I am worried about my son's sexual orientation - need advice

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So I go home last night for dinner. The kids are already sitting at the dinner table. We are having spaghetti with sauce. There is a bowl of parmesan cheese on the table and a bowl of romano cheese. My youngest (age 4 and 11 months) announces, as soon as I sit down “Daddy, I have married the parmesan cheese. I’m Parmesan cheese Winkelried and she’s Mrs. Parmesan cheese Winkelried.” Then he takes the bowl of parmesan cheese, puts it next to the bowl of romano, and makes kissing noises, saying “the parmesan is kissing the other cheese.”

What is the word for people sexually attracted to grated cheese? Are there religious reform camps for that? And what is the meaning of him taking his wife and making her kiss another person she’s not married to? Is he planning on being one of those “swingers” I’ve heard about?

2

I’m sure it’s all gouda and he’ll grow out of it when he has aged.

3

Sadly, polygamy involving several kinds of cheese is very common at that age. I blame television myself. But be grateful that he’s not marrying the pepper and salt: that would be really unhealthy.

4

It’s when he starts taking an unnatural interest in chicken necks that you’ll have to worry.

5

I’m afraid immediate intervention is required on your part. Take your son firmly by the shoulders, look deep into his eyes, and teach him this powerful holy mantra: “I wear the cheese; the cheese does not wear me”. Ooooooooommmmmmmmm…

6

At least he’s made an honest cheese of it by marrying it and not just rennet.

7

Frankly, I’m not surprised at how rare these types of marriages are. From what I heard, it’s fairly typical for the cheese to stand alone.

8

The lord did not intended for two hard cheeses to be together in this way. Explain to your child that the only appropriate union is between one hard and one soft. Perhaps a dinner table demonstration with a log of romano and some goat cheese. If you think he may be kinky you can cover the goat cheese in jam beforehand.

9

shiftless: eeewwww!

I just don’t know if I should be making the apple pie I was planning.

10

That’s okay, my 8 year old twins were watching Rachael Ray’s show yesterday. Christina Hendricks was doing a cooking segment. Twin one says “Hey, She’s tall”, and the other says “Yeah, and she has a Good Chest, too.”

I’ve never been prouder.

11

Waitaminnit - after they’re married and in bed together, will “cutting the cheese” be a sign of increasing comfort with one another or grounds for a murder charge?

ETA: btw, thank you. Very funny OP. “I’m Parmesean Cheese Winkleried” just sounds like the start of a song or a speech in a Tim Burton movie or something…

12

Is your family Jewish? If so, you may have to resign yourself that your kid may become one of the Jews for Cheeses.

13

I can certainly appreciate your concern, Arnold. But it appears your boy is committed. you know what they say about marriage…for cheddar or worse…
Bonus, semi-required observation: Rule 34 says there is porn for that. I’m at work and can’t verify.

14

Don’t try to envision the circumcision ::shuddering at the thought of a grater::

15

I could think of nothing grater than hard cheeses together.

16

I Camembert any more of these cheese puns.

17

I see what you did there.

18

Well, that’s ok. Enjoy the holidays. We Swiss you a Merry Christmas.

19

“To brie, or not to brie…”

20

None of y’all is too sharp, is ya?