The Annual "Awful Halloween Candy" Thread

[Markxxx]

With ten days till Halloween, once again it's time for the annual awful Halloween candy thread.

What candy did you get when you went out trick or treating that was awful?

You can also include anything you got. Let's say some moron gave you a toothbrush instead of candy. Or someone gave you a pamphlet about the evils of Halloween, or six cents in moldy pennies.

What candy did you HATE to get.

I hated the peanut butter candies that were wrapped in orange and black. What was that anyway? It wasn't good like real peanut butter. I also hated boxes of raisins. Nature's candy my ass

And those Necco Wafers, that despite being flavoured all tasted like dust

[h.sapiens]

Those tiny boxes that contained, like 4 whole Milk Duds.

Bit-O-Honey or any other really hard, chewy candy that made your jaw ache.

[Sattua]

Bazooka Joe chewing gum. Even as a small child with a high tolerance for sugar and artificial coloring, that stuff made my head hurt.

Also, wax lips. WTF.

[Daddypants]

Black licorice anything
Popcorn balls
Fruit - on Halloween?! Really?!

[Bosstone]

I can't look at candy corn any more without thinking of Lewis Black.

[salinqmind]

Smarties! Sweet Tarts! Smarties or Sweet Tarts made into lollipops/rings/wafers/tablets - any form of this stuff says "I am cheap and deserve to have my windows soaped"!

Whatever did we do before the 'fun-size' candy bars came along? I remember back in caveman days when getting an actual candy bar was a rare, rare event. It was always a full size candy bar, too. But it was rare! The candy bar makers really got smart when they invented the little miniature ones.

[Sigmagirl]

Originally Posted by Markxxx

I hated the peanut butter candies that were wrapped in orange and black. What was that anyway? It wasn't good like real peanut butter.

Oh, Mary Janes. I hope she's dead. And that it was painful.

[jayjay]

Don't be dissin' the Mary Janes!

[Hello Again]

Originally Posted by Sigmagirl

Oh, Mary Janes. I hope she's dead. And that it was painful.

No, Mary Janes are actually a somewhat upscale version of what Markxxx is talking about. There is this horrible generic peanut butter taffy, wrapped in orange and black wax paper wrappers, that's even worse than Mary Janes (which, regardless, have a yellow & red wrapper with line drawings).

I imagine right now you're wondering how something can be worse than Mary Janes. Trust me, "Generic Craptastic Peanut Butter Taffy" is. Imagine Mary Janes, but more hard, stale, and bland, and no no nuts inside to give you the illusion the candy tastes like something.

[Bosstone]

Originally Posted by salinqmind

Smarties! Sweet Tarts! Smarties or Sweet Tarts made into lollipops/rings/wafers/tablets - any form of this stuff says "I am cheap and deserve to have my windows soaped"!

Can I have yours? Love 'em.

The ones that really bother me are the unlabeled hard candies. The ones that are wrapped to look vaguely like strawberries or some other unidentifiable...thing.

[awldune]

Gotta go with wax lips. Who buys those?

Those little wax soda bottles full of syrup.

Little bars made of sesame seeds or something.

Grainy Red Delicious apples you buy at the grocery in bags of 12.

I actually like Mary Janes, Bit-o-Honey, and most of the other "penny candy".

[runner pat]

Originally Posted by Bosstone

I can't look at candy corn any more without thinking of Lewis Black.

Agreed. To steal(and rephrase) from Jim Gaffigan: Candy good, corn good, candy corn-nasty crap.

[StGermain]

Circus peanuts and all other various fake-marshmallow atrocities.

Smarties. Blurgh

Candy Corn. Or Kandy Korn. It's not candy and it's not corn.

StG

[sco3tt]

I've been diabetic since childhood so never really got familiar with the whole trick-or-treating experience (I went door-to-door in costume but gave all the proceeds to my brothers), and even now I have a WTF-am-I-supposed-to-do-here sensation when I stock up for the neighborhood nippers each year.

I had to laugh though when I read all the antipathy here for the orange & black wrapped stuff. About two hours ago I bought $30 of the top-shelf product (name brands I recognized at least) and then about the same amount by volume of this O&B mystery candy to serve as filler. I have no idea what's inside those wrappers, but based on the relative price I should have known it's crap. If only I'd read this thread before I went shopping, I could have avoided the kiddies' wrath for another year.

Ah, well, whatever. At the end of the night they won't remember which house it came from.

[Tangent]

Those cheap generic little "jawbreakers" that have no flavor other than "stale sugar."

Brazil nuts. You might as well have given me a rock.

Those little waxy candy pumpkins that are the even-nastier cousins of candy corn.

Count me in on the hate for Necco wafers. Blech!

[TBG]

Any unwrapped candy. Those went right in the trash.

Other than that, pretty much anything was okay so long as it didn't have coconut or nuts in it. Not allergic or anything, just hated them. Still do, other than, say, Mr. Goodbar. I know peanuts aren't nuts, whatever.

The "couple of pennies" thing was kinda lame too. Fortunately, never wound up with anything like toothbrushes or whatever. That would've pissed me off enough to consider egging them. Not that I'd have actually done it, but I would've wanted to.


(and boo to all the haters of candy corn and circus peanuts)

[The wind of my soul]

I always get indignant at these threads because Bit-O-Honey will inevitably come up within the first few posts. I love those things, and they're getting harder and harder to find in stores, so I doubt that many will show up in kids' trick-or-treat bags.

[salinqmind]

Pennies. I don't know why, either it was some forgotten H'Ween tradition, or people gave them out to kids when they ran out of candy. Pennies used to go a lot further. Now I keep a bag of plastic spider rings to mix in with the candy, when it gets sparse.

[Freudian Slit]

I thought people gave stuff like pennies/coins out for Unicef?

I agree that wax lips suck.

Plastic spider rings are pretty cool, though.

[Ruffian]

AUGH Circus Peanuts....nasssssssssssssty. Ick. I do know some folks whose horses are fond of them, but not any humans. Pasty, stale, flavorless, ICK.

However, I always got these miniboxes of some sort of candied beans. I don't mean jelly beans, I mean like pinto beans. I quick Google search didn't reveal any, so maybe they mercifully disappeared.

Black licorice just can't be considered candy. It can't. BLARGH.

[janis_and_c0]

Originally Posted by Ruffian

AUGH Circus Peanuts....nasssssssssssssty. Ick. I do know some folks whose horses are fond of them, but not any humans. Pasty, stale, flavorless, ICK.

However, I always got these miniboxes of some sort of candied beans. I don't mean jelly beans, I mean like pinto beans. I quick Google search didn't reveal any, so maybe they mercifully disappeared.

Black licorice just can't be considered candy. It can't. BLARGH.

Boston Baked beans. mebbe?

[flodnak]

I will happily take any Mary Janes, Sweet Tarts, Smarties, candy corn, and candy pumpkins off your hands. My mouth will thank you even if my waistline won't.

We will be giving out little bags with a Halloween-themed sugar cookie and a mini candy bar in each, so please feel free to send your little trick-or-treaters over to floddy's house. One of the nice things about Halloween in these parts is that people have never heard the urban legends about needles and poison in the treats so you can give the kids unwrapped treats and know they will get to eat them.

[pancakes3]

some family decided to get real cute one year and give out caramel apples. homemade caramel apples. it didn't turn out very well and got caramel all over my costume and candy.

as far as commercial candies go... it's hard to find candy crappier than candy corn or marshmallow but i never cared much for atomic fireballs or any other cinnamon-y candies.

[ginman999]

Take the candy corn and mix it with peanuts and it tastes pretty good, a lot like Payday candy bars.

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

I've used Necco wafers as ammo replacement for a toy gun I had as a kid that shot disc/frisbee projectiles. Worked pretty good, too and a hell of a lot better than eating those nasty things!

[Death of Rats]

Originally Posted by sco3tt

Ah, well, whatever. At the end of the night they won't remember which house it came from.

Oh, no. That house you remember. Oh yes, you remember...<thunder crash>

[joebuck20]

Originally Posted by Markxxx

I hated the peanut butter candies that were wrapped in orange and black. What was that anyway? It wasn't good like real peanut butter. I also hated boxes of raisins. Nature's candy my ass

That's the one I came in here to say. Those were always the last ones left in my bag after I'd eaten all the good candy. I don't quite know what they were either, but if you mixed peanut butter and caramel and let the mixture harden, it seems like these things are what you'd end up with.
Also there was someone in my neighborhood who would stand on her porch with a bowl of nickels and hand them out to trick-or-treaters. That one always kind of flummoxed me.

[JuliaSqueezer]

Popcorn balls. Sticky popcorn balls wrapped in "Watchtower" flyers. My mom was really unhappy.

[Death of Rats]

When I was growing up, we had a dentist on our street who would pass out a toothbrush and a full sized candy bar. It generalled caused some brain lock in little 7-year old minds. Do we punish them for the toothbrush or love them for the full sized bar? Talk about mixed messages on so many levels.

I still miss my next door neighbor who was a sales rep for Hershey's. The first year they lived there my wife took my daughter out trick or treating and came back 2 mins later be cause the nieghbor had filled her candy bucket full of full sized Hershey chocolate bars, to the point that she could barely carry it. (He also kept us well supplied with Mr. Goodbars and used us as guinea pigs for candy the Hershey's was test marketing)

[Lute Skywatcher]

I liked getting popcorn balls. 'Course, for my first ten Halloweens, our entire town covered all of 11 blocks so anyone trying funny business with the treats they handed out would be quickly found out.

[silenus]

Originally Posted by FoieGrasIsEvil

I've used Necco wafers as ammo replacement for a toy gun I had as a kid that shot disc/frisbee projectiles. Worked pretty good, too and a hell of a lot better than eating those nasty things!

And they shattered nicely when they hit the target, too.

Raisins and the cheap taffy were always my peeves. But people who gave away Snickers and Milky Way bars were blessed among the neighborhood, and never lost their pumpkins.

[Malthus]

Cruel people give out packets of "Thrills" gum.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thrills

[blondebear]

I used to really hate getting rocks. Even Brazil nuts would've been better.

[Snickers]

Originally Posted by Death of Rats

When I was growing up, we had a dentist on our street who would pass out a toothbrush and a full sized candy bar. It generalled caused some brain lock in little 7-year old minds. Do we punish them for the toothbrush or love them for the full sized bar? Talk about mixed messages on so many levels.

Ha! A real trick or treat. That dentist rocks.

Boston baked beans - ick. Root beer hard candies - ick. Sorry, wind of my soul, bit-o-honey - ick.

[Angel of Doubt]

Originally Posted by FoieGrasIsEvil

I've used Necco wafers as ammo replacement for a toy gun I had as a kid that shot disc/frisbee projectiles. Worked pretty good, too and a hell of a lot better than eating those nasty things!

Wasn't a Star Trek phaser was it? Maybe not, the Neccos would've been too big, I think. Wish I still had that toy. Too good a use for Neccos anyway. What are they made with, cat pee and tire dust?

My vote, as it is every year, is those candy "fruit slices" covered with sugar that every elderly person up to the mid-90s, when I quit taking kids around, seemed to give out. I hope those abominations don't still appear (the candy, not necessarily the elderly).

[silenus]

Originally Posted by blondebear

I used to really hate getting rocks. Even Brazil nuts would've been better.

Well, if you hadn't been such a rotten little kid.....

[Tangent]

...or such a blockhead!

[PoorYorick]

Among other wax confections (who came up with the idea of wax candy in the first place, for God's sake?) was the orange pan whistle. Tastes like crap and guaranteed to drive your parents crazy.

Every Halloween I hand out mini-bars of Mounds and Almond Joy because I love Mounds and Almond Joy, dammit.

[Drain Bead]

I love the peanut butter taffy and the Mary Janes and the Bit O'Honey. Takes all kinds, I guess.

Like the Smarties too.

I hated the chewing gum (it was always practically crunchy it was so stale) and the suckers. Seriously, suckers? Might as well give me a shot first so I get the entire pediatrician's office feeling. The cool suckers like Dum Dums or those caramel apple ones or Tootsie pops, maybe. But the cheap lime green (funny how they're ALWAYS the green ones) flat sucker wrapped in clear cellophane? Bleh.

Best ones in our neighborhood were the ones who gave away the Hostess treats, followed by the ones who gave out the 12-ounce can of pop.

[misling]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tracer_gun

this is the gun that we used to have that shoots plastic discs (also pennies, necco wafer type candies, etc)

[Saltire]

One of our local Seattle comedians once did a routine on Halloween in which he described candy corn perfectly. He said the only thing it's good for is spreading on the driveway when it's icy.

[silenus]

I like candy corn.

[runner pat]

Originally Posted by silenus

I like candy corn.

*Takes 5 points off silenus' Coolness Rating*

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by runner pat

*Takes 5 points off silenus' Coolness Rating*

What, the Hawaiian shirts didn't already dock him 10?

[runner pat]

Originally Posted by jayjay

What, the Hawaiian shirts didn't already dock him 10?

It's balanced out by his wearing them in public with no shame or embarrassment.

His overall Coolness Rating allows that.

[Tangent]

Originally Posted by misling

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tracer_gun

this is the gun that we used to have that shoots plastic discs (also pennies, necco wafer type candies, etc)

One of my favorite toys as a kid. Heck, we used to shoot each other with those things in my college dorm.

I love the picture in the wiki article showing one of the plastic discs being measured with a high-precision caliper. It's humorously incongruous.

[Shark Sandwich]

Put me in the anti-candy corn camp. But I think I don't like it anymore because I ate almost a whole bag of it when I was a kid, and then proceeded to throw up in bright colors all over the house. Haven't been able to eat it ever since.

I can't stand the Now or Laters. Had one pull a filling out of my head when I pilfered one from my kids Halloween bag a few years back. My daughter considered it sweet, sweet retribution. Now they scare me.

[Caricci]

What about the off-flavor Tootsie rolls that come in the big giant bag. It also has the regular flavor ones in long, big and long and mini. But seriously, who wants a lime tootsie roll? Nobody! There's also orange, lemon and vanilla and they are all crimes against humanity.

[california jobcase]

Circus peanuts are like Peeps- best when nearly crunchy. Whatever happened to those crunchy marshmallow ice cream cones?

[missred]

Originally Posted by Death of Rats

When I was growing up, we had a dentist on our street who would pass out a toothbrush and a full sized candy bar. It generalled caused some brain lock in little 7-year old minds. Do we punish them for the toothbrush or love them for the full sized bar? Talk about mixed messages on so many levels.

I still miss my next door neighbor who was a sales rep for Hershey's. The first year they lived there my wife took my daughter out trick or treating and came back 2 mins later be cause the nieghbor had filled her candy bucket full of full sized Hershey chocolate bars, to the point that she could barely carry it. (He also kept us well supplied with Mr. Goodbars and used us as guinea pigs for candy the Hershey's was test marketing)

The dentist two doors down from our house used to give out little bags with a toothbrush, floss and travel sized toothpaste. He also gave out full sized packs of trident (and in the "good" flavors). The gum offset the tooth care package.

The stuff I hated the most was anything wax, old people hard candy, anything coconut and anything like Smarties, Necco wafers and the like. Basically, the mini chocolate bars and the taffy was the first stuff eaten.