Why is it so hard to find a swimsuit!!!!!?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

After three years of serviceable wear, I realize that my one peice moderately hideous swimsuit is not only hideous but completely old lady and out dated. ( It is black with some kind of belly fat containment rainbow of colors girdley thingy. I paid possibly $10 for it years ago waaaaay past summer when I was desperate for a suit as my old and faithful speedo had finally died.)
So, my husband went up north this weekend to finish a deck for a friend whose cottage we are convening upon for the Fourth of July Celebration of our freedom from England By Drinking, Pontooning, SkankWatching and eating ourselves into a fine bloat! The kids went to my in laws and I had Friday night and ALL DAY saturday to find a swimsuit.

What I found was a) the only thing left were bikini’s that would fit an Ethiopian b) plus size swimsuits that were bulletproof and the opposite of anything cute c) tankini’s where there were no bottoms available in my size.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

When did swimsuits become so fucking complicated and expensive?

Do these sick bastards know what it is like to try one swimsuit after swimsuit to realize either their size 12/14 is my idea of a size …oh…8? Everything size 12-14 was pretty much sold out and if I went to a 16, I swam in it. Size 10’s …no go. Well, I could do it, but my tits were compressed and we won’t even discuss what the stomach felt like, m’kay? Junior sizes were completely wiped out.

NO, I won’t take the blame for waiting until days before our National Drinking Holiday to buy a suit. It’s NOT MY FAULT. so there!

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ALL THE ONE PIECES? DID THEY GO THE WAY OF THE DO-DO BIRD? Did I miss a Memo?

Since my husband was out of cellphone reach ( deadzone) his BFF said he would gladly act as 2nd husband and receive pix from me in any suit I was deciding on. All I could send him was *I’m about to take a hostage or jump off the ledge while I am in the dressing room. * I bought a pint of ice cream, potato chips and went home to console myself.

Who is the sick, twisted bastard that designs swimsuits? Prices swimsuits and jesus christ, who is that pale, blobby bitch reflecting in the mirror? She needs to do some sit ups and shave her legs!!! Remember when you could buy a suit for about $25? WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE PRICES?!! I don’t want to spend $100 on any swimsuit, ever.

If any of this rant makes any sense, I apologize profusely.

2

I will never buy another one-piece swimsuit. Don’t be afraid to try tankinis…you will never go back.

But as for the lack of sizes in stock: yeah, fuck that!

3

Swimsuit? I think you misspelled “Men’s shoes.”

Actually, I found a great source for men’s shoes, but it’s a really obscure little store that I had to find out about from friends. They have awesome men’s Italian dress shoes, ballet slippers, and thigh-high alligator skin sex boots.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d love to see you in those boots.

What?

4

Cathy? Is that you?

Somehow the lighting and mirrors are always worst when you’re trying on a bathing suit. I love my body but I’ve never looked quite so pale or flabby as I do in those unforgiving stalls. Sounds like your size is sold out because it’s the most popular. If you’re looking for very cheap, pretty fashionable and plentiful, try H&M or even Wal-Mart. I’ve seen cute suits at both and, you’ll have to check this, you may even be able to take them home to try on (and bring them back if need be) if you don’t remove the ‘hygiene strip.’

5

Mr. Ujest, is dat you!

6

It makes perfect sense – I feel ya, trust me.

There’s actually better variety in suits now than there have ever been, which is a good thing. The problem, though, is that you have to shop early in the season to get anything you might actually want. Stores start stocking suits in … March? April? By this time they’re picked over. In fact, in clothing retail, July 4 is essentially the end of the summer clothing season, and fall merchandise will start showing up.

So, what’s the solution? Shop & buy early in the season, OR … order online. The problem I’ve found with that is that suits vary so widely in construction and fit, though, that you have to order a million in hopes of finding one good candidate. But, it’s worth looking into. Lands End, JC Penney, Sears might have what you are looking for.

7

Only if you’re Cathy.

Or can pretend to be.

8

But, but, but I don’t waaaaant to buy a swimsuit in March…at full price. Because I’m cheap and fat.

I am looking at Land’s End right now. (haven’t been to Penney’s or Sear’s since Y2K, tyvm.)

9

Yeah, I think your problem is that it’s late in the season. A few months ago, just about every store had piles of suits.

That said, have you looked at Target and Walmart? Surprisingly, they have oodles of suits you could probably pick up for this weekend.

If you want a decent enough suit that probably wont make it in time for Saturday (though you could rush shipping), I’d suggest either Newport News or Old Navy. Low prices, cute stuff. NN has tons of one pieces.

10

I’d also suggest Target, with the warning to always check the size on the suit, and not trust the size listed on the hanger. I accidentally bought an extra large top the other day.

And you’ll pry my tankini from my cold dead hands. Personally, I enjoy being able to pee without getting entirely naked.

11

You could always try a burqini.

12

Given the fact that I really hate having the sun hit my skin, the burqini really appeals to me. :smiley:

13

I spent hours in April trying them on. I started in the “cute and teenaged” end of the department - I’m not OLD, okay? I’m 29. And I’m not FAT, but I’ve got rather more meat on my bones than I did at 21, which is when I bought all my old swimsuits. So I moved out of the cute and teenaged section and into the cute and my-age section. Oh, god. I finally found a suit in the “30-40” section, before approaching the “fat lady with skirt” section, but it was a near thing. It was AWFUL. The sizing was even more screwed up than normal clothes - I had to go up to a large top and bottom, which is ridiculous. I am not large. I am distinctly medium in size. The mediums were pornographic on me. It was just horrible.

14

I wish they worked for me. :frowning: I have really wide hips and a butt that goes up to a much narrower waist. A lot of tankini tops end up rolling up to my natural waist. Yeah, that’s attractive.

15

Not only that, but as painful as it may be, try them on in-store. I was in a hurry one day and bought two bottoms, a small and a large, to try them on at home. Same brand, style, fabric, color, everything. The small ended up being larger than the medium. :confused:

16

I’ll second and third the people who say you have to buy in March or April. I got screwed last year when my swimsuit self-destructed in July. I was stuck with a too-large old-woman one piece. The only saving grace is that at least it was black and not some garish design.

This year I remembered, and went to Kohl’s in March and bought a suit. For all you people saying Tankini - sheesh, do you all have any belly at all? A horizontal line across my lower abdomen, a tight swimsuit bottom, and a floofy top is NOT flattering on all figures, especially mine. I’m not overweight, mainly due to the great “oh my God I have diabetes” diet I went on last fall, but that looks is NOT good on me.

What does work is the new bottoms that look like shorts. For whatever reason, those are way more flattering on me. Anything to cover up my upper thighs.

Anyway, now I’m rambling. But good luck with the swimsuit purchase, Shirley. Someday, in a perfect world, you will be able to buy fashions that are wearable right now, not 3 months in the future.

17

Early in the season, my ass.

I’m one of those who need to shop in the supermarket because it’s the only place that will let me match a top and bottom of different sizes. Add that I can’t stand wires and have real boobs (ie, forget about those bikini tops which consist of two triangles and three strings) and I’m seriously considering clothing-optional beaches just so I don’t have to wear anything.

18

You know what I friggin’ hate about swimsuits? The fact that it is near impossible to find one that has underwire support. I want a tankini that has underwire support like this; I haven’t found one. And…since no swimsuits seem to fit alike, I have to try them on, which means on-line shopping is not really an option. Yes, I’m lazy and don’t want to deal with the hassle of mailing something back.
Listen swimsuit manufacturers, not ALL of us women have perky boobs. Some of us are beginning to find that gravity is not our friend. I don’t want my boobies looking like smushed saggy fruit, m’kay? Can you perhaps make some swimsuits with underwire? It’s not that damn hard.

19

Check out Chadwicks. They sell the tops and bottoms separately, and they’re relatively cheap: http://www.chadwicks.com/Womens-Mix-and-Match.aspx?DeptId=18479&Page=1&12PerPage=true

They’re not the cutest in the world, but maybe in a pinch they’ll do.

20

shorts and a tshirt. I haven’t owned a reals swimsuit since I had to have one to swim in high school in gym. Actually, I didnt have a swimsuit before that either, it was always tshirt and shorts.