About Us

BiblioCat · 08-19-2009, 02:15 PM

It is with a sad heart that I must tell you all of the passing of danceswithcats. Paul, a member here since 2002, took his own life in early July.

Paul and I met at a Dopefest in 2005 and enjoyed a pleasant conversation. We exchanged a few friendly emails through the year, and when we met again the next year, as my marriage was falling apart, he...as he liked to put it, 'saw his chance and swooped in.'

We started dating in January of 2007. He was loving, kind and attentive. He was a formidable opponent at Trivial Pursuit and Scrabble, and an awesome backgammon player.

He had the world's best movie collection, and an amazingly eclectic collection of CDs. He'd put five CDs in the player, and it wasn't uncommon to hear Sinatra, The Beach Boys, Sarah McLaughin, The Dropkick Murphys and The Traveling Wilburys in one night.

He was the doting father of a young teenage daughter, who I am sure misses him terribly.

He was 'Fud Guy' to a small herd of cats, who have been adopted by his neighbor.

He was a member of a volunteer firehouse for over 30 years. He served that firehouse in a variety of positions, most recently in two terms as President.
He was passionate about fire safety, and recently attended a conference on mandating fire sprinkler use in residential construction.

As kind and loving as he was, I could tell he was battling some terrible inner demons. We talked a lot, and I had suggested he get some professional help, but he always declined.

He broke things off with me abruptly in June, and refused all contact.

I was only informed of his passing this afternoon by a friend of his from his firehouse. His funeral was small and private.
I'm not even sure what else to say. I think I'm still in shock.

Drunky Smurf · 08-19-2009, 02:21 PM

Wow, that sucks.

I enjoyed his posts.

IvoryTowerDenizen · 08-19-2009, 02:22 PM

Oh, how sad. He must have been in a very dark, dark place. My sympathies to you and his family.

So sad.

Canadiangirl · 08-19-2009, 02:23 PM

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Larry Borgia · 08-19-2009, 02:23 PM

That's awful. He seemed like a good guy. He was a good poster. I had no idea he had these problems.

twickster · 08-19-2009, 02:23 PM

What terribly sad news.

His family and all who loved him are in my thoughts and prayers.

[moderator]I'll sticky this thread for a week for people to share some thoughts and memories.[/moderator]

Baron Greenback · 08-19-2009, 02:24 PM

Bloody hell, that's awful news.

InappropriateHumor · 08-19-2009, 02:24 PM

I haven't logged in here in months, but this compelled me. I always enjoyed danceswithcats' posts. My sympathies.

Dung Beetle · 08-19-2009, 02:24 PM

I always thought that was such a witty user name, and a nice poster too. This is awful news…and he had a daughter? Shit.

Thanks for telling us, Bibliocat.

I wish someone could have helped you, Paul.

Cat Whisperer · 08-19-2009, 02:25 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that. I had nothing but good interactions with him. Damn.

What Exit? · 08-19-2009, 02:26 PM

Oh crap. That is terrible. I always liked danceswithcats and his posts. He was a pleasure in person too.

Inner Stickler · 08-19-2009, 02:27 PM

He was a good one. He and his will be in my prayers.

TubaDiva · 08-19-2009, 02:29 PM

I am so sad to read this.

I knew he was a deeply troubled person from my interactions with him, where he was not always rational in his behaviors. But I had no idea the problems ran so deeply.

He must have been so miserable and in a way and a place that no one could touch. I'm sure you did your best, your very best for him, Bibliocat, and I am saddest of all for you and for his family, for all the people who loved him.

You are in my thoughts and prayers today, you and his family. And so is Paul.

Anaamika · 08-19-2009, 02:29 PM

danceswithcats is dead?! Oh, no. Thanks for telling us. I wish he had gotten some help....

pepperlandgirl · 08-19-2009, 02:30 PM

I'm so sorry for you and for his family. That's truly heartbreaking news.

Green Bean · 08-19-2009, 02:31 PM

Nava · 08-19-2009, 02:31 PM

Oh Jesús, BiblioCat, I'm sorry.

MsWhatsit · 08-19-2009, 02:32 PM

Very sorry to hear this terrible news. He will be missed, here as elsewhere.

Chimera · 08-19-2009, 02:32 PM

Very very sorry to hear that.

hajario · 08-19-2009, 02:33 PM

What terrible news. My deepest sympathies to all who loved him.

Johnny L.A. · 08-19-2009, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tahssa

Wow, that sucks.

I enjoyed his posts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Borgia

That's awful. He seemed like a good guy. He was a good poster. I had no idea he had these problems.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dung Beetle

I always thought that was such a witty user name, and a nice poster too.[/B].

Quote:

Originally Posted by Struan

Bloody hell, that's awful news.

My thoughts have already been posted.

lieu · 08-19-2009, 02:36 PM

Well, damn. Firstly, I'm really sorry for what you're going through now, BiblioCat. The pain of losing a personal, close friend far exceeds that of an anonymous person on a board, despite how much we may have enjoyed his posts. My sincere sympathies to his daughter, all his firehouse and other friends and relatives and you. It's really regrettable to hear anyone so well thought of found themselves in such a dark place of despair.

Meros · 08-19-2009, 02:38 PM

RIP Paul. We never did finish touring that bar's tap

BiblioCat · 08-19-2009, 02:40 PM

This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of us. He looks so happy. I had always kept it on my desk, where I could always see it.
When he broke things off with me, I kept it out for a while, and then put it away. I just got it out again.

I just wish I could have done more to help him. When he broke up with me in June, I knew there was was more going on, but he refused all contact. From talking with his friend who informed of the news, it sounds like there were indications he'd been planning on doing this for some time. I know there was probably nothing I could do, but I can't help but think what if... ?
We lived about an hour away from each other. I should have gotten in my car and just driven up there.

Dread Pirate Jimbo · 08-19-2009, 02:42 PM

I barely knew him, but everything I had seen and heard about him was good.

Very sad news.

Scuba_Ben · 08-19-2009, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meros

RIP Paul. We never did finish touring that bar's tap

I owed him a drink, too. He did a backup inspection when I bought my condo. Among other things, he recommended that I replace the smoke detector with a smoke and CO detector. This past April, the CO alarm alerted me to a small CO problem with my stove, before it became a large CO problem.

I was so looking forward to giving him a drink at the next alcohol-tolerant MAD DopeFest.

Baruch Dayan Emet (Blessed be the Faithful Judge).

danceswithcats, you will be missed.

Dolores Reborn · 08-19-2009, 02:45 PM

I'm so sorry, BiblioCat. It's got to be so hard.

tdn · 08-19-2009, 02:48 PM

Oh, I am so so sorry. I was just thinking about him the other day.

Scuba_Ben · 08-19-2009, 02:50 PM

I missed the edit window. So added by way of post:

I think I was at the DopeFest where Biblio and Danceswithcats became close. I think I even brought the Kahlua that facilitated matters.

Labor Day weekend, would anybody be interested in a memorial service?

As per my interpretation of Jewish practice, a depressive episode does not count as a suicide for religious purposes.

Maastricht · 02:51 PM

Oh, that is so sad and such a shame. He seemed such a good guy. I'm sending good thoughts to you, Bibliocat, and to his daughter and family. Depression is such an insidious disease and its most insidious trait is to make one cut off the things that could have helped to get out.

jayjay · 02:53 PM

I'm in shock as well. I had no idea he had problems that bad.

I almost always enjoyed his posts. He was one of the best of "the opposition" around here, and I respected him for that, even when I disagreed with him. He facilitated (through organizing the Gettydopes with MsRobyn) many good times.

I'm going to miss him. And you're in my thoughts as well, Bibliocat. As is his daughter. I'm so sorry.

Carl Corey · 08-19-2009, 02:53 PM

Bibliocat, I am so sorry.

Khadaji · 08-19-2009, 02:58 PM

That is sad news. Sending prayers and supporting thoughts out to his family.

What Exit? · 08-19-2009, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BiblioCat

This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of us. He looks so happy. I had always kept it on my desk, where I could always see it.
When he broke things off with me, I kept it out for a while, and then put it away. I just got it out again.

I just wish I could have done more to help him. When he broke up with me in June, I knew there was was more going on, but he refused all contact. From talking with his friend who informed of the news, it sounds like there were indications he'd been planning on doing this for some time. I know there was probably nothing I could do, but I can't help but think what if... ?
We lived about an hour away from each other. I should have gotten in my car and just driven up there.

That is a good picture Biblio, don't beat yourself up over this. It is not your fault and won't do you or him any good with what ifs. Treat yourself to something that will make you feel a little better and remember the good times.

Mahaloth · 08-19-2009, 03:02 PM

I have no words.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Spatial Rift 47 · 08-19-2009, 03:04 PM

You have my condolences, BiblioCat, as does his family.

Idle Thoughts · 08-19-2009, 03:06 PM

My deep condolences. I, too, was a big fan of his posts and topics. RIP, I hope.

Promethea · 08-19-2009, 03:09 PM

I 'm so sorry for your loss, BiblioCat - he sounds like a wonderful man. Please do not blame yourself, you were there for him and that's all any of us can be. Oh,I apologise, everything written in such circumstances risks looking inadequate -I just am so terribly sorry.

Airman Doors, USAF · 08-19-2009, 03:09 PM

Oh sweet Jesus. I don't know what to say, and Robin will be crushed (as am I).

Goodbye, Paul.

silenus · 08-19-2009, 03:09 PM

The world is a little bit less for his passing.

KneadToKnow · 08-19-2009, 03:11 PM

My condolences to BiblioCat and Paul's family.

Panurge · 08-19-2009, 03:12 PM

Very sad news. I am truly sorry for your loss, BiblioCat.

Starving Artist · 08-19-2009, 03:12 PM

I am very, very sorry to hear about this, BiblioCat. I too had no idea he was troubled in the way he was. He seemed like such an all-around good guy and I can very easily see him living the type of life you describe. He and I have had several nice interchanges here and on Domebo and I will truly miss him around here. My thoughts and condolences go out to you and to his daughter, and to his cats as I imagine they miss him as well. What a shame!

Autolycus · 08-19-2009, 03:15 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this. RIP danceswithcats.

freckafree · 08-19-2009, 03:15 PM

BiblioCat, I am so sorry to hear this. You and his other loved ones are in my thoughts.

Marley23 · 08-19-2009, 03:17 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss and what you're going through, BiblioCat, and the same thing for his family. I never knew things were so bad.

I'll update the In Memoriam thread soon.

Hal Briston · 08-19-2009, 03:24 PM

Well there's an afternoon gut-punch. You'll be missed, dwc...

NAF1138 · 03:30 PM

Good lord, I don't even know what to say. This is terrible shocking news.

Sternvogel · 08-19-2009, 03:37 PM

My chief memory of danceswithcats was courtesy of a Doperball thread in which he and I were among the most prolific participants. At one point, he sent me an off-board message to comment about some topic that had arisen during the game. I don't remember if I responded, although I believe I didn't. Still, I felt I knew him a bit, and feel diminished by his passing.

Hope you find a way to cope with the shock, BiblioCat.