Ther’s been something bothering me for quite some time now, and I still can’t wrap my mind around it. My brother is living with our second cousin and they are in a sexual relationship. It isn’t as if we all didn’t grow up together, because we did. We didn’t hang out every weekend or even every month, but during holidays and especially summers when we were all kids.
I love my brother, but this just goes against everything that I believe in. Extended family doesn’t know about it, but my parents and siblings all do. It took mom a really long time to deal with this. Complicating things is that my second cousin has a history of being a manipulative user. My mom truly hates her because when my dad had a stroke, dear cuz was at the hospital being all sweet and asking him for money (!) I guess she thought he was going to die soon and she’d better give it a try before it was too late.
Her dad died years ago, and her mom moved across the country to get away from the manipulation. Her siblings will have nothing to do with her, and were the ones to help their mom move away. They feared that the stress would kill her.
I really wish I could understand the attraction, or why my brother thinks this isn’t gross.
Yeah, your brother and cousin are gross. If she’s that manipulative, do you think that’s possibly it, he’s just being played? Is he that malleable?
I’m presuming the conversation went something like “So I’m in love with Cousin, she’s great and we’re moving in together.” and “OMG, eww, are you fuckin’ kidding me? How gross!” What did he say, how does he justify it to you?
I don’t think it’s gross. It wouldn’t really bother me even if *first *cousins got together–something that is quite common in other cultures, with no appreciable surplus of three-headed babies.
Yep, I’m in Michigan. He doesn’t try to justify his actions; he’s not that kind of guy. To him it is what it is and people can either deal with it or leave him the hell alone. He’s not argumentative about it or an in your face type of person, either.
He’s my brother and I love him and always will. I don’t really care for my cousin very much. She once tried to hit me up for money too, which I didn’t appreciate a whole lot, especially when she got extremely pissed off because I said no.
I know that it’s not illegal - he was quick to point that out to mom when this first started. It just seems wrong on a deeper level that I can’t quite explain. To me a male cousin is like a brother, and I can’t understand feeling any sort of attraction to someone that close.
A first cousin I might be a bit grossed out - they share the same grandparents, for gosh’s sake! But second cousins? Meh, doesn’t bother me at all. I really don’t see a problem with it.
Maybe if you liked your second cousin you wouldn’t be so against it.
I am the same way- I call my cousins my brother and sister from another mother all the time (the sister part needs work), but we grew up together like 2 houses from each other as kids, so thats a major part of it.
I know 3rd Cousins are distant enough apart that it’s not really a problem for genetics or such things, but 2nd cousin’s kinda skimming off the top- but :shrug: to each their own I suppose.
I am the oldest of my only six first cousins. Four of them are females and three of them are truly hot. One of them is absolute Playboy Mansion material but I don’t think that way in general. I am very close to another hot one and her mother (non-related). A general rule is that you should treat first cousins as siblings and not think about that stuff.
However, one of the hottest girls in high school was my 2nd cousin and a semi-professional barrel racer. She was super-shy except when in competition but I doubt I would have ever turned that down if it came up. My father did her mother many times according to what my mother said and they were first cousins. I can’t fault him for that because she was a pretty hot and in really good shape from riding those horses.
Word. And not just third world countries, either; lots of industrial countries aren’t squeamish about this.
BTW, those inspired by the fact that in many states first cousins are doable, remember: some of those states don’t allow double cousins to get busy (double cousins = 2 siblings marry 2 other siblings, their kids are double cousins).
Sure would fix the whole “I have no idea who the hell you are and what you’re all about” factor on the first date… and you’d know what you’re getting yourself into re: inlaws.
What’s the difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are WANTED. Hurr hurr.
I think you should tell him, do what you must, but I really really hope you don’t fold when she hits you up for money. As you know she tends to do that to members of our family. Which means you don’t have to be married before she does it to you.
Second cousin is fine. First cousin is odd, BUT it’s not Biblically taboo.
Btw, IIRC, one of the differences between the Pharisees & the Sadduccees was if Uncle-Niece marriage was OK (I’m pretty sure Aunt-Nephew marriage was explicitly banned in Leviticus). If it wasn’t the Ps & the Ss, then some other Jewish sects differed over it. Maybe it was the Hillel Pharisees vs the Shammai Pharisees.
I’d be more worried about the personality traits you’ve described than the degree of consanguinity.
That is: Chances of genetic problems for a hypothetical neice or nephew are only slightly greater than if your brother were “dating” someone not related. But permanent ties to the woman you describe might cause him–and you–grief for years.
Of course, “warning” him is pretty useless. They are both consenting adults & their relationship is not illegal.
I have two normal first cousins who got married and have three normal children and a very normal life. And their mothers are identical twins.
Since both parties are adults and they are not breaking any laws, get over it. If you want the right to live how you want to within the law, you have to give that right to other people.
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