we’ve all seen people who look as if they are so pissed/mad/bored. most of the time, i have a frown on my face, but it’s not because i’m pissed/mad/bored…it’s because that is my natural expression. if i try to force a smile, it seems very uncomfortable and unnatural. some people can’t seem to fathom that this is a natural expression for a small segment of the population. but, i do smile profusely when i hear a funny joke, or am surrounded by people i like to be around, etc. and that’s a good portion of the time. it’s just that if i’m walking down the street, alone, i tend to have a frown on my face.
anyway, this weekend at the mall, my boyfriend was trying on some clothes and i was standing outside the dressing room waiting for him. this lady comes up to me and says, “smile, it can’t be that bad”. i’m not a mean person, in fact i’m one of the nicest people in the world. but this lady really pissed me off. i politely asked her what she meant by her statement and she said “you look so mad, i just wanted to let you know it’ll get better”. so, i told her that my life was good and i had no pressing issue and explained that i was one of those unfortunate people who didn’t feel the need to force a smile to please strangers.
would you ever go up to a complete stranger and say, “smile, it can’t be that bad”? i wouldn’t dream of it. how did she know that i just got diagnosed with cancer, or a close friend just died or i was about to lose my house because i had been unemployed for two years. okay, if these things were true, shopping at the gap probably wouldn’t have been on the agenda for that day.
If I’m in a good mood but not smiling, someone telling me that would be extremely annoying. I never tell other people to smile. I like to GET them to smile, but by other methods.
I once told someone not to smile. Repeatedly. I made it a rule. Within a few seconds she was grinning ear to ear.
I have a face that looks like it’s been shot full of Botox - absolutely expressionless - and I regularly have well-meaning strangers telling me to smile. I just look at them and say “this is the best you’re going to get” and they go away.
I had a friend who was going to skip our class reunion because she had come down with Bells’ Palsy and half her face was frozen and drooping. I told her to come anyway, and to stand by me for the group photo, because no matter how bad her expression looked, I could guarantee mine would look worse. The photos showed I was right.
Yeah, I get that all the time, and it’s annoying. My default facial expression just looks sad or angry to people–if I went around smiling all the time, I’d look and feel ridiculous.
I used to get it all the time - don’t know why it stopped. I certainly haven’t got any better at smiling: when I do smile at people I apparently look like I’m about to murder them.
Anyway, the answer I used to give, if I had the chance to reply rather than them just insulting me then walking on, was: ‘I just found out I have cancer. Please leave me alone.’
I always fantasize about saying something like that when I get told to smile (though this happened much, much more when I was a teen – and not because I’ve suddenly started smiling more in public). I wouldn’t have minded if someone had said something comforting the few times I’ve cried in public, but when it comes to telling [generalization]female[/generalization] strangers how to present themselves, people need to be minding they business.
Yes. Every woman I’ve ever known has experienced this repeatedly – I think it tapers off when you hit your 30s because by then, you’re generally more assertive in how you carry yourself and, well, not as young.
Miss Manners has the perfect response for this: “Why? Did you say something amusing?”
Yes, I’ve had a complete stranger tell me to smile. No, I don’t get annoyed. I usually say something like 'What, is it September already? That’s my smiling month." or “I will put your request in my queue and handle it as time permits.” When someone says something like that to me, I view it as an opportunity to sharpen my dull wits. The result is often poor, but still, mental exercise is good for me.
Yep. I get it all the time. I HATE THOSE ASSHOLES. I try not to engage them, but no matter what response I give them, if it isn’t an immediate lunatic grin and a Little Mary Sunshine squeal, they get angry. As though I have personally offended them by not walking around grinning like an idiot.
I’ll try the Miss Manners thing…but I don’t expect better results.
I smile a lot. I like to laugh. It is not an activity I’m interested in when my mind is on other things. Leave me alone. Please disperse. Nothing to see here!
I used to get orders to smile from random men all the time. Thank G-d I’m starting to have visible gray hair and saggy boobs so I don’t have to put with that shit anymore. The invisibility of middle age is wonderful.
I have one of those faces too, and GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY I hate that shit.
Fortunately I haven’t heard it for a while, though. At my last Real Job™ I had a co-worker who liked to dish that crap, and boy did I want to punch her in the crotch. :mad:
All the fucking time. God, it drives me nuts. Look, I made eye contact, I asked if you needed help, what more do you want? I am not scowling on purpose! And even if I am it is none of your goddamned business!
Not me – but then, I’m the opposite. I’m almost always smiling – it’s my default expression. I generally get, “Keep smiling!” or “You’ve got a great smile.” I also constantly get, “You’re so cheerful!” or “You must be in a really good mood,” when I answer the phone. The truth is, sometimes I’m in a terrible mood, I just have a pleasing phone manner, and my face naturally relaxes into a smile. You can tell when I’m really happy, because then I have an enormous grin – I call it the “high beam”.
I do occasionally use the high beam to try to get a stranger to smile – it almost always works. But I would never ask someone to smile, because I have no way of knowing whether they are upset about something or under stress. Besides, it’s just plain rude to interfere in a stranger’s emotional life.
I’ve had the same experience. I don’t know what people who do this are thinking. They might as well walk up and wave a “Hi! I’m a controlling asshole!” flag in your face.
