We live in the mountains and our land backs up to national forest land. As a result, we get lots of visitors throughout the year.
My SO’s nephew comes up alot with his son, and every couple of months he brings his best friend and his kids.
I have no problem with any of them, with the exception of the 10 YO. He irritates the hell out of me. For instance, tonight when they arrived, I had baked a cake. I asked if they wanted a piece…well of course…YAAAY CAKE! When I hand him his plate, he looks at it and says “What is this? What’s in it anyway?” :rolleyes:
I don’t think it comes across in my interactions with him, I try to treat him just like all the rest, but his blossoming personality grates on me badly.
When I mentioned this to the SO, he was incredulous. “What kind of a problem can a 47 YO woman have with a 10 YO?” “He’s just a kid.” …etc, etc.
I don’t expect him to be anything but a kid, but I just can’t help my gut reaction to him. The SO has decided that this is some defect in me (he loves kids…any and all, and neither of us has any of our own.)
So what’s the consensus? Does not liking a 10 YO make me awful…or normal?
Of course it’s okay. Kids are people too, and some of them have lousy personalities and are jerks. I used to be an elementary school teacher and I really disliked several of my students, who were awful brats.
I used to absolutely loathe one of my best friend’s kids. He just had a full-of-himself personality that gave me the shits. I only used to see him once or twice a year and was thankful because it was hard not to be mean to him.
As he got older I found he’d changed and I liked him more. Now he is in his mid 20s and lives in the same city as me. We are firm friends and regularly get together for things that we both like - trivia, bands, sport, drinking and eating. This despite me being his father’s age.
The kid probably knows. People often do.
I agree with Kyla, people who claim to love *all *children/dogs/whatever either haven’t met an asshole or are in denial. (I don’t mean to be harsh on your SO, but how much does he really interact with the kids?)
I had a cousin was a jerk from birth. I sometimes felt bad about how I disliked him, so I kept giving him second chances. Last time I saw him he was about 17 and still jerky. I hope he got better.
Thanks, you guys made me feel like I’m not really a monster. On this issue anyway.
Not having my own kids, I just don’t have the exposure to know if this is “normal” or not.
I have wondered if maybe as this kid gets older and “grows into” or “out of” his sanctimonious bullshit, maybe I’d like him.
He’s a smart kid…just no “people skills”, as my mother would say. And he’s bossy and opionated, just like someone whose screen name appears at the top of this post.
It’s absolutely okay to not like a kid. Some kids display no redeeming qualities whatsover. However, until that kid becomes an adult, you owe it to everyone to keep your opinion to yourself.
People don’t change very often as adults. Kids change all the time.
I thought that also. He loves all his and my (very numerous) nieces and nephews, all the neighbor/friend’s kids, and he is GREAT with children of any age, but doesn’t have day to day interactions with any but one nephew.
He’s also the guy who always WANTED kids (I didn’t. At the ripe old age of 3, I announced my intention never to have them and have felt that way pretty much all my life). So I’m sure that colors his opinion.
I certainly wasn’t accusing you, just sharing my general opinion. I don’t have now, nor will ever have children, like you.
I do believe that kids should be somewhat sheltered while they are kids. If the parents can’t get their kids to stop being dicks by the time they reach adulthood, the matter of blame is mostly irrelevant. Just another asshole in the world.
Mostly though, the only shitty kids I’ve met were spawn of shitty parents, so I tend to not associate with any of them when I can avoid it.
I have a low tolerance for certain personality flaws–and I don’t really make an exception for kids even though are not self-aware yet to control themselves yet.
Sometimes the kids in my own family say or do things that, at least in that particular moment, make me don’t like them. Some people like the raw honesty that children have, but I don’t. Especially if they’re at the age where it’s not cute anymore.
I’m totally old-school…or at least I have this fantasy that I am. I don’t like kids talking to me any ole kind of way. If a kid had acted like the one in the OP did, I probably would have said something “Do you want a piece or not, kid? You do? OK, then. Take the plate and sit your ass down somewhere. No one has time for your 21 questions.”
Yeah, the kid would probably not like me afterwards but at least he’d watch his mouth when in my presence.
SO could be trying to pull your chain. Mighty suspicious that he asked you that question. What would prompt it?
SO is being a ‘wit’ it seems to me.
Also, of course it’s alright to not love all children. That is why Eddie Haskell is still so well remembered and revered.
I, too, remember being shocked at myself the first time I ran across a kid I just couldn’t like and, Lord knows, I did put quite a bit of effort into it.
The fact is that kid is an annoying, sneaky, manipulative, destructive and whiny little sh*t. I put a lot of effort into developing a friendship and understanding with him and his family, but I just gave up on the lot of them after a while.
I have a lot of kids in my house- mine and half the neighborhood it seems like. My DH and I joke that we run a teenager flop house.
On the one hand I like having kids over. I like kids, and I know where they are and what they are doing. On the other hand, my house can sometimes turn into a ‘kid dump’ for parents who don’t want to deal with or feed their own.
There are always kids you like more and kids you like less and sometimes it’s just a matter of finding common ground and having clear rules for kid behavior that will keep things running smoothly. I’m used to kids new to my house pushing the envelope to see what they can get away with or where the boundaries are, but that kid, I’m sorry to say, I just had to give up on.
I find the kids that are the worst behaved at my house are the ones that the parents don’t interact with as much as they bark orders at. These kids are not used to having conversations with adults and sometimes it takes a while to get them to elevate their game.
Every adult asshole was once a child. Generally, they were assholes then, too. (The corollary to this is that most assholes get old. Old assholes are still assholes; age does not automatically give assholes wisdom and charm.)
However, yes, it’s *possible *for them to grow out of it, so you should try to keep it to yourself. One of my goddaughters was a Grade A asshole from birth to about age 15. Now she’s 18 and getting to be quite a lovely person. I’m glad I didn’t let my dislike of her show much when she was younger, or I wouldn’t be getting to know the charming young woman she is today.
I dislike my nephew, or one of my cousins that’s also his age, and though I’m not mean to them, I don’t really hide my opinion of them to anyone that asks. Anyone that claims to like every child, animal, or whatever is full of it.
If a kid had acted like the one in the OP did, I probably would have said something “Do you want a piece or not, kid? You do? OK, then. Take the plate and sit your ass down somewhere. No one has time for your 21 questions.”
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Good for you. I probably would have looked at him, looked at the cake, and said, “You don’t want it then? OK.” And given it to another kid. He can have cake when he can act like a civilized human being.
ETA: my kid would have asked what was in the cake, but she would have done it politely and explained that she has food allergies.
Some kids totally make my smackin’ hand itch. Some are as agreeable as can be. I can say the same thing about adults as a group, so don’t feel like a terrible person.
That’s absurd. No-one would expect a kid to like every adult, no-one expects any kid or adult to like all their peers, so why should there be any expectation that as an adult you should like every kid? There are several kids I have to deal with who I can’t stand, with good reason or just because they’re people and so am I. Sometimes we don’t like each other.
