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  #1  
Old 03-06-2011, 07:24 PM
Cubsfan Cubsfan is online now
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What's with all of the "One weird old tip/trick/method" spam online today?

You name it and there certainly a "single old tip that is so weird and easy" to do it. I've seen it all:

Grow your dick.
Lose weight.
Get rich.
Clear acne.
Get pussy.

All of these ads have some mention of "crazy old secret makes this so easy". They are literally EVERYWHERE online.

Where did this originate and what is the scam? What type of "old trick" do they deliver?
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  #2  
Old 03-06-2011, 07:50 PM
Romeo and Whatsherface Romeo and Whatsherface is offline
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Some of my high school students told me they checked out an ad that said something like "Town X Mom discovers one weird, old trick for whitening teeth." We live in Town X, and they recognized the woman's photo. The "weird old trick" turned out to be a combination of different tooth whiteners that are, naturally, only available from this online source. I guess the "weird" part was supposed to be that ONE of these products alone would not do the job; no, you had to buy BOTH. Yeesh.

I don't know about the penis enlargement ads. I'd think an old trick would probably do less for penile enhancement than a young trick.
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  #3  
Old 03-06-2011, 10:23 PM
Uncertain Uncertain is offline
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Originally Posted by Cubsfan View Post
Grow your dick.
Lose weight.
Get rich.
Clear acne.
Get pussy.
Yup, that's the way to do it (though I did it in a slightly different order; I took care of the acne early on).

But, seriously, you get spam about increasing penis size? Because I get tons of stuff about penis reduction. I guess we're on different lists.
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  #4  
Old 03-06-2011, 10:31 PM
Argent Towers Argent Towers is offline
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They also have the weirdest goddamn photos accompanying them. I always see headshots of exaggeratedly ugly or weird-looking guys for the "go back to school" type banner ads, including one of a guy with a beard that grows longer and turns white when you mouse over it.
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  #5  
Old 03-06-2011, 10:47 PM
tellyworth tellyworth is offline
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Spammers are often participants in a pyramid scheme. The guy spamming you with that stuff doesn't really want to sell you a few pills, because that's not where the real money is. He wants you to sell pills for him.

People have generally caught on to the unadorned "how to get rich quick" schemes, so instead they usually involve a product. But the product is a MacGuffin; it doesn't matter what it is, it's just there to help the pyramid scheme seem more substantial. So the preferred products are those that are very cheap to duplicate: e-books, software, "systems", magic beans.
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  #6  
Old 03-06-2011, 11:46 PM
dhkendall dhkendall is offline
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Originally Posted by Uncertain View Post
But, seriously, you get spam about increasing penis size? Because I get tons of stuff about penis reduction. I guess we're on different lists.
Probably the spammers wised up and realized that no guy would ever buy penis reduction stuff (spam or not). That was not understanding the male psyche well.

I mean, plenty of women have went into the doctor's to have their breasts reduced. But I will bet huge sums of money that there has never been a conversation in a plastic surgeon's office that began with the words "Yeah, my weiner's too big ... "
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  #7  
Old 03-06-2011, 11:53 PM
Argent Towers Argent Towers is offline
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I think he was just joking.
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  #8  
Old 03-07-2011, 12:16 AM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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Qadgop the Mercotan once wrote of one of his patients asking for a reversal of a botched enlargement procedure, though.
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  #9  
Old 03-07-2011, 02:24 AM
Lynn Bodoni Lynn Bodoni is offline
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His patient's main complaint wasn't that it was too large, but that sex was no longer enjoyable, in fact, sex hurt.

That was one of the best laughs I've ever had, though. And I told my husband that if he ever wanted to embiggen his penis, that he should go to someone who didn't want to be paid in nose candy.
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  #10  
Old 03-08-2011, 09:59 AM
Hero From Sector 7G Hero From Sector 7G is offline
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Originally Posted by dhkendall View Post
Probably the spammers wised up and realized that no guy would ever buy penis reduction stuff (spam or not). That was not understanding the male psyche well.

I mean, plenty of women have went into the doctor's to have their breasts reduced. But I will bet huge sums of money that there has never been a conversation in a plastic surgeon's office that began with the words "Yeah, my weiner's too big ... "
What is the noise a joke make flying over a small penis?
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  #11  
Old 03-08-2011, 01:18 PM
Rachellelogram Rachellelogram is offline
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I always see the "one weird old trick to reducing belly fat." Maybe the internet knows I'm fat!

But seriously, I'd like to know what the trick is that's being referred to. Idle curiosity.
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  #12  
Old 03-08-2011, 07:48 PM
AaronX AaronX is offline
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I'm wondering too. And why "old"? Is it a psychological thing?
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  #13  
Old 03-09-2011, 03:25 AM
brujaja brujaja is offline
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Deja Vu?
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  #14  
Old 03-09-2011, 04:06 PM
tellyworth tellyworth is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelellogram View Post
But seriously, I'd like to know what the trick is that's being referred to. Idle curiosity.
If you hang around the parts of the internet frequented by spammers and scammers, you'll notice that they're all trying to sell each other various schemes to get more traffic, more backlinks, more people to fill in forms, more ad clicks, more affiliate signups. And the way those schemes are often promoted is, "one easy trick to increase traffic", "guaranteed method to make $x in y hours", etc. All you have to do is buy this free e-book to find out how, or sign up for this seminar, or whatever.

Can you guess what secret method is described in the e-book?
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  #15  
Old 03-09-2011, 04:18 PM
bleibtreu bleibtreu is offline
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Originally Posted by Romeo and Whatsherface View Post
We live in Town X, and they recognized the woman's photo.
Sure, you'll always live in or at least close to "Town X" because your IP address is being looked up. I live in Brooklyn but my Verizon DSL IP is listed as being in Queens. So for me those ads always place me in either Whitestone or Jamaica.

The photos, of course, have little or no connection to the products. I saw one a couple of weeks ago where I recognized the woman in the photo of a "skin care secret" ad. That same shot had been in the news just days before... she was a murder victim.
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  #16  
Old 03-09-2011, 04:59 PM
Biffy the Elephant Shrew Biffy the Elephant Shrew is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AaronX View Post
I'm wondering too. And why "old"? Is it a psychological thing?
No doubt an homage to Old Weird Harold.
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  #17  
Old 03-09-2011, 05:22 PM
Chief Pedant Chief Pedant is offline
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I believe I get some ads where the one weird old trick was discovered by a Single Mom.
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  #18  
Old 03-09-2011, 06:42 PM
GilaB GilaB is offline
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Yes - why a single mom? All of mine are discovered by Single Moms as well, even though I'm married and childless.
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  #19  
Old 03-09-2011, 06:51 PM
tellyworth tellyworth is offline
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Originally Posted by GilaB View Post
Yes - why a single mom? All of mine are discovered by Single Moms as well, even though I'm married and childless.
Because "discovered by single mom", "one old trick", ip-geolocation, stolen people photos, before/after shots, and so on, are the methods described recently in the e-books and seminars that spammers and scammers sell to less experienced spammers and scammers.

We're seeing these methods frequently because they are the methods that have filtered down towards the bottom of the pyramid. The smarter bad guys are up the top, selling new and improved methods for beating the old tricks. Give it 6 months and you'll see what they are.
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  #20  
Old 03-09-2011, 08:17 PM
Biffy the Elephant Shrew Biffy the Elephant Shrew is offline
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Originally Posted by GilaB View Post
Yes - why a single mom?
Maybe she became a single mom in the first place by turning weird old tricks.
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  #21  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:02 PM
wbeaty wbeaty is offline
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Originally Posted by Romeo and Whatsherface View Post
Some of my high school students told me they checked out an ad that said something like "Town X Mom discovers one weird, old trick for whitening teeth." We live in Town X, and they recognized the woman's photo.

I suspect that you're watching evolution in action.

Literally.

If you're a spammer who can instantly field thousands of ads (or millions,) then set up an automated system that starts adding semi-random features. Dump the stats and see which ones attract more clicks. You accidentally discover the phrase "A mom discovered?" Or a particular meaningless animation? Particular fonts, strange font sizes and positioning of white space? Send out thousands, see which makes the grade. What if hair coloring and bad breath and antiperspirant doesn't work, but TEETH WHITENING mysteriously attracts gigantic traffic? Bingo! That one bubbles to the top.

The next generation "Progeny" ads will combine the features of successful randomly mutated ads. Also, detect if some combinations are synergistic rather than just additive. Jumping dinosaur doesn't work with "A Mom Discovered," etc.

Taken to the limit, rapid meme evolution might produce advertising so powerful that it usurps your own internal algorithms and forces you to click the ad against your will! Then your only defense is in having grown up in some niche society having different mental algorithms and being too small to attract attention by the mind-control advertising evolution software. If certain ads just look stupid, it might mean that you're mentally abnormal, and the average of the mass of humanity would be sent drooling and clicking by that same stupid ad.
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  #22  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:08 PM
wbeaty wbeaty is offline
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Post each ad on ~10K websites. Collect stats.

Discovered by a mom

Trick discovered by a mom

Weird discovered by a mom

Weird trick discovered by a mom

Old discovered by a mom

Old trick discovered by a mom

Old weird discovered by a mom

Old weird trick discovered by a mom

Discovered by a single mom

Trick discovered by a single mom

Weird discovered by a single mom

Weird trick discovered by a single mom

Old discovered by a single mom

Old trick discovered by a single mom

Old weird discovered by a single mom

Old weird trick discovered by a single mom

Make your own electricity at home!
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  #23  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:29 PM
computer_rick computer_rick is offline
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I am waiting for the single Amish Mother's secret to whiter teeth.

That one, I will respond to...
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  #24  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:49 PM
Romeo and Whatsherface Romeo and Whatsherface is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bleibtreu View Post
Sure, you'll always live in or at least close to "Town X" because your IP address is being looked up. I live in Brooklyn but my Verizon DSL IP is listed as being in Queens. So for me those ads always place me in either Whitestone or Jamaica.

The photos, of course, have little or no connection to the products. I saw one a couple of weeks ago where I recognized the woman in the photo of a "skin care secret" ad. That same shot had been in the news just days before... she was a murder victim.
That's just creepy. *Shudder* My students claim--and we're talking teen-agers here, so who knows--that some of them talked to the woman, who is supposedly the mom of some student I haven't had in class, and that she really used these teeth products. My thought was that IF true, the woman was maybe getting paid for letting them use her photo. But if they're using photos of dead people, maybe that's not true.

Yeah, I knew it was no coincidence that our town was named. That part was obvious.

My theory on the "old" part--as well, actually, as the "weird" and the "trick" parts is that those words are geared to making people think these can't be ads to buy products. They're trying to scam you into thinking that if you use pickle juice or something you probably have around your house, you can get white teeth or lose your belly fat or whatever. So the suckers click to find the "trick."
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  #25  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:56 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Originally Posted by GilaB View Post
Yes - why a single mom?
Dermatologists and dentists hate them, because they've discovered the weird old trick.

I hate them too.
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  #26  
Old 03-11-2011, 03:27 AM
brujaja brujaja is offline
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This is awesome! Between my thread, referenced above, ("Get rid of annoying banner ads using this one weird old trick!!") and this thread, I believe we may have already embarrassed them into changing a lot of those ads! I am definitely seeing fewer of them.



Oh, wait. Advertisers can't be embarrassed.

Dang.
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  #27  
Old 03-11-2011, 02:54 PM
Executive Koala Executive Koala is offline
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Hi guys,

There's been some good responses to this question but no one seems to have a complete grip on the phenomenon. This is a subject I know a lot about as I work in online marketing but don't get involved with these kind of ads because, as I shall explain, they are basically an organised criminal enterprise.

The reason for the use of the same copy everywhere is quite simply because it works. Banner ads are usually sold on a pricing method called Cost Per Mille or CPM for short. This means that I pay you say $3 for a thousand impressions of my ad on your site. An impression is just the image loading one time. As such all the risk in this relationship is on me, I need to make damn sure that people click on that ad! On Google you pay for the click itself, so if the ad isn't compelling and people don't click then at least I haven't lost any money (but I also haven't got any clicks either).

Why does this kind of copy work? It appeals to a very broad range of people using various psychological triggers:

1) Everyman - if a single mom did it surely I can too
2) Local - Wow, this mom lived near me?
3) Intrigue - What is this weird old trick?
4) Anti elitism/intellectualism - Damn dentists trying to keep this secret!

Generally speaking you'll find that if you click on the ad it will take you to what looks like a blog about someone's experiences. Alternatively it may lead to what seems to be a news article. In both cases the blog and the article are fake (and are known in the trade as a flog and farticle respectively). The blog will expand on the triggers that I listed above in the ad.

As alluded to above these techniques are used to 'sell' a variety of products:

1) Weight loss/muscle gain stuff - acai berries, cho yung tea, whatever

2) Get rich quick schemes

3) Teeth whitening

4) Penis enlargement

And so on. Basically anything that is a big sore point emotionally for people is a good target for these kind of ads.

Generally speaking the products will not work as advised and in many cases will be outright useless. Acai berries for instance are a reasonable source of anti oxidants but they will not get you RIPPED IN 10 DAYS as the landing pages will lie to you about. Nor are there pills that will make your dig bigger (other than viagra).

But it gets worse....

The reason that these ads are SO prolific nowadays and you do see them everywhere now, not just on shady torrent sites and the like, is that the return they make for the people who place them is huge, as such they can afford to pay a LOT for their traffic and this means even respectable sites like the Straight Dope end up carrying them.

Generally speaking the ads are run by 'affiliates'. These are third parties who advertise for the supplier in return for a commission on successful 'sales'. This is a business model that can be used legitimately despite what you may think and is done so by most online traders but it can also be associated with shady stuff like this.

If you click on one of these ads the landing page will try and get you to sign up for a 'free' trial, you just pay for P&P. Hidden in the small print is that they will actually bill you every month for X dollars. Also, in many cases you'll find it next to impossible to cancel and you may simply get money randomly taken from your credit card at their chosing. A lot of the companies running this are incorporated in dodgy areas where not much can be done to them. So they get to sell you a very cheap product, for a very very expensive price without you realising until it's too late in many cases.

So to summarise:

- The same copy is used frequently because it works well in generating clicks to the landing pages

- The product can vary widely but the basic business model is the same and it's a rip off

- Don't click these ads! Don't sign up for the free trial!

- Your dick's fine just the way it is champ.
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  #28  
Old 03-11-2011, 03:16 PM
brujaja brujaja is offline
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Originally Posted by Executive Koala View Post

- Your dick's fine just the way it is champ.

Word.
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  #29  
Old 03-11-2011, 04:03 PM
Giles Giles is offline
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Originally Posted by Executive Koala View Post
Your dick's fine just the way it is champ.
Has that single mom living in my town been talking to you?
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  #30  
Old 03-12-2011, 06:27 AM
AaronX AaronX is offline
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Thanks Koala, that was a great explanation!
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  #31  
Old 03-16-2011, 08:14 AM
slaphead slaphead is offline
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Originally Posted by Executive Koala View Post
known in the trade as a flog and farticle respectively
Highlight of this thread, in my opinion. Thank you!
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  #32  
Old 03-16-2011, 06:18 PM
JBDivmstr JBDivmstr is offline
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What have you got against a DIVORCED, Amish Mother?

Quote:
Originally Posted by computer_rick View Post
I am waiting for the single Amish Mother's secret to whiter teeth.

That one, I will respond to...
Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
__________________
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)
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  #33  
Old 08-27-2011, 02:26 PM
Ddrakenstien Ddrakenstien is offline
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It's one old trick to get all the sheep to log on to their scam site. I've got a bridge to sell, hold on, its right here behind my snake oil.
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  #34  
Old 09-10-2011, 06:08 PM
Breathless Breathless is offline
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I registered just to say that those FREAKING ADS ARE ON THE BOTTOM OF THIS VERY PAGE!!!
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  #35  
Old 10-12-2011, 06:58 AM
AaronX AaronX is offline
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Hi. It seems the trend now is to ask REALLY STUPID questions:
is this nicki minaj? http://phoenix-pk.org/forums/showthr...is-Nicki-Minaj

There's another one asking if a picture is photoshopped, but I can't find it right now.
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  #36  
Old 10-12-2011, 10:08 AM
aruvqan aruvqan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dhkendall View Post
Probably the spammers wised up and realized that no guy would ever buy penis reduction stuff (spam or not). That was not understanding the male psyche well.

I mean, plenty of women have went into the doctor's to have their breasts reduced. But I will bet huge sums of money that there has never been a conversation in a plastic surgeon's office that began with the words "Yeah, my weiner's too big ... "
Paging PtM ...

I remember the infamous bagel dog penis thread ... the patient did actually want a penis reduction
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  #37  
Old 10-12-2011, 10:31 AM
paperbackwriter paperbackwriter is offline
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To be nitpicky, QtM's patient didn't so much want a reduction as a revision of a previously-horribly-botched enlargement. Given what he went through to try enlarging said member, I'm sure if the girth could have been maintained without the complications described, he would have been happy.
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  #38  
Old 02-03-2012, 11:42 PM
Glenn Peters Glenn Peters is offline
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[QUOTE=Cubsfan;13540265]You name it and there certainly a "single old tip that is so weird and easy" to do it. I've seen it all:

Grow your dick.
Lose weight.
Get rich.
Clear acne.
Get pussy.

All of these ads have some mention of "crazy old secret makes this so easy". They are literally EVERYWHERE online.

Where did this originate and what is the scam? What type of "old trick" do they deliver?
=====================================================

They're using 'weird' to connote something mysterious, unusual, perhaps obvious and "gee whiz you'll be surprised!" It's meant to get you curious, so you'll click on the link to satisfy your falsely aroused curiosity.

GP
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  #39  
Old 02-03-2012, 11:55 PM
PlainJain PlainJain is offline
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I saw this and though, "Hey, we've already done this". Yep, a resurrected thread.


Note no 'zombie' jokes.
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  #40  
Old 02-04-2012, 04:38 AM
Senegoid Senegoid is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cubsfan View Post
They're using 'weird' to connote something mysterious, unusual, perhaps obvious and "gee whiz you'll be surprised!" It's meant to get you curious, so you'll click on the link to satisfy your falsely aroused curiosity.
GP
The common thread of all the spam scams is the promissory exploitation of your most hopelessly impossible fantasies, from having infinite dick and money and good looks, all the way to using all the above to get infinite pussy.... and promising furthermore how eeeeeeezy it will all be.

Just kindly enter your First Name: ____________________________
Last Name: __________________________________
Social Security number: _________________________
Date of Birth (hey, our product isn't for kids y'know): ______________
Credit Card: ________-________-________-________ Exp date: _____________
Mothers maiden name: ___________________________

ETA: Oh, and your mailing address, as if we're actually going to send you something:
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________

Last edited by Senegoid; 02-04-2012 at 04:40 AM..
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  #41  
Old 02-04-2012, 07:38 PM
The Dord The Dord is offline
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I always get ones that have Ron Jeremy in it.. I don't know why...
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  #42  
Old 02-05-2012, 03:00 AM
brujaja brujaja is offline
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Originally Posted by The Dord View Post
I always get ones that have Ron Jeremy in it.. I don't know why...

Oh dear god! If there's one person who could not sell me anything, ever, it's Ron Jeremy!
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  #43  
Old 02-05-2012, 06:28 PM
Alex Osaki Alex Osaki is offline
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For some reason those ads really grate on me. I can't exactly figure out why. Anyway, I thought I'd left it behind when I moved to Germany. Anyway, sure enough, sidebar ad today:

Verbrenne jeden Tag etwas bauchfett mit diesem 1 ungewöhnlichen tipp. (Burn each day a little belly fat with this 1 weird tip). Same phrasing, same line drawing. So if these ads are starting to lose their power in the states, they're apparently migrating over here to Europe.
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  #44  
Old 02-05-2012, 06:40 PM
drewtwo99 drewtwo99 is offline
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you all really need to get adblock and noscript!! I can't believe people don't use these things <_<
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  #45  
Old 02-05-2012, 08:10 PM
Mister Rik Mister Rik is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Biffy the Elephant Shrew View Post
No doubt an homage to Old Weird Harold.
"Heeeey maaaaan, why you wanna go and hit me upside the head with that belly fat, man?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by GilaB View Post
Yes - why a single mom? All of mine are discovered by Single Moms as well, even though I'm married and childless.
In addition to what others have said, I think it also plays to the perception that "single moms" are typically uneducated. It implies that this "weird old trick" is some simple, inexpensive, common sense thing instead of an expensive "scientific" thing.
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  #46  
Old 06-03-2012, 08:19 PM
effee effee is offline
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what it is

is some goddamn fucking halfwit sitting on the toilet masterbating had a "brilliant" FUCKING IDEA FOR A scam line, put it out there on the web and all the other fucking asshole sheeple, naturally, started copying it. That's all.
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  #47  
Old 11-17-2012, 05:00 AM
dickm6372 dickm6372 is offline
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Poem about "One Weird Trick"

ONE WEIRD TRICK

One simple trick that you should try
To raise your credit score
Hit one weird trick to lose some weight
Another to lose some more

Click "Shocking Muscle Growth"
To make you big and strong
Then click the next "weird trick
To move you right along

One strange trick to cut car insurance
Boy we're rolling now
One odd trick to erase those wrinkles
A housewife shows you how

A peculiar tip to stay asleep
So you can get your rest
One weird way to stay awake
To study for your test

Qne more weird thing to do
It's a never ending quest

So to all the creeps who thought this up
Try the trick below
Click this weird trick to kiss my ass
And I'll tell you where to go


Copyright 11/17/2012
BY
Dick Martin
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  #48  
Old 11-17-2012, 08:02 AM
johnpost johnpost is offline
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zombie or no

these things really do work.

i bought a house with no money. got so many women that they didn't fit in the house, so now i had to buy another bigger house for no money to get them all in. i have to tuck it in my sock to keep it from scrapping on the ground.
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  #49  
Old 11-17-2012, 12:49 PM
John DiFool John DiFool is offline
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Re: Romeo and Whatsherface: isn't ten months kind of long for a mere suspension? Just idly curious...
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  #50  
Old 11-17-2012, 07:22 PM
Senegoid Senegoid is offline
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It really IS an amazing tip/trick/technique!

The amazing thing about it being, it is exactly the SAME tip/trick/technique to accomplish ALL those amazing desirable goals! Just send them money! (Or even better, your relevant credit card information.) That's all there is to it! Done!
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