Are women nosier than men?

[Skald the Rhymer]

This is that rare RhymerPoll based on something from the real world. Rejoice and be happy. Here's the sitch:

My father is in his late 70s and has been widowed for almost five years. As he lives alone and is less than blessed with culinary skills, I frequently make him several days' worth of dinners and take them to his house. Doing so recently I was mildly surprised not to find him at home on a Saturday afternoon. I took the dinners home and called a twice before 9 p.m., at which point I decided to let matters be till the next day. On Sunday I delivered the food and asked him where he'd been; he said he'd been out with his friend, Mrs. Rodgers, who is also widowed. When I asked what they'd been doing, he replied, "We were out," so I left it there.

Later that day I had a telephone conversation with my baby sister, who lives in another state and is, short of my wife, my favorite human being. During our aimless chat I mentioned the above incident, and she asked me what sort of friend Mrs. Rodgers is; I replied that I didn't know any more details. I've overheard the tail end of conversations between the two of them, but Dad has never volunteered any information; figuring that if he wanted to tell me he would, so I didn't ask.

This annoyed my sister, though only a little. If she had been there, she said, she would have insisted on knowing more about Mrs. Rodgers. I pointed out that Dad had the opportunity to say more and didn't, so clearly he didn't want to. She replied that my failure to follow up was emblematic of the difference between men and women: women, she says, are much nosier. I disagreed. Some men are nosier than some women, and vice versa, but I don't see a sex-based pattern.

Which brings us back to the thread question. Do you think women are nosier than men? The reverse? Or somewhere in between?

Poll in a moment, but don't let that slow you down.

[ugly ripe tomato]

The two nosiest people I know are my aunt and uncle, so I voted for an even split.

[Leaffan]

Male: I think women are generally nosier than men.



Nosier, and more gossipy too. And they read tabloids, and watch Dr. Phil.

And more conniving too.




In general.

[ugly ripe tomato]

Exsqueeze me???

I do NOT watch Dr. Phil!

[awldune]

IMHO women are more likely to ask a lot of questions. Not necessarily out of a lack of tact, but simply because they are more interested about personal details.

[Der Trihs]

"I think women are generally nosier than men". Women generally find the details of people's lives more interesting than men; they are more curious, so they ask more questions about that. Whereas a man would be more likely to strike up a long conversation about their shared interest in sports or Star Wars or whatever.

Originally Posted by Leaffan

Male: I think women are generally nosier than men.



Nosier, and more gossipy too.

Women gossip more, men boast more. I understand that some intelligence agencies these days favor hiring women over men for that reason; women get drunk and blurt out that their neighbor is having an affair, not that they know this really cool stuff about what the government is up to.

[Fotheringay-Phipps]

Women are more social than men. Being more nosy is an outgrowth of being more social.

[Obviously this is not true of all women and all men.]

[ZipperJJ]

My dad is the nosiest person I know by a longshot.

He's also a drama queen

[Covered_In_Bees!]

I'd say yes women are nosier, but not because they must know everything that's going on, but because of the simple innate desire to talk about any and everything.

Men can usually get by just fine with a series tonal grunts, as long as no women are around.

[Elret]

I guess I'm not too sure what the difference between nosy and curious is, really. I'm a woman, and yeah, I really do like knowing stuff about people and their lives and relationships.

[Oakminster]

I misread the title as "Are women noisier than men". The op was then somewhat confusing, so I re-checked the title, and noticed I'd given friend Skald an extra vowel for no apparent reason.

I then voted that I'm male, and believe women are nosier than men.

[bump]

Nosiness is a manifestation of curiosity, tempered by societal expectations.

I'm not nosy, not because I'm not curious, but because it's usually none of my business, and I don't want to seem nosy, which is a huge expectation for men.

I think the expectations for women are a lot lower- gossiping and being nosy are much more accepted among women than men, although both groups do it to some extent.

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by Elret

I guess I'm not too sure what the difference between nosy and curious is, really.

In this context, curiosity that happens to be directed at people's personal lives instead of someplace else.

[msmith537]

Originally Posted by Der Trihs

Women gossip more, men boast more. I understand that some intelligence agencies these days favor hiring women over men for that reason; women get drunk and blurt out that their neighbor is having an affair, not that they know this really cool stuff about what the government is up to.

[Archer]
Then why join one?
[/Archer]

[Acid Lamp]

In my experience women tend be much nosier. There are always exceptions though.

[Daerlyn]

Women tend to be nosier than men about personal things, definitely. I'm not sure if that's a biological tendency or a culturally-imposed one, though.

I also made the same mistake as Oakminster while reading the OP.

[Rhiannon8404]

I was all prepared to vote that men are noisier when I realized that it said nosier. So I voted women.

[smaje1]

Originally Posted by ugly ripe tomato

Exsqueeze me???

Sorry, just had to point out the awesomeness of your user name and what you just said here.

Woman here, and I think women are more nosy than men. I know I'm certainly nosier than my hubby!

[John DiFool]

Originally Posted by Rhiannon8404

I was all prepared to vote that men are noisier when I realized that it said nosier. So I voted women.

If I was an evil person, I could start a near-duplicate poll, except for that one letter.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

I misread the title as "Are women noisier than men". The op was then somewhat confusing, so I re-checked the title, and noticed I'd given friend Skald an extra vowel for no apparent reason.

I then voted that I'm male, and believe women are nosier than men.

Originally Posted by Daerlyn

Women tend to be nosier than men about personal things, definitely. I'm not sure if that's a biological tendency or a culturally-imposed one, though.

I also made the same mistake as Oakminster while reading the OP.

Originally Posted by Rhiannon8404

I was all prepared to vote that men are noisier when I realized that it said nosier. So I voted women.

I've made appointments with my optometrist with all of you.

[Electric Warrior]

I'm a woman, and I voted that in general we are nosier. The thing is though, I don't think this is an innate difference, I think it's just how women are taught to socialize. I've had a lot of male friends growing up and my mom is always asking me why I didn't ask people for additional information about things, much in the way your sister was.

[Blaster Master]

I voted for women are nosier, but I do think it probably has a lot more to do with socialization and culture than some physiological difference between the sexes. I think our culture sort of expects and encourages gossip amongst women and denounces it amongst men. Although, there may be some sort of evolutionary advantage, in a hunter-gatherer sense, in the idea of women focusing a lot more on the details of others as part of socializing whereas men might focus more on communicating more concrete things to establish the pecking order or get kills/victories.

[Tamerlane]

Originally Posted by Electric Warrior

. The thing is though, I don't think this is an innate difference, I think it's just how women are taught to socialize.

I voted even and this is why. My predominately male ( and older men at that, 40's - 60's ) workplace is as gossipy as all get-out for purely structural/cultural reasons ( part of it is a "sit and watch"-type job that promotes chattiness to pass the time, but there are other reasons as well ). Atypical perhaps, but it shows that under the right circumstances men can develop different social patterns than those revolving around the noncommittal grunt. Just like most everybody at my job is happy to ask to look at somebody's pay-stub to compare sick leave hours or overtime worked and rarely is an eyebrow raised about it. It's just the culture of the place.

[Yllaria]

Originally Posted by Fotheringay-Phipps

Women are more social than men. Being more nosy is an outgrowth of being more social.

[Obviously this is not true of all women and all men.]

Originally Posted by Electric Warrior

I'm a woman, and I voted that in general we are nosier. The thing is though, I don't think this is an innate difference, I think it's just how women are taught to socialize. I've had a lot of male friends growing up and my mom is always asking me why I didn't ask people for additional information about things, much in the way your sister was.

Just want to add that back in the bad old days when a woman working outside the home was weakening her family and destroying society, looking after relationships was a woman's JOB. A woman who did not keep up with neighborhood and family relationships was slacking. A woman who did only the physical and not the social part of her household work was considered to be cold, which could injure those around her, especially children. That set up a wave of expectation that has not yet reached a shore.

[AndyLee]

I think it depends on who you work with. I pride myself on not being gossipy and nosey, but this last job I had, I was surrounded by a bunch of gossipy people, all but one was a woman. And as hard as I tried, I would find myself sucked right in there with them and gossiping. Then i'd tell myself to stop. I think it's more about who you associate with than they sex

[Chopper9760]

Female - Hell if I know. I was all set to vote for women being nosier but I've worked with 3 guys who were off the charts nosy.

Take the new guy, Ken, he's chatty has hell and won't stop asking me questions. Talking to him is like a cross between a date and a job interview. He called me Ellie for about a week and I didn't correct him because I didn't want to have more conversation.

[elfkin477]

I voted "women are generally nosier than men" because there was no option for women are generally MUCH nosier than men. I'm not, but in general. And because I'm not nosy myself, mostly because I honestly don't care enough about most people's personal lives to ask about them, I get to be considered "cold" by a fairly large minority of other women. Yay.

[PandaBear77]

Women are more inquisitive than men by nature. I also think we're probably a bit nosier, but not by much.

As far as run of the mill gossip goes, it's dead even.

[minionkat]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

I misread the title as "Are women noisier than men". The op was then somewhat confusing, so I re-checked the title, and noticed I'd given friend Skald an extra vowel for no apparent reason.

I thought it said "noisier" too.

I am female and voted even, but also, hell if I know.

I would have handled that scenario the way you did and my brother would have been the one pressing for details it didn't occur to me to ask for.

That's an awkward sentence, but I am too tired to rewrite it.

[VitrolicBump]

I too thought it was "noisier" and not "nosy". *sigh*

As for the OP, if you were in my family, you would wish to live in a bunker by yourself. Everyone is so friggin nosy. They say it's because they love me and want the best for me. Me, I hide most of the time.

[Feyrat]

You know... I've been in exactly that situation. But from your sister's POV. It's soooo annoying. DH'll come home from meeting his brothers or get off the phone with his mother and he won't know anything more than he did when he started!

Did he brother get a new job? Yes. What is it? He doesn't know.

Did his brother break up with his fiancee? Yes. Why? No idea, he didn't ask.

His mother wanted him to come over. Why? She didn't say. Did she sound upset? He doesn't think so. Do we need to bring anything? He didn't ask.

Seriously, I don't know if I'm "nosier," but there's some basic interest in other people and their lives that should be an expectation of family life, isn't there?

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by Blaster Master

Although, there may be some sort of evolutionary advantage, in a hunter-gatherer sense, in the idea of women focusing a lot more on the details of others as part of socializing whereas men might focus more on communicating more concrete things to establish the pecking order or get kills/victories.

For one thing, humans are female exogamic; in other words, usually the girl goes off to live with the guy and not the other way around. This has several consequences; for one, the great majority of women at some point in their lives were going to find themselves permanently moving in among strangers and have to make a new network of friends from scratch. For another it meant there wasn't much point in gaining status through things like kills or getting formal positions of authority because that would all be left behind anyway. It was generally a better choice for them to try to win over their new neighbors with friendliness than it would have been to try to impress them with victories they've never seen over people they've never heard of.

[carnut]

I'd say it is about equal. I've got a male coworker who drills me about my spending habits. I realize this is actually because he is concerned about his own finances and is looking for reassurance but I was surprised by it.

Come to think of it, I have several male friends who are nosier than my female friends. But the truth is, when other women get nosy with me, I shut them down and tend to avoid a friendship. But I don't really do that with the men. Hmm, I'll have to think about that.

[Nava]

I do know what's missing from the poll: offerings of chocolate for those responding!

[Filbert]

I'm not sure, why do you want to know?
Did you find out any more salacious details?
etc.

I know in my circle, all the women are incurably nosy, and almost none of the men. My brother can be, but only sometimes... Though he's the one that's most likely to throw a hissy fit if you don't answer sufficiently.

[KarlGrenze]

I have to say, in my limited experience, men, in general, may be less nosy, but when they are, they spill as much details or more as females. Not only that, but they tend to not think of what they're saying as "being nosy". They're quicker to attribute that behavior to females than to themselves, even if there is no difference.

[astorian]

"Nosy" isn't a neutral adjective- it's a judgmental term. "Curious" or "inquisitive" would be more neutral.

If a young woman has just started dating a new guy and her liberal best friend pumps her for details, the woman PROBABLY won't call her friend "nosy." She might actually relish the chance to tell all the juicy details! On the other hand, if her prudish, conservative Mom asked the exact same questions, that woman probably WOULD call her Mom nosy.

The Mom and the friend are EQUALLY inquisitve- the only thing that makes one of them "nosy" and not the other is the way the young woman perceives each.

Now, are men more or less inquisitive than women? The answer is... it depends on the subject matter. There are a host of personal matters that a man would never dream of asking his friends about, and that might make men seem either (admirably) less nosy than women or (not so admirably) less interested in their friends' lives than women are.

On the other hand, if the subject matter involves something they actually CARE about, then men are every bit as inquisitive as women.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Feyrat

You know... I've been in exactly that situation. But from your sister's POV. It's soooo annoying. DH'll come home from meeting his brothers or get off the phone with his mother and he won't know anything more than he did when he started!

Did he brother get a new job? Yes. What is it? He doesn't know.

Did his brother break up with his fiancee? Yes. Why? No idea, he didn't ask.

His mother wanted him to come over. Why? She didn't say. Did she sound upset? He doesn't think so. Do we need to bring anything? He didn't ask.

Seriously, I don't know if I'm "nosier," but there's some basic interest in other people and their lives that should be an expectation of family life, isn't there?

It's not that I didnt want more details; I thought of several questions I wanted to ask. But I didn't think it appropriate to ask for more details, so I quashed my curiosity.

Originally Posted by astorian

"Nosy" isn't a neutral adjective- it's a judgmental term. "Curious" or "inquisitive" would be more neutral.

My sister introduced that term, not I. And, anyway, I was definitely curious; I just decided not to indulge.

[astorian]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

It's not that I didnt want more details; I thought of several questions I wanted to ask. But I didn't think it appropriate to ask for more details, so I quashed my curiosity.



My sister introduced that term, not I. And, anyway, I was definitely curious; I just decided not to indulge.

Fair enough- my point is simply that "nosy" has bad connotations, period. Nobody ever uses "nosy' as a compliment!

Just as a "weed" is simply an unwanted plant and a "pest" is simply an unwanted animal, a "nosy" person is merely an inquisitive person that we don't like. A question you'd happily answer from one person seems "nosy" coming from another.

Of course, there are times when LACK of inquisitiveness will offend people, too. If a woman says, "I had a horrible day at work" and her boyfriend replies "Aw, that's a shame," but doesn't pursue the subject any further, well, she's likely to be offended, and to assume he just doesn't give a damn about her (he, on the other hand, may feel he was being polite and showing her rspect by not prying... after all, she'd TELL him something if she really wanted him to know about it, right?).

Not that men won't be EXTREMELY inquisitve about OTHER things.

[Teufelblitz]

I say women.

Every female companion I have ever been with has chided me for not getting more information in situations extremely similar to the OP. Oddly, they have also all pointed out that this is a clear indicator of the difference between men and women as well, so I don't think any of them would be offended with my vote.

[Teufelblitz]

Now that I think about it and read a bit more, I just realized that I actually don't share the same curiosity as the OP. If someone were to tell me that they got a divorce, I would give my condolences and listen. It wouldn't even cross my mind to ask for any circumstance or reasons for such a personal event without the information being volunteered.

I would have done the same as the OP, but I likely wouldn't have even asked where they went or what they did.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Teufelblitz

Now that I think about it and read a bit more, I just realized that I actually don't share the same curiosity as the OP. If someone were to tell me that they got a divorce, I would give my condolences and listen. It wouldn't even cross my mind to ask for any circumstance or reasons for such a personal event without the information being volunteered.

I would have done the same as the OP, but I likely wouldn't have even asked where they went or what they did.

What divorce are you talking about? The story in the OP was about my widowed father apparently having a girlfriend.

I don't even think that my sister would have been wrong to press for details in my place; it's just that she has a different relationship with our father than I do. Anyway, the story was a jumping off point, as the point was that my sister used a somewhat denigrating term to apply to women and I, a male, disagreed.

[SciFiSam]

Yes, definitely. For example, I've had this conversation, in some form another, at least three times and seen it played out by other people:

Bloke: [Friend] Just had a baby.
Me/Other female: Ooh! Was it a boy or girl? Hope the labour was easy. Was it a big baby.
Bloke: Er, I dunno. It's a baby.

And if the Dad puts up a baby announcement it will usually be: 'Baby was born today! Mother and child both doing well. Pics to follow.' If the woman, or a female friend, puts the announcement up it will tell you everything you could possibly want to know about a newborn infant.

Obviously there are exceptions.

[Teufelblitz]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

What divorce are you talking about? The story in the OP was about my widowed father apparently having a girlfriend.

I don't even think that my sister would have been wrong to press for details in my place; it's just that she has a different relationship with our father than I do. Anyway, the story was a jumping off point, as the point was that my sister used a somewhat denigrating term to apply to women and I, a male, disagreed.

Sorry, to clarify, there was a post later about a divorce. I meant to use it as an example and didn't phrase it correctly. I also redacted the part where I commented on the new relationship aspect covered in the initial post and it led to more confusion.

[guestchaz]

male, I'm the nosied person I know male or female...its a control issue I think.

[NinjaChick]

In my experience women always want to know every detail of everything, regardless of whether it matters to them at all.

[Elret]

I think it depends on the topic. For personal stuff, I am definitely more curious than my husband. The story in the OP happens to us every time his widowed father is seeing someone new. I am always dying to know her name, where they met, if she has kids, etc, and my husband never thinks to ask. It's not that his dad would be offended by the questions, he's always happy to tell me when I ask, but it just never occurs to my husband. Same with new babies, engagements, weddings. However, I would never notice or ask details about the things that interest him - if someone in my family got a new car or a new computer or whatever he'll ask me all kinds of questions and I'll be the one shrugging and saying, "I dunno, it's a cellphone."

[JThunder]

Originally Posted by astorian

"Nosy" isn't a neutral adjective- it's a judgmental term. "Curious" or "inquisitive" would be more neutral.

More neutral, but hardly equivalent.

So what if the term "nosy" isn't neutral? So what if it involves making a judgment? I think it's still a perfectly valid question.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Elret

I think it depends on the topic. For personal stuff, I am definitely more curious than my husband. The story in the OP happens to us every time his widowed father is seeing someone new. I am always dying to know her name, where they met, if she has kids, etc, and my husband never thinks to ask. It's not that his dad would be offended by the questions, he's always happy to tell me when I ask, but it just never occurs to my husband. Same with new babies, engagements, weddings. However, I would never notice or ask details about the things that interest him - if someone in my family got a new car or a new computer or whatever he'll ask me all kinds of questions and I'll be the one shrugging and saying, "I dunno, it's a cellphone."

So we're clear, I know quite a bit about the woman I suspect is Dad's honey: her name, where she grew up, what her home town is, and so on. But I don't know whether she and Dad are, ahem, more than friends, because I figure that if he wanted to talk about that he would, and he hasn't.

[Lamia]

I see astorian has already made more or less the point I wanted to make, which is that a "nosy" person is one who is excessively or inappropriately inquisitive about other people's personal business. I would agree that in general women are more likely than men to talk/ask about other people's personal business, but I don't know that women are more likely than men to cross the line into excessive/inappropriate questions.

I can think of a number of times when women I didn't know or had barely met asked me things like if I had children or what my husband does for a living. (I'm not even married, so no one who actually knew me would ask this question.) I'd consider this mildly nosy. Men have asked me similar questions, but not as often as women. However, I can also think of times when strange men -- and only men, never women -- have asked me extremely inappropriate questions about my intimate anatomy or sexual habits. While their ultimate goal was presumably satisfying something other than their curiosity and I would normally use a much harsher term than "nosy" to describe this kind of behavior, such questions do constitute excessive inquisitiveness about someone else's personal business.