Just sayin’ is all.
Congratulations!
I see you’ve taken an oath of poverty.
(Just kidding!)
Now that you’re a Doctor of Philosophy, if I tell you what I believe, can you tell me why it’s sick?
“Philosophy? Why do we need all these philosophy majors?”
-stupid woman seated behind me at my wife’s graduation
Congrats!!!
Congrats!
Are you available to provide answers to deep philosophical and/or ethical questions? (For a reduced fee, I hope, as I don’t have philosophy insurance…)
Congratulations!
I just noticed that you received a doctorate “in” not “of” philosophy. My post was not intended to be a jab at your degree. Congrats!
Mind if we call you “Bruce” to keep it clear?
Congrats!
Now … say something deep 
Why?
Good for you!
Congratulations!! What was your thesis on?
As a child, I used to want to study philosophy. I thought I would go to school for it and be a cool ass philosopher, with glasses on the tip of my nose. I would have made a pretty good philosopher, I think. Therefore, I am very proud of you, and I’m living vicariously.
I just remember thinking very deeply into things when I was younger. I had no idea that the things I had questioned were actual philosophical theories until I was older. Some of it’s ‘over my head’, but I take pride in the fact that I would question things so early on in life.
Maybe I should have taken some classes.
Do you have a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to your knees?
Very cool! I hope you enjoyed it!
Congratulations, Dr. Philosopher! 
Congratulations.