Most of my Facebook friends are a few steps above knuckle-dragging cretins, so it pains me when one of them puts something horrifyingly stupid in their status updates. But on the other hand, Horrifyingly Stupid does have some entertainment value.
Today I saw one that amuses me every time I see it.
Connie got her staples out today.
Add some of yours.
[My facebook friend] just fixed the toilet in her hotel room rather than call the front desk because she didn’t want anyone looking at her poo.
For some reason a fair chunk of my Facebook friends have become born-agains. Not sure why this is happening but if I see one more “Jesus is my savior!” post, I’m going to puke.
I’m sick of it too. I’m not sure why they think Facebook is an appropriate venue for proselytizing.
Here’s one I got the other day:
Because he loves me, says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. "Psalm 91:14
Um, yeah, and I’m having a bad hair day.
Ellen I don’t think Jesus delivers from bad hair days cause if he did the coifs in church would be better. 
I set up my Facebook account because my rec league baseball team started sending out schedules and updates that way. Somewhere along the line I got someone in my friend’s list from one of the other teams, I don’t really know the guy. One day the status update was: “Do you love Jesus?”
My commented reply was: “Well, he has a kissable face, but he’s too scrawny. I like a guy with a more muscular butt.”
The guy disappeared from my friends list! 
A number of my friends periodically “like” the inane groups that make obvious statements. The latest one is something like “Mess with me and that’s OK, harm my kids and I’ll bury you” or something stupid like that. Which is good to know, because most parents are cool with people hurting their kids. Maybe I’ll start an “I enjoy breathing oxygen” group and see how many people will “like” it.
I don’t think that’s proselytizing if it’s their own status update.
If they post that message on to YOUR wall, that’s proselytizing.
The ones I really hate are the the updates that are an attempt to guilt you into posting something. “If your mother was an inspiration to you, repost this message.” Sorry , Machete don’t repost
Nothing too egregious, but occasionally I see updates of such astonishing mundanity that I can’t even comprehend why the person felt the need to post it.
“[Guy in the office next to me] is eating an apple.” This is worth sharing because… ???
“[Random friend] is at work.” Whoa! It’s 10:00 on a Tuesday morning, and you’re… at WORK?! NO FUCKING WAY!
etc.
It only takes a fraction of a second to read an update like this. And I still want it back.
I don’t have a Facebook account, so I have no ridiculous updates to contribute. I’m just here to applaud you for this.
One I remember was “We Eat Shit and Crap,” which raises several questions, none of great import. (What’s the difference? Which tastes better? Or are you using crap as a verb?)
I had posted this earlier, but here here are some musings from a semi-literate on my friends list.
Yeah, I hid an acquaintance from work after her last Jesus-post, which started off with “Circumcise your heart!”
WTF does that even MEAN?
If by “worst” you mean “best,” I agree. This is hilarious!
Man, I get so sick of the religious crap. (Always Christian - people of other religions must go to Myspace or somewhere to irritate their friends)
“i luv Jesus. If ur not going to hell & u love jesus 2 send this to every1 on ur list!11!”
:smack:
I’ve gotten really tired of the diatribes that go something like “Eleventy billion years ago Jesus Christ had some toast for breakfast and Mary and Joseph and how many people will have the COURAGE to say that JESUS IS MY LORD and repeat this in THEIR status update the truth is FEWER than a half of one percent will actually do it repost if you agree.”
A lot of people have been hidden with a quickness after posting that garbage.
“Thought the discovery center bomb dude was lame but turns out that he does still have hostages! Woohoo excitement! Waitin ta hear the body count. :)”
" I still can’t believe that bomber dude got killed before anything exciting happened. Lame. Guess it’s back to Law and Order episodes if I wanna see anything good…"
both from the same person.
I hate to Christian-bash. Maybe the like-minded find comfort in it. Hey — I’m even a card-carrying Catholic, but Facebook just seems the wrong venue for Jesus.
Just like it’s the wrong venue for staples and poo.
Oh I just remembered — last week my 14-year-old nephew had “I’m Pooping” as his status; this week he angrily defends that his Facebook was hacked by a merciless friend.
I just thought he was being honest; I imagine most 14-year-old boys post to Facebook on the john.
Very few other religions or philosophies have as strong requirement to actively proselytize. Some religions don’t accept converts. Others are just puralistic, like most Indian religions (e.g. Hinduism has no conversion rituals).
Maybe he was paying homage to a famous LOLcat. 
