I am in a stage of my life where most of my friends and family have young children, and my husband and I have decided not to have children. From what we’re experiencing and what we’ve seen on these boards, there is a definite division between parents and childfree people.
Here is my perspective on being around parents and kids:
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You love your children. Fine. I get that. But you must realize that I don’t. I like them okay, I guess, but I don’t have the bond with them that you do. Your children are the centre of your world, just the way it should be, but please remember that they aren’t the centre of mine.
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Please don’t assume that I want to “mommy” your children. I don’t want to hold your baby, I don’t want to feed your children, I don’t want to do any of the traditional “mommy” things with them - I’m not built that way. Your kids are going to get interesting to me around 10 or l1, when they start being capable of having interesting conversations.
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Please don’t assume your children are always invited along. There are some situations and affairs that are not for children, and sometimes I just want to hang around with my friend or sister the way we used to before the kids came along. Please also know that I will not be at all hurt if you decline my invitation because you want to spend time with your kids. They come first; I know that.
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When we are at a gathering of adults and children, please be aware that you are still responsible for your own kids; this isn’t the place for you to kick back and let all the other adults there look after your kids for you. Please don’t allow your children to become a problem for everyone at the affair. Also, please remember that I don’t have kids, and I have no idea what is hazardous for children like you do.
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When you are talking with childfree people like us, please try to include some topics that aren’t about children/labour/pregnancy/etc. We just aren’t particularly interested in these aspects of human life. We can have a conversation about these topics for awhile, but please take note when our eyes glaze over, and move on to topics that have some relevance for us as well.
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We have decided not to have children. This is a considered decision that we have discussed and worked out between the two of us. It involved many factors, and we feel we have good, valid reasons for our decision. We also feel that we don’t have to justify this decision to anyone, or even tell anyone about it.
I’m not trying to be a selfish asshole here. I know your kids are the most important things in your life, that they take most of your time and energy, that they are the focus of everything you do. All I’m asking is that you try to remember that we’re not in the same place you are.