What if you find out your daughter is a prostitute

[The Flying Dutchman]

No big deal.

Would you be disappointed.
Would you attempt to dissuade her.

I'm of the opinion that while I do not hold anything immoral against prostitution, that the entire enterprise is fraught with negative social outcomes, both for the girl, often young, and the john often married.

Poll coming.

[Mr. Accident]

Would I be disappointed? Yea, but in myself, not her. I'd definitely try to talk her out of it. I still think it should be legal for any adult to be a prostitute if they're doing so on their own free will, but since my sister started turning tricks, I haven't liked the idea of a family member being one.

[Boyo Jim]

I would try to dissuade her.

If I fail, I would try to ascertain something about the safety of her work environment, and improve it if possible. Id want to make sure she's not hooking at a street corner, at the very least,

[may_be_ignorant]

I'd straight up disown her. Keep in mind this is coming from an 18 year old non parent, and if I thought on it I probably wouldnt have such a quick negative reaction. My first thought, however, is that to get that low she must have made some seriously poor choices prior to her taking up of the new profession, and that I would probably already be unhappy with her.

[Electric Warrior]

19 year old here, not a parent. I would be extremely worried and try to get her help. With prostitution illegal in 49 states, it strikes me as something that someone would only do because they were very desperate. I know there are some sex workers who enjoy what they do, but I feel they are a small minority. Like Mr. Accident, the only person I would be disappointed in and ashamed of would be myself, for failing to see that my daughter was dealing with serious problems and didn't feel that she could turn to me.

[EvilTOJ]

I have a daughter who's 15, almost 16. My reasons for liking it or not depend on the reasons. If it's because she's a junkie and needs cash for her habit, or thinks she's worthless and thinks she can't do any better, then yes I'm against it. If it's because she knows some clientele, or thinks it's fun and an easy way to make money for now, or treats it like any other job then yes I'm for it.

[even sven]

Originally Posted by EvilTOJ

I have a daughter who's 15, almost 16. My reasons for liking it or not depend on the reasons. If it's because she's a junkie and needs cash for her habit, or thinks she's worthless and thinks she can't do any better, then yes I'm against it. If it's because she knows some clientele, or thinks it's fun and an easy way to make money for now, or treats it like any other job then yes I'm for it.

I agree with this.

[Renee]

Non-parent here. Is she a $500 an hour hooker, or a $20 blow job hooker? Different answers.

[Gatopescado]

Hell of a lot better than my son being a prostitute!

[gladtobeblazed]

I hit the wrong option. I'm a non-parent who would be extremely unhappy.

[Otara]

I'd be worried more than disappointed. Even if its all 'high class' I suspect theres a price.

Dissuading might come after listening, a whole lot would depend on where our relationship was at and how things got to that point.

Otara

[Siam Sam]

I'd demand a cut. This is just one of many reasons why I should not be a parent.

[Maiira]

I said "extremely upset," but really, it depends. If she were on the street turning tricks for her next heroin fix, I'd flip out. Not because of the prostitution itself, but because it's so dangerous. Then I'd try to help her out, pay for rehab, whatever. If it's in a more controlled environment where she's protected and gets regular health check-ups, I'd be okay with it. It'd probably be a bit squicky thinking about her having sex with strange dudes, but that'd be my problem, not hers. She is, presumably, an adult. (Though if she wasn't, then I'd flip out no matter WHERE she was working.)

It'd be about the same as finding out that my (hypothetical) son was a drug dealer. I'd be more upset about the potential threat to his safety than to the drugs themselves.

[MrDibble]

I voted "PArent, OK with it", but this presumes her being a $1000/hr courtesan who gets to choose her own clients and accompanies them to the Met and fancy restaurants before having mutually orgasmic sex on silk sheets in penthouse apartments. Basically, a Companion.

Otherwise, I'd be neutral, which wasn't a poll option. I've had friends who had sex for money, it's not necessarily bad. It's a living like any other, if you're not hung up on sex.

I might be unhappy about other things, like the decreasing possibility of her getting her PhD, the physical risks involved, but the actual sex for money thing isn't something I have a moral problem with.

[Count Blucher]

Originally Posted by Siam Sam

I'd demand a cut. This is just one of many reasons why I should not be a parent.

The Pimp Parent Hand be strong...?

[ReticulatingSplines]

Eh, she'd be doing the same thing as a college freshman churning her way through the frat circuit, only then she's giving it up for free.

[Nava]

I call my niece "the little field marshal"; Singlebro tells Marriedbro to get her into politics as soon as feasible based on how she behaves; it would seem like such a terrible waste...

My response would be similar for her brother, although I don't think his potential is as high as hers. I know my own experiences with having people try to force/coerce me into prostitution and the conversations with women who were forced into it color my notions on the subject, but I'd be suspect of anybody who claims it's "just another job". No it's not, nobody threatens with beating you or makes you have a hysterectomy to be a factory worker.

[wolf-alice]

Well, there's strata of this sort of thing, isn't there. If she's smart and safe and is making a genuine choice, I'm okay with it. If she's hooking out of desperation and in danger while she does it, I'd be horrified rather than disappointed, but I definitely wouldn't be keen.

I'm also not a parent, so I'm approximating a reaction based on imagining a close friend or relative in the same situation.

[StusBlues]

Originally Posted by MrDibble

I voted "PArent, OK with it", but this presumes her being a $1000/hr courtesan who gets to choose her own clients and accompanies them to the Met and fancy restaurants before having mutually orgasmic sex on silk sheets in penthouse apartments. Basically, a Companion.

Otherwise, I'd be neutral, which wasn't a poll option. I've had friends who had sex for money, it's not necessarily bad. It's a living like any other, if you're not hung up on sex.

I might be unhappy about other things, like the decreasing possibility of her getting her PhD, the physical risks involved, but the actual sex for money thing isn't something I have a moral problem with.

My answer has a little to do with this. If she's 19 and has just taken it up, I'd be livid and do everything in my power to stop her.

If she's 35, sober, has a happy life in general, and is just now admitting to me that she hasn't paid off her house and built up a $2 million IRA by working for the phone company over the last 14 years, I'd probably grudgingly accept it.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Non-parent who would be extremely unhappy here. And anybody were forcing my stepdaughter into this life I would see that as license for a cowardly two-by-four-to-the-back-of-the-head.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Gatopescado

Hell of a lot better than my son being a prostitute!

Yes, because women's truest purpose is to provide sexual service, whereas men are worthy of more options.

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

Yes, because women's truest purpose is to provide sexual service, whereas men are worthy of more options.

I think the implication was that he'd rather have a whore daughter than a gay son. Who knows! Maybe his response had layers.

[kopek]

In part it would depend on if we're talking $10 for a blowjob or $1000 an hour class operation but I could live with it.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Parent of three daughters. This is not a possibility for my kids, but for the sake of the hypothetical, I think it would amount to some shade or other of unhappiness depending on circumstances. The degree of danger, legality, consent and motivation would all have to be taken into account. If they were doing it to support an addiction, for instance, I would primarily be concerned about the addiction and see the prostitution as a symptom of that.

I guess my concerns would be about health, happiness and autonomy, not morality. A worst case scenario, like a classic streetwalker being pimped out to support an addiction, is obviously not a healthy or happy situation for anyone (especially not for the pimp once I found his ass). The "best case" scenario I could conceive of, I guess, would be a situation where the daughter in question was operating in a legal bordello with full security, health regimens, safe practices, no coersion or exploitation, full consent and free will, etc. In that scenario (which would still never happen, but just to humor the OP), I could probably learn to live with it, though not ecstatically so. My wife would have a much tougher time with it.

[DiosaBellissima]

I voted non parent, extremely unhappy because I assume you mean illegal prostitution. If she moved to Nevada and picked up at the Bunny Ranch, I'd be significantly less upset. Would I be happy? Na, but I wouldn't be upset at all.

[Lumpy]

As a non-parent: Depends. If she were working as an "escort", well it would be her choice. If she were turning tricks on the street to support a pimp and a drug habit, there would be an "intervention", pronto.

[gwendee]

Even in the silk sheet scenario, unless she were practicing her trade somewhere that prostitution is legal I'd be concerned for her safety and long term mental health, and disappointed in her choice. That assumes it was her choice. If she were somehow coerced then I'd be using Skald's two-by-four-to-the-back-of-the-head method.

It being illegal add a layer of concern.

I think how I found out would affect my reaction as well. That would be true if my child enlisted, too.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Originally Posted by Renee

Non-parent here. Is she a $500 an hour hooker, or a $20 blow job hooker? Different answers.

You could be describing the same hooker, depending on how hard she's willing to work...

[Kaio]

I'd be alarmed. I read/heard somewhere (and I think it's largely true), there are two kinds of women who go into prostitution -- those who really really love sex (to the exclusion of being satisfied with a relationship), and those who are re-enacting patterns of past abuse.

I, personally, wouldn't raise a child to see sex as a commodity to be bought and sold, so I'd probably be flipping my lid trying to figure out what it was that I missed when she was a kid, who hurt her, and when.

[Peeta Mellark]

Twenty-year-old male, non-parent. Unhappy.

If my daughter went into prostitution, that would indicate to me that somewhere along the way I failed her. Not because I think sex work is inherently wrong, but because in our society it's not a normal or healthy choice. It limits your options in the future and puts you at risk.

I used to scoff at the claims that sex workers usually had a background of abuse. I happily nodded my head and wanted to be open-minded and supportive of sex workers who insisted they were happy, healthy people choosing this of their own free will and were entirely safe.

Then I stopped listening to the activists and started reading and realized what a big, rosy damn lie they were painting.

From this article http://www.prostitutionresearch.com/...rauStress.html

One hundred and thirty people working as prostitutes in San Francisco were interviewed regarding the extent of violence in their lives and symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Fifty-seven percent reported that they had been sexually assaulted as children and 49% reported that they had been physically assaulted as children.

As adults in prostitution, 82% had been physically assaulted; 83% had been threatened with a weapon; 68% had been raped while working as prostitutes; and 84% reported current or past homelessness.

If my daughter became a prostitute, I failed as a father. There are better than even chances that someone sexually assaulted her as a child. Sure, she might be some high end call girl making $1000 a night and sipping champagne with (likely disease riddled) politicians, or she might be on the street getting raped and beaten and threatened with weapons. Even if she's the high end call girl, she's still at risk. Disease, assault, arrest or just having her face splashed around the tabloids after taking a particularly well-known client. It's somewhat difficult to find a normal job after something like that, I'd wager.

I wouldn't disown her. I wouldn't fly into a rage. I wouldn't feel that it was wrong for her to have a lot of sex of her choosing. But I would be unhappy and worried and want to know why she had chosen this path instead of a safer one.

[fjs1fs]

Originally Posted by even sven

I agree with this.

Wow, I can't believe nobody commented on this. Two people who are totally fine with their child being a prostitute because they think "it's fun and an easy way to make money for now. . ." You've got to be kidding me.

[Lumpy]

Originally Posted by fjs1fs

Wow, I can't believe nobody commented on this. Two people who are totally fine with their child being a prostitute because they think "it's fun and an easy way to make money for now. . ." You've got to be kidding me.

A fact of life that is not going to go away is that there is one way a reasonably attractive young woman can always make money. That's been true since Ur. So the question becomes how much money and at what personal cost? High-end prostitution is widely acknowledged as the dirty secret behind how many women afforded the expensive educations that made it possible for them to become professionals. I would never want a daughter of mine to have no other choice, but I could not fault her for choosing it as an option.

[DiosaBellissima]

Originally Posted by fjs1fs

Wow, I can't believe nobody commented on this. Two people who are totally fine with their child being a prostitute because they think "it's fun and an easy way to make money for now. . ." You've got to be kidding me.

So? There is a place in the country where prostitution is legal. If my daughter were to go there for a fun and easy way to make money, that's her choice. No harm, no foul. I also wouldn't care if said hypothetical daughter wanted to be a stripper either. Don't get me wrong, I think everyone would rather their kids use their intellect over their bodies, but as long as no harm is being done, who cares?

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Calling it "fun and easy" just sounds flippant and naive. I can't believe it's either, no matter what the level.

[DiosaBellissima]

Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic

Calling it "fun and easy" just sounds flippant and naive. I can't believe it's either, no matter what the level.

Have you ever watched the HBO docu-series Cathouse? Or had any lengthy discussions with legal prostitutes in Nevada brothels?

[Otara]

I live in Melbourne where its legal and have had conversations as part of my job.

Talking with the ones who have left it vs the ones who are still in it can give you very different stories.

Otara

[Balthisar]

Non-parent, didn't vote, don't want to skew the poll results. Would my daughter be a high-class hooker? Would she be hot? And would I be able to afford her?

O, c'mon, someone had to shit on the thread.

Seriously (really), count me as "Non-parent who would be extremely unhappy." I have no moral qualms over prostitution per se, but that's a job for worse parents' daughters, not my own daughter.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Balthisar

Non-parent, didn't vote, don't want to skew the poll results.

How can you you possibly skew the poll results when there's an option specifically for you?

[Musicat]

Depends. Is she happy? Is she making a good living? Does she have a Jewish boyfriend?

[Peeta Mellark]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

How can you you possibly skew the poll results when there's an option specifically for you?

Doesn't want to alter the beautiful poll as it stands now by voting and, thus, changing the ratio between answers. Very noble.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

Have you ever watched the HBO docu-series Cathouse? Or had any lengthy discussions with legal prostitutes in Nevada brothels?

Don't answer, Dio.... it's a trick!

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

Have you ever watched the HBO docu-series Cathouse? Or had any lengthy discussions with legal prostitutes in Nevada brothels?

What makes you think you're going to see honesty on an HBO porno show?

[Magiver]

Originally Posted by fjs1fs

Wow, I can't believe nobody commented on this. Two people who are totally fine with their child being a prostitute because they think "it's fun and an easy way to make money for now. . ." You've got to be kidding me.

That begs the question, would anyone who thinks this is OK refer their friends in support of their daughter's career?

[ZPG Zealot]

Originally Posted by EvilTOJ

I have a daughter who's 15, almost 16. My reasons for liking it or not depend on the reasons. If it's because she's a junkie and needs cash for her habit, or thinks she's worthless and thinks she can't do any better, then yes I'm against it. If it's because she knows some clientele, or thinks it's fun and an easy way to make money for now, or treats it like any other job then yes I'm for it.

Actually, I don't think this attitude is too bizarre. In fact, I sort of agree with it. Basically his or her opinion seems to be if my daughter is being exploited they are against prostitution. If the daughter is not being exploited then it's another matter. Let's face it how many young women in America are virgins on their wedding nights? A lot women in their twenties have sex. Sometimes with men they met a bar that night. The main difference between a lot of one-night stands and successful prostitution is basically a bank balance.

[Siam Sam]

Originally Posted by ZPG Zealot

Actually, I don't think this attitude is too bizarre. In fact, I sort of agree with it. Basically his or her opinion seems to be if my daughter is being exploited they are against prostitution. If the daughter is not being exploited then it's another matter. Let's face it how many young women in America are virgins on their wedding nights? A lot women in their twenties have sex. Sometimes with men they met a bar that night. The main difference between a lot of one-night stands and successful prostitution is basically a bank balance.

I didn't actually vote, because I never do in public polls. And I hesitate to comment, because I know we're talking about America and thus a very different situation. But I agree with the above, as I'm simply so used to many shopgirls and hairdressers and the like going down to lower Sukhumvit Road to turn a trick or two towards the end of the month and rent is coming due. There are many part-timers here; dunno how the part-time situation stands over there.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

How many of those girls are happy about having to do that?

[Siam Sam]

Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic

How many of those girls are happy about having to do that?

They probably would rather not, but even though I don't go with them, I'll chat with them late at night at the sidewalk bars, and they freely tell me where they work, the ones who do have a full-time job. Occasionally I'll run into one in a department store -- Bangkok's department-store girls are legendary for their beauty, and quite a few have a cash sideline going with some of the wealthier customers -- and we'll sort of grin and wink at each other over the shared secret. I've mentioned elsewhere on the Board that the wife, a government researcher, was one of the compilers of a seminal study into prostitution numbers in the 1990s, and she and her colleagues found them to be rather open. It's not quite the sordid scene found in some places in the West.

[Isamu]

Withdraw her allowance.

[AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet]

Ditto with the "if she was a junkie but if it was a different sitution......
I plan to raise my kids with a healthy attitude about sex. I wonder if a lot of women who go into prosistution may have never outgrown the jr high/high school Pink Red Sox Hat style mentality . You know, they see themselves purely as an object to please guys. With that I have to say,
there's nothing wrong per se with causal sex. Sometimes you just need to get off.
But at the same time, it just seems that there are a lot of people out there who have never outgrown the "hee hee hee. I gave Mr Football Player a blowjob!" mentality when it comes to sex.

[TokyoBayer]

My daughter is two. There would be hell to pay if anyone was having sex with her.

In another 20 years, I still would be unhappy.