Getting on the elevator at work today I made eye contact with a young woman I don’t know and she smiled at me for a second.
I’m not going to flatter myself that it was anything other than a courtesy gesture – we work in the same building, even if we don’t know each other, there’s a faint chance she recognized me from seeing me on the elevator before.
I felt a little bad because I never smile upon making eye contact with a stranger, and thought maybe this was a sort of social chore women (or some women) had to take on (putting on a for-show smile).
How common is this among women, if you do do it, are you conscious of it or is it reflexive, and what’s the thought process behind it (if any)? Are there particular circumstances (strangers who nonetheless implicitly share some common bond because they work in the same building/attend the same church, etc.) more likely to elicit the “acknowledgement smile” than others? Happy to hear from any men who do this as well.
As I grew older and more confident, I made more and more eye contact and made a point of smiling. Where I am (in Toronto), I’d say about 75 percent smile back whereas the others quickly look at their feet.
BTW, I am a guy.
I often think the reason people tend to smile back at me is that I am clearly no longer much of a threat to them (graying hair, use a cane). When I was younger, and had long (but neat) hair, and wore a jean jacket, for example, ‘nobody’ smiled back. As implied above, though, I didn’t routinely smile at peope in that era (maybe because when I did, so few returned the gesture).
Only to hot guys, elderly folks, little kids (or women with babies), or people who are wearing something that makes me smile, like a funny T-shirt or a cute hat or something.
In my neighborhood in DC, it is very neighborly and people say hello to each other as they pass on the street. It has lately been overrun by hipsters who all think they are in a movie and that the rest of us are merely extras in that movie, they do not say hello.
A point to consider is that it might have been the protective social smile. A lot of women have a smile they give to strangers so they won’t be harried about not smiling. It’s a defense mechanism for some women in some situations.
Raised in the south, and I’m nearly always smiling when in public, and I say “howdy” or “how ya doin” to nearly everyone who makes eye contact within 10 feet of me. Sometimes I’ll even stop and chat for a bit.
A few years ago I discovered that it made happy whenever a random stranger smiled at me (especially if they were cute!). When I remember, I try to brighten people’s day, even if it’s just a by a little. I doubt it’s going to do the opposite (unless I’m covered in blood or something), so why not?
I don’t do it unless a cute puppy or kid is involved, or I’m in one of those situations where you just have to roll your eyes to the person next to you in a brief moment of shared frustration. Smiling at random men is just begging for weirdos to come out of the woodwork (more so). I guess I probably do it, without thinking, when in the presence of some unspeakably hot guy, especially if he’s doing something clichéd like wiping sweat off his brow with the front of his shirt, or delivering a keg of beer. But that is more of a big dumb grin, and I sure as hell don’t make eye contact with him.
Yes, I try to. I’ve only started doing it in the last few years, though, because I want to connect better with people. Most women smile back. Men often don’t, but then, I probably tend to smile at women more because it’s “safer.”
