Favorite dark-comedy quotes

[BrainGlutton]

Prizzi's Honor:

Irene Walker: Charley, I've been doin' three to four hits a year for the past couple of years, most at full pay.

Charley Partanna: That many?

Irene Walker: Well, it's not many when you consider the size of the population.



Very Bad Things:

Laura: You left a dead prostitute alone in the desert?

Kyle: She's not alone...


Boyd: If you take away the horror of the scene, take away the tragedy of the death, take away all the moral and ethical implications that have been drilled into your head since grade one, do you know what you're left with? A 105-pound problem that needs to be moved from point A to point B.



Eating Raoul:

Mary: At the store, can you buy a new frying pan? I'm a little squeamish about using the one we use to kill people.


Sex Shop Salesman: Le Orgy Gel comes in lemon, mint, cherry or trail mix.

Paul: Trail mix?

Sex Shop Salesman: I was making a joke.



Mary: Why should we give up any of that money? We had to kill two people to get it!

Raoul Mendoza: You killed two people for less than a thousand dollars?

Mary: ...One of them shortchanged us.


Susan - Swinger in Fur: We're into B&D but not S&M. We met at the A&P.

[BrainGlutton]

Repo Man:

Bud: Credit is a sacred trust, it's what our free society is founded on. Do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia? I said, do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia?

Otto: They don't pay bills in Russia, it's all free.

Bud: All free? Free my ass. What are you, a fuckin' commie? Huh?

Otto: No, I ain't no commie.

Bud: Well, you better not be. I don't want no commies in my car. No Christians either.



Duke: The lights are growing dim Otto. I know a life of crime has led me to this sorry fate, and yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am.

Otto: That's bullshit. You're a white suburban punk just like me.

Duke: Yeah, but it still hurts.



Debbi: Duke, let's go do some crimes.

Duke: Yeah. Let's go get sushi and not pay.



Miller: A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness.

Otto: You eat a lot of acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?

Miller: I'll give you another instance: you know how everybody's into weirdness right now?...


Agent Rogersz: Good evening, Otto. This is Agent Rogersz. I'm going to ask you a few questions. Since time is short and you may lie, I'm going to have to torture you. But I want you to know, it isn't personal.


Leila: What about our relationship?

Otto: What?

Leila: Our relationship!

Otto: Fuck that!

Leila: You SHITHEAD! I'm glad I tortured you!

[Little Nemo]

Heathers:

Kurt: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a "No Fags Allowed" rule?
J.D.: Well they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though, don't they?

J.D.: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D.: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.

Kurt's Dad: My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.
J.D.: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.

J.D.: Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes.

[Little Nemo]

Jennifer's Body:

Needy: Jennifer's evil.
Chip: I know.
Needy: No. I mean, she's actually evil. Not high school evil.

Nikolai: Do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days? There are so many of us, and we're all so cute and it's like if you don't get on Letterman or some retarded soundtrack, you're screwed, okay? Satan is our only hope. We're working with the beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is gonna wear your face.
[Dirk gives him a look]
Nikolai: Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is gonna happen.

Needy: I've been through the Occult section of the library five times.
Chip: Our library has an Occult section?
Needy: Yeah, it's um, it's really small.

[Larry Borgia]

The best line from Repo man is when Otto's date (the UFO girl, can't remember her name, it's been years) is annoyed by his friends:

"Nice friends, Otto."

"Thanks, I made them myself."

[FriarTed]

"This is Howard W. Campbell, the last free American. Heil Hitler!"

"Deep down, I think people are basically good at heart."

Kurt Vonnegut's Mother Night

[Elendil's Heir]

Yojimbo:
Young badass: "Try and kill me!"
World-weary killer: "It'll hurt."

Jackie Brown:
Ordell: "Is she dead? Is she dead? Yes or no."
Louis: "Pretty much."

Dark City:
Insp. Bumstead: "What's that make so far, Husselbeck? Six hookers in all?"
Husselbeck: "I believe so, sir."
Insp. Bumstead: "Give the man an 'A' for effort."

Aliens:
Hudson: "Hey, Vasquez, you ever get mistaken for a man?"
Vasquez: "No. Have you?"

Alien: Resurrection:
Johner: "Hey, aren't you dead?"
Ripley: "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Charlie Wilson's War:
Joanne: Why is Congress saying one thing and doing nothing?
Charlie: Well, tradition mostly.

[Tom Scud]

Blackadder Goes Forth:
Captain Blackadder: You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war two great super-armies developed. Us, the Russians and the French on one side, Germany and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea being that each army would act as the other's deterrent. That way, there could never be a war.
Private Baldrick: Except, this is sort of a war, isn't it?
Captain Blackadder: That's right. There was one tiny flaw in the plan.
Lieutenant George: O, what was that?
Captain Blackadder: It was bollocks.

[robardin]

You rarely get to hear the full version of Chevy Chase's increasingly cracked-up delivery of this because of network censorship on cable/network airings, but I can never not laugh at recalling his rant towards the end of National Lampoon's Vacation:

I think you're all fucked in the head! We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation, it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun, we're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Oh, shit!

And earlier, his eulogy for his wife's not-very-dearly-departed "Aunt Edna":

O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair. Yea, admit this kind and decent woman into thy arms of thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her a break.

To which is wife adds: Lord, we loved this woman with all our hearts -- [Daughter: "Let's no overdo it, Mom!" "Shut up, Audrey!"] -- but my husband wants to go to Wally World. May God have mercy on his soul. Amen.

[NDP]

Originally Posted by Tom Scud

Blackadder Goes Forth:
Captain Blackadder: You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war two great super-armies developed. Us, the Russians and the French on one side, Germany and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea being that each army would act as the other's deterrent. That way, there could never be a war.
Private Baldrick: Except, this is sort of a war, isn't it?
Captain Blackadder: That's right. There was one tiny flaw in the plan.
Lieutenant George: O, what was that?
Captain Blackadder: It was bollocks.

I like this exchange from Blackadder Goes Forth:
George: If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?
Capt. Blackadder: Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump two hundred feet in the air and scatter oneself over a large area.

[Clothahump]

How can we not quote Gunny Hartman?

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!

I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.

Full Metal Jacket

[Serenata67]

From Death to Smoochy

Randolph: Bastard Son of Barney! Die! Die, stuffed ball of fluff! Illegitimate Teletubbie! Die, you Muppet from hell! Die, you foam motherfucker!

I'm sure I have more, but that's what comes to mind right away.

[Elendil's Heir]

Planes, Trains & Automobiles:

Car Rental Agent: [cheerfully] Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?
Neal: Yes.
Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?
Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!
Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?
Neal: I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.
Neal: Oh boy, what?
Car Rental Agent: You're fucked!

[msmith537]

Burn After Ready
CIA Superior: What did we learn, Palmer?
CIA Officer: I don't know, sir.
CIA Superior: I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.

[Crawlspace]

Death to Smoochy
When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

In Bruges:
Ray: What's going on over there? They're filming something? <in the most childlike gleeful voice> They're filming Midgets!!!

Ray: You two are weird. Would you like some cocaine?

Ken: Ray, you are about the worst tourist in the whole world.
Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.

Natalie: Harry. Harry! It's a inanimate fucking object!
Harry: You're an inanimate fuckin' object!

Ray: One gay beer for my gay friend, one normal beer for me because I am normal.

Ken: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun.
Ray: Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite... a dwarf.

[Elendil's Heir]

True Lies:
Doris (with dawning horror): Honey, what are you saying? Do you mean you've... you've killed people?
Boris (earnestly): Yes, but they were all bad.

[Prelude to Fascination]

From The Hospital (written by Paddy Chayefski):

Herbert Bock: I mean, where do you train your nurses, Mrs. Christie - Dachau?

And the introduction (by voice over):

On Monday morning, a patient named Guernsey...
male, middle 70s, was admitted to the hospital complaining of chest pains.
He had been referred by a nursing home...
where the doctor had diagnosed his condition as Angina pectoris.
It is axiomatic...
that nursing-home doctors are always wrong.
The intern who admitted Mr. Guernsey, however...
accepted the diagnosis and prescribed morphine...
a drug suitable for angina, but not at all suitable for emphysema...
which is unfortunately what the old man actually had.
Within an hour, the patient became unresponsive and diaphoretic...
and was raced up to Intensive Care, with an irregular pulse of ...
blood pressure over respiration rapid and shallow.
The resident on duty in Intensive Care compounded the blunder...
by treating the old man for pulmonary edema.
He gave him digitalis, diuretics and oxygen.
This restored the old man's color.
He was sent to his room in the Holly Pavilion...
ruddy-complected and peacefully asleep.
But the patient was in CO narcosis, and died at : that evening.
I mention all this only to explain how the bed in Room became available.
The intern involved was a prickly young buck named Schaefer...
who had a good thing going for him with a technician in the Hematology Lab.
In the haphazard fashion of hospital romances...
Dr. Schaefer had been zapping this girl...
on wheelchairs, stretchers, pantry shelves...
in the kitchen, in the morgue, in the dark corners of corridors...
standing up, sitting down...
So you can imagine what an available bed meant to him.

[msmith537]

Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir

Alien: Resurrection:
Johner: "Hey, aren't you dead?"
Ripley: "Yeah, I get that a lot."

"You fought these things before, right?"
"Yes"
"So what did you do?"
"I died"


Fight Club
"You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass! "

Role Models
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Bullshit and Dr. I'm-full-of-shit?"
"In what way are we full of shit? "
"And which one of us has the Ph.D?"

[Mr. Excellent]

Originally Posted by Clothahump

How can we not quote Gunny Hartman?






Full Metal Jacket

I love the "not even give a reach-around" line because it's the most vulgar possible implementation of the "when did you stop beating your wife?" sort of question. There *is* no good affirmation or denial of that comment possible without more than a yes or no.

[Achren]

It's not a dark comedy, but I think this quote from My Man Godfrey (1936) would fit right in.

Man at Bar: Take a look at the dizzy old gal with the goat.
Mr. Bullock: I've had to look at her for 20 years. That's MRS. Bullock.
Man at Bar: I'm terribly sorry!
Mr. Bullock: How do you think I feel?

[NoCoolUserName]

McManus: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Oswald was a fag.

If you don't know what that's from, no amount of explanation will be adequate.

[DigitalC]

From the greatly under-appreciated "Observe and Report": My only crime was being a criminal.

[KneadToKnow]

Death to Smoochy

"I don't know. I'm kinda fucked up in general, so it's hard to gauge."
--Randolph, in answer to a cop asking if he's okay

"Cops won't do the ball thing, it's against procedure."
--You had to be there.


Shaun of the Dead

Ed Purple Rain?
Shaun No.
Ed Sign o' the Times?
Shaun Definitely not.
Ed Batman soundtrack?
Shaun Throw it.
-- Obviously not a fan of "Lemon Crush"

Ed There's a girl in the garden.
Shaun What?
Ed In the garden, there is a girl.
-- Syntax error?


Punch-Drunk Love

"At that restaurant, I beat up the bathroom. I'm sorry."
-- Thing is, he means that literally.

"I would say 'that's that,' Mattress Man."
-- On paper, that doesn't come across like much of a threat. It works, though.

[John Mace]

Play it Again Sam

Trying to pick up a chick at an art museum, he asks about an abstract painting (paraphrased):

Woody Allen: What does that painting say to you?
Chick: It's reminds me of the dark, nothingness of existence. The utter meaningless of our pitiful lives.
Allen: What are you doing Saturday night?
Chick: Committing suicide.
Allen: What about Friday night?

[BrainGlutton]

Brazil:

GUARD: Don't fight it, son! Confess right away! If you hold out, you might jeopardize your credit rating!

[Serenata67]

From Heathers:

Pauline Fleming: Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.

[msmith537]

From Sin City
"I know it's pretty damn weird to eat people. "

[NDP]

I can't believe we've gotten this far and not mentioned anything from Dr. Strangelove.

General Jack D. Ripper: I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?

Major T. J. "King" Kong: Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.

[Gray Ghost]

The IMDB page for Bad Santa has some doozies. One of my favorites is this one, where Willie (the Bad Santa) is driving some borderline retarded kid back to the kid's house...

Willie: Is daddy home?
Kid: He's on an adventure, exploring the mountains. He's been gone a long time.
Willie: Exploring mountains, huh? How long is he gonna be gone?
Kid: Until next year.
Willie: Yeah? What about mommy?
Kid: She lives in God's house; with Jesus and Mary and the ghost and the long eared donkey and the talking walnut.
Willie: Well, who the f**k takes care of you then?
Kid: Grandma.
Willie: Yeah, what's her name?
Kid: Grandma.
[Willie pulls on a black ski mask and whips out a sap]
Willie: Is she spry?

The exchanges between Bernie Mac (Gin) and Tony Cox (Marcus) are solid gold profanity.

[Shagnasty]

Heathers

Pauline Fleming: Now... it seems we were in a similar position on Monday when I thoughtfully suggested we get everybody together for an unadulterated emotional outpouring. But no. You took this as an opportunity to play yet another round of "Let's Laugh at the Hippie."

Counselor Paul Hyde: Pauline...

Principal: Shut up, Paul. Now I've seen a lot of bullshit. Angel dust. Switchblades. Sexually perverse photography exibits involving tennis rackets. But this suicide thing... guess that's more on Pauline's wavelength. Well, we're gonna just write off today. And on Friday she can hold her little "Love-In" or... whatever. Whatever.

[msmith537]

American Psycho:

"He was into that whole Yale thing."
"Yale thing?"
"Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing."



"That's duct tape. I need it for...taping stuff."

[Serenata67]

Originally Posted by NDP

I can't believe we've gotten this far and not mentioned anything from Dr. Strangelove.
<snip>

I thought I already saw Dr. Strangelove on the page, so I didn't put this on there.

Major T. J. "King" Kong: Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. You sure you got today's codes?

[scabpicker]

Catch-22:

Danby: Weather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won't have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn't forget, that means that they won't have any trouble at all seeing you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Capt. Nately: Don't you have any principles?
Old man in whorehouse: Of course not!
Capt. Nately: No morality?
Old man in whorehouse: I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated.
Capt. Nately: You talk like a madman.
Old man in whorehouse: But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when Mussolini was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.
Capt. Nately: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Old man in whorehouse: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.
Capt. Nately: How do you know?
Old man in whorehouse: Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you?
Capt. Nately: I'll be 20 in January.
Old man in whorehouse: If you live.

[Elendil's Heir]

More from Dr. Strangelove:

President Merkin Muffley: You're talking about mass murder, General, not war!
General "Buck" Turgidson: Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.

* * *

Muffley (to the Soviet premier over the Hotline): Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb... the bomb, Dmitri... the hydrogen bomb!....

* * *

Colonel "Bat" Guano: Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: What?
Guano: You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company.

[robardin]

Originally Posted by NDP

I can't believe we've gotten this far and not mentioned anything from Dr. Strangelove.

Or from Pulp Fiction, hey? Which has got to be on the short list of quotable dark comedies?

Jules: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there. Eating a bitch out and giving a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fucking thing.
Vincent: It's not, it's the same ballpark.
Jules: Ain't no fucking ballpark neither. Now, look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but you know touching his wife's feet and sticking your tongue in the holiest of holies ain't the same fucking ball park. It ain't the same league. It ain't even the same fucking sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit.
Vincent: Have you ever given a foot massage?
Jules: Don't be telling me about foot massages, I'm the foot fuckin' master.
Vincent: Given a lot of them?
Jules: Shit, yeah! I got my technique down and everything, I don't be tickling or nothing.
Vincent: Would you give a guy a foot massage?
Jules: [pause] Fuck you.
Vincent: You give them a lot?
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You know, I'm getting kinda tired, I could use a foot massage myself.

Or Christopher Walken's speech to the young Butch (too long to quote) about the history of his great-grandfather's watch that he is passing on (all too literally) to him.

[Robot Arm]

Not a black comedy, exactly, but I did just see this scene on Law & Order:

Dr. Rodgers: I got another body coming in. Guy took a javelin to the chest.
Lennie Briscoe: Why are you still in this line of work?
Dr. Rodgers: Free javelins.

[Krokodil]

Lots of good lines in Ghost World:

Dana: I am so excited to see this movie. Dustoff Varnya is such a brilliant director. Did you see his last film, "The Flower that Drank the Moon"? It was simply glorious!
Seymour: I guess I must have missed that one. But then what do I know. I like Laurel and Hardy movies.
Dana: Really? I never really cared for those. I mean, why does the fat one always have to be so mean to the skinny one?

[Elendil's Heir]

Raising Arizona, as Ed and H.I. split from the convenience-story stickup they just pulled off, and grab a dropped bag of diapers from the ground as they speed out of the parking lot:
Ed McDonnough: I'm not gonna live this way, Hi! It just ain't family life!
H.I.: Well... it ain't "Ozzie and Harriet."

[Askance]

Catch-22 again:

Now where were we? Read me back the last line."

"'Read me back the last line,'" read back the corporal who could take shorthand.

"Not my last line, stupid!" the colonel shouted. "Somebody else's."

"'Read me back the last line,'" read back the corporal.

"That's my last line again!" shrieked the colonel, turning purple with anger.

"Oh, no, sir," corrected the corporal. "That's my last line. I read it to you just a moment ago. Don't you remember, sir? It was only a moment ago."

[25.1327 Octopi]

Can't quote it - it would be much too long - but the exchange between Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken in "True Romance".

"So, you're Sicilian, huh?"


Better to actually see it




Hm..recently, did anyone else picture Dennis Hopper sniffing nitrous oxide while screaming "mommy mommy daddy wants to fuck" while banging Rue Mclanahan, as Gary Coleman watched, hidden, from a closet, somewhere in the afterlife?

Sounds like heaven to me.

[25.1327 Octopi]

(double post - whoops)

[robardin]

Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir

Raising Arizona, as Ed and H.I. split from the convenience-story stickup they just pulled off, and grab a dropped bag of diapers from the ground as they speed out of the parking lot:
Ed McDonnough: I'm not gonna live this way, Hi! It just ain't family life!
H.I.: Well... it ain't "Ozzie and Harriet."

Ah, one of my favorite movies! Too bad I haven't seen it in years due to the lack of an acceptable DVD transfer, much less a Blu-Ray release, but my favorite dialogue from it is in the bank robbery scene:

Robber 1: Everbody freeze! And get down on the ground!
Old man in bank: Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze, or you want I should drop? Meaning to say iffin I freeze, I can't rightly drop. But iffin I drop, I'm a-gonna be in motion.
Robber 1: Shut up! Just... Get down on the ground! ... All right, now... Where'd the tellers go?
Tellers (behind counter on the floor): We're down here, sir!
Robber 2: They're down on the floor like you commanded, Gale.
Robber 1 (Gale): Dammit, I TOLD you not to use my damned name!! Can't you TRY to keep from forgettin' that?!
(short frustrated silence, then....)
Robber 2 (slyly): ... not even your code name?
Robber 1 (relieved): Oh yeah, that's right! My code name! (Louder) Ya hear that, ya dang hayseeds? We're using code names!

[muldoonthief]

Originally Posted by Gray Ghost

The exchanges between Bernie Mac (Gin) and Tony Cox (Marcus) are solid gold profanity.

Marcus: Sketch it up you fucking moron - fucking Leonardo daVinci.

Gin: What you call me, thigh-high?

Marcus: I called you a fucking guinea homo from the 15th fucking century, you dickhead.

Gin: I could stick you up my ass, small-fry.

Marcus: Yeah? You sure it ain't too sore from last night?

Gin: You got some lip on you, midget.

Marcus: Well these lips were on your wife's pussy last night. Why don't you dust that thing off once in a while, asshole.

[tr0psn4j]

Originally Posted by FriarTed

"This is Howard W. Campbell, the last free American. Heil Hitler!"

"Deep down, I think people are basically good at heart."

Kurt Vonnegut's Mother Night

Nice. I've read a couple of his books but I don't think I've read that one yet.