Ladies, let’s say you’re (in a bar / in a bookstore / departing an airplane, etc) and a guy that you’ve presumably made some eye-contact with earlier, walks up and sticks a piece of paper in your hand with his name and number on it.
Do you find this “easier” than having the same guy saunter up to you, make a couple of minutes of mundane conversation, and then ask for your number? Or do most of you prefer this “assertive / direct” approach?
Would you ever consider calling a guy that did this with you?
Full disclosure: I had a girl do this same “move” on me a couple of years ago; I called her up a couple of days later; we went out to dinner, and had a great time. Unfortunately, it just never really went anywhere after that.
But man oh man was it incredibly flattering when, after she and I had been “making eyes” at each other that first night (and she and I both knew I wasn’t going to have the balls to approach her), to walk by her and have her stick that piece of paper in my hand, on her way out the door.
Just curious if it works the same way, from the woman’s point of view?
If no, then creepy. Guy knows nothing at all about me… let’s just say that this move presumes an awful lot.
Seriously, just say hi. If you want to know more about me, then do what it takes to find out. It doesn’t have to be some huge, drama-filled moment of bravery, or some moment of monumental importance that you’re pinning all your hopes on. It’s just a conversation. You may not even like me once we start talking.
If yes, and it’s clear from conversation that we’re mutually interested/interesting, and we seem to get along, then yes, it’s flattering. If the conversation is going badly, how creepy it is depends on how respectful of boundaries he is: if I’ve already said “no thanks” and he shoves it at me anyway, creepy as hell. If he respects the “no thanks” and backs off when requested, not creepy.
I don’t think it’s creepy, but I think he’d have more luck with a slightly more passive/lower pressure form of communication, like his e-mail address or facebook name, if he expected her to actually get in touch with him.
Oh, and if the aforementioned conversation is obviously a perfunctory means to an end, no, not flattering either. I’ll know, and you can’t pretend that you like ME, if you don’t even make an effort to know me.
I wouldn’t call it creepy, but he wouldn’t be getting a call from me. The number wouldn’t even reach my purse.
In that situation the absolute only thing they know about you is how you look. Of course I realize that attraction is important, but no thanks on that approach.
thanks so much for the insightful responses (man, talk about “fighting ignorance”), and Kaio, I found your comments particularly enlightening.
I tried “this move” with a couple of gals I’d thought were ‘cute’ over the last year or so, and (for reasons explained very eloquently above), it never got anywhere. In those cases, “did we have a conversation first?” Admittedly, no.
I don’t think it’s creepy, but I agree with the others that it’d probably not result in a phone call from me to him. Even if the conversation is only a few minutes, at least you get to know more than just “He/she r purty”, which is valuable information.
Yeah, when I was young and single, any guy who just asked for my number never got it. If a guy isn’t going to even chat me up a bit first, he’s only interested in my body. I also wanted to get a feel for whether the guy was a total creep before giving him any info. If a guy just handed me his number or contact info, with no other interaction, I’d see it as being fairly arrogant, and I’d never call. A guy who does something like that is saying “I’m so sexy that I KNOW that you want me, gimme a call.” While some guys ARE so hot that they make me drool, I’m still not gonna call them just on the basis of their looks. They have to have a personality behind those looks.
So any guesses why it works for women? Even though I admit that I find overly confident women a turnoff, this would almost certainly work for me, at least to get a first date.
Wrong. Wrong, wrong, WRONG. Creepiness relates to behavior. I’ve had extremely ugly men talk to me, without giving off the creepy vibe. And I’ve had extremely attractive men who send out “STAY AWAY FROM ME” signals…that is, they were attractive until they oiled their way up to me and asked what time they should pick me up.
Now, it’s true that a man who is unfashionably dressed, with a hair style that is unique, frequently gives out the creepy vibe. This is because he usually either doesn’t know or care how to dress, and that also spills over in how he acts. But again, it’s a behavior issue more than an appearance issue.
Well, here’s a few guesses.
[ul]
[li]Men are generally fine with someone just wanting them for their body, as long as the other person is attractive.[/li]
[li]Men are more generally more desperate than women. They can’t afford to throw away opportunities. [/li]
[li]Men really do have a stronger sex drive.[/li]
[li]If a woman turns down a man once, he’ll still likely be available later. The opposite isn’t true. Especially since the woman is more likely to take offense. We are still a society where it is expected the man will do the pursuing; women are used to turning men down, not nearly so used to being turned down.[/li]
[li]“For me, it was Tuesday”; it’s unusual for a woman to show interest like that in a man, but women get hit on by men all the time.[/li][/ul]
There’s also very few Ted Bundy’s preying on women. Literally less than one in a million people are serial killers. It’s also hard to figure out how many there are, since female serial killers tend to have personal gain as part of their motives (“black widows” who kill multiple husbands being a classic example), which makes it look more like normal crime.
Yes, but women have the perception that men - especially strange men - COULD be predators. It lurks at the back of our mind - even if we are doing a poor job on the risk analysis intellectually. Men do not perceive women as potential victimizers.
I’m a guy but it seems like a wasted effort to me. You’d have better luck if you’d just talk to the girl. I think too many of us guys get caught up with this “Oh I don’t want to be a bother, or she probably gets this crap all the time” mentality.
Seriously, I don’t think any girl on the planet has ever been impressed with this sort of sensitivity. Just talk to the girl. If you really want to be a good guy, if she shows an obvious DIS-interest in you, take the hint and move on.
And the one thing I love about women? Remember guys, all you have to do is break the ice. Once you get them going they’re going to take a lion’s share of the conversation anyway.
OK. I’m painting with a broad brush. I know I shouldn’t do that so YMMV.
Not a good way to go.
This may well be a culturally biased opinion.
British and Irish men simply don’t put themselves out there like that, so it would come off as super creepy over here.
My sister summed up her thoughts on the differences between American and British men after living in New York for 6 months.
“American men will walk up to you, give your their number, ask for yours, and then take you out to a party where nobody dances and everyone goes home after 2 drinks. British men will meet you at a party where everyone is dancing and the drinking doesn’t stop, take you home with them, and then feel shy about asking for your number the next day”.
