WARNING: There had better be lots and lots and lots of language more commonly found in the Pit. I don’t want any contributors pussyfooting around with dashes, asterisks, jarns, nittles, grawlix, or quimp to hide the quotations.
Your task is simple: What are the greatest, most memorable movie or TV quotes that contain language that would earn an R rating or a primetime bleeping?
Example from A Fish Called Wanda:
Otto: You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.
Archie: How very interesting. You’re a true vulgarian, aren’t you?
Otto: You are the vulgarian, you fuck!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman:* Oh that’s right, Private Pyle, don’t make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn’t he?
Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT!! Or I’m going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!!*
Hmm, if it is vulgar ones you want some favourites from Pulp Fiction
These are purely from memory so I can’t guarantee 100% word for word accuracy.
Jules:
I just thought it was some cold ass shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass.
Jules (again) - some paraphrasing and cutting here -
What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
…
“Does he look like bitch?”
“No”
“Then why you trying to fuck him like a bitch Brett?”
“Cause Marcellus Wallace don’t like to be fucked by anybody but Mrs Wallace”
Or some Jackie Brown
When you absolutely positively have got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitute.
Also from the same source, and I am quoting from memory:
You slimy grabasstic piece of amphibian shit. If it wasn’t for dick-heads like you there would be no thievery in this world.
Why you slimy twinkletoed little cock-sucker. You had better sound off that you love the Virgin Mary before I rip off your head and take a giant shit down you neck!!
Bar Patron: Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded? Get off the fucking car!
Raving Bitch: Hey dickless, get off the fucking car! Hey fucksuck, get your slippery fucking ass off the car! Listen to me, get off the fucking car with your fucking ass!
Parker: Shut that cunts mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!
Raving Bitch: You’re gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend’s gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he’s fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I’m gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads!
Bar Patron: Go ahead.
Raving Bitch: You like to fuck babyheads? You like to fuck boys? He’s gonna fuck you in the ass, how do you like that? He’s not even gay but he’ll do it just to fuck…
Bar Patron: Honey honey. She’s got a big mouth but she’s not kidding. I’m gonna whip you silly and I’m gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours.
Note: “Raving Bitch” is a prefame Sarah Silverman. I know she isn’t one who is known for vulgarity
Absolutely ANYTHING from Sgt. Hartman. I like the (paraphrased) one about “You’re the kind of scumbag who’d fuck a guy in the ass and not have the courtesy to give him a reach-around!”
From Alec Baldwin’s “motivation” speech in Glengarry Glen Ross:
Blake: You see this watch? You see this watch? Dave Moss: Yeah.
**Blake: **That watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that’s who I am, and you’re nothing. Nice guy? I don’t give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can’t take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don’t like it, leave.
Most of these are pretty mean-spirited as wel as obscene, but that’s not required by the OP.
My favorite along those lines is attributed to a soldier in WWII (I can’t find the attribution, but someone will wander by with it), commenting on his company’s state after action:
I may be misremembering it, but this scene from “Thw Wire” season 1, where McNulty and Bulk discuss the details of a crime scene may include a swearword or two.
Jesus: What’s this “day of rest” shit?! What’s this bullshit?! I don’t fucking care! It don’t matter to Jesus! You’re not fooling me, man! You might fool the fucks at the league office, but you don’t fool Jesus! It’s bush-league psych-out stuff! Laughable, man. HA-HA! I would’ve fucked you in the ass Saturday, I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. WOOO!! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
and…
Jesus: I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man, Liam an’ me, we gon’ fuck you up.
Dude: Yeah, well, ya know, that’s just like, your opinion, man.
Jesus: Let me tell you something else, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes click.
Dude: Jesus.
Jesus: You said it, man. Nobody fucks wit da Jesus.
Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy, fucking cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!
Car Rental Agent: I really don’t care for the way you’re speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don’t care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn’t fucking there. And I really didn’t care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
