I’m not sure if anyone is actually interested in this topic or if you were already given enough information in the 3 previous threads about my surrogacy (here , here , and here ) but I figured it could be a fun topic that the general public doesn’t know much about.
So, fire away!
I have great respect for what you did. One question, so far:
What did your daughter understand of the situation and how did she react?
She was very young, so there was no reaction at all. As far as she knew, mommy got fat.
I expected an issue after the baby was born because her babysitter was pregnant and due the same day as me - so in all honesty I expected something along the lines of “why does Sarah have a baby and we don’t?” but she never even made the connection.
I do expect to have to explain it to her someday though, since we do have a bunch of pictures from her birthday party and Christmas with me all big and preggo and obviously she has no sibling to show for it. 
How did you get involved in it? What was the legal side of it like (easy? a mess? tons of waivers?)? What was your motivation? What was your compensation?
Anything you’d do differently if you do it again? (and will or why won’t you?)
Hal mentions that you are from the same town as Mary Beth Whitehead. Di you follow the Baby M trial? What did you think?
How far away do you live from the baby’s fathers? Did you do any background research or an interview with the couple before you chose them? Where did they get the egg? Will you stay involved in the baby’s life? Do you talk to the fathers regularly? Do you ever think about what might happen if the couple splits up? Who went on the baby’s birth certificate? And if you don’t mind telling, how much did you get paid?
I read Hal’s threads and saw the photos. I think the baby looks like the father with the darker hair. It’s pretty obvious it’s his! 
Anyway I think you did a wonderful thing for this couple, good for you! If they wanted to have another child, would you be a surrogate for them again?
She’s a beautiful poster child for all those silly folks who think infants don’t smile, how absolutely gorgeous!
Congratulations to all the parents and job well done.
How much of it was about having a VBAC?
[QUOTE=flyboy]
How did you get involved in it? What was the legal side of it like (easy? a mess? tons of waivers?)? What was your motivation? What was your compensation?
Anything you’d do differently if you do it again? (and will or why won’t you?)
[/QUOTE]
I joined a message board for surrogates. I talked to some people and then checked out the classifieds section of the board and found a couple in the next state looking for a surrogate. They were using a clinic a few miles from my house so I replied to their ad. We talked through email, on the phone, met in person and it just clicked.
The legal side was a little difficult but we worked through it. We drew up our own contract and then had a lawyer review it rather than have a lawyer draw it up - we were trying to save them some money so we did it ourselves.
My motivation came from my own experience with infertility. It took Hal and I two years to get pregnant with our daughter so I understood the heartache that came from wanting a baby and not being able to have one. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was meant to help someone else have a baby. Of course I originally didn’t think it would be for a gay couple but that’s how it worked out and I’m happy that it did. 
My compensation was on the low side because I really was not in this for the money. I was asking for a low fee with extras and after talking we decided to raise my fee and make it all inclusive. Meaning I wouldn’t get an extra fee for twins, c-section, matrnity clothes, etc. The only extras they would pay were medical bills that weren’t covered by insurance.
There really isn’t anything I would change if I did it again. I enjoyed almost every second of my surrogacy, even the shots. It was a great experience. And I would do it again in a heartbeat if I hadn’t been diagnosed with RA recently, meaning I’m not allowed to get pregnant without permission from my doctor. No clinic in their right mind would give me the green light to be a surrogate again. 
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas]
Hal mentions that you are from the same town as Mary Beth Whitehead. Di you follow the Baby M trial? What did you think?
[/QUOTE]
I was very young during the whole Baby M thing so I didn’t follow it. However, I was aware of some major things going on only a few blocks from my house because of all the news cameras and things to that effect.
[QUOTE=nyctea scandiaca]
How far away do you live from the baby’s fathers?
Did you do any background research or an interview with the couple before you chose them?
Where did they get the egg?
Will you stay involved in the baby’s life? Do you talk to the fathers regularly?
Do you ever think about what might happen if the couple splits up?
Who went on the baby’s birth certificate?
And if you don’t mind telling, how much did you get paid?
I read Hal’s threads and saw the photos. I think the baby looks like the father with the darker hair. It’s pretty obvious it’s his!
Anyway I think you did a wonderful thing for this couple, good for you! If they wanted to have another child, would you be a surrogate for them again?
[/QUOTE]
We live about 2 hours away from them.
I didn’t do a background check on them, I was pretty naive and just trusted them. I did talk with them a lot and met with them in person before we decided to work together.
They got the egg from an egg donor who lived in their area. Her and I talked a few times - she was a very nice girl.
I’m hoping to stay in Maya’s life. M&M seem to want me in their lives as well. They stay in contact with me, calls and emails at least weekly, and we get together every few weeks to see each other.
I don’t think about what would happen in they split up. They’ve been together for 16 years and seem very happy together, so I don’t think about the “what ifs”.
They both went on the birth certificate. We petitioned the courts to allow both fathers names on the BC and it was approved. So, her birth certificate is listed with Parent 1 and Parent 2. 
I don’t want to go into exact numbers on my compensation (out of respect for M&M). It was a decent amount for me but on the low side for a surrogate.
I had every intention of doing a sibling journey with them but as I mentioned in my earlier post, I’m not going to be approved to be a surrogate again so it’s not going to happen the way I hoped.
[QUOTE=bathsheba]
How much of it was about having a VBAC?
[/QUOTE]
I actually went into this expecting to have a c-section again. M&M are the ones who asked me why I wasn’t considering a VBAC. I didn’t have an answer for them so I did my research and decided they were right and we would go ahead with the VBAC. It didn’t work out the way I had hoped but I am glad that I tried. Now I will never look back and wonder what would have happened if I had tried for the VBAC. I gave it my all and I’m proud of that fact.
Was it hard for you to let go of Maya? I loved being pregnant and had such an easy pregnancy and delivery that I toy with the idea of surrogacy, but I would have a really hard time giving the baby to his or her parents. I mean, I would want to breastfeed (especially at first, when it’s most important), and those sorts of things. How did you manage that?
[QUOTE=stargazer]
Was it hard for you to let go of Maya? I loved being pregnant and had such an easy pregnancy and delivery that I toy with the idea of surrogacy, but I would have a really hard time giving the baby to his or her parents. I mean, I would want to breastfeed (especially at first, when it’s most important), and those sorts of things. How did you manage that?
[/QUOTE]
I had no issues giving her to her parents. I was very disconnected the whole pregnancy - not that I didn’t love being pregnant or enjoy her kicks and bumps - but I didn’t allow myself to get emotionally attached. I was unbelievably happy giving her to them. Not once did I ever regret doing what I did.
As for breastfeeding, many surrogates will put in the contracts that they will breastfeed the baby while in the hospital. If it’s important to you, you can find a couple that is willing to work with you on it. Also, many surrogates pump breastmilk for their surro babies for a long time. I pumped for Maya for 6 weeks. I would have loved to do it longer but I wasn’t able to continue.
[QUOTE=Queen Tonya]
She’s a beautiful poster child for all those silly folks who think infants don’t smile, how absolutely gorgeous!
[/QUOTE]
Just to toss in some evidence of this:
Oh my. I don’t think your cuteness warning is nearly strong enough.
