Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:15 PM
BiblioCat is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 10,877

The passing of another Doper - danceswithcats


It is with a sad heart that I must tell you all of the passing of danceswithcats. Paul, a member here since 2002, took his own life in early July.

Paul and I met at a Dopefest in 2005 and enjoyed a pleasant conversation. We exchanged a few friendly emails through the year, and when we met again the next year, as my marriage was falling apart, he...as he liked to put it, 'saw his chance and swooped in.'
We started dating in January of 2007. He was loving, kind and attentive. He was a formidable opponent at Trivial Pursuit and Scrabble, and an awesome backgammon player.

He had the world's best movie collection, and an amazingly eclectic collection of CDs. He'd put five CDs in the player, and it wasn't uncommon to hear Sinatra, The Beach Boys, Sarah McLaughin, The Dropkick Murphys and The Traveling Wilburys in one night.

He was the doting father of a young teenage daughter, who I am sure misses him terribly.

He was 'Fud Guy' to a small herd of cats, who have been adopted by his neighbor.

He was a member of a volunteer firehouse for over 30 years. He served that firehouse in a variety of positions, most recently in two terms as President.
He was passionate about fire safety, and recently attended a conference on mandating fire sprinkler use in residential construction.

As kind and loving as he was, I could tell he was battling some terrible inner demons. We talked a lot, and I had suggested he get some professional help, but he always declined.

He broke things off with me abruptly in June, and refused all contact.

I was only informed of his passing this afternoon by a friend of his from his firehouse. His funeral was small and private.
I'm not even sure what else to say. I think I'm still in shock.
  #2  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:21 PM
Drunky Smurf's Avatar
Drunky Smurf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Smurf Village.
Posts: 11,156
Wow, that sucks. I enjoyed his posts.
  #3  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:22 PM
IvoryTowerDenizen's Avatar
IvoryTowerDenizen is offline
Retired Straight Dope Staff
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: North Shore of LI
Posts: 19,304
Oh, how sad. He must have been in a very dark, dark place. My sympathies to you and his family.

So sad.
  #4  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:23 PM
Canadiangirl is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Newmarket*Ontario*Canada
Posts: 815
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
  #5  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:23 PM
Larry Borgia's Avatar
Larry Borgia is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 10,398
That's awful. He seemed like a good guy. He was a good poster. I had no idea he had these problems.
  #6  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:23 PM
twickster is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 38,721
What terribly sad news.

His family and all who loved him are in my thoughts and prayers.

[moderator]I'll sticky this thread for a week for people to share some thoughts and memories.[/moderator]
  #7  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:24 PM
Baron Greenback's Avatar
Baron Greenback is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 11,453
Bloody hell, that's awful news.
  #8  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:24 PM
InappropriateHumor is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Fly-over Zone, USA
Posts: 301
I haven't logged in here in months, but this compelled me. I always enjoyed danceswithcats' posts. My sympathies.
  #9  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:24 PM
Dung Beetle's Avatar
Dung Beetle is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 16,189
I always thought that was such a witty user name, and a nice poster too. This is awful news…and he had a daughter? Shit.

Thanks for telling us, Bibliocat.

I wish someone could have helped you, Paul.
  #10  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:25 PM
Cat Whisperer is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Lethbridge, AB.
Posts: 49,084
I'm so sorry to hear that. I had nothing but good interactions with him. Damn.
  #11  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:26 PM
What Exit?'s Avatar
What Exit? is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Central NJ (near Bree)
Posts: 28,897
Oh crap. That is terrible. I always liked danceswithcats and his posts. He was a pleasure in person too.
  #12  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:27 PM
Inner Stickler's Avatar
Inner Stickler is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 14,790
He was a good one. He and his will be in my prayers.
  #13  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:29 PM
TubaDiva's Avatar
TubaDiva is offline
Capo di tutti capi
Administrator
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: In the land of OO-bla-dee
Posts: 10,980
I am so sad to read this.

I knew he was a deeply troubled person from my interactions with him, where he was not always rational in his behaviors. But I had no idea the problems ran so deeply.

He must have been so miserable and in a way and a place that no one could touch. I'm sure you did your best, your very best for him, Bibliocat, and I am saddest of all for you and for his family, for all the people who loved him.

You are in my thoughts and prayers today, you and his family. And so is Paul.
  #14  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:29 PM
Anaamika is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 31,112
danceswithcats is dead?! Oh, no. Thanks for telling us. I wish he had gotten some help....
  #15  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:30 PM
pepperlandgirl is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Utah
Posts: 9,440
I'm so sorry for you and for his family. That's truly heartbreaking news.
  #16  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:31 PM
Green Bean is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: NJ, Exit #137
Posts: 12,040
  #17  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:31 PM
Nava is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Hey! I'm located! WOOOOW!
Posts: 40,598
Oh Jesús, BiblioCat, I'm sorry.
  #18  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:32 PM
MsWhatsit is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 12,267
Very sorry to hear this terrible news. He will be missed, here as elsewhere.
  #19  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:32 PM
Chimera is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In the Dreaming
Posts: 24,226
Very very sorry to hear that.
  #20  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:33 PM
hajario's Avatar
hajario is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Santa Barbara, California
Posts: 15,877
What terrible news. My deepest sympathies to all who loved him.
  #21  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:34 PM
Johnny L.A. is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: NoWA
Posts: 60,581
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tahssa View Post
Wow, that sucks. I enjoyed his posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Borgia View Post
That's awful. He seemed like a good guy. He was a good poster. I had no idea he had these problems.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dung Beetle View Post
I always thought that was such a witty user name, and a nice poster too.[/B].
Quote:
Originally Posted by Struan View Post
Bloody hell, that's awful news.
My thoughts have already been posted.
  #22  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:36 PM
lieu is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Bedrock
Posts: 26,079
Well, damn. Firstly, I'm really sorry for what you're going through now, BiblioCat. The pain of losing a personal, close friend far exceeds that of an anonymous person on a board, despite how much we may have enjoyed his posts. My sincere sympathies to his daughter, all his firehouse and other friends and relatives and you. It's really regrettable to hear anyone so well thought of found themselves in such a dark place of despair.
  #23  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:38 PM
Meros is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Gloucester, NJ
Posts: 596
RIP Paul. We never did finish touring that bar's tap
  #24  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:40 PM
BiblioCat is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 10,877
This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of us. He looks so happy. I had always kept it on my desk, where I could always see it.
When he broke things off with me, I kept it out for a while, and then put it away. I just got it out again.

I just wish I could have done more to help him. When he broke up with me in June, I knew there was was more going on, but he refused all contact. From talking with his friend who informed of the news, it sounds like there were indications he'd been planning on doing this for some time. I know there was probably nothing I could do, but I can't help but think what if... ?
We lived about an hour away from each other. I should have gotten in my car and just driven up there.
  #25  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:42 PM
Dread Pirate Jimbo is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Calgary, AB, Canada
Posts: 1,758
I barely knew him, but everything I had seen and heard about him was good.

Very sad news.
  #26  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:44 PM
Scuba_Ben is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Below the thermocline
Posts: 5,702
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meros View Post
RIP Paul. We never did finish touring that bar's tap
I owed him a drink, too. He did a backup inspection when I bought my condo. Among other things, he recommended that I replace the smoke detector with a smoke and CO detector. This past April, the CO alarm alerted me to a small CO problem with my stove, before it became a large CO problem.

I was so looking forward to giving him a drink at the next alcohol-tolerant MAD DopeFest.

Baruch Dayan Emet (Blessed be the Faithful Judge).

danceswithcats, you will be missed.
  #27  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:45 PM
Dolores Reborn's Avatar
Dolores Reborn is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Houston
Posts: 14,411
I'm so sorry, BiblioCat. It's got to be so hard.
  #28  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:48 PM
tdn is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 35,871
Oh, I am so so sorry. I was just thinking about him the other day.
  #29  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:50 PM
Scuba_Ben is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Below the thermocline
Posts: 5,702
I missed the edit window. So added by way of post:

I think I was at the DopeFest where Biblio and Danceswithcats became close. I think I even brought the Kahlua that facilitated matters.

Labor Day weekend, would anybody be interested in a memorial service?

As per my interpretation of Jewish practice, a depressive episode does not count as a suicide for religious purposes.
  #30  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:51 PM
Maastricht is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Dutch in the Netherlands
Posts: 9,189
Oh, that is so sad and such a shame. He seemed such a good guy. I'm sending good thoughts to you, Bibliocat, and to his daughter and family. Depression is such an insidious disease and its most insidious trait is to make one cut off the things that could have helped to get out.

Last edited by Maastricht; 08-19-2009 at 02:51 PM.
  #31  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:52 PM
jayjay is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Posts: 37,049
I'm in shock as well. I had no idea he had problems that bad.

I almost always enjoyed his posts. He was one of the best of "the opposition" around here, and I respected him for that, even when I disagreed with him. He facilitated (through organizing the Gettydopes with MsRobyn) many good times.

I'm going to miss him. And you're in my thoughts as well, Bibliocat. As is his daughter. I'm so sorry.

Last edited by jayjay; 08-19-2009 at 02:53 PM.
  #32  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:53 PM
Carl Corey is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Walking the shadows
Posts: 1,237
Bibliocat, I am so sorry.
  #33  
Old 08-19-2009, 02:58 PM
Khadaji is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Southern Pennsylvania
Posts: 21,599
That is sad news. Sending prayers and supporting thoughts out to his family.
  #34  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:02 PM
What Exit?'s Avatar
What Exit? is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Central NJ (near Bree)
Posts: 28,897
Quote:
Originally Posted by BiblioCat View Post
This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of us. He looks so happy. I had always kept it on my desk, where I could always see it.
When he broke things off with me, I kept it out for a while, and then put it away. I just got it out again.

I just wish I could have done more to help him. When he broke up with me in June, I knew there was was more going on, but he refused all contact. From talking with his friend who informed of the news, it sounds like there were indications he'd been planning on doing this for some time. I know there was probably nothing I could do, but I can't help but think what if... ?
We lived about an hour away from each other. I should have gotten in my car and just driven up there.
That is a good picture Biblio, don't beat yourself up over this. It is not your fault and won't do you or him any good with what ifs. Treat yourself to something that will make you feel a little better and remember the good times.
  #35  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:02 PM
Mahaloth is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: 地球
Posts: 29,268
I have no words.

I'm sorry for your loss.
  #36  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:04 PM
Spatial Rift 47 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,222
You have my condolences, BiblioCat, as does his family.
  #37  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:06 PM
Idle Thoughts is offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 12,265
My deep condolences. I, too, was a big fan of his posts and topics. RIP, I hope.
  #38  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:09 PM
Promethea is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 643
I 'm so sorry for your loss, BiblioCat - he sounds like a wonderful man. Please do not blame yourself, you were there for him and that's all any of us can be. Oh,I apologise, everything written in such circumstances risks looking inadequate -I just am so terribly sorry.
  #39  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:09 PM
Airman Doors, USAF is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 14,153
Oh sweet Jesus. I don't know what to say, and Robin will be crushed (as am I).

Goodbye, Paul.
  #40  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:09 PM
silenus's Avatar
silenus is offline
Isaiah 1:15/Screw the NRA
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: SoCal
Posts: 50,773
The world is a little bit less for his passing.
  #41  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:11 PM
KneadToKnow is offline
Voodoo Adult (Slight Return)
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Charlotte, NC, USA
Posts: 25,703
My condolences to BiblioCat and Paul's family.
  #42  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:12 PM
Panurge is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Křbenhavn
Posts: 1,278
Very sad news. I am truly sorry for your loss, BiblioCat.
  #43  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:12 PM
Starving Artist is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 17,127
I am very, very sorry to hear about this, BiblioCat. I too had no idea he was troubled in the way he was. He seemed like such an all-around good guy and I can very easily see him living the type of life you describe. He and I have had several nice interchanges here and on Domebo and I will truly miss him around here. My thoughts and condolences go out to you and to his daughter, and to his cats as I imagine they miss him as well. What a shame!
  #44  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:15 PM
Autolycus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ainran
Posts: 11,449
I'm so sorry to hear this. RIP danceswithcats.
  #45  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:15 PM
freckafree is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 5,901
BiblioCat, I am so sorry to hear this. You and his other loved ones are in my thoughts.
  #46  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:17 PM
Marley23 is offline
I Am the One Who Bans
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Brooklyn
Posts: 78,234
I'm very sorry for your loss and what you're going through, BiblioCat, and the same thing for his family. I never knew things were so bad.

I'll update the In Memoriam thread soon.
  #47  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:24 PM
Hal Briston is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: A nice chunk o' NJ
Posts: 14,191
Well there's an afternoon gut-punch. You'll be missed, dwc...
  #48  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:25 PM
NAF1138 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: North of Philly
Posts: 9,913
Good lord, I don't even know what to say. This is terrible shocking news.

Last edited by NAF1138; 08-19-2009 at 03:30 PM.
  #49  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:37 PM
Sternvogel is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Lafayette, IN
Posts: 12,212
My chief memory of danceswithcats was courtesy of a Doperball thread in which he and I were among the most prolific participants. At one point, he sent me an off-board message to comment about some topic that had arisen during the game. I don't remember if I responded, although I believe I didn't. Still, I felt I knew him a bit, and feel diminished by his passing.

Hope you find a way to cope with the shock, BiblioCat.
  #50  
Old 08-19-2009, 03:40 PM
Fiveroptic's Avatar
Fiveroptic is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Clinton County, MI USA
Posts: 669
Mundane, Pointless Stuff, my fucking ass.

You've found Peace, 'cats. Rest now, rest easy.
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:59 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright Š 2018 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017