I Pit a Candy Thief

The Employee Activities Committee where I work sold candy-grams for Valentine’s day. For $1.00, they would deliver a chocolate bar and a note to the recipient’s mailbox. I received one the other day, but left it in my mailbox for later. When I went back for it, it was gone!:frowning:

I have since found out that I was not the only victim of the candy-thieving dastard. I have already heard of probably a half dozen others.:eek:

Who goes through their co-workers’ mailboxes and steals their chocolate?

There will be blood.

It’s extra-douchey that the crime is so petty. This person could end up scourged by a crowd of people if caught- for 6 candy bars! :rolleyes:

The same kind of jerk who steals things from other people’s lunches (or the whole lunch) - you know it’s not yours, but you take it anyway - that makes you a lesser form of life, in my opinion.

Go from office to office looking at trash cans.

Yeah - time for some serious public shaming.

It was probably one of us office-less worker bees. I may have to set a trap.

6 posts and already this thread is Spy vs. Spy.

I like it :smiley:

“Crackheads are like that. I once had a crackhead break my car window- broke it! You know what he stole? A fucking candy bar I had lying on the seat! That’s all he took - a god damned candy bar. I was so mad! I drove around the neighborhood for five hours looking for a crackhead with chocolate on his face. I did that. I finally found the motherfucker and said, “Hey man! What’s all this chocolate on your face motherfucker?!” He looked confused. “Chocolate? This is doo doo baby!””

The idea of searching everyone’s trash made me immediately think of that bit.

Hunt this person down. Hunt them down and make them pay!

I’m considering buying a candy bar, opening it, sprinkling some pubic hairs on it, sealing it back up, and putting it in my mailbox. My only worry is that the culprit might take it home to his/her kids.

Is it bad if they’re *freshly washed *pubes?

I’ve got to say, this is one of the great benefits of working for a small office. If I bring in food, or any of my stuff for that matter, it will always be there when I want it. I’ve never, ever had a problem, and never heard of one either.

At a previous megacorp, a guy got fired for perpetually fridge-raiding other peoples’ stuff. A head manager was all ohhh, poor guy, he was probably just going hungry, it’s so sad, et cetera. What the fuck ever. Stealing from temps who were making nine dollars an hour with no benefits and with kids is just abhorrent - people who couldn’t afford to replace their lunches, and would just not be able to eat during their 12 hour shift. If you honestly are going hungry, don’t steal from your underprivileged co-workers. There are food pantries. Jesus.

I am hating my current temp job due to all the crappy treatment, and I’m tempted to bring in some baking - some not particularly good baking. Like, oops, got some cat hair in the cake batter bad. Or perhaps I misread how much baking soda I was supposed to put in the cookies bad.

Well, I have an old family recipe for chocolate-covered mousetraps…

I was going to suggest making some ExLax brownies, then putting them in your box. I didn’t think about the innocents being harmed.

IIRC such acts are crimes no matter who (whom?) the recipient.

Would it be a crime if the brownies weren’t given to the “victim”? Remember, the “victim” would have stolen the brownies–he had no reason to believe that they were for his consumption.

Purposefully creating toxic foods and leaving them available for possible co-worker consumption is, I’m pretty gosh-darn-sure, a crime. I tried finding a cite but apparently my google-fu is weak from brandy.

We’ve gone over this on this board time and time again. We’d all like to poison food thieves, but it is definitely a crime to do so.

You’re also not allowed to booby trap your front door with a shotgun to give burglars what they “deserve.”

Every time we’ve had theft like this happening it has been one of the higher paid people in the company. :wink:

Do you have any expensive consultants who don’t seem to have any actual job responsibilities? Or a recently hired Director of IT who has never worked in IT before but has his MBA and is a cousin of the President? Or perhaps a new HR manager whose office is a mess and who constantly misses deadlines?

Those are your top three suspects.

Oh lord, flashback coming on! I was once in a “group house” situation where the landlord insisted on bringing new renters into the place without letting us (the current tenants) have any input. At one point, each of a string of four consecutive new housemates was actively wanted by the police when he moved in (some of them even lectured the rest of us about the necessity of turning away the police at the front door).

One day a new guy had JUST moved in and I went upstairs to find he’d pried the hinges off one of the padlocked cabinets (mine, of course) and was eating the food he found there. “Hey, you can’t do that!” I said.

“Why, is it yours?” he asked.

He doesn’t know whose it is himself, mind you. In fact, there’s only aspect of the proprietorship of the food he can be absolutely certain about: it’s NOT HIS.