Yesterday, I had a conversation with my aunt, who is the proud parent of a first-grader. The conversation got around to the fact that Olivia doesn’t yet know anything about sex. She has a little brother, so she’s aware of the anatomical differences between boys and girls, and she knows what the parts are called, but she doesn’t really know much more than that. I am of the opinion that children should probably know the basics by the end of first grade. As I recall, in second and third grade it was a big hoot to look up the word “sex” in the encyclopedia. At least we weren’t getting the information from other kids, but still. My aunt has friends whose 3rd and 4th grade children still haven’t been told about the birds and the bees. Trust me, they probably know, and what they do know most likely full of a bunch of misinformation.
So, to the survey part of my post. How old were you when you found out about sex? Who told you, and how did they tell you? How did you (or do you plan to) tell your own children? How old were they when you told them?
Oh! Sex!
Nobody told me a thing, except maybe here and there from some friends, who didn’t know much more than me.
I ( ashamed ) haven’t told my kids much.
I guess it’s called ignorance.
Or denial.
Or stupidity.
I was babysitting a 7 year old girl, who told me when she gets older, she is going to marry this one boy she likes.
I asked if she was going to have children.
She said they would adopt.
'Cause if she wanted to have a kid of her own, she would have to have S-E-X ( she spelled it, instead of saying the word! )
and said she didn’t want to have that.
All I really remember about learning about sex as a kid was that it was very taboo. My parents were busy with all the other kids in my family and I NEVER got the talk. They should have given me the gift of that information.
Now I have three kids. Believe me, when I got pregnant with my second I went to the library and got books to read with my son. He was very apathetic. But he knew the facts.
When I was pregnant with my third, I did the same thing and my son and daughter were interested and had loads of great questions. They were with me through my whole pregnancy–my daughter watched the little videotape the doctor gave me and she is well-informed. My youngest has picked things up from outside the home–I educate him when he’s got something wrong.
I have wonderful talks with my eleven-year-old and he’s very open and, although confused, aware that his mom and dad are there for him and his questions. All my kids know that sex is natural and healthy and that when they begin to notice the changes happening in their bodies they have me to come to. (no pun intended)
I don’t want them to feel like I did. I can still remember my mom saying, “I’ll tell you about it later.” She never did. She’s a wonderful mom and I don’t blame her, but it would have been nice to know.
Oh boy, do I remeber the day I had ‘The Talk’ with my children. I talked with them separately, first my oldest, who was 9 at the time, then very very briefly with my youngest, who was 5 at the time, merely because I knew he was gonna get the goods from his brother.
I basically explained the differences between the sexes, which he already knew, I explained loving relationships, I explained conception and pregnancy and childbirth. I admit I used some reference material. The old stand-by “Where Did I Come From?” worked great. I asked my son if he had any questions, he did not. I left a book(we skimmed through it together first) on his bookshelf- “The What’s Happening To My Body Book For Boys” and told him to look through it whenever he liked. Since that talk 4 years ago, I have seen that book at the foot of his bed several times.
Now my youngest is 9, the time has come for the talk with him, I’m not as nervous about it as I was that first time around.
Hmmm, well, I was pretty young. I would say…shit, I was probably around 5. I remember watching some horror movies with sex in it, and not being surprised.
Uhhhh, no one really told me. I learned it from movies, and Playboy and other magazines found at my friend’s houses. And since they didn’t tell me, there wasn’t a way that they told me.
No kids yet. I’m not sure. I don’t want to make it a lecture, I want to explain how love is a beautiful thing, and I want to stress protection. Maybe at 12 or 13. Kids are getting exposed to sex at a very early age, it seems, so I don’t want them to be shocked when they are.
Maybe at 12 or 13. Umm, I was having at 15, that’s kind of a late start. I think anywhere from 5-9, depending on the child, is a good age to start.
Oh, and nobody told me about sex, either. I picked it up from all the Hustler’s and stuff my Dad ;eft around the house, I was probably about 6 or 7, possibly younger. I got the more informative education in Sex Ed class at school, I was 10.
Growing up in a very religious household, and moving often enough that I did not develope close friendships, I was completely clueless until the Sex Ed class in 6th grade. Really. It had never even occurred to me to wonder about it, in spite of my mom’s pregnancy a couple years before. Babies just “happened”. Needles to say, Sex Ed class was a big, big shock to me, but it came not a moment too soon, since I hit puberty a couple months later, and probably would have though I was dying if I hadn’t had the class. I remember being really pissed off at my older sister for not telling me what to expect, although she made up for it by teaching me how to shave my legs.
My parents are big on the knowledge is power thing, so they always were completely level with me and my brother about sex. They kept it age appropriate, though… only gave the bare details before I hit puberty. When that came around- I was 9- mom sat down with afew books dealing with the subject. They were… schmaltzy, but I got the info. And they always completely and honestly answered any questions I had.
As opposed to some of the kids who I went to health class with, who didn’t know the basics of birth control.
How old were you when you found out about sex?
Who told you, and how did they tell you?
My best friend told me. Her sister had told her, and used correct anatomical terms and accurate information. Thank God. My dad also attempted when I was 12. He left me a pamphlet in my room and mumbled something about reading it. Luckily, my friend had already told me, as I had already been menstruating for 6 months.
How did you (or do you plan to) tell your own children?
How old were they when you told them?
I have four kids. I told each of the older ones as my pregnancies unfolded. My youngest son could draw a uterus at the age of 4. I find that when kids are younger, they are less shocked by the facts, and more apt to ask questions. When they are older, they get all embarrassed, and mumble, and don’t want to talk about it. By the ages of 5 and 8, both of my boys knew that sex was something that you should only do when you’re in love, and that it’s not as special as when you’re not, that it’s something that feels good, but shouldn’t be done casually. We’ve also discussed birth control and STD’s. Not so much in technical terms, but just that there are things out there that you can get just by having sex. That some kids do become parents at the age of 12. And if they have questions about things they hear at school, to ask us, because we never lie to them.
I’ve just been open and honest about the whole thing since day one. I don’t find that sex is anything to be embarrassed about, or something that’s dirty and needs to be hidden. It’s a simple fact of life, and how we all (or most of us) got here.
I’d much rather that they hear it from me, rather than the kids on the playground telling them about the Austin Powers movies. I hear a lot of 6 and 7 year olds joke about sex, just by sitting quietly, and listening when they don’t think I am.
Yeah, I guess 12 is kind of late. Especially when seeing kids getting pregnant at 12. 7 or 8 sounds okay. Any younger, and I don’t think I could do it. I know it’s important, but it’d be hard to convince a kid whose in grade 1 about the birds and the bees, and the different importances of it. Maybe I’m just a little more conservative than I thought. Though, I would have no problem with someone else doing this. I guess it would depend on my children. If they were ready, what was happening in their life, their friends, and all of that kinds of stuff.
I dont have children, but I suspect that having “The Talk” and letting it go at that is probably ineffective. I think that if you dribble a little more information to kids every few months, and answer questions in a straight forward, no blushes way when they ask them they will end up with a better understanding over all and will never be shocked speachless.
My parents never talked to us to much about sex when we were children, aside from asking if we had any questions, but they did do one thing that I think helped my attitudes towards sex enourmosly–they have a wonderful sex life themselves. They are very affectionalte, although not embarresingly so–Dad grabs Mom’s ass alot, and the kiss and hug all the time. From the time my youngest sister was old enough to get her own cereal, we understood that their door was locked on Saterday mornings, and they they were usually prety dismissive and distracted if we knocked on the door looking for entertainment. The fact that my parents so obviously enjoyed having sex together and that it was obviously an important part of an overall healthy relationship kept me from developing any weird ideas about sex being dirty. The only thing I remember my mother telling me explicitly was that sex, when it was with someone you loved, was like really good snuggling. I was 9-10, and this was perfect because it was in terms I could really understand. It was some years later that I found out good sex is like ATHLETIC snuggling, but I still think she was more or less right.
To answer the OP, in the third grade I had a sudden ephipany that there was something going on in the bedroom, called sex, that I would be expected to do as an adult, and the idea terrified me. I have no idea where I got the information that led to that ephipany.
I was in my late teens when I found out about sex, and it was from friends. My mom handed me a booklet when I started having my periods (around 11) that explained anatomcially what was happening to my body, but not the why.
I am the single parent of an only son, now 16. “the talk” was really a series of talks, since different information was appropriate at different times. when he was like 2 or 3 he wanted to know where babies came from, I told him there was a special part of the mommy where the baby grew, and a piece of the mom and a piece of the dad grew to be the baby. that was fine for then. later on, he asked more questions, and I answered them. then, came the day when he asked how the piece of the daddy GOT into the mommy. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to know (he was about 8 at the time) he assured me he did. So I told him. His reply? "aw… gross mom… ewe… " then… “Do you think my DAD does that???”
I have no idea how I learned about the birds and the bees and puberty. Dumb luck, I guess.
In 5th grade, we had sex education, but we “gifted & talented” students were instead sent off to learn about electronics. I think that sums up most of my childhood pretty well.
Puberty hit me in 6th grade, and I had no clue what was going on. I still remember my first erection (Hey! It’s embarassing because it’s happening, and confusing because you don’t understand why! What fun!) and the first wisps of hair under my arm (nearly screamed in fright, because it looked liked a spider was crawling up my side). Most of my sex education for that year and the next were based upon porn magazines I had shoplifted and read all of the stories in. Needless to say, I had some really confused ideas about sex.
Thankfully, they did another sex ed class in 8th grade, and while the other kids were giggling and making jokes, I was listening intently because it was finally explaining things to me.
Needless to say, I highly recommend making sure that one’s children get some real sex education- through school or ‘the talk’- at 10 or 11; otherwise, that kid’s gonna be miserable when the changes start.
I’m of the “small bits of information doled out as appropriate” school. We’ve never sat down and had anything so formal as a “talk”. I have found with my children (ages 11, 8, 5 and 2) that questions about their bodies will come up naturally and the answers will lead to other questions. I always keep it very matter-of-fact, so they don’t feel embarassed. I also give only as much information as they ask for. For instance, when I was pregnant with my youngest, my then-3-year-old wanted to know how the baby was going to get out. She wasn’t really interested in how it got in there. She’s heard the “egg from mommy and seed from daddy” part, but hasn’t yet asked how they get together. A lot of this information is hard to process, and I think it is beneficial to take your time. Also, it thus becomes an ongoing discussion, with the assumption of future questions, which I hope will encourage them to feel comfortable asking as they get older.
The “What’s Happening to My Body” books are great. Since my oldest is approaching puberty I have given her a number of books (“The Period Book” is good) that offer information in a very casual, informative way. When she went off to camp this summer I did sit her down and remind her that, as she was approaching her 11th birthday, she might start her period soon, and I wondered if she had any questions. We talked briefly about what she would do and who she would go to (camp nurse? counselor?) but she was quite confident that she had it under control. So the one time I tried to have a “talk” I found I didn’t need to.
Don’t! My mom got her period when she was 9. She did not know what it was and it scared her. Some poor girls get it younger.
I don’t see why you should hesitated to explain the facts to young kids. All the better to expalin it to them before they are in the hormone fog of puberty.
My parents were very open about their affection for one another, but I never got “The Talk”. I just got various books which raised more questions than they answered. The closest we came was when I asked mom what a virgin was (hey, I went to church). She answered, “A woman who’s never been chased by a man.” Yeah, right. Even at age seven I didn’t believe her.
We still don’t talk about sex. My mother has no idea that I wasn’t a virgin when I got married. It’s not that either of us is uptight, we just never got into the habit. When I have kids, everything’s going to be upfront, but our bedroom will not share a wall with the kids’.
