Someone keeps grabbing my lunch of the fridge despite repeated signs and requests to stop, and i want revenge. I assume there’s nothing dangerous or unsafe for human consumption in cat food and a sign reading “that sandwich you stole last week was made with cat food” would go a long way in stopping the thefts. Am i an asshole for thinking about this? can i get sued for it? I understand i might get fired but at this point i think it would be worth it.
Cat food is human edible, if somewhat icky. But I don’t think cat food sandwiches are grounds for a lawsuit. A song is another matter.
On the Asshole scale, I think stealing other people’s lunches rates far higher than just trying to teach someone a lesson about acting like an unsocialized animal.
I don’t know anything about the legal aspects of this. Personally, I might try something a little milder like putting a sign on my food saying “Notice: I am now licking each of my food items to mark them as mine” as you would think that would be gross enough to deter most people without being a “trap”.
However, if I were on the jury who was hearing the case about some sociopath who thinks they are entitled to other people’s food whining about getting a duped by a cat food sandwich, I certainly would understand why you did it.
You could also try just making a tuna sandwich and just SAYING it had cat food mixed in, since it might be more defensible to say it was only a joke if they can’t prove it had cat food in it.
People can sue each other for anything. You would be much better off making a real “people” sandwich with a delayed reaction jalapeno “insanity” type hot sauce secreted somewhere in the middle. That way you have full plausible deniability that no harm was intended as it was really your sandwich, not a trap. I’m thinking if you put a moderately thin layer between two pieces of sliced meat toward in the middle it will hide the pepper aspect until they chow down. It would be better if you could put or inject the sauce inside a cherry tomato for maximum impact, and it would be completely hidden until they bite down and it blasts their mouth, but I don’t see how that can work in a sandwich, only a salad.
I think it’s a great idea. Also spiking it with enough chile paste to make it inedible. Maybe a salad with ipecac dressing would be appropriate, especially if you’ve left repeated notes and other requests to stop stealing your lunch.
Oh i’m liking this idea too. This might also help me discover who the asshole is.
Shredded carrots do a great job of hiding diced habaneros.
Put staining (but edible) ink in a sandwich: Amazon.com: Customer reviews: Eat This Book!
Never mind cat food - just crush many laxative tablets and mix them in to a regular sandwich. 
That’s dangerous, and could be construed as assault.
I don’t like theives any more than anyone else, but it’s pretty well established in law that leaving dangerous traps for theives is illegal. Cat food is gross, but isn’t dangerous.
Here’s a perfect dye: gentian violet.
A habanero and peanut butter sandwich might cure the person who is taking your lunch.
:eek: He wants to teach the guy a lesson, not win the Master of Ceremonies position in Hell’s Mardi Gras parade!
I prefer the earlier suggestions that will cause the pain to sneak up later - what about something that’s going to cause incredible flatulence? Can you pack it with concentrated bean juice somehow?
I am all about the ink idea. You could put some cream cheese around the outside of a piece of baloney, then fill the middle with food dye (in the baking section of any grocery store) then place another piece on top, and smoosh the edges just a bit.
Or you could get these: Anti-theft_Luch_bags
I’m not certain what your/the thief’s financial situation might be, but it’s worth considering that this is a desperate and hungry person. Have you considered making two sandwiches, with a note to please leave one for you?
Although, in my old office it turned out to be one of the executives doing it. We went with something similar to this: Hot_Sauce it worked a treat. But could cause damage - apply with a paint brush, not a spoon.
I did almost exactly this once. There was a Hardees on my way to work and two days in a row, I stopped for a sandwich, and when lunch break came, my Hardees bag and the styrofoam container was still there but the sandwich was gone. On day 3, without telling a soul what I was about to do, I took that styrofoam box, a hamburger bun, and a can of sliced Mighty Dog food. I rinsed the gravy off and put it on the bun, with sliced onion and lettuce peeping out of the bun, and left it in my usual place. Went in at lunch, and the bag was gone.
I found it in the parking lot, the sandwich HALF EATEN. Think about that for a moment. They ate half of it before going, “Hey… you know, this tastes like…” The next day I put up a sign on the lunchroom bulletin board with the label from the dog food on it, and it said something like ‘In case you liked the sandwich you stole yesterday and want another just like it, this is what I used.’
My lunch was never stolen from that workplace again.
Your best bet is to make a sandwich that you might conceivabley eat yourself. An ink sandwich is a trap, and will be construed as a trap. A sandwich that should have some hot sauce on it, like a spicy chicken sandwich, but which -oops- has way way to much hot sauce on it, is a mistake, and lucky for you it was stolen, or you’d have eaten it.
In other words better to make a theoretically edible sandwich - as well as an explanation that people can swallow if things go awry.
Hmm, let’s think.
Scenario A: Your lunch is targeted because of all that foie gras and caviar you keep bringing.
Scenario B: Your lunch is stolen but the thief just grabs one and goes, randomly.
I point this out b/c if it’s scenario A, you a risk of the problem escalating. Say after your ploy the person is pissed at you and, instead of stealing your lunch, merely throws it away or worse, taints it for you to eat. I mean, what if the thief is a janitor or someone who has access yet is not around you when the trap springs? You may not see a “smoking gun” reaction to confirm.
If, on the other hand, the person who steals your lunch doesn’t know it’s yours specifically (just one of a dozen brown bags in the fridge), maybe you don’t have to worry about retribution so long as you don’t betray your identity. The perp might still deduce it. ‘Funny, I saw DigitalC walk in with a brown bag this morning, but he’s going OUT to lunch today.’
Also I’d want to make sure nobody had mistaken his lunch for mine. If you take something mundane like a bologna sandwich and potato chips in a brown paper bag, it isn’t impossible to think someone might have brought something similar, not realized, and been unfairly “busted.” It would be great if you put something unique on top that demonstrates the person KNOWS it isn’t his and proceeds anyway.
Supposing you leave something inedible or staining or whatever and it doesn’t get stolen, what are YOU having for lunch? Something you can “defuse” would be best.
I know lunch theft is pretty rampant, but while I can see a starving someone taking a yogurt or bag of chips, there’s something sort of creepy about taking a sandwich. Dude, they put it together with their own hands. They spent time on it. And there could be gross ingredients in there (and I don’t just mean dog food).
Nanny cam.
Just buy yourself a good umbrella insurance policy and go for it.