A Poll for Married Dopers

[pseudotriton ruber ruber]

I’ll define “married” as being in a serious, committed monogamous relationship, doesn’t matter (to me) whether sanctified by clergy or state, so long as you and your SO have soberly expressed your intention to remain in this commitment for the remainder of your lives, and have been together in a committed relationship for at least one year. My poll asks this:

In your own private hearts of hearts (NOT what you profess aloud to your SO), do you feel closer to:

a) Positive that your relationship will remain in its current state, despite any pitfalls that may occur in the future, i.e., no matter what, you and your SO will stay committed and work out any problems
b) Fairly confident that your relationship will remain in its current state, while acknowledging that the future is fraught with peril and some unforeseen catastrophe could disrupt your relationship
c) Hopeful but by no means confident that your relationship will remain in its current state
d) Fearful that your relationship won’t remain in its current state, but willing to take your chances and try to make it work out
e) Doubtful that your relationship will endure the next few years: one or both of you is already looking for a way out

If you like, you can indicate some other particulars of your relationship, i.e., hetero- or homo, married or living together, ages, time together, etc. but mainly I’m looking for one-letter answers.

[Hal Briston]

If it hasn't fallen apart by now, it never will.

Solid "A".

[WhyNot]

B.

Hetero, open marriage, both in our 30's, married 8 years.

[susan]

A for me. My partner might say B, having had a previous divorce.

Lesbian/Bi, 10 years in committed partnership, getting legally married in Massachusetts later this summer.

[HongKongFooey]

We've been married 10 years, together 19 and have 3 kids. I feel very comfortable choosing 'a'.

[MovieMogul]

Ha! The Dope won't allow one-letter answers! That said:

B

[elbows]

I choose 'A'.

But only because my first, and most accurate choice, doesn't appear in the list. It would be;

"Confident that my current relationship, while wonderful, will continue to improve in myriad and unexpected ways."

Why doesn't "get better" appear on the list?

[Antinor01]

B. I would never claim to know what may happen in the future.

Gay, engaged, 33 and 27, together 7 years.

[Savannah]

B

Together 13 years, married 12, no kids, heterosexual.

[Sitnam]

b but fear c

[Phlosphr]

B

Relationships evolve. Marriages evolve. My wife and I are not the same people we were when we got married. Our lives have changed, careers, houses...Our love remains constant. We've even renewed our vows with different rings to signify a new beginning after a traumatic event some years ago. Not infidelity.

To me, infidelity means all bets are off.

[Rubystreak]

B, because I am a pessimist at heart and you just never know what curveballs life might throw at you. However, I feel that we are both in it for life.

36, straight, together 2 years, married for one, no kids

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by Antinor01

B. I would never claim to know what may happen in the future.

Word. I think not choosing A says more about my viewpoint on life (all is uncertain) than the strength of my marriage.

[Sarahfeena]

I would say A-, as I am pretty certain, but slightly superstitious about being overly confident about such things!

We are both 41, have been married 9 years and have 2 small children.

[Kayeby]

A

Together 8 years, getting married on Friday.

[Manda JO]

A, assuming we live. It's not just that my relationship is good (which it is) but that we are both pretty complacent people. Even if it got much less good, I don't see either of us shifting to a whole new paradigm.

[Kalhoun]

I'm a realist. I'll say B. Married 11 years, together 20.

He's 63 and I'm 52. I have one child, he has none.

[Monstera deliciosa]

B.

Hetero, married 5 years. I'm 48; it's my first marriage. He's 53; this is his second marriage.

[psycat90]

B.

Together 8 years, married 5. Hetero, 35 and 38. 5 kids total between us, though none together and none that currently live with us - ages 13 to 21. This is my first marriage and his third.

[Yeticus Rex]

B.

[dangermom]

I think one of us would have to become a very different person. Like, I have this friend who got a divorce because her husband became addicted to (legitimately prescribed) painkillers and now he's a drug addict, and nearly dying didn't stop him a bit. That would do it.

But on the whole, the difficulties and consequences of divorce are very offputting, and we have a very strong relationship that has only gotten better in the 12 years of marriage we've had.

So, 99% A. The odds of my husband becoming a totally different person aren't really all that high IMO.

[freckafree]

E.

Hetero, married 30 years, 49 and 62. If it weren't for our 13-y-o son, I'd have left a long time ago.

[silenus]

What Hal said.

Solid A. A+, even.

[burundi]

A

Married 5 years, together for 10

[PeskiPiksi]

B. Married for 5 1/2 years, together for 8.

I debated between A & B, but had to admit that you can't predict what life will send your way. That said, though, I totally expect us to grow old together barring some freak accident or illness.

[mnemosyne]

Somewhere between A and B, but for it to be B, as another poster said, one of us/life would have to change drastically.

[MadPansy64]

B

I never say never.

[Voyager]

A
Mid-50s, married 30 years.

[RTFirefly]

Solid A. We've been married 17 years, and we're going the distance.

[Contrary]

A. I was terrified to even start dating him since I'd gotten divorced after 16 years of marriage. But this is amazing and way beyond what I ever hoped or dreamed marriage could be. In fact, I had no idea marriage could be like this.

I am beyond blessed.

[Dr. Woo]

Ugh. E.

Hetero, married 15 years, together 19 years. I'm not happy; I assume he isn't either.

[Scarlett67]

A+

We both spent enough time as lonely square pegs, and appreciate each other enough for who we are, that the marriage absolutely comes first and we will do whatever is needed to preserve it. Life without each other is nothing.

I'm 41, he's 52, together 20 years, married 18, straight (duh).

[MsWhatsit]

A

Usually I never say never, but without being able to fully describe to anyone else why this is so, I can confidently say that my marriage is 100% solid and always will be.

Hetero, married for 7 years, lived in sin for 2 years prior to that, long distance relationship for 4 years prior to that. I'm 31, he's 43.

[Lissla Lissar]

A, although I don't think it will remain in its current state. I wouldn't want it to! It's always interesting and always changing, even when we're under stress. Hetero, married for five and a half years, together for nine or ten. Don't remember.

ETA: I'm 29, he's 28.

[stargazer]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

Word. I think not choosing A says more about my viewpoint on life (all is uncertain) than the strength of my marriage.

I agree, which is why I choose "B."

[TroubleAgain]

A, after 15 years together, and getting better every day.

[Ludy]

I choose B only because I can't claim clairvoyance.

Together 5 years married 3 days.

[Infovore]

A.

Hetero, coming up on 20 years in January, early 40s.

[Ruffian]

A, baby. He's my absolute best friend, and I'm his. Makes the rough patches so much easier to smooth out. The "unforeseen catastrophe" in B is notable too, though...there are all kinds of hell that can happen that can alter who a person is, and how they relate. Still, that's a huge hypothetical; who knows what can happen, and who can predict how it will affect us? So maybe I, too, need to say A-.

FTR, I'm 35, hetero, married 7 years (together 10 years; been friends nearly 17 years), and we have a 2yro son.

[Duck Duck Goose]

A.

Hetero, first serious relationship for both of us, married 34 years with 3 kids, all of whom will be in college this fall.

He was gone for the last couple of weeks--first a letter carriers convention in Boston, then his 35th high school class reunion. And while he was gone, we apparently both came separately to the rather surprising conclusion that we are each other's best friend. Kind of startling, after spending the last 20+ years mired up to the armpits in Parenting and never really seeing the other person. But now the kids are grown, and there's time. So yeah, we don't see us splitting up, because where would we go? We're here, with Us.

[kniz]

A.

It has never been in doubt for the last 45 years!

[E. Thorp]

Hetero. I'm 40, she's 31. Together 11 years, married 7.

I would be very surprised at anything other than A.

[Gary T]

A. MId 50's, married 23 years, no kids.

[conurepete]

C
D if he gets suicidal

[thirdwarning]

Married 27 years, three kids, looking at empty nest.

I would have said A, but the past two weeks or so have been interesting, to say the least, so now it's probably A- or A.3 or something like that. It'll straighten out soon, I think.

[NicePete]

A

20th anniversary coming up at the end of the month. We've stuck together through some very tough times so far. She's my best friend, I can't imagine not wanting to be with her.

[Bayard]

I'm a pessimist, and we have gone through a rough patch or two, so I say B. I'm just not comforatable saying "never". But, I am very happy (and I believe she is too), and I would be astonished if we didn't spend the rest of our lives together.

We're hetero, both ~35. Together 9 years, married 6, no young'uns.

[Jonathan Chance]

Solid A

We met freshman year in college. I was dating her roommate. Spring break we discovered we lived a mile from each other back home.

It's been more than 22 years and we're married 15 of those two weeks ago. We're pair bonded as strong as I've ever seen any couple. Mostly because we understand each other and the rest of the world appears to be constructed mostly of people who don't make sense and don't try.

[JpnDude]

Between A and B. We are very happy and confident in our marriage, but one never knows the future.

Hetero, inter-cultural, dated for 5 years, been married for 8 years.

[CairoCarol]

A, no question.

Hetero, married 26 years, ages 49 and 51.