I had to stop at the grocery store to pick up a couple of things and the self scan machines were down, so I went to the express lane. The “lady” in front of me had more than 15 items, but whatever. The cashier at the express lane is usually really fast.
The “lady” also had coupons. OK, should be fast, all the cashier had to do was swipe them and the “lady” would be gone, right? No. None of the coupons were for the stuff she had, i.e., coupon for store brand orange juice and she had brand name stuff. This is the express line, so no baggers to run and get the right stuff. The cashier called baggers from other lanes to get the “lady’s stuff”
Again, whatever. Until the “lady” started bitching out the cashier because she didn’t want the store brand. She had coupons, so her entitled self meant that she could get the best and biggest.
The guy behind me was a skinny goth guy, covered with ink and body mods, leather and a black t-shirt with small white letters that said “cultist”
At first the goth guy looked all fish eyed at me, but then he started belting the song out with a wonder baritone. Great voice and wonderful projection. About half way through the song, the “lady” demanded that the cashier make us shut up. The cashier said she couldn’t do that, and the “lady” threw her coupons at her and stalked out while saying that she would never shop there again.
I’m so proud
(PS, I did offer to talk to the manager in case the cashier gets in trouble…when the cashier stopped crying from laughter, she said it was OK, they hope that the “lady” won’t come back)
The word you are looking for is “pwned” (pronounced like “owned” but with a p in front). “Pawned” implies you sold the lady off for a fraction of her value so you could afford to buy one more hit of crack on the street corner.
Beer was one of the things on my shopping list, so I probably wasn’t as clear as I could have been. Listen to the song about all of humanity suffering and dieing, which might make it clear.
I’m not getting the relevance of the song to her behaviour. Or did she just look like the type of middle class Christian who thinks Harry Potter leads to Satan, and who’d be horrified by hearing Lovecraft references sung at her?
I don’t think the song was aimed at the woman herself. It’s just that the guy behind flatlined in the queue had a shirt on which triggered the reminiscence of the song, and they started singing together. The woman decided to be offended by it and stormed out, which was delicious hilarity.
It’s just as likely that she would have responded the same if flatlined had started singing “Kyle’s Mom is a big Fat bitch” or “Fat-Bottomed Girls”
This is a most surreal way of sorting out the annoying person in line. Well done, and thanks for sharing.
Also, I’ve never heard this song before, and I really appreciate you turning me on to it. Now I have to email T. Slothrop.
I once read an article by a bookstore clerk. She had a customer who was making impossible demands. The woman kept arguing and getting louder. Finally she said that if she didn’t get her way “I’ll never shop here again”.
One of the other customers said “Make her put it in writing.”
Actually, they should have a contract that specifically says that the undersigned agrees never to shop at that store ever again. That way, they can present it to the person making the “I’ll never shop here again” claim and ask for their signature.
If it was a matter of a few things, and IF the lady wasn’t a bitch I’d let it slide. Otherwise I point to the 15 or less items sign and ask if she need help reading it.
Pawned or pwned, she got exactly what she deserved.