How do farts work? Do farts have a function, or are they just superfluous by-products? A girl in my middle school health class said she never farted, not even once when no one else was around. Is this possible, or was she just being a prude? If she actually had never farted, and had been holding it in all that time, wouldn’t that be some sort of World Record? How would you validate the longest interval of fart abstinence anyway? And wouldn’t you just explode if you had to fart but kept trying to stuff it for a long time? Has a fart ever actually rendered anyone unconscious or been the cause of a war? Is it possible to trace the history of farting as a form of entertainment? Do any other species appear to find farts amusing, or is it completely impossible to tell? What about that chimp or whatever who learned sign language? Couldn’t we ask her? Do whale farts produce gigantic bubbles? Could whale farts be a cause of global warming? Could it be that when whales beach themselves, they are merely trying to escape a particularly rotten poot, and in their frenzy to get away they screw up?
OK, I am new to this posting thing but I feel I had to post to this one in particular. Here goes!
1)I cannot believe anyone who has an anus (rectum, whatever!)has never farted. She most likely did not want to admit it. That whole “ladies don’t fart” myth.
2)I was told by several nurses that it is actually bad for your bowels to hold in farts.
3)Wasn’t the ozone layer depleted because of cow flatulence?
Now, here’s my question. Is it just me or do farts smell worse while in the shower? If this is true then, WHY?
I just tried the shower fart thing, and you know what? You are right! I know something called “acoustics” can affect sounds, so is there some form of “smell acoustics”?
What happens on the space shuttle? Do they have a fart recycler? Has anyone tried to light a fart while in space? Wouldn’t it just sort of be a hanging fireball located at the fart lighter’s crotch? Is this maybe why they haven’t tried it yet?
Oh man, I’m feeling somewhat uninpsired today, so I can’t share just yet. But there’s a couple of things that can happen to this thread.
Secnario 1.
Manhattan (the moderator for this forum) will be in here any minute, call you an idiot for starting such a dumb thread in his forum, and lock the thread.
Scenario 2.
Poop-obsessed posters such as Homer, aha, Whammo and Mr. Cynical will come in and make this baby into the most hilarious thing since Guy Stuff I. Threadspotting is the next stop.
I’m hoping it’s gonna be 2. It has happened before 
This may help with the whole fire in space thing.
Do cow and termite flatulence threaten the earth’s atmosphere?
Searching the archives is great. I’ve just found about 10 things that I’m now going off to read 
Not approaching how you smell in the shower. Now on to farts.
When you fart, say, in your living room: 1) the air is still, so the gases have a possiblity of drifting away unnoticed; 2) the room is bigger, so they’re diluted more.
In the shower: 1) the room is smaller; 2) the shower is creating air currents, wafting the gases to your nose; 3) the air is warm and humid, enhancing your sense of smell.
So the gases themselves don’t smell more. It’s just that the conditions to smell them increase.
Nerts. I knew I should have searched the archives first. Many questions have already been answered, and I remember reading a column that Mr. Adams wrote about a fellow named Le Petomaine, or some such name. Still, since farts do contain methane, could a mad scientist genetically alter the bacteria that create farts so they make a more powerful methane payload? Could these juiced up bacteria then be introduced into a body? Could this person then create lethal queefs?
Remember though, farts smell so deaf people can enjoy them too.
Could this person then create lethal queefs?
Had to set you straight on something. I’m not sure if it is a local thing (IL) or a female thing, but the definition of a queef is (how do you say) flatulence that is expelled from the vagina. Yes, I mean a P***Y fart! I have never heard it used in any other way. In case you are wondering how that is possible, since it isn’t attached to the digestive tract, air becomes trapped in the vagina during sex (doggie style is the most common I think) then is expelled either by more sex or the old fashion way, pushing, like normal gas.
I will probably by banned from this board but I feel better knowing that I have shead light on the whole “queef” issue.
Thank you and goodnight!
oops. I heard it used as an expression for a fart in NC when I was 18. Ah, naivete.
Is flatulence addressed in any book of the Bible? Is there any sort of holy etiquette I need to be aware of? Did any arguements over the right way to fart create any splinter groups or obscure mystic cults? Do you think Christ ever let one rip?
system_hoser, this is not an improper line of question for this forum (in fact, a check of the archives will reveal questions of questionable taste of whatever variety you wish).
But let’s not push it, hmmmkay?
I will be more careful. And besides, this thread should probably disappear pretty soon. I am sorry if I have offended anyone.
Not only do farts smell different in the shower, but they smell different when released underwater, I have noticed.
Additionally, did you ever notice that when you’ve got a really good one stored up, you have the ability to modulate the pitch by clenching and releasing your buttocks? I suppose that after a good night with broccoli, beans and beer, you could conceiveably fart The Halls Of Montezuma (pun intended).
Dogs fart, too. The only reason there isn’t a floppity sound is that they have no butt cheeks. My dog somehow manages to squeak when farting her way up the stairs, or when jumping up on the couch sometimes.
In fact, Dog farts seem to be worse than human farts. No kidding. One time, at a party at my house, my dog managed to eat 8 beer-soaked bratwursts off of the grill. No more than 20 minutes passed after eating them before she came inside and began tooting with such regularity and power that everyone left. I caught myself gagging as I ran out of the living room, onto the porch.
But, back to farts.
I have never heard of a whale being witnessed to fart, but I have been the unfortunate recipient of a manatee fart one time. As the john boat passed over the manatee’s lair, it let forth a mighty blast. The water beside the boat roiled and boiled like a mighty frothing whirlpool. The stench that surrounded us was awful, rotten, digested water hyacinth stench, mixed in with whatever else filth it is that manatees eat.
We would have fired up the motor, but didn’t want to hurt the manatees. The only option available was to paddle away. Of course, the more you exert yourself, the more you breathe, and I was puffing so much manatee ass that I still have no hair in my nostrils.
I know nothing about the practice of holding in farts, since I LIVE to let them free. However, I once saw here on the boards, a link to a site that featured “pumping”. Apparently, these cats lube up the end of a bicycle pump, slide it up the ol’ wazoo, and inflate to 30psi. They have before and after pictures on display, I am sorry to report, and they manage to actually distend their abdomens. I figure that’s REALLY unsafe.
carry on.
Mr. Cynical, now THAT was funny. Dog farts are the worst I have ever experienced. My friend’s dog can fill the whole living room with one squeeze. How come she just sits there, and everyone else absolutely has to vacate? I thought a dog’s sense of smell was extremely accute. Do you think dogs like to smell their own farts? I suppose that is very possible, considering some of the things I’ve seen them lick and eat. And definitely thanks for relating the mantee story. Yet another reason for them to be labelled the cows of the sea.
Here’s another question: in high school, a friend of mine said he thought that breathing other people’s farts cause you to recycle and amplify them. I wonder if that is possible? Probably not, but it is sort of a funny idea.
Can’t say as I know the tune well enough to play it but feed me eggs and any milk products and I can mimick a HARLEY DAVIDSON easy!
My medical encyclopedia says that people fart anywhere between 8 and 20 times a day.
I’ve asked this question in another thread, but it seems appropriate here:
Why do most people not mind smelling their own farts, but gag when someone else farts? I actually love the smell of my own farts, but everyone else prefers their own. Is this a guy thing or a control issue or what?
And let’s not forget about Cecil’s column on supressing the urge to toot.
