When I put on my bathing suit yesterday I felt like I looked good but the mirror told a pitifully different tale. Too big in the stomach…too small in the legs…no tan except a “mowing tan” from the sleeves down. My blue jeans have rubbed all the hair off my ankles during the winter months and I do believe my ass has settled a good half an inch.
But you know what? The only people I have seen recently that looked great in a bathing suit were all on TV. Could it be that I am just one of the millions who shouldn’t even be in a bathing suit? Possibly.
How do I look? Let’s put this in painfully plain visual terms, okay?
I’ve been contacted by the legal department of The Von Zeppelin company of Germany, about a trademark infringement. Apparently my gut is a perfect duplicate of a current model of lighter-than-Cool-Whip ship.
On the upside, I’ve been named the 2001 Poster Boy for the Society of Liposuction Allied Dermatologists. As it’s known in the fat circles ( and lawdy god, those fat circles are expanding exponentially around my self ), S.L.A.M. is dedicated to spreading the ever-widening bulk of information about this cutting-edge process.
Snappy 8x10 glossies are available upon request. :eek:
People DO walk up to me at Coast Guard Beach on Cape Cod and say, " Hey, aren’t you Al Roker/Alfred Hitchcock/Charles Durning/Chris Farley/John Belushi/Sidney Greenstreet/Tom Cruise?" ( threw that last one in just for those who read to the end of the list ).
So, gotcher answer? Layers, my friend. Beach side. White t-shirt. Sunscreen. Bitterness at lack of oral control. More ice cream. More Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Hey, it’s a life…
It’s all in the suit, baby.
I bought a boxer-short-and-sports-bra type suit and never was there a better 40 bucks spent. Emphasizes my assets while down-playing my flaws. And eliminating my suit-riding-up-murphy problem that the long-waisted suffer with a tank suit that flattened my boobs anyway. Now my legs and breasts are noticed while my mamma-kitty tummy is not an issue!
Actually, I look pretty gross in a bathing suit, yet suprisingly better in a bikini. This isn’t right, seeing as I have a pudgy belly and the usual teenage baby-fat which should have gone by now. Feh. I’ll never look glorious in a bathing suit.
I wear a bathing suit with lycra biking shorts underneath. Not only do people not get treated to a look at my lovely thighs, but I don’t have to shave all the way up! Could there be a better thing in the world? I thought not. Okay, carry on.
Go look at my pic in the People Pages and you’ll see me in a bathing suit… in a hot tub… I find the bubbles to be particularly flattering. Wish the inlaws hadn’t sold that tub… <sigh>
It sure seems like everybody in here is really tough on themselves…I mean, I’m sure it’s not that bad.
I on the other hand am happy with my body. I’m 20, w/m, blond hair, blue eyes, with a runners/rockclimbers body. But, most regretably, as of late I have lost my washboard stomach due to my new job as a network engineer (I’ve become lazy) …must do something about this…hmmmmm…Maybe I can go climbing this weekend… anybody out there in the Atlanta area wanna go climbing?
Whenever I lie on any stretch of sand anywhere near any body of water in anything remotely resembling swimwear, GREENPEACE shows up, and the next thing you know, a bunch of wetsuit clad tofu eaters are splashing water on me whilst tugging me gently towards the water. It’s all very embarrassing. Especailly as they keep mopping water around my blowhole( don’t ask, don’t even think of asking.)
I am 43 & look amazing in a bikini. I have no cellulite at all, incredible muscle tone (hey, I’ve done physical work for 22 years). I turn heads, & am really happy with how I look, as long as I remember to shave my legs.
My friends call me “The Body.”
I attribute it to physical work, lots of fruits & veggies, & really a lot of cream cheese danishes and high fat icecream. Also, I refuse to buy any food described as “lite.” If they can’t spell it, I ain’t buying it.
It’s Winter and a long, long time since I’ve worn my bathing suit. I look too short in one-piece bathing suits but I’m passable in a two-piecer. I probably have weird tan-marks from shorts/skirts/boob tubes, so I’m alternating stripes of golden-brown and pale.
Good God, I look terrible. Everyone would be better off if I covered as much of my body as I can at all times.
We’ll start with the stomach and ass, both of which are too large. Then there’s the pasty white skin which is the result of working nights and sleeping all day.
In short, imagine the Pillsbury doughboy in shorts. That’s me. Except with hair. It’s a sad, sad sight. Children often cry.
I HAVE a bathing suit. I also have fat thighs. I try to deal with this by wearing suits that draw attention to my chest, and shorts to cover up my legs.