“You ARE making us lunch for when we get back from snowmobiling, right? Cuz cereal is not that good of a breakfast.” :dubious:
Yeah, lunch will be ready. For everybody else. Cereal all day for you kid.
My neighbor kid is really, really annoying. She’s 12? 13? Right around there. She is sullen and pouty and yet somehow wants to be a teacher’s pet (I’m involved with our local schools in a teacher-ish capacity, though I am not a teacher). She brags about her skills at everything, which in reality are generally acceptable but not outstanding, and puts down other kids in sly ways. Also, she consistently tells whoppers.
I try to keep several things in mind. First, up until a couple of years ago, her life was pretty unstable. Things have really smoothed out and stabilized for her, but I imagine it will take a while for life to feel really safe. Second, I think she has no sense of self-worth, and so she’s trying to be clever and brag to make up for it. Most of her lies are positioning to make herself feel better. Third, she’s thirteen (or thereabouts). I was supremely annoying at thirteen, and look at me now! 
It’s just a miserable age.
So generally, I do my best to be kind and generous to her without allowing her to take advantage of me or the other kids with her BS. I believe this is the correct course of action.
But dear God in Heaven, she is ANNOYING!
My oldest has one friend that I don’t like. I can’t put my finger on it exactly. He’s never done anything wrong, really. He just rubs me the wrong way. Upon meeting him a few of my friends have had the same reaction. It’s kind of an attitude or way of talking to you that says “I may be 6/8/10 and you are an adult, but I am clearly the superior here.” Like the day I overheard the two boys discussing some electronics and he had something my kid didn’t so the boy walked up to me and wanted to know “Why haven’t you bought him a computer yet?” It wasn’t inquisitive. It was accusatory. I simply asked him if he would like to pay for it - but it is stuff like that all the time.
When we found out they were moving I was oh so sad, then my SO and I privately did the dance of joy.
When I became a teacher, I knew there would be kids that I liked so much I’d have to be careful not to show favoritism. What I didn’t expect was that there would be kids I disliked so much, I’d have to work hard not squish them like bugs.
It was usually a kid who had a terrible sense of entitlement, or was cruel to other kids, or was a complete drama queen. When that was the case, I had to focus on the behavior and not the kid. If the behavior was not acceptable, I squished the behavior. (“Student, we don’t treat people like that. This is your one warning. Do it again, I call your parents. Do it a third time, you go to the office.”) I also had to make a point to reinforce the good behavior so the kid didn’t feel like I hated him (even if I did).
The thing is, actions shape feelings. So, when I started praising the kids I disliked when they were behaving well, the kids behaved better, and I found that I disliked them less. In some cases, the kids behavior improved so much that I found I really had started to like them.
I have a nephew I can’t stand. He’s 20, and he’s been a rude brat since he was a kid. But being the only boy grandchild on that side of the family, he can do no wrong. :rolleyes: He can’t manage a “Hello” for us ever. Nor does he feel compelled to say “Thank you” - I knitted him and his sister afghans for Christmas - he neither acknowledged nor thanked me for it. I went so far as to write to him and ask if he ever received it - no reply. Whenever we leave a place we’ve been where he’s present, we play a game “Did he talk to you?”
And it’s not a shyness or awkwardness issue - I’ve watched him with other people. Apparently, it’s just us.
No biggie. He’s not getting gifts from me ever again. He’ll be graduating from college soon. He might get a card. I’m not sure he’s worth the price of the postage.
THIS.
AND THIS.
“Some kids totally make my smackin’ hand itch”
I’m not being very articulate this morning. But you guys have hit the nail on the head, and are making it much easier to be around him today.
A safe place to bitch is a wonderful thing.
Speaking from personal experience, it sounds a little like Aspergers/Autism Syndrome. I was bad for a certain bluntness like that. Rubbing people the wrong way seems to be the Aspie shibboleth.
What really tips me off is the “what is this, whats in it?” statement. Everything to me was(and still often is) its own object, its own type. Does that make sense?
If it were me offering the cake, I would have answered “worms, slugs and snail turds”. The reaction you get can be very telling.
Oh, and its ok to dislike kids. I do. But as someone said, its unfair to hold it against them: they might turn out ok in the end.
To paraphrase George Carlin, kids are like any other group of people. Some winners. A whole lot of losers.
You are under no obligation to like a kid because he/she is a kid. But, as others have said, the personalities of children are fairly mutable, so keep it to yourself until he’s an adult.
He’s entering the age range where a lot of kids become loathsome for a while.
Was this just now? Please tell us that you’ll stick with this & how he reacts!
Does he have trouble walking? 'Cause he’s got some big brass ones.
Yes, just before they left for the morning ride. And, No, he’ll get the same pizza everyone else gets.
Of course, I could add a crunchy topping of Fruit Loops and Coco Puffs to his slices. 
Some respondents seem to feel the kid shouldn’t have asked what was in the cake. I understand he may have done so in an obnoxious way, but I think the best bet is often to ignore the obnoxious aspect and respond as if the best-possible interpretation is the only one. Pretend he’s your friend, saying “ooh, what’s in this,” with enthusiasm. So respond, with enthusiasm, about the provenance of the recipe, the great ingredients you used, how good it was the first time you had it, so on. Whatever the differences are between this cake and whatever “cake” was to him previously, cast them as good things–because they are, right?
Look, it’s clear the kid can stand to learn better modulation of his remarks. (Plenty of adults, too.) But when he says “cereal isn’t that good of a breakfast,” he’s absolutely correct, and probably repeating or paraphrasing something his parents have told him. And when he says “you are making us lunch,” I understand it came across as commanding, but again, I suspect the most productive response is to pretend it was said better. If you act like people around you (and not just kids) have only the best possible intentions and implications, often you’ll find that they modify their behavior to be more in line with your favorable interpretations.
I will try that spark240.
BTW, I agree that cereal “isn’t that good of a breakfast.” And “parroting the parents” was the first thought I had when he said that. Everyone else had scrambled eggs, hashbrowns and toast. The cereal was his choice. 
Interesting. Well, I suppose one way to apply the approach I described would have been to act like he was regretting his own poor choice. Say, with sympathy rather than reproach, “yeah, I guess you wish you’d had some eggs and hashbrowns, now. They were good. Well, lunch will be good too.”
At this point, I’m wondering what’s wrong with your SO that he doesn’t see how incredibly obnoxious this kid is.
Hell yes, it’s fine and totally normal. Some kids are little shits. Sometimes even your own kids are unbearable.
I enjoy the company of kids, like most kids, and I’m pretty patient, but kids are people like everyone else and there will always be some I like, some I don’t. I have certain standards for basic politeness and I do best when I can discipline/correct children for misbehaving; that’s not really allowed in most situations anymore, with parenting norms these days. It’s hard when kids are rude and obnoxious and I just have to take it. I do get mad about it sometimes. I never, ever take out my irritation with some kids by snarking at them - most kids who act this way just haven’t gotten negative feedback about it from the adults in their lives. There are a ton of parents who don’t discipline their kids at all, and it’s not really the kid’s fault that no one tells them or shows them how to act right.
Sometimes there’s copious good parenting and discipline, and the kid is still a PITA in some way. What are you going to do?
I love my boyfriend’s nephew dearly and have known him his whole life, but often he really chaps my ass and has since he was 2 years old! His sisters, on the other hand, I never get annoyed with - they are just more polite and enjoyable to be around. I don’t beat myself up about it - the kid can be rude and annoying, and has a strong personality his parents haven’t dealt with before. He’ll probably turn out well in the end, and a lot of time I think he’s the cutest.
I dislike most male children under the age of twelve. They’re generally obnoxious and ill-behaved and I have zero tolerance for it. I’d blame the parents, but I didn’t even like my own youngest son until he was about 20 years old and had finally outgrown his stunted maturity.
[quote=“loshan, post:17, topic:569386”]
If an adult told me that when I was a chiild, I would have responded by dumping the uneaten cake in most visible garbage can. With so many people having either food allergies or religious proscriptions against eating various foods under various conditions, having someone ask what is in a food item offered to them, seems perfectly natural to me. In fact, when I am a host I ususally offer such information upfront (along with a few alternatives) when offereing refreshments.
[quote=“ZPG_Zealot, post:38, topic:569386”]
Sure. And if the kid had said, “Excuse me. Does this have tree nuts in it?” we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
[quote=“StuffLikeThatThere, post:39, topic:569386”]
I suspect we would. “What is this?” and “What’s in this?” are rather innocent question people with allergies or food taboos ask all the time. The only people I have observed get angry over those questions were ready to take offensive over anything. In cultural situations where many types of people interact it is consider de riguer for the host to provide this type of information so guests can make informed decisions about their food choices.