Explaining sex to your kids (or how it was explained to you)

[lolagranola]

I started thinking about this subject because I was reading an article today about sexual activity among teens. The
information I got said that open discussion about sexuality was a major factor is reducing sexual activity, STD’s
and teen pregnancies. Many countries, including Norway, Denmark and the Netherlands were listed as having low
teen pregnancy rates because of the open discussion of sexuality in the media.

This confirms my beliefs. I have never shied away from the subject of sex with my kids. My youngest boy could draw a picture of the uterus by age four. I don’t consider it a dirty subject, or anything that my kids should be
ignorant on. I’ve received some criticism from other parents who claimed that I was taking my child’s innocence
away. I thought I was fighting ignorance. I also believe that it’s best to discuss it with them as the subject comes
up, and well before the teen hormones start working. My boys (ages 7 and 10) know all about periods and why women get them, how people get pregnant, and how I gave birth to them and their sisters. More important than the mechanics, I discussed why people have sex and both the good and bad reasons. I don’t obsess on sex, but I don’t shield them from the subject either. I truly believe that if more kids were better informed, and were encouraged to give it a lot of thought, sexual experimentation at earlier ages would be discouraged. I know of several girls who got pregnant before they ever received the sex talk. My sister found out about periods a mere week before actually getting hers. Somehow, that just seems WRONG!

So, my questions to the teeming millions is when did you, or do you plan to discuss sex with your own children?
How old were you when you found out about it? Were your parents open or embarrassed? Do you think it
influenced your teen sex life, or lack of? Are you happy with the results in your own life, and/or in your child’s
life?

[struuter]

As the youngest of five kids, my parents must have figured I'd just pick it up somewhere. They sure didn't explain anything to me. And not having that adult guidance in that particular area definitely had an impact. *shakes head sadly* When I think of how my life could have been different, it's astounding. Primarily because I never thought it was okay to ask questions--they certainly never offered. And they are the sweetest, most giving, supportive parents in the world. I love them dearly. But, I think they failed me on this count.

So, as a parent, I made damned sure my kids know that both mom and dad are approachable on any subject. There are some aspects to sexuality that I don't think little kids can really grasp, and when I'm approached about them, I explain the basic idea and that as they grow older, that subject will take on a new meaning. I mean, why explain masterbating to my five year old? It's not a simple subject and he doesn't really have a true need for the information at this age. I don't make it sound bad or dirty or shameful. When my son was 11, he asked, "So, what's the deal with masterbation?" (in the drive-thru to Taco Bell. Nice timing, huh?)
I explained it. In very basic terms. Then I asked him if he wanted to go right home and give it a try. He was appalled and said no. So I made my point about certain things having their own time. Right now, at 11, was not the right time for him. I think that can be as important as explaining about sexual issues. And it's ALWAYS the right time to ask questions.
I have WAY too many stories about my son and his on-going quest to understand the adult world he's growing into.

[pezpunk]

My dad wasn't one for intensly personal discussion with his kids. To this day I refuse to belive that my parents have sex. They seem to be incredibly unsexual people. I am convinced that my siblings and myself were ordered over the internet or obtained by some means other than sex. In light of this I never actually recieved "the talk". The only time he attempted it was the first time he knew I had a girl staying over my place in college. He pulled me aside from the rest of the family, put his arm on my shoulder and said "you be careful". This was by far the most uncomfortable moment I have EVER shared with my father. I had already had 2 partners before this and had ALWAYS been "safe" but my fathers words of caution were well meaning and good to hear.

Years pass and young pezpunk grows to be a sexual dynamo..... wait that's not right...... deviant that's it! Needless to say, all of the health class movies, and all of my teachers, and all of the public service announcements on TV affected my decision to practice safe sex as much as the talk with my father. God knows I didn't want to have ANOTHER sex talk with him, so you better believe I practice safe sex!

[pezpunk]

Originally posted by pezpunk
Needless to say, all of the health class movies, and all of my teachers, and all of the public service announcements on TV affected my decision to practice safe sex

This of course was supposed to say NONE not ALL..... last time I post while on the phone

[kunilou]

My mother was a nurse and felt more comfortable explaining the facts of life to me in clinical terms, so she took care of the basic details, far better than any textbook, I might add.

My father took care of the "lessons to be learned" with an astonishing array of false assumptions, anecdotal examples that didn't fit any other situations and cracker-barrel philosophy that was given freely and worth about as much.

Mrs. Kunilou and I have followed somewhat the same model, letting the kids get factual information from accurate sources while trying to educate them of the consequences.

That said, Bill and Monica didn't make our job any easier.

As a side note, Mrs. Kunilou drew the short straw and had to teach sex education to her adolescent class for several years running. She would come home every day astonished by the misinformation and claptrap those kids had picked up on the streets.

[Sunglasses]

My mom was so cool about sex education. I remember her sitting with my brother and me at the kitchen table, showing us a book with pictures of all the "systems" of the body and answering all of our questions, patiently. I remember a neighbor came to visit and was horrified when I proudly told her that I had something my brother didn't and showed her the picture of the uterus.

My children and I had our first discussion about sex when they were six and eight. We were discussing AIDS and the different ways one can be infected. When I listed sex, my eight year-old asked, "Mom, what exactly is sex?", and we were off and running. I've been very frank with them since and don't hesitate to bring up issues I feel need to be discussed. They are sixteen and eighteen now and ,even though they think they know most everything, they still ask about something, if they're confused.

[Jack Batty]

_{This may go over like a booger on a birthday cake, but ...}

From the movie Outside Providence:
"Sex is like Chinese dinner. It ain't over 'til you both get your cookies."

[Venkman]

My parents never really had any kind of talk with me. I grew up on a working farm so I knew the mechanical aspects of sex at a very early age (in fact, I can't remember ever NOT knowing the basics), and understood birth control long before I had occassion to put it into practice, but for the emotional aspect I was left on my own.

It worked out OK, I'm not dysfunctional or anything, but if/when I have kids of my own there will definitely be more discussion on this topic!

[Rally Vincent]

I have also already explained how babies are made and what intercourse is to my 7 year old son - because he was asking questions. His reaction when he heard exactly what one does (the intercourse part) was "ew....that's disgusting." I explained that it was natural to feel that way now, and one day he would feel differently.

I think it's really important to give kids straightforward information about sex and I applaud all those doing so.

People forget that it's the curiosity that leads to the problems, not the knowledge.

[bobo]

I guess I learned the 'mechanics' of it from the worthless day long class the public schools made us sit through about 4th or 5th grade, well that and general dirty minded boys talking...

as for the importance of good sex skills, that came from the late Sam Kinison. He had a set about the importance of being able to orally pleasure women. (note: that's more than a little cleaned up from Sam's diction). I personally feel that being able to pleasure your partner is almost as important and knowing what not to do.

just my two cents.

[Edward The Head]

I've never gotten "the talk" though my mother did tell me a couple of things when I was a teenager. I don't think I asked any questions though. hmmm... almost 28 been married for 5 years, maybe I should go and try and have the talk now! wonder what they'd think THEN. Hey dad, what's sex?

[phouka]

My mom was also a nurse and very frank about explaining terms to me when I asked. I have little or no reticense about the subject, so I asked frequently. I did miss out on a large aspect of sex education, though. While my mom made sure that I knew all the vocabulary and the medical information in excrutiating detail, she never talked about the emotional side of things and the personal decisions I would have to make. I know that she was (and still is) very modest about that part of who she is, but I really would have liked some guidance while I was still growing up. As it is, I've made some doozies of decisions and am convinced that I will do my best to draw the whole picture for my kids (when and if).

[Una Persson]

Una: "Zookeeper! That monkey is killing that other monkey!"
Zookeeper: (whispers to me)
Una: "He's doing WHAT???"

[rocking chair]

mother gave me this 4 volume set of books. i think it was called the life cycle library. she said, "here read this."

nothing from father.

ah well, there are always friends, co workers, books, and above all the sdmb.

[Zenster]

I apologize in advance for not reading through the entire thread before replying.

My father was a junior high school science teacher who also taught sex education and submitted a sex-ed textbook to the California Board of Education.

Guess what? Never any serious questions about my life in general, (some haphazard and ill phrased inquiries but nothing more). Neither of my university educated parents ever asked a single important question about my love life or choice of mates.

Does this explain why I haven't talked to my parents in years?

[andygirl]

My parents, very much to their credit, were always quite frank about sex with me. (And, I suppose, with my elder brother.) I don't specifically remember the "where babies come from" conversation, but I was quite young. My mom was very good about the whole menustration conversation. I remember I got these pamphlets about sex and menustration that were geared towards young children.

Possibly one of the biggest wrenches I ever threw at my father was the, "Daddy, what's a boner?" conversation. I think I was eight.

[lawoot]

What? Parents are supposed to talk about sex with their kids?!!?!?!?!!

My father took me aside on the day of my first date, and basically said to use a rubber, if it comes (sorry, no pun intended) to that. That was the ONLY sexual talk I ever had with my parents.

[Biggirl]

Sex talk in my house.

Age 2. Son: Mommy, Ebs's penis is broken! (no cutsie names in my house)
Me: She doesn't have a penis. She's a girl. She has a vagina.
Son: Oh.


Age 7. Daughter (watching PBS special called, I think, The Miracle of Life) Ugh! You stick the penis in the vagina? Ugh!
Me:Most people really enjoy it.
Son: Yeah, people like "doin it". Mommy and Daddy do it. Right?
Me:And we really enjoy it.


Age 9 Daughter: How can that be? Her parents aren't married.
Me:(a little shocked that my daughter had this, ahem, misconception) You don't have to be married to have a baby. All you need is a sperm and an egg.
Daughter:Don't you need to have sex for the sperm and the egg to meet?
Me: That's the usual way. But you don't have to be married to have sex.
Daughter:Oh.

My point? There was never any "let's sit down and have a talk" in my house. There is, what I hope, open communication. There is no need to go through a clinical explanation of the sexual act when a 5 year old asks "What's a blowjob?" I think that sometimes parents get flustered when talking about sex to young children. The secret is to answer the question asked as frankly as you can with consideration for the child's age. (My answer was "When someone kisses your penis.")

My kids are 14 now and the hormones are starting to kick in. You can't stop your children from having sex. They all do it eventually. But you can give them the information they need to make informed choices.

[TiffTZell]

My parents told me about sex when i was young, so young infact i can't remember, but they always made sure i knew what it was. But My first sexual experience did not go so smoothly, i knew what we were supposed to be doing but he hit my belly button, I laughed, and that moment was over, Mom and Dad never the emotional side aside of that if felt good. they also never explained that a guy could lose his umph if you laugh :O But thanks to that experience with my boyfriend it left me a virgin till met the man i married so i guess Mom and dad got their way after all

[FallenAngel]

I actually got 2 sex talks from my dad.

Talk #1, at age 14 (after I'd been sexually active for just under a year.)

"Um, er, son, you're getting to the age where you're, uh, going to have some, er uh, questions about girls and, um, that kind of thing. If you do, just ask."

Talk #2, age 17, as we're packing the car for me to leave for college:

"Got your coffee pot?"
Me: "Yeah."
"Got all your pens and your typewriter and stuff?"
Me: "Uh huh"
"Got your rubbers?"
Me (somewhat surprised): "Yeah."
"Well, for gods' sakes use them if you're going to be doing any of that kind of stuff."

[flodnak]

My mom's version of The Talk: "Here, I've signed the permission slip you brought home. Be sure to take it back tomorrow. The school nurse is going to show the fifth-grade girls a film and talk with you about what's happening to your bodies. I want you to see the film and pay attention, because it's very important."

To Mom's credit, at least she signed the slip and encouraged me to read the booklet that was sent home. Some girls had to sit in the classroom because their parents refused to sign

I don't even remember when we started talking about bodies and where babies come from with flodjunior. He knows at least as much at 7 as I did when I graduated from high school. (Actually, I thought I knew much more, but a lot of it was wrong!)

[MrVisible]

My mom, I think, did her best as a single parent. Which consisted of kind of "offering" to have the talk if I ever needed it. As a shy adolescent, with a lot of questions about sexuality in general, of course I eagerly said "Um, sure, sometime." And rushed off, relieved to have gotten out of that particular awkwardness.

I do have a question for the parents out there though. When you give the sex talk, or the ongoing discussion (which, by the way, sounds so sane as to be surreal), do you mention homosexuality at all? It would've done me a world of good as a kid to hear that some people grow up to like other people of the same gender. And that it was okay.

A final note. Be careful what you say during these talks. They do have lasting repercussions. I have a friend in the northeast whose parents sat him down, and went through the whole "Where do babies come from" talk in careful, considerate detail. With one hitch. When asked "What does an orgasm feel like?", his dad replied, "It's kind of like a sneeze."

To this day, he sneezes whenever he comes.

[delphica]

In retrospect, I have a lot of admiration for my mother. She was raised in a very uptight household, and she was determined to be straightfoward with her kids on the subject of sex.

Unfortunately, she didn't have much of an idea of how to go about it. When we would ask a question like "Why do we set the clocks back in the fall?" we got a fairly simple, nonchalant answer that was age appropriate. If we asked "How does a baby come out of the mother?" we had to sit around and wait for her to assemble 25 books and present a little lecture that started off with a diagram of sperm production. In her zeal for making sure we understood the biological functions of the sex organs, she completely overlooked any discussion of the things that led up to intercourse. Thanks to this, I had the vague impression that sex was neither fun, nor gross, but mostly boring. I wondered if adults got tired of hauling out all those biology books every time they wanted to have sex. "Hey baby, how about we have some sexual intercourse?" "Oh, no thank you, dear. I really don't feel like getting that carton of books out of the garage."

Once, some student had spray painted the F word on the side of the high school (which was a huge deal in our skippy little suburb in the 1970s) and I asked my mom about it. She then happily presented her lecture on sex, when what I was really after was some explanation of why a kid would write on the wall when it was obviously not allowed.

Poor Mom. She tried so hard. By the time we were in junior high, we would just scream "forget it!" and cruise out the door if she tried to talk about sex.

[Lsura]

Ummm...I'm 27, and have never had a sex talk with my parents. Never had a period talk with my mother either. Most of what I learned, I picked up from books, friends, and boyfriends.

This meant that I was very confused about sex for a long time-yeah, I knew that's how you got pregnant, but the mechanics of it were beyond me. And sex ed in school? Nope, Catholic school-we're not having any of that information given to our students.

I wish they had been more open about it, especially about the emotional aspects, because then I don't think I would have this tendency to jump into bed with a guy so quickly.

It's also made me certain that if I ever have children, I will be upfront with them about sex, and work to make sure they feel they can ask any questions at all.

[tiggeril]

Originally posted by flodnak
To Mom's credit, at least she signed the slip and encouraged me to read the booklet that was sent home. Some girls had to sit in the classroom because their parents refused to sign

6th grade: the SEX ED day had arrived. The boys were thrown out of the room while the girls watched their video and got their lecture.

I had to go with them. You have no idea just how humiliating that was. I stil cringe to think about it. My parents like to think that sex doesn't exist. I like to think I was an immaculate conception . That being said, I got most of my knowledge from books (clinical books our school had in the library). The emotional aspects I'm still working on.

[racinchikki]

My parents never told me about it. I saw the "sex ed" video with my class. Found out the basic idea from TV. Got some details from my sister (7 years older).

[Welfy]

I don't think my mom ever had a talk with me about sex, but at the same time it doesn't bother me. Sure, she didn't talk about menstruation with me until one day when I was a young welf, running to her and crying, "Mom, I'm bleeding!! I'm going to die!" (note: Don't worry, I knew what it was from videos at school) I learned most of what I know now from my older girl cousins who I spent a lot of time with. Sure, a lot of their information was probably wrong, and they both are young single mothers now, so look what good it did for them. I also learned a lot from those nature shows (LOL Una, I think I said something along those same lines when I was younger)...and the Straight Dope Message Board. There's also this guy from the old SDMB who I email with questions every once in a while; I've done this for years and he gives good answers. Sort of like going to my dad but without the awkwardness (ex. If I talked about sex my parents would probably assume I've been doing it).

I don't think Mom worries about me though. She knows my views on sex, that I'm the type that would wait for marriage. When telling my mom about my good friend who became pregnant, I said, "I wouldn't do that, she's in a big mess now" (I'm not bashing any Dopers who have sex out of marriage; my friend herself has said that it's a big mess and she wishes that she hadn't listened to that guy she was with). Now, as for the other stuff...well, what Mom doesn't know won't hurt her.

[Polycarp]

This doesn't -- quite -- fit the OP question, but it's one of my favorite anecdotes, so I'm going to post it here anyway.

Our former ward married and fathered three kids, and we remain close to the entire family. The middle child is a boy, Brandon, who was five at the time of the story -- he just turned six last month. He was staying with his grandma on a visit, and we'd stopped in for the evening for coffee and cards -- as it turned out, just at the end of dinnertime.

So there were about five of us plus Brandon sitting around the table, with coffee and cigarettes, Brandon dawdling over the last of his dinner. And the small kitchen TV at their house was carrying the news.

A story comes on which makes reference to sex. Brandon pipes up, "I know what sex is." Five adults freeze and turn to look at him.

His grandmother says, "Okay, tell us about what sex is." He answers, "That's when two people take off all their clothes and then kiss."

Sighs of relief all around the table.

But you know, for age five that's a pretty good definition!

[Jman]

My dad sat me down and said "Any questions?" I said, "No." He said "Glad we had this discussion." I'd already had 5th grade sex ed, so I of course thought I knew all about it. It didn't really matter since my parents and I had a great relationship. We could talk to each other about everything, so when I started dating heavily, if I had any questions, not really about sex, but about relationships, dating, other activities, I could be frank with them and get answers.

Jman

[andygirl]

Originally posted by mrvisible

I do have a question for the parents out there though. When you give the sex talk, or the ongoing discussion (which, by the way, sounds so sane as to be surreal), do you mention homosexuality at all? It would've done me a world of good as a kid to hear that some people grow up to like other people of the same gender. And that it was okay.

Mine did. For better or for worse, they did. I think part of it was that our neighbors for quite some time were gay men.

Plus, I was very curious about homosexuality. Funny, that...

For all of their openness in the past, mom and dad don't want to talk about sex directly with me anymore. I know they've figured it out, but it's just a little odd sometimes. Like when I came home for the holidays and they deliberately left me and quietgirl to our own devices for hours at at time.

[Baker]

My parents never really talked to me about sex. Mom was a nurse and explained about periods, and that they meant I could now have children. In sixth grade we had "the films" in class. Boys had their in one room, girls had theirs in another. I learned about the sperm and the egg, but nobody said HOW they got together. Finally, in seventh-grade girl's Phys. Ed. we had a week long sex-ed class. In a book there was a very technical description of intercourse and its biological mechanics. As soon as I visualized what it meant my first thought was about my parents. You know "OH my God, my parents did THAT?" Then I had one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I RAISED MY HAND AND ASKED THE INSTRUCTOR ABOUT IT! Have YOU ever had a whole roomful of junior high girls laughing at YOU? They probably didn't know a lot more than I did really, but they still laughed. And to make matters worse, the instructor was embarrassed. She got all red in the face and told me to talk to her about it after class!

[Freudian Slit]

Well i have a great relationship with my parents and all that, but not about sex. I mean, they've never even broached the subject, and i'm pretty glad.

I learned about the mechanics, in sixth grade science. Not separately, just all together. And I learned about menstruation- not to mention nocturnal emissions and erections (yeah tramuatic childhood!) in fifth grade when we had "that talk." (Girls and guys separate though for that one.)

I didn't learn how it HAPPENED until i was in 7th grade when I looked it up in the dictionary. I knew about the boring stuff, the sperm and the egg sure. They sort of spell it out for you...i mean how else can the sperm and egg "come together" without the penis entering the vagina. Maybe on some level I knew, but until it was actually spelled out for me, I never knew. And I was kind of creeped out at first. Not so bad, though. It never even ocurred to me to ask my parents, though. My parents are great, but it would feel weird having them talk to me about sex. And what with TV and the internet, I know pretty much a lot. There's some stuff I don't know, but I mean, you have to be surprised a little when the big moment comes.

(Though sometimes I wonder if knowing all this stuff is necessary...I think I'm going to die a virgin. )

I don't know how i'd do it if i had kids, which I doubt I will... i'd probably just rent Look Who's Talking...or perhaps Saving Ryan's Privates for them. Why waste time bonding with your kids when porno can do it all for you? Kidding of course. Anyway, that's all...

[Hamadryad]

My parents were divorced when I was so young I can barely remember them being together, and I lived with my mom until I was 11. This is relevant.

My mom was very casual about sex. We never had the "sex talk," but our bathroom reading was "Everything you always wanted...etc." and back issues of National Lampoon, and she told us that if we ever wanetd to know anything, just ask - and we knew she was honestly just willing to give information. I don't recall a time at which I haven't understood what sex is, honestly.

When I was 10 a friend arrived from another state to visit for a few days. He got to our house in the middle of the night, after my sister and I had gone to sleep.
At around 6:00 in the morning, I heard strange noises; my mom making sounds and some squeaking. I was concerned, but a light dawned, and I went into my sister's room. She was awake too. I sat on the edge of her bed and said, "Are they..." and she got a sort of disgusted look on her face and nodded (she was 14). Disgusted only because at 14, the last thing you want to think about is your mom having sex.

I moved in with my dad when I was 11. He has never - ever - said a word to me about sex one way or the other. Nothing. Nada. I am fortunate that I arrived at his house fully equipped with knowledge, because otherwise I'd've quite literally been screwed, I'm sure. The day my period started for the first time I knew exactly what was happening, but was mortified at having to ask my dad to buy me pads. I went through two years of not wearing a bra when I *really* needed one because I was embarassed to tell him that I needed one...and he didn't notice, anyhow.

When my kids ask me questions, I just answer them as matter-of-factly as I answer any other questions. They understand that when I have my period, I bleed from my vulva (hey, they're little kids...it's generic), it doesn't hurt, yes, it will happen to Frankie when she gets older and no, it won't hurt her either. It just exists, like sneezing and farting and any other normal biological function. Why *should* it be any other way?

I played guru to quite a few people in high school and college as well, because I would answer questions like, from a female friend, "Why do girls like to give blowjobs?" without laughing at them.

[Eo Echo]

My parents never broached the subject with me. Not once ever. They never even attempted it. Most of what I learned about sex as a kid and adolescent I learned in school, either in class (from teachers) or out of class (with girls possessed of more knowledge than I). Now I'm conducting field research.

[whiterabbit]

I don't remember if Mom ever started a conversation on the subject, but by the time I was nine I knew a fair bit, and if I had questions she was willing to answer them. When I was about six I remember getting into her tampons one day; I had no idea what they were for, and dismantled a few of them, when she found me and told me she'd tell me what they were for when I was a bit older.

Though I don't have kids, I did have the fun of explaining menstruation to my eight- or nine-year old brother when we were sharing a bathroom and he noticed. I didn't tell him all the ins and outs, but I did give him a basic explanation. He didn't seem too impressed. But I wasn't about to perpetuate ignorance, and however embarassed I was (hey, I was a teenager, everything embarassed me) I knew that he was worried about me what with the blood and all. Sweet kid, really.

[Freudian Slit]

Originally posted by Hamadryad
]]Disgusted only because at 14, the last thing you want to think about is your mom having sex.
...
When my kids ask me questions, I just answer them as matter-of-factly as I answer any other questions. They understand that when I have my period, I bleed from my vulva (hey, they're little kids...it's generic), it doesn't hurt, yes, it will happen to Frankie when she gets older and no, it won't hurt her either. It just exists, like sneezing and farting and any other normal biological function. Why *should* it be any other way?

Ham: This is true at any age.

Getting your period doesn't hurt? Come on...there is a little thing called PMS. I think that qualifies as excruciating pain.

[TroubleAgain]

My parents were very open with me. I don't quite remember a time when I didn't know what sex was about at some level. I do remember two things that stick out, though.

1. In third grade, a girl in my class telling me that her dad was in jail for rape. "He didn't really do it, though, he never really put it in." So I got home and asked my mom what rape was. She said something like "You know what sex is, right? Well, rape is when a man forces a woman to have sex." And the conversation went on from there.

2. Listening ot the radio (at about the same age) when "House of the Rising Sun" came on. I asked mom what the words meant. She asked me if I'd ever heard the word prostitute. I said no. She said "A prostitute is someone who has sex for money." The conversation went on from there, again.

As far as the details, I got a lot of them from conversations with mom and even dad, and a lot from reading books. The 'rents also talked about moral and emotional issues regarding sex, with a big emphasis on abstinance and waiting for the right person and the right time, which I did.

[Tzel]

Early "talk" on why co-ed wrestling is bad.

Dad: Do you know how a man gets a woman pregnant?
Me: How?
Dad: They touch. In wrestling, they touch all the time. That's why men and women shouldn't wrestle.


Early "talk" about why I shouldn't say "sucks"

Dad: Don't say that. "Sucks" means what queers do. They either suck on the penis. Do you know what that is. (Of fucking course I did) You know, your peepee. Or they suck on poop.


Later "talk" after my mom caught me reading a sexually oriented discussion room on the internet (a rather intellectually slanted one at that.) I was about 11 or 12 I think. Here are some excerpts.

Dad: some people grab their penis and go like this (imitating masturbating) until it shoots out the top. That's stupid.

Dad: Every time you masturbate or do anything with someone before you're married, you're weakening the relationship with your future wife.


So no, I didn't get a very good sex education curriculum from my parents and definitely not from my fundamentalist Christian school. My carnal knowledge came from the internet.

[Biggirl]

Tzel, your dad sounds like Homer Simpson. Did he really say those things? I hope the Internet was a little more enlightening.

[GuanoLad]

I know lots. I've always known lots. I don't know where I got it from, lots of places from all over, but from about age eleven onwards, most of what I managed to figure out turned out to be pretty much true.

Shame I haven't had a chance to actually utilise any of it.

[silent_rob]

I've known a lot since a very young age, actually. How young...well, pretty damn young. I wasn't ever really restricted in what movies I watched, for instance. Didn't matter if they were rated "R", or not. Not to say that my parents didn't care. They just didn't seem to think that they needed to censor for me (I was a very smart kid).
I actually never had a "talk" of any kind. But, I knew what was what well before the Sex Ed class. Could have been the movies, could have been listening to/watching stand-up comics (I was maybe 4 when I saw Eddie Murphy's Delirious, and was already a big fan of George Carlin), and it could have been stumbling onto my dad's porno collection.

[Dolores Reborn]

My mom was pretty straightforward with me about the mechanics. Actually, she was one of the few moms in the neighborhood that would talk about such things. I remember my friend from next door would ask her lots of questions. With my son, I've never had "the talk", I just answered questions as they have come up. His dad is also very approachable, maybe too much sometimes! But my son knows just about everything about everything, now.

[Kilvert's Pagan]

We explained the basics to our daughter last year, when she was three. We might have waited a little longer, but my wife was pregnant and we wanted to be honest about it. There are books out there which help keep it at that age group's level.

Sadly, having done that, it was all that much harder to explain the subsequent miscarriage.

[Persephone]

I don't remember ever actually sitting down and having "the talk" with my parents, but I do remember them answering my questions quite honestly. I also remember them getting a book for me, and allowing me to take all the sex-ed classes that were offered.

Now that I'm a parent, though, I'm not quite sure how to proceed. A question to the parents out there that have already discussed sex with your kids: In your opinion, which is better--sitting them down and having a talk with them, or not actually having "the talk," but letting them know that you will answer any questions that they might have?

I firmly believe that when it comes to children and matters sexual, knowledge is power. The more they know about their own bodies, the easier it is for them to make the right choices. I'm just not quite sure how to go about getting her the information. She's three now, so I'm sure that quite soon, the questioning will begin.

[Kilvert's Pagan]

Persephone, I don't know that waiting for questions from the kid is the answer... because they may wait to formulate the questions from information they get from their friends, and now you're in competition with their peers as a data source. They're going to have questions anyway, so you had might as well give them an informed basis for the subsequent questions while you still can. This is all, of course, IMHO.

[Biggirl]

I dunno. Talking about sex just came naturally. Like the "broken penis" episode. And when my son discovered his penis at age 2 and played with it whereever he went. I finally told him it was his penis to do with what he wished, but nobody wanted to see him do it.

And to all the people who don't remember any talks with their parents: Yesterday me and the kids were talking about "talking about sex" (this thread had a lot to do with the conversation) and they both said that I and their father never explained the mechanics of the act.

I reminded them of the PBS special and the animated and prolonged conversations that show started. Both of my children said things to the effect of:

"Oh, yuck! I completely blocked that from my memory!"
and
"Didja have to remind me? No more mechanics from you, Mom!"

So you guys who don't remember speaking on the subject with your parents, perhaps if you looked deeper into the things you'd rather forget. . .