This one's probably gonna burn and bury me, but I have to ask...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Why is it so “taboo” for an individual to dislike children? When it comes up in a conversation that I don’t like kids, people are literally appalled and then put me on trial so to speak.

I would like to point out several things:
(A) I do not enjoy children, in general, but there are rare exceptions
(B) I do not hate children, I simply dislike them, there is a huge difference
© I do not wish harm or ill-fate upon children
(D) The more properly behaved and well mannered a child is, the better the chance is of me liking them

I just don’t get it… people don’t squabble if you say you dislike your neighbor, or your boss, or a relative, or whoever…but if you say you don’t like children they want to burn you at the stake.

I am not against having children of my own. I know things are different when you have your own. However, I refuse to have any children unless I am married, and have been married for several years. I feel that I would be a great daddy when the time comes, and people who know me personally have said the same. In the meantime, however, kids just aren’t my thing.

2

Actually, there’s nothing really wrong with feeling the way you do, MSK. In a way I understand it.

You don’t say how old you are, but I would guess late 20s early 30s. You don’t hang around kids anymore, you’re more interested in your adult pursuits and companions. Children, therefore, are an intrusion. I’m guessing at all this, of course, but I don’t think I’m too far off. The intrusion and responsibility of children just doesn’t fit into your lifestyle and interests right now.

I used to feel the same way about little boys. I was the father of a girl, and she was so sweet and quiet that boys seemed like total neanderthals to me. My opinion has changed a lot since having a son six years ago. Although, there are still plenty of kids, both male and female that I would be glad to have existing far away from me.

I agree with you that most people have a gut reaction to people who don’t have the standard “aren’t they precious, I just love kids” reaction. But I think there are lots of people like you who, while wishing no ill will on children, just don’t enjoy their company or even go out of their way to avoid children if they can.

Your feelings will change (I hope!!) when/if you have chilluns of your own. But in the meantime, maybe you should find a nice, noncommital response to children so you don’t get a reputation as a child-hating curmudgeon.

3

I agree with you on most things you said, particularly on waiting a few years into your marriage to have children (don’t you want to have a few shared experiences with your new wife before the challenges of child raising start?).
Also, I make clear my general distinterest in (other peoples) babies, stating quite clearly my opinion that kids aren’t much fun till they’re two or more years old. This does not endear me to the parents, but they generally get used to it. As a big plus, they know not to bombard me with tales of baby’s first teething, etc.
I get along well with other peoples kids fairly well when their older (well, until they’re teenagers, when people in their 30s [like me] become real old fogies).

4

As the great W.C. Fields once said “Anyone who hates small dogs and children can’t be all bad.”

5

I empathize, MSK. It took me a long time to determine that I would have children. You’re right, it is different when they’re your own. Even when my kids were small I had a difficult time coping with some of their playmates.

I do envy people who enjoy kids - they seem to get so much from their relationships with kids. In fact I did enjoy my kids and relished watching them learn and grow. It’s just other people’s kids I can’t relate to.

And it has nothing to do with their behavior. When confronted with an obnoxious child in a restaurant or on a plane, I get pissed at the parents and feel sorry for the kid.

You’re not an ogre, you’re just more honest about this than most folks.

6

I have to admit I am extremely annoyed by children and people who force their children on me.

And, like you Magical, I have had backlash, especially from relatives and friends who don’t understand that I don’t really feel like hearing about toilet training, J.C. Penney photo shoots or the latest toy craze.

The only kids I do find appealing are the ones who have good imaginations, good manners and behavior and have cool interests. Rare.

My favorite great aunt (who never had children) admitted she couldn’t stand me until I was 12 years old and “became interesting”. It must run in the family.

The point is, you’re not alone.

7

I can’t totally relate, since I started kinda young having kids (18), but it reminds me a lot of a good friend of mine. He was 30, had a great life and marriage, and hated kids. In every other aspect, he was a kind, loving person. But mention kids, and… hoo boy! Anyway, his wife got pregnant a couple years ago and he got very nervous. :wink: When his little boy finally came along, he fell right into being a wonderful daddy. They’re working on their second now.

A lot of kids are just plain rotten IMO (Parents!). But, the fact is, a lot of people are just plain rotten. You have to relate to kids like you would relate to anyone else. There’s going to be good ones and there’s going to be bad ones. Try not to prejudge all kids, or you may end up missing out on meeting some really cool people!

Kids are people too! :smiley:

8

I agree with the OP. I’m lucky enough to have a couple of friends who feel the same way, so I don’t get a lot of crap for it (and my own mother is this way too-- not a fan of kids in general, but loves her own dearly). However, one of my office friends once told me I was being “selfish” in my decision not to have kids for a while yet. Um,hello? It’s selfish to wait until I feel totally ready, whenever that may be? I don’t think so.

I tend to like or not like individual kids based on personality and behavior-- the same things that draw me to adults. I don’t mean that children and adults should be judged on the same levels-- kids behave like kids, that’s a given. What I’m getting at is, I don’t think children are any more universally likeable than adults are. Like MSK, I don’t hate kids, I’m just not a “kid person.”

9

Dave, I am 30 years old, and for the record I have never been married and never had kids. I suppose that was rather obvious, lol.

Kids usually annoy the shit out of me… and the parents are often at fault for allowing whatever the annoyance is, to occur. The two places where this occur most often are restaurants and the grocery store. 9 out of 10 parents seem to just allow their kids to run about and cause whatever chaos they can, in places where that behavior is totally inappropriate. That’s why I usually find the remotest part of the restaurant to dine in, as far away from the little mutants as possible. If it weren’t so expensive, I would probably dine in the bar section of restaurants more often, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. One can’t easily tell a parent that they should “do something about that kid” no matter how polite you try to be. You’d likely get into a real ugly situation. a good example follows:

I was at the grocery store, and they have one of those penny rides…it was a cartoonish brontosaurus. There was a little girl about 3 yrs old riding the saddle of the dino, and her brother was standing on the floor behind the dino. This boy was about 7 or 8, and he was gyrating with machine, pressing his crotch against the tail, and making loud sexually suggestive moaning sounds. He wasn’t just being silly. This continued for at least 5 minutes straight. The childrens’ father was right there, and he wasn’t even paying attention to this disgusting act. A child that age humping a dinosaur in front of the entire store is just WRONG. A Kid that age has no business thinking or acting like that anyways. Now everytime I go by that damn ride, I see that image in my head and it’s disgusting. The kids’ dad deserved to be sucker-punched for that shit. That’s just wrong! What an a-hole.

Even if and when I do have my own children, I don’t see myself liking OTHER kids. Yes, that is biased, but so what? If I love my own kids, that’s really all that would matter.

10

Another thing I should point out is that I usually get most of the “lynch mob” attitude from single mothers.

I know that finding a woman with no children, between 25-35 yrs of age is not going to be easy, but what is wrong with me having my preference? I don’t think it would be fair to a woman, or her kid, to get involved just on the basis of “how-do-you-know-you-wont-like-it-unless-you-try-it-everyone-is-different” attitude. I’d be lying to myself, the mom and her kid. I have dated all single mothers previously, as it is, and have plenty of experience with kids, and the single mom category. It’s not for me. I have many reasons, but I don’t want this turning into a GD thread. I will say this, though, my underlying motives are far from selfish. I consider all persons involved.

11

Actually the statement was made by Leo Rosten at a roast for W.C. Fields.

12

It’s so refreshing to hear people actually admit to not wanting to be around children. And by the time I’d started writing this response, there was not a single post telling us that we’re assholes for thinking this way.

I’m extremely tolerant of kids when they aren’t in a public place. Part of growing up is being rowdy, playing, having fun, teasing the neighbor, carving your initials in the furniture, trying to paint over the damage, etc. But these events all occur in or near the home and are the responsibility of the parent to manage. It’s not MY place to manage these things or even tolerate them in a public place.

When I eat in a restaurant, and I eat out a lot, my usual response to the “smoking or non-smoking” question is “the no children section, please”. This often gets me a puzzled look, but by simply elaborating, “I really don’t have a smoking preference, I just don’t want to sit near a screaming kid”, the host(ess) is usually quite sympathetic. I’ve managed to educate several people that in seating parties with children near each other, you’re actually doing a service to the other patrons.

There have been a couple of times that my wife has quietly left the restaurant because I refused to succumb to the arrogance and ignorance of a permissive “parent”. But those stories are for a different post.
SouthernStyle

13

I don’t know why it’s so frowned upon, but it is. If you say you don’t like kids, people seem to take that to mean that you want to stick pins in them and would starve any infant left in your care out of pure sadistic cruelty. I like peace, quiet, order, and purely adult activities. (No, I don’t mean the x-rated kind, at least not in this thread.) I once bought an incredibly cool and fabulous stuffed animal for myself and showed it to several people, and I confided to one of them (whose sympathetic tendancy I already knew) that I planned to keep it well out of reach of my young niece/newphews. He promptly replied, “Of course you should; that’s way too nice to be drooled on and dragged around the floors by the tail.” Had I said it to anyone else, they would have looked at me like an ogre. I once had a moment of bold frankness and asked a female co-worked who talked contstantly about her four young children, “Don’t you ever get home and just wish you could put them on a closet shelf for a few hours, to have a little time for yourself?” She looked at me like I was a monster, and gave me a response to a similar effect. Clearly she thought that I literally would lock a child in a closet, and she never spoke to me about the kids again. I don’t hate kids, and don’t wish kids any ill will or misfortune (as others said). But I’m uneasy around them, I don’t know how to talk with them and play with them, and most often I’m simply annoyed by the children of others. I feel the same way about the dog of a friend, a very large dog, who has a great fascination with shoving its snout up your crotch and your butt. I know it’s a common dog thing, but I still hate it. And as much as I cherish the friend, I grit my teeth every time I go over there and face the invading muzzle. I don’t wish the dog was dead, I just wish it wouldn’t do that. I don’t wish kids were dead, I just wish they acted…like adults. Which isn’t possible, so I guess I just don’t like kids. Like SouthernStyle said, kids need to do all the normal things and act like kids, and I’m all for that. I just don’t want to be around it myself. At family gatherings, one day filled with the kids running around is enough to last me several months.

MagicalSilverKey, if I were single, I would not deliberately pursue any relationship with a man who had kids. I realize this would cut out a big chunk of the market (I’ve definitely become a rarity myself, never married and no kids), and if it meant staying alone, I could be happy with that, but I don’t ever want to be a step-mom. I have a friend who married a man with a now-teenage child, and every year they have a summer of hell when he comes to live with them. I could find a way to work with those children of my own who will never exist except in theory, but I don’t know how I could possilby cope with children who didn’t have that powerful motivator behind them. Single parents deserve a boatload of credit, but it would be wrong for a non-child person like me to get involved with such a family when I know it’s not for me.

[hijack] Is it more expensive for you to eat in the bar of a restaurant where you are? We never eat anywhere else BUT the bar (and people who bring their young children into the bar are a subject for another thread :rolleyes: ), and everyplace I’ve been had the same menu and prices no matter where you sat. I know some states have weird laws that affect such things? [end hijack]

I know (or at least presume) that if I had any myself, I’d love them more than life itself, but I’m never going to find that out, because, as much as I would love them, I know they would make my daily life unhappy more often than not. I see other people doing it and know that I would not cope well with the constant pressures, no matter how much love was behind it. (I’ve dealt with major pressure involving adults who were much loved, and the love made me willing to do it, but didn’t make it any easier or make it affect me less.) I have nothing but admiration and respect for people who are good parents and step-parents (a couple of my siblings are shining examples, and my own parents were near-saints. The world needs them, and hats off to them. But I will never be one of them. And I’m happy with that. My life is full and satisfying and is, except for my failure to grow a large money tree in the back yard and thus free myself from working, pretty much the free and happy life I dreamed of when I was a kid myself. I love my privacy, my serene house, my freedom to do what I want, and the sense that my life really is my own.

How much more kind and wise of me to spare myself and those in my ripples the unhappy repercussions that would ensue if I gave in to societal pressure and had kids “because it’s the right thing to do.” I must point out, it’s not as if the human race is in any danger of running short on new members. I’m not saying overpopulation is the reason I don’t want kids, but in light of the tremendous problem the ever-growing number is, I think I deserve a pat on the back, not a condemnation.

By the way, I do know several people who have confided privately that, as much as they love their children, if they had it to do over again, they have real doubts about whether they would still do the same thing. I don’t think that makes them bad people (and I know they are good parents) - but it makes me think I’m not as nutty as people imply.

Speaking of nutty, here’s an idea that will reinforce my pariah status as an evil child-hater: how about kid-free days at major public institutions? I have a quiet dream, one which I know will never be realized, of being able to go to a museum and actually view things peacefully and perhaps have a little quiet reflection, to enjoy it all without major distraction and annoyance, without kids screaming at each other, without kids yelling dumb stuff as they spend exactly four seconds “appreciating” each display, without kids running and chasing each other, without kids crashing into me and shoving me at every exhibit. One day a week? Even one day a month? I for one would happily pay extra for the privilege.

cygnus, who is glad you love your kids but who finds that pets are just right for me.

14

Add me to the He-Man Child-Hater’s Club.

Well, OK, I don’t hate them as individuals; I know several children (of friends) whom I can happily tolerate and be all auntie at for an hour or two. But I do hate 'em as a group. Hated when I was one, hate 'em now.

I am not going to ever marry or have kids, so it’s not really an issue with me. My childless friends feel the same way I do, and the friends with kids know I can be counted on not to actually kick the little scrapers.

15

Well said, Cygnus. Excellent.

In so many ways we choose to NOT have children for selfish reasons. We’re too busy with our own lives to let the little buggers intrude. We don’t even realize that we’re being selfish.

But there comes a point in our lives that we realize that the time to sire, bear, and raise children is passed.

It’s clearly NOT a selfish act to realize that raising children is for the young. Children need parents with sufficient energy to keep up with them. They need parents that are the same age as their friend’s parents. And they need parents that are likely to live long enough to see them grown.

The down side is that so many of the people that elect to not have children remove from the gene pool an element that it sorely needs.

You’ve got a good attitude about you. If you’re ever in my neighborhood, I’ll gladly introduce into a too-small group of married-without-children. :wink:
SouthernStyle

16

Well, I love kids, I just adore them. My favorite job(not the pay, I assure you) was as a teacher’s aide in a pre-school. I think kids are fun, and smart and underestimated. I have 2 great boys. I look forward to meeting and spending time with my SO’s children this summer.

BUT, it does not bother me in the least when people say they don’t like kids. It’s their right to like who they want to. It is not a prerequisite to have or even want to be around children. Two of my very best friends did not really care for kids. Of course they were always pleasant, but they just were not very personable. I could care less. I like banana cream pie, that doesn’t mean I will only associate with people who like banana cream pie. The only person I am concerned about when it comes to similar goals and likes, etc., is my SO. Hope he likes banana cream pie.

17

I’m female, 30, single. I despise children. I will do anything to avoid them. I NEVER want kids of my own. Like the rest here, I don’t wish bodily harm or other ill will upon children, but they make me extremely uncomfortable and if I have to be around them I am miserable. I had to be around one yesterday, but the circumstances were unusual. I was meeting with an old friend I hadn’t seen in 14 years, so there was no way I oculd ask him not to bring his son. Thankfully, his wife did a great job at keeping the kid busy with other things so he didn’t bug me that much.

Baby Fever is spreading at my workplace, and all I hear is baby this, baby that, delivery, choice of diaper, blah, blah, blah. It makes me want to SCREAM! The only good thing about it is that with everyone on maternity leave, I get lots of overtime!

18

I know how you feel. That is, until the contractions started. I’ve never liked kids, I don’t know why humans don’t eat their young like hamsters do. Then the little stick turned pink. Now, I can’t believe how much I love being a mommy but I still loathe other peoples children. Yes, kids are rambunctious and need to test boundries, just not in public. I am always aware of how Babybob’s actions are going to affect others and I know that it’s my responsibility to take the bundle of joy outside (or home) if she’s ruining someone elses’ dinner/movie/whatever. More parents should show respect for others in public places- maybe their kids might actually learn by example.

19

MSK meet Michi, Michi, MSK. Will that be a table for two in the bar?
hehe

Anyway, I, on the other hand, love kids. I completely understand the position of the other side, however, and that’s fine with me. I think that on closer examination, you may find that your real beef is with parents. I am in a line of work in which I call on clients, often in their homes. I could not tell you haw many times I have had kids climbing on me, going through my stuff, etc while the parents smile and say “Aint s/he cut?” I carry a video to destract them sometimes. ( Some of this depends on the age of the kid. If it’s a 12-18 month old trying to look in my bag, fine. S/hes too young to understand. But a 4-5 year old? C’mon!) These permissive numb nuts think letting a child run the house is good parenting. They probobly also believe that Nordstroms is high society. Do YOUR CHILD a favor and instill discipline. Children should know how to behave around strangers, and it’s YOUR JOB TO TEACH THEM! I don’t blame the kids. I don’t blame an abused dog for cringeing. I don’t like either one. So, note to parents: I AM NOT IMPRESSED THAT YOU FIGURED OUT HOW TO FUCK AND PRODUCED A GENETIC CONTINUATION OF YOURSELVES! I am impressed when you DO YOUR ( extremely difficult)JOB and raise them properly. You will be a lot happier in the long run, and so will your kids.

20

Mmmmmm! Banana cream pie!!! My favorite!!!