Every time I buy something, pick up the check for dinner, pay my bills, etc, I get asked the same question.
I hate it. It’s rude, personal and obnoxious.
But thats just me.
You?
Who is asking you how much your bills are? That strikes me as pretty bizarre.
People ask what I paid for vehicles quite often. I tell them. Doesn’t bother me, as it’s just information with no social implications.
Friends who are curious how much my bills are now that I am unemployed.
Miss Manners recommends “Why do you ask?” as a response to the overly nosy question.
If it bothers you, you do not need to answer. I am a big fan of Miss Manners for these kinds of questions. She suggests things like smiling and saying “Why do you need to know?” Or “Too much!” Most people will back off at this point. If they push you can look directly into their eyes and say “I didn’t know you were so interested in my finances!” Your smile should be slight here, still enough to not offend, but to show you are not comfortable with the question.
I’ve grown quite good at fending off questions I don’t want to answer. Unlike Miss Manners, in that 1% of the time the person just won’t quit, I have no qualms in continuing to the point of “I don’t feel comfortable discussing my finances with people,” but I rarely have to go so far.
ETA: twickster beat me to it!
If only Miss Manners had some advice on the subject.
Normally, if it’s something smaller and the person is asking because they’re legitimately considering buying the same thing I don’t mind discussing that one bit. If though they’re just being nosy, that’s potentially different. Someone asked me recently what I paid for my house, which most definately is not for sale. Really? You’re asking me that?
Yowsa, I can’t imagine my friends ever asking such a thing. Unless, I guess, there was a disconnect between the amount of money I had and the amount of money I was spending, and they were trying to indirectly send me a message…
You have nosy friends! Tell them to mind their own business!
I believe the classic response is, “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.”
Or something like that.
I was taken aback recently when my neighbor invited herself over for coffee (another issue) and asked me what my Keurig coffee maker cost. I guess I am also fortunate enough to have friends with manners. I told her, quite honestly, that I didn’t recall. I was always taught that it was very rude to ask people what they paid for something or how much money they make. There weren’t any exceptions to this rule.
Most people in New York City can’t stop talking about their rent. I think it’s really tacky, and when people ask me what I’m paying, I don’t answer.
The way to ask this is, “Wow, I love those coffee makers. I kind of want one, but I’m not sure if it’ll fit into my budget, especially since you have to buy the refill cups.” And that’s if you want it!
This opens up an opportunity for the host to either just tell the price, or to say something like “Oh, the initial coffeemaker wasn’t too expensive, but the cups do add up after a while, if you don’t budget it.”
Even better is the question, “I’ve been thinking of getting one! Where did you buy it?”
And then go the hell home and do your own research on how much it cost.
I was waiting at a bus stop with groceries when a woman pointed at a jug of Tide in my bag and asked me how much I paid. I just shrugged. She then said I probably could’ve got that cheaper at the dollar store some five blocks away.
I mean really. What was I supposed to do with that? Go back to the grocery store, return the Tide, go through all the rigamarole for a refund, and then walk five blocks to the dollar store to save what? A buck twenty? Who cares anyway?
I suppose in cases like this, one might argue that open information is a benefit to consumers in general. I know when I am about to make a major purchase, I survey people I know to get an idea of what is a reasonable price.
response: “i don’t recall.you should google it.”
It’s rude to ask people how much they paid for something. i had a total stranger ask me if my shoes were knockoffs of an expensive designer line then when i confirmed they were the real deal she went on to ask how much i paid for them.
some people have no class.
I think 99% of people would say “Just curious” to this.
“Too much!” is a good response though.
If people are looking for advice on a major purchase, I don’t mind helping them. The people I’m talking about are either complaining about their rent or looking for envious comments on the good deal they got.
If they say “Just curious” you can still say at that point “Too much!” Or “It wasn’t too bad.”
You can also lie. Someone rude enough to ask what something costs is someone I have no problem spinning a yarn to.
“Nice car. What did you pay for it?”
Looks surreptitiously left and right, then in a hushed tone, “It was free. I know this guy with Mafia connections. I hooked him up and he gave me the car. But keep it between us, hear?!”
WTF does ‘hooked him up’ even mean?
I agree, but how great was that $450 per month two bedroom just off madison on 75th St. that I always said I had! I don’t just win at their game… I dominate!
Rent controlled? nope
Long time in the family? nope
How did you get the place? craigslist
No, How did you really get it? I can’t tell you, but it is related to my job at the Guggenheim.
(Just to be clear, I lived in the Upper upper west west side and that was the closest-to-truth part of my story. But I could get most people believing the other one.)
The other similar question that comes up at playgrounds all the time is: “How old is your child?” which is a thinly veiled “I’m gauging my own child’s superiority over your offspring but I need an exact age to get the comparison right.”
For this I usually just dropped a year (or up to 33% of my kid’s age) in her age and explained that the large size was due to my stature (I’m quite tall and large). You should have seen the backtracking and awkwardness of the original question asker in trying to explain their own child’s lack of abilities compared with my quite large offspring who was now in the 99.999th percentile for speaking ability and hand-eye coordination. I secretly hope that I helped shepherd in the current preschool competitiveness that is all the rage in NYC.