Sounds like the parents were lax in teaching him appropriate social behaviour (or at least how to pretend).
And no, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you regarding how you feel. What a insufferably snooty bratty way to behave! This boy is definitely old enough to have learned how to behave properly in a social setting such as the one you describe.
Good grief! What a mouthy little brat!
Yeah, I recently visited my extended family, and my 10-year-old nephew was, to put it mildly, very controlling. I wouldn’t admire such a trait to begin with, but it’s also a particular hot-button with me. I avoided him for the rest of the trip, though I didn’t say anything. His older sibs seem to be turning out okay, though, so I’m hoping it’s something that he’ll outgrow in short order.
I dislike kids in general, but I’m okay with them for the durations that they can act civilized and adult-like. I’ll leave once they revert to type, though.
ZPG: Although I can see that being an issue, and I always ask parents for this info if their kids are eating at my house, this particular child has been around here more than a few times and doesn’t have food allergies.
He’s just lacking in manners and has a condescending attitude about damn near everything.
When they came back from snowmobiling, he informed the SO that, “you guys really should get new snowmobiles because those don’t look very good.” Not, “thank you for letting me ride”. NOT, “wow, that was fun”.:rolleyes:
And, just like that, I saw understanding dawn on the SO’s face and I am no longer a horrible person.:smack:
Kids can be annoying, but I think you still owe it to them to try to guide them and work with them. Part of growing up is finding your independence, and I think most kids go through a stage where they try to assert that by showing disinterest/disdain/snobbiness towards adults. It’s a way to differentiate yourself from the adults in your life…“Oh, you like cake? Well, I don’t like cake.” The trick is to show them that it isn’t working, and encourage them towards a better path towards independence.
I am childfree by choice. I like kids, but the idea of being responsible for a human life 24/7/365 for at least 18 years makes me want to curl up under the bed and hide.
That being said, if my nephew had DEMANDED to know what was in the cake, I would have taken his plate and handed him the cookbook while serving cake to everyone else. If the ingredient list had pleased him, I’d serve him some cake too, but I wouldn’t get up from the table to do it. He would have to wait until after I was done enjoying the cake with everyone else. I would discuss the recipe with him and answer any questions he had, but he’d have to wait for the cake.
Now, if he had asked if there were nuts in the cake, I’d have told him “No, David. I know you are allergic to nuts. You are my favorite nephew, afterall. I want to keep you around for a while.”
Family members usually know about other family members’ food preferences and/or allergies. I don’t cook for strangers, so don’t usually have to worry about keeping ingredient lists in my memory.
edited to add that while I read while I eat, I don’t let people who have to be reminded to wash dirty hands before eating to eat and read my books. This applied to an ex-boyfriend as well.
Agree with that.
Honestly, this sounds like me when I was a kid. A lot of that sass is learned from TV, because on television characters that talk like this are considered charismatic and independent. (House is an example.) My childhood was spent in a house where opinions are kept to oneself, and to this day I have problems expressing my opinions in a healthy, non-asshole way.
I grew up my whole life hearing “don’t you talk back to me”, “don’t be a smartass”, and “if you were my kid I’d beat you with a belt” but I honestly had no idea how what I was saying was offensive. Some kids are somewhat lacking in self-awareness, are completely unable to detect the tone of their own voices or the effect that their comments have on others.
For kids like me, keeping your mouth shut or yelling are not useful. They either reinforce the negative behavior of just make them think you’re an asshole, and not worth listening to. Politely demonstrating a nicer, more effective way to express that particular opinion is, in my opinion, the best way to help the kid.
YMMV
No. Not if they want to stay alive. *Name *the allergen/s, and I’ll tell you if any of them are in there. Not just because it’s more polite, but because it’s *safer *that way. I may forget the cinnamon in my chili if you just ask me what’s in it (“Oh…onions, tomatoes, beef, chili beans… y’know, chili stuff!”) but if you specifically ask me if it has cinnamon, I’m far more likely to remember that, oh yes, this time I *did *put some cinnamon in, even though I don’t always do that.
My daughter is gluten intolerant. I don’t expect everyone to know what “gluten” is, or what ingredients have it, or to give her a list of ingredients which she won’t understand anyhow. I *do *expect her to politely say, “Mrs. Smith, I can’t eat wheat or rye or barley - are any of those in this cake?”
Oh good! Now you don’t have to go around with him secretly thinking you’re mean or something. 
I think from the rest of the posts about this child’s behavior that it’s clear that the child wasn’t asking about the cake for allergy purposes.
“Here, have some cake!” “What is this? What’s in it?”
“You ARE making us lunch for when we get back from snowmobiling, right? Cuz cereal is not that good of a breakfast.” (when the child himself chose cereal)
“You guys really should get new snowmobiles because those don’t look very good.”
This pattern of relatively snotty (according to the content) statements would make my smackin’ hand itch, too. The kid obviously might grow out of that behavior, so you should definitely hide your smackin’ hand itchin’ for now and treat the child like you’d treat other children, but…DAMN. Those are some snotty-ass statements, when taken as a pattern.
[quote=“ZPG_Zealot, post:38, topic:569386”]
There’s a difference between politely asking about possible allergens and rudely mouthing off because TV has taught you that it’s cool.
Just so you all don’t think I am only looking for the bad, this same kid is very protective, helpful and kind to his little brother (5 YO) and is very gentle with the animals around here.
I agree with this. Yes, the kid is being rude, but I wouldn’t write him off as a lost cause if nobody has ever taught him how to be polite.
(And I, too, had a hugely difficult time learning how to hear tone and tell the difference between socially appropriate and inappropriate things to say; some kids are just not wired to pick up on social cues that easily.)
I don’t mean to pick on you, so don’t take this post the wrong way. But frankly, I’m tired of people pathologizing bratty behavior in kids. Yes, a very small percentage of kids lack social skills because of atypical neurological wiring. But the vast majority are perfectly normal…it’s just that they have too high of an opinion of themselves and their ideas. And there’s nothing wrong with taking them down a peg either. Not abusively, of course, but not wth soft, gentle tones either.
The fear that a kid could be ADD, ASD, OCD, or whatever is what makes people afraid of correcting children–both their own and other people’s–nowadays. I know these disorders are very real, but like I said before, they don’t apply to the vast majority of kids.
If they don’t get trained during childhood, then they will get it later in life in the form of a good punch in the throat or someone going off on them in the workplace.
For instance, the other day a coworker made yet another annoying remark about my lunch. I let it pass, thinking that’s just the way she is as a person and no need to blow a gasket. The very next day, though, I had the same lunch and she made the same annoying remark, except very loudly and childishly (fyi, my major “faux pas” was putting ketchup on chicken :dubious:). I was already in a bad mood, so her commentary just made me want to wring her neck. Instead I told her I was eating lunch alone and went back to my office. I’ve been considering doing it on a permanent basis for awhile, but this interaction has made up my mind. Fuck socializing just for the sake of it.
This bratty adult was no doubt a spoiled, overly-opinionated kid. She annoys everyone and has even been told as much to her face by the boss. But of course, she can’t see it. Maybe if she had been told off a few times in childhood, she wouldn’t have such a blindspot now.
My parents went overboard sometimes, but at least no one could have ever accused any of their kids of being brats. Even my rebellious sister was always respectful to teachers and authority figures.
Yelling at a kid every now and then is not going to scar them. Yelling indiscriminately over minor stuff is bad. But disrespect should be pointed out swiftly, damn hurt feelings and humiliation. When you’re rude, you should feel the consequences of your actions and not just be given a pass. I don’t care how old you are.
And, as a slight hijack to my own thread. Little brother just came in to inform me that big brother was stuck “in a snow drip.”
Sounds to me like Trevor just offered to get up early and cook everyone breakfast next time. Make sure to thank him loudly and let everyone know how thoughtful Trevor’s being.
OooOOOOh, good idea, or as a modified version, just make sure that it be known loudly (enough) and to all and sundry that Trevor wants a hot breakfast and NOT cereal.
Ha HA!
You must also comprehend why you are rude, or you will learn nothing from the encounter except “that guy who keeps yelling at me is a dick.” Perhaps if someone had been more patient with you in your childhood in explaining proper ways to express opinions, you would have calmly told the coworker that their comments bother you and to please stop instead of taking your ball and going home.
[quote=“dangermom, post:52, topic:569386”]
I can’t see how asking “What’s in this?” is rude. If it was a raw, piece of fruit, yes, but a cake. “What’s in this?” is probably the first question I ask when anybody including my husband offers me food.