Holy Christ on a Cracker - I have to go swimsuit shopping.

Please, someone just kill me now.

I’m going to be in a sunny spot at the end of the month so I’ll need a suit.

No problem, sez I - I have about 7 suits. So last night I tried them all on. And none of them fit. They’re too big, or too small, or saggy in the ass. I mean, that’s just not a good thing.

So I have to go swimsuit shopping. What is the one thing worse than shopping for jeans? Why, shopping for a swimsuit, of course.

I can’t just go without one, or I’ll have to go shopping for one when I get there, with Mr. California. That is so not going to happen.

So I have to go tonight. I ran quite a lot this morning. I haven’t eating too much, and I’m drinking lots of water so I’ll be nice and skinny.

What I really don’t understand, is how I can look smokin’ hot in a bra and panties, and then put on a swim suit, which is the exact same two pieces of clothing, and look really, really nasty. What the hell is the deal with that?

grrrr, wish me luck.

Good luck.

Go for comfort & don’t worry so much what you look like in it. Except for about one tenth of one percent of the population, nobody looks good trying on a swimsuit in a dressing room. Once you’re on the beach (or wherever you’re going), you’ll fit right in.

Ugh. I had to do that last summer. I nearly died when I looked at one at Shopko and nearly fainted when I saw that it cost $60. At Shopko! Not to mention that it looked terrible on and had absolutely no breast support. Finally I found the perfect suit at JCPenney’s: two-piece with the longer top so it covers my whole stomach (I’m long-waisted and struggle with one-piece suits). It’s also made for people with breasts, and has tummy control. The best part was that it only cost $25. Here’s hoping that you have the same luck and find just what you’re looking for!

I’ve had good luck ordering from Lands End, be I smokin’ hot or (as is my current body style) matronly. So there’s that option, if you want to avoid the dreaded florescent-glare dressing room. You measure yourself about six different ways, so you can get a good fit.

I’ve had good luck with Land’s End women’s swimwear. They have a lot of options for those of us with less-than-perfect figures, without the suits looking stodgy. Most of them aren’t cheap, but they’ll last you a good while because they’re made well. I have a good set of boobage, but was able to find something with support that looked good.

God…I haven’t purchased a swim suit since the Carter administration. If faced with it today, I’d have to take my life in a very dramatic way.

Exactly. And I don’t give a flying rats ass how the thing feels - it has to look HOT!! I have to look hot!

I’m on the frikin’ campaign trail here people, not taking up swimming as a hobby!


Thank god I at least have good ass jeans to wear on the plane!

Is there a law stating that you can’t use a bra and panties as a bathing suit?

Sounds like a no-brainer to me!

A liposuction treatment or vaseline on everyone’s sunglasses are the only two possibilities for me. The bathing suit must be hot or it is a non-issue. I will wear jeans around the pool before I’ll wear a bathing suit that isn’t gorgeous and sexy.


I’ve done so, in a pinch. For swimning, not for sunbathing though. Black panties, black tanktop with built-in bra. No problemo.

Trust me. Smokin’. Hot.

I have it on good authority. :smiley:

Then when you get down to Florida* stop by and I’ll certify that opinion, although it might take me all night to reach a final verdict.

*Hey, this is some place sunny.

I have a difficult time believing you look fat in anything.

If you know your size, I recommend SwimSuitsForAll.com. To me, it’s like the Zappos of swimwear.

I was shocked when I saw the prices on swimwear in regular stores. $60 and up!! For a few pieces of stretchy fabric! Swimsuits for all let me browse a lot of styles and had awesome prices. And even though the website is a little hokey (well it’s better now I guess) they actually have really good customer service.

I don’t work for them - I’ve just bought 2 suits from them and so has my mom, and we’ve recommended them to friends that came away happy.

Good luck. Being half-naked AND smokin’ hot is a lot to handle!

It doesn’t matter how skinny, fit and toned a person is, there’s a swimsuit out there that will make them look like a whale.

It’s something to do with the lycra, I think.

On a more positive note, I did manage to find a suit that’s super cute. However, it sort of ties onto my body, so I’m not sure how well that’s going to work for surfing.

I also got some board shorts (which was totally easy - “I’ll take those one please” - unlike the 3 hours spent trying on bikinis) and I have a tubie sort of top from an old bikini that will probably work.

While losing my bikini top while surfing would make for a funny story, I think I’d rather leave the yucks to someone else…

And this is why I so seldom go to the beach with the intention of bathing.

Hot tub, on the other hand… it’s all family and no-one cares whether I look like a whale; I just wear a pair of shorts.


Perhaps not yucks but yums:D

The problem with swimsuits is the always have too much elastic right where you don’t need it, like at the leg openings with create all sorts of weird bulges unless you’re a supermodel with an ass you can bounce quarters off of.

I stick to board shorts and bikini tops.

Thanks for the link! I just bought a bikini for $2.00! Great prices!