Hiding posts vs unfriending on FB

[Brynda]

Yes, another Facebook behavior poll.

When someone annoys me, I tend to hide their posts, rather than unfriend them. However, it occurs to me that this might be the chickenshit route.

What's your opinion? Poll to follow.

[EmAnJ]

It depends on the person. I won't unfriend my sister, but some of her posts annoy me, so I hide them. I was once friends with a girl who suddenly became VERY anti-abortion and all of her posts related to that. I ended up unfriending her, partly because of her posts, partly because we never talked anyhow.

[olivesmarch4th]

If the posts are merely annoying and not overtly offensive, I hide them.

If the posts represent views contradictory to my most deeply held values, I defriend them. I have defriended two people. One for repeatedly making insulting comments about atheists and agnostics and displaying frightening levels of ignorance (as in, ''I'm not really sure you can be a true Christian if you're not American.'') The other for posting a xenophobic rant about immigrants followed immediately by a racist prison rape joke. Both were childhood friends, but no way in hell am I aligning myself with that garbage.

[ZipperJJ]

I will hide someone's posts if I don't mind the comments they leave on my posts - I just don't want to read their blah blah blah.

I will un-friend someone if I dislike enough of the comments they leave on my posts, or as olives says...if they are just offensive to me and I don't want to be their friend anymore.

Oddly enough there are two people I have hidden and they ended up leaving FB altogether (not just un-friending me). I hid them because they won't STFU with status updates and I bet they ended up crossing a line and having to leave.

[YaraMateo]

Hiding some passive agressive. I would unfriend unless with was a relative. I don't have a facebook, though.

[jabiru]

I'd like to be able to selectively hide posts (and not just their Farmville rubbish). I have a FB friend who mostly posts interesting stuff but also tends to post a lot of godbothering stuff which I'd rather not read. If I could hide his religious glurge posts only, I'd be content.

[etv78]

I only hide stuff if the person is being maliciously anti-Obama or if their posts heighten my own inadequacies. (FTR I've hidden MAYBE 10 posts in 2 years)

[tingbudong]

I hide. Usually people who post too, too many baby photos, play Facebook games and the odd individual who I don't really like. I find it cleans up my news feed considerably. I also block some people from viewing/posting on my wall and from viewing my status - this is reserved for the one or two who feel it absolutely necessary to comment on or 'like' every one of my posts or status updates.

[Zsofia]

Hiding is more polite, plus it's reversible and if I really want to see what they're up to I can look at them on purpose. I'd defriend any actual assholes, but then again I don't friend real assholes in the first place.

[campp]

I've hidden a few, mostly when they start quoting religious passages. Interestingly, this morning I discovered a couple of them have de-friended me since. I guess I post too much progressive stuff. Oh well, fair's fair.

[cwthree]

See, I thought this was going to be about hiding posts that I make from certain FB friends versus de-friending them altogether. I have a couple of FB friends who are very religious, or who think that I am still religious, and sometimes I want to post something anti-religious without having to explain my change of heart/mind to them.

[BigT]

Originally Posted by cwthree

See, I thought this was going to be about hiding posts that I make from certain FB friends versus de-friending them altogether. I have a couple of FB friends who are very religious, or who think that I am still religious, and sometimes I want to post something anti-religious without having to explain my change of heart/mind to them.

I do the same with profanity, which I used to never use. (until I started using this site, natch.)

[Fiveroptic]

Right now I have one hidden who posts scripture several times a day. It's not that I don't like her; it's that I don't like being preached to or feeling like I'm in church. I figure at some point she'll either unfriend or hide me because she's tired of reading updates that includes a mention of my same-sex significant other, or else she'll accept what she can't change. Either way, I don't have to see what Jesus would say and I'm happy with that.

[ratatoskK]

I've hidden people who I do actually like, but who post a million times a day about mundane things like whether their kid drank out of a sippy cup. I don't want to actually unfriend them but their million posts drowned out everything else that was happening. (This was not just one person, by the way.)

[DigitalC]

Most of the people who add me on facebook found through the friend of friend hey maybe you know this guy suggestions by facebook, if i unfriend them i assume i will just end up back there again. I just accept anyone who friends me and immediately hide them.

[MsRobyn]

Originally Posted by EmAnJ

It depends on the person. I won't unfriend my sister, but some of her posts annoy me, so I hide them. I was once friends with a girl who suddenly became VERY anti-abortion and all of her posts related to that. I ended up unfriending her, partly because of her posts, partly because we never talked anyhow.

Pretty much this. I don't unfriend some people because it would be impolitic to do so, but I hide their stuff because I don't want to see it. If I do unfriend you, it's for a damned good reason.

[Dinaroozie]

I've done a bit of both.

It's similar to meatspace friendships. Some people, you kind of wish they'd shut up sometimes, but you still like them. Facebook gives us the luxury of hiding those people. Other people reveal through their communications that they are dicks and you don't want to be friends with them. In those cases the appropriate action is the same on facebook and in person (ie stop being friends with them unless that is not an option for whatever reason).

[BigT]

Yeah, I forgot to answer the question. Yeah, I've done it, but I always make sure to tell people I'm going to do it and why. I hate it when I find out a month later that someone I haven't heard from has actually unfriended me, so I don't do it to other people.

But mostly I just hide people: I even have a chat group called "Just to be nice" which are people who will never even know I'm online.

[SeaDragonTattoo]

The reason I hid the couple of people I did was just because one posted a million YouTube videos a day, and the other one didn't only have Farmville updates (of which I already have all game updates blocked), she would post regular updates with stupid game stuff, like complaining about not being able to have flashing pigs any more.

There's no reason to unfriend them, though. I think that would be more dickish than hiding updates. This way we can still post on each other's walls and read comments on other people's posts. I feel lucky that there aren't any friends I have to read silly religious or political stuff - we all have very similar views!

[Cheesesteak]

Like most others, I hide the annoying but decent people, and would happily unfriend the hateful jerks.

[dangermom]

Originally Posted by ZipperJJ

I will hide someone's posts if I don't mind the comments they leave on my posts - I just don't want to read their blah blah blah.

I've never unfriended anybody actually, but I've hidden a few people who just post a lot of nothing. I like them fine, but I don't want to hear about it every time they move.

[ladyfoxfyre]

It depends on the reason they are being annoying. I have several people in my FB that I will hide, or simply ignore, because they espouse some pretty annoying beliefs. Tea partiers, birthers, etc. They are easy to deal with, just hide. I'm sure my political leanings are annoying to them, so I don't see any harm in mutual avoidance. However, some people will harass my status updates incessantly, and it very quickly becomes this angry ranting no matter what. In some cases, if I have specifically stated that the aforementioned behavior needs to be toned down, I will delete people from my friends list. I can accept that we have differences, but if you can't learn well enough to avoid topics that raise your blood pressure, then I will ensure that you don't see my comments anymore and flood my page with rantings.

[lindsaybluth]

I unfriended just one person (IIRC) but I hide lots of silly bable, from those who think that fluoride is bad to those that think that global warming is going to kill us all tomorrow.

Perhaps it's a generational thing (lots of older people are friends with just a few dozen people on facebook) but there are lots of people that I see socially that are acquaintances. I think I have somwhere between 700 and a thousand friends on Facebook. I don't like many of them, they're just background noise. But to unfriend them could have ramifications - they could be awkard next time I see them, etc. Like the weird neuroscience major who does crappy modern art and never hems his pants - I see him at one friend's home maybe every other month. It would be awkward unfriended him.

There are lots of ways to hide things and have things hidden from you on facebook. It's best to take advantage of them fully before defriending a person. 9/10, if you friended the person it's because you have to see them socially or will have to in the future of they're part of your "network", so to speak. Unfriending them could cause you problems in the future.

[pakalolo]

I don't feel as bad now knowing that I am not the only one who has hidden friends (from back in the day, not current) posts due to excessive religious blathering. Please pray for me about this random unimportant thing...Praise Jesus for providing me with this delicious grilled cheese sandwich today...etc.

I am also pretty close to hiding the posts of a peripheral friend who will not stop blabbing about her children; stressing out about every sniffling nose or cheering about every (normal) accomplishment.

I don't know that I would un-friend someone completely however, they would have to do something really distasteful. I did notice recently that a friend from back in the day had un-friended me without saying anything and I am quite hurt about it.

[tygre]

I hide all apps, games, etc. I don't give a damn about your Farmville, your mafia...(yes, I joined the group for that to make a statement, then hid the group's posts, LOL).

I hide people who have diarrhea of the keyboard --more than a few updates a day -- I don't care that at 10 a.m. you "are still tired from the night before" and at 11:45 "wonder what's for lunch" and at 1:30 "only 4 hours til I can go home"...no, or who post glurge. I unfriend people who post racist, anti-choice, or anti-Obama stuff, or who are tinfoil hat types. I've unfriended maybe a dozen people in 2.5 years. Oh, and if you add me as a friend yet block me from even seeing your wall...I am not going to be your friend, because what's the point?

[C3]

I have a pretty high tolerance for the crazy. My friend who's a Ron Paul worshiping conspiracy theorist? I read every single one of his posts. The high school buddy who's a Jesus-freak Tea Partier and just ran for (and won!) a political office? Totally read his posts - hilarious!

I've hidden almost every one of my friends who's younger than 25 because of the volume of inside jokes and song lyrics they post. I also hide people who post every five minutes about how they're sick or tired or sick & tired, or the woman who gives a daily update about her grandmother's numerous health issues.

I've unfriended one person - about ten minutes ago! - because he posted a really hateful post about Obama, then proceeded to viciously insult someone who very civilly disagreed with him. I love reading opinions that I disagree with, but I have no room in my life for people who are mean.

[Double Foolscap]

I hide people. I find it easier, and then I get to keep being invited to stuff they organise.

This may seem two-faced, but some people I see the most in real life will insist on constantly posting links to videos or talking about how much they love their significant other. They don't do that in real life, so I don't want to remove them completely, but it removes the clutter from my feed.

[steronz]

FB is my primary means for contacting people nowadays. I won't send normal emails anymore except to a handful of friends and family. Everyone else gets a FB message. It's a lot easier than keeping track of ever-changing email addresses and my overflowing gmail contact list.

So, if I never want to contact that person again... unfriend. If they're annoying but I may need to get in touch with them at some point in the future, hide. I tend to err on the side of "hide."

I just hid someone today for overuse of the phrase "liberal media." But I wanted to retain the ability to contact him in the future.

[Chicagojeff]

Normally i hide.. the religious stuff and the Farmcrap.. But yesterday i de-friended a lady who i knew casually. She stated that she wanted to Thank President Bush and all of that.. i was cool with that.. I've seen that angle the last couple of days. But then her friend stated that Obama had him all along and that he was just springing this up for the election.. and then some more sleeper cell crazy.. Enough is enough.. goodbye..

[kanicbird]

If you want to remain friends but their facebook posts are generally too many I hide their posts. Some people post way too often, making them overwhelm any other person's postings and negating the benefit of facebook.

In fairness there should be a limit this friend to x posts per day/week just incase they mend their ways, and it's nice to see some interesting posts.

[Neeps]

I've never felt the need to de-friend, yet, but I have hid all the farmville crap that was littering up my newsfeed. That just seems like common sense.

I was wondering, though, what does it mean when someone hides their wall from you, but doesn't de-friend you. I did this with my unbearable SIL, thinking it was better than de-friending her - was I wrong? She then hid all her posts from me, so it's a bit tit for tat now.

I'm a little naive about all this. Should I have just de-friended? I just didn't want her to know what I was posting, but didn't want to make the statement that I assume de-friending would. Sometimes I feel like I've woken up in the distant future, and I don't understand how the natives communicate with each other.

[lindsaybluth]

Originally Posted by kanicbird

Some people post way too often, making them overwhelm any other person's postings and negating the benefit of facebook.

I disagree; the point of facebook -- again, this varies by generation, I'm in my mid 20's -- is to be able to reach pretty much anyone you would ever want to have contact with again. I don't talk to my friend Elaine* from high school often (an email a few times a year or so) but I want to know how she is, how her hubby is and how their new baby is. Now, does she post lots of white noise (to me)? Sure. But it's easier to hide annoying people if you have tons of friends than to de-friend them if they still serve a purpose. Or that girl I knew from an internship - who knows, maybe I'll want her advice in the future about donating to the nonprofit she works at.

*Not her real name

[AuntiePam]

::slight hijack::

If someone starts a Facebook group, does that give them the ability to delete posts?

[SciFiSam]

I've only defriended one person, and that was because she suddenly turned into a rabid right-wing bigot - it was one of the quickest and most unexpected conversions I've ever seen. I've hidden a lot of people that I'm simply not close to any more (mainly my ex's friends) but don't actually dislike.

[Eats_Crayons]

Originally Posted by YaraMateo

Hiding some passive agressive. I would unfriend unless with was a relative. I don't have a facebook, though.

I disagree. There are several reasons why you don't need to see someone's feed that has nothing to do with disliking them or the content their posts.

I have a good friend that I've known for 35+ years. He works in the arts and media, and do to the nature of what he's doing, the sheer number of his updates is ENORMOUS, and it kind of needs to be for a particular project. His posts are timely and relevant for probably 85% of the people in his network. However, I am in the other 15% of family and friends for whom they are less relevant as far as the need for immediacy. So I hide his feed, and catch up when I have time. If FB had a function whereby I could set up someone's feed in "disgest mode," like a newsgroup, it would be ideal.

Edit: in the poll I chose "something else". I see the FB hide function to be a matter of information management preferences. Some things I like to see right away, others can wait until I feel like going to read them en masse.

[Nametag]

Hiding and de-friending are completely different policies for completely different situations.

I hide posts -- posts I can't give a shit about, like game-related crap and glurge. I've never de-friended anyone, as I'm very slow to add people in the first place, but if I did, it would be because the person him- or herself had become intolerable. If you're hiding all of a person's posts because you can't stand his or her posts, but still want the connection that's fine. If you're hiding all of a person's posts because you can't stand him or her, but don't want "to start something" -- yeah, that's chickenshit.

[lindsaybluth]

Originally Posted by AuntiePam

::slight hijack::

If someone starts a Facebook group, does that give them the ability to delete posts?

Yup. Also, if the person who starts it makes anyone else an "admin" can delete posts as well as message the whole group.

This can become a problem, so only make someone you fully and totally trust an admin...back in the day when I was an intern for Obama we had a university affiliated facebook group with over a thousand members. One guy, who had started out fairly normal and was an "admin", ran for student council president of the university. He didn't have a chance in hell but he spammed the group's list for days, asking people to vote for him. Obviously a huge problem/conflict of interest/annoyance. I think somehow we eventually pressured him and got him to remove himself but not after lots of damage was done.

[Kaio]

Keeping in mind I use FB as a marketing/networking tool:

If this person still provides me with some useful real-world connection, I'll hide them. If they do not, I unfriend them.

Two examples: A woman who I knew only indirectly as a friend of friends (she might have seen me perform with my theatre troupe); she wrote a lot of "organic mommy" hard-sell stuff 12 times a day on my newsfeed. I believe she had some sort of at-home business going on, but either way, it wasn't relevant to me, since I don't have kids, so I hid her and was happy. Of course then she escalated to sending messages to her entire friends list on this stuff, which I can't turn off. So I politely asked to be removed from her mailing list, since I don't have kids and don't really care about mommy stuff. I wouldn't have bothered unfriending her had she respected my request, but instead she did me the favor of unfriending me herself in response. I'm pretty sure she only friended people to sell to them.

And a guy who I knew personally in real life, who had been working as crew on a short film I was producing. After the shoot, he decided he didn't have to do any of the work he signed up for, but kept insisting that he would do it, that he never missed a deadline (which he did, twice), and insisted on doing the non-urgent work while the urgent work was past deadline and still undone, and dragged that out for a couple months while I desperately searched for a replacement in the background.

When I finally found a replacement, and informed him of this, he had a hysterical meltdown. We're talking multiple text messages at 4am, plus a chain of 7 or so emails, spaced five minutes apart, each increasingly hysterical, each demanding a response, also at 4am, apparently not grokking that I can't respond because I'm asleep like normal people are at that hour. I cut ties with him as completely and as quickly as I could.

I also hide games like Farmville and Mafia Wars, which effectively hides certain members of my friends list. I also have a cousin who thinks it's funny to insult me, so while I don't think I've hidden him (all he does is Mafia Wars), I did restrict his permissions so he can't post to my Wall anymore. Whether or not there's any real usefulness in having him around to see the self-promo stuff I push out, I dunno, but I suppose it can't hurt.

[Moonchild]

Originally Posted by ZipperJJ

I will hide someone's posts if I don't mind the comments they leave on my posts - I just don't want to read their blah blah blah.

I will un-friend someone if I dislike enough of the comments they leave on my posts, or as olives says...if they are just offensive to me and I don't want to be their friend anymore.

Oddly enough there are two people I have hidden and they ended up leaving FB altogether (not just un-friending me). I hid them because they won't STFU with status updates and I bet they ended up crossing a line and having to leave.

Exactly.