Would: “… thus breaking his own world record.”
Would not: “Having finally been excreted, his body…”
For instance.
Would: “He will be missed…”
Would not: “…unlike the last thirty-seven times he was shot at.”
Would: “…of sexual exhaustion after a three day…”
Would not: “… was difficult to identify after the mob’s savage…”
Wouldn’t:
“…condemned by the horrified Nazi government…”
“…stake through the heart, ‘just in case’…”
“…head not found, presumably taken for a trophy…”
“…should’ve known not to eat a live…”
“…testicles ignited after…”
Wouldn’t:
“…her smoke alarm had a snooze button and one night…”
Wouldn’t: “Crowds of protesters…”
Would: “…was chased by a mob of topless women…”
Would not: “… off of a cliff.”
Would not: estimated to be dead for a month before her body
Would not:
“… stunned onlookers…”
“…the enraged gorilla then proceeded to…”
“…a 15 year veteran paramedic vomitted at the sight.”
“…his genitals were later found…”
ETA: “…the coroner had to use a spatula to…”
Wouldn’t:
“…cleansed with fire…”
“…sealed in containment vessel…”
“…scene of Lovecraftian horror…”
“…doomed all mankind…”
Would - “at age 78, shot by a jealous husband over a 23 year old redhead”
Would not - “has departed this world on the wings of eagles”
Would not want:
“…his mummified body…”
“…skin had merged with the…”
“…unable to locate all of his body…”
“…the resulting lawsuits are ongoing…”
“…bells rang and celebrating…”
Would - “After a long and highly distinguished career…”
Would not - “An unidentified man, approximately 50 years of age…”
Would not: “…passed three months ago (give or take)…”
“…sedated the bobcat…”
Would: “…distributed his fortune…”
peperony and chease
Would want:
“suddenly”
“in his sleep”
Would not want:
“after a long, long, illness”
“parasite previously unknown to medical science”
“wandered naked”
“the skunk’s brain was sent for testing”
. . . found on the grassy berm of I-271 . . .
Wouldn’t[ul]
[li]"…just a strike away from his first 300-game…"[/li][li]"…after an agonizingly long plummet from a plane at 40,000 feet…"[/li][li]"…swarmed by poisonous cockroaches…"[/li][/ul]
Would[ul]
[li]"…succumbed to his wounds after single-handedly dismantling the Taliban with a samurai sword…"[/li][li]"…having been the greatest philanthropist the world has known…"[/li][li]"…after a decades-long, happy marriage with the love of his life…"[/li][/ul]
This one could go either way:
… found beneath a mountain of chocolate truffles…
Would not:
“…traumatized pathologist…”
“…syndrome named after him…”
“…blood splattered bystanders…”
“…liquefied internal organs…”
“…uniquely painful…”
“…seen someone turned inside out…”