'.

So, "fart speed" is redundant, like "pizza pie."

Love Rhombus, unless your rumble-sphinctered pal is asking about muzzle velocity, the sound runs at Mach 1. The aromatic particles travel as fast as the air they're pooted into. In a wind tunnel, a fart could travel at 200mph. Other than that, it depends on the local wind speed. A naked farter would have a brief, or boxer, advantage over a clothed one, because of the exit delay.

elmwood · #14 05-25-2008, 01:15 PM

Well, the anal reverberation travels at the speed of sound.

Santo Rugger · #15 05-25-2008, 01:17 PM

If one were to model this phenomenon, a Gaussian plume would probably be the most straightforward method. So, what do we know? According to the site submitted by Duck Duck Goose:

Quote:

On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen.

We can use that info to find the expected density of the gas using the ideal gas law comparing 98.6F to STP. For the purposes of this equation, we'd assume the stinky parts are homogeneous with the bulk of the fart at least until the room is filled. We'd also assume that the plume would have a turbulent interface.

There would have to be two parts to the equation, one with a pure momentum flux (buoyancy), that would be used in the case of a person sitting down (with their sphincter pointing down, therefore not imparting any horizontal component into the plume's velocity vector). The additional part, the mass flux, would therefore (and obviously) take into account the horizontal velocity imparted onto the plume by the bum. Finally, ambient wind speed must be taken into account.

Now, to use my least favorite textbook phrase: I'll leave the solution to the reader.

Disclaimer: I took most of this info about plumes from the wiki page. Most of what I know about plumes is from reading about how a MEOI (maximally exposed offsite individual) would be effected in the event of a radionuclide spill. Most of the actual simulations are done via computer programs.

WarmNPrickly · #16 05-25-2008, 01:19 PM

Farts travel like the wind.

Love Rhombus · #17 05-25-2008, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarmNPrickly

Farts travel like the wind.

AANNNND that's just such a perfect name/subject pairing that I salute you.

Muffin · #18 05-25-2008, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peak Banana

Oddly enough, the word "fart" in Danish means "speed".

Apart from that, I got nuttin'.

I always did wonder why ski wax was labeled "Fart Wax". Nice to know that it isn't due to the nature of tucking.

Ignatz · #19 05-25-2008, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chefguy

And in German, it means 'exit'. Okay, it's actually 'fahrt'. Okay, ausfahrt, if you want to get all technical about it.

Oh, really? When I was in the German train stations, I always held my nose near those signs and thought they were for the toilets. But when I went to them, I found myself outside.

K364 · #20 05-25-2008, 06:15 PM

How nice to know that you are snorting up gas molecules that were in some other person's intestines only 1 second ago.

kunilou · #21 05-25-2008, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Love Rhombus

Now my damnable curiosity is peaked: how fast are lit ones? And how hot?

I don't know how fast, but one was hot enough to set my college roommate's jeans on fire.

Harmonious Discord · #22 05-25-2008, 07:30 PM

Old farts travel about 15 mph for at least 10 miles.

DudleyGarrett · #23 05-25-2008, 07:30 PM

What causes hang-time? I always thought it was due to leakage and one's not necessarily smelling gas, but the actual feces splatter against the inside of the underwear.

Muffin · #24 05-25-2008, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ignatz

Oh, really? When I was in the German train stations, I always held my nose near those signs and thought they were for the toilets. But when I went to them, I found myself outside.

Gotta ask -- did you then dump on the doorsteps?

Lionne · #25 05-25-2008, 09:38 PM

Only on the Dope.

eleanorigby · #26 05-25-2008, 09:43 PM

Didn't Cecil do a column on some Japanese toilets that have fans installed inside them (or some such), in order to er, eliminate that smell of expelled gas in public toilets? Or am I now confabulating Dope columns as well as experiences in my real life?

Oslo Ostragoth · #27 05-25-2008, 09:55 PM

Nice article in wiki. And no discussion of farts is complete without mention of Le Pétomane or providing visual aids via You Tube.

Rick · #28 05-25-2008, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peak Banana

Oddly enough, the word "fart" in Danish means "speed".

Apart from that, I got nuttin'.

I always thought that in Sweden it meant Dolly Parton lying in the road ahead.

chowder · #29 05-26-2008, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Harmonious Discord

Old farts travel about 15 mph for at least 10 miles.

Young ones are allus walking across my lawn at about 2 mph.

Bastards

Bryan Ekers · #30 05-26-2008, 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elmwood

Well, the anal reverberation travels at the speed of sound.

And the underwear staining is at the speed of browned.

Martian Bigfoot · #31 05-26-2008, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rick

I always thought that in Sweden it meant Dolly Parton lying in the road ahead.

Yeah. And also, when you fart in Danish elevators, you have the option of alerting your fellow passengers. Such a polite country.

I should also mention the effort the Danes are making to reduce emissions on their highways.

Love Rhombus · #32 05-26-2008, 08:12 AM

So, have I helped to fight ignorance by asking this question?

Quartz · #33 05-26-2008, 08:22 AM

Can I expand (hehe) the question? How compressed is the gas before emission?

FoieGrasIsEvil · #34 05-26-2008, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudleyGarrett

What causes hang-time? I always thought it was due to leakage and one's not necessarily smelling gas, but the actual feces splatter against the inside of the underwear.

I wonder if certain farts are denser than others, thus causing more hang time.

lobotomyboy63 · #35 05-26-2008, 09:21 AM

Guy lights candle with fart:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zVoIT7oUC3s

Gotta love the grunt of determination!

FoieGrasIsEvil · #36 05-26-2008, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lobotomyboy63

Guy lights candle with fart:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zVoIT7oUC3s

Gotta love the grunt of determination!

LOL. Too much determination leads to premature defecation.

lobotomyboy63 · #37 05-26-2008, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FoieGrasIsEvil

LOL. Too much determination leads to premature defecation.

The signs of the prophets are written on the bathroom stalls:

Here I sit all broken-hearted;
Came to shit and only farted.

[Reply]

Don't you bitch, you had your chance;
I tried to fart and shit my pants.

Fear Itself · #38 05-26-2008, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudleyGarrett

What causes hang-time? I always thought it was due to leakage and one's not necessarily smelling gas, but the actual feces splatter against the inside of the underwear.

Are these invisible feces, 'cause i have never noticed any skidmarks after even the most pungent and durable barking spiders.