Prompted by my rare dissenting response to the “Is ‘are you planning to have kids soon’ a rude question?” thread, I am starting to think my interest in my friends and acquaintances lives is outside the norm.
If it appeared we were going to have some kind of friendly relationship, I might ask all kinds of questions–not because I am judgmental about what ever your answers might be, but because I really do care about who you are as a distinct and interesting person, different from anyone else in the world.
What makes someone seem nosy or a busybody to you, versus caring and interested? What kinds of “getting to know you” questions do you ask? Are there common “getting to know you” questions that are socially acceptable but that you dread being asked?
How is your “personal life” different from your “public life”? What’s too personal for you to ask or be asked of you? Do you prefer no one show any interest in your personal life absent specific invitation?
As for me, I’ll talk about just about anything anyone cares to ask. Like I said in that other thread, I don’t care in the least if anyone knows how much money we make, our career paths, how many kids we want, what method of birth control I use, or the first date of my last period. I have no shame.
I feel like, judging by my reaction to the “planning kids” thread, I might be too familiar in some cases. I worked at Planned Parenthood for years, which pretty much kills any tendency you may ever have had towards being embarrassed about discussing anything. At the same time, it taught me to be aware of, and sensitive to, issues around gender and sexuality. For example, I never ask “are you married?” but instead may ask “do you have a partner?” or “are you in a relationship?” along the same lines. I am more familiar, or may ask somewhat more “personal” things to someone who’s my peer and if we’re likely to be spending any amount of time together; much less so to someone much older than me or a casual acquaintance. I’d never ask the lady putting down ant bait if she’s planning to ever have kids, but I did ask a couple we had over to our house for dinner if their new baby was planned–I would only ever ask that question of my closest friends, but it was in the context of a discussion about how they’re very young and are such confident and loving parents, while we’re in our mid-twenties and want babies very much but are terrified about the prospect.
I’d love to know where you draw your “too personal” lines.