I am going to the east coast and sometimes my bro in law has a little get together with all my inlaws. Their brother, my late husband, died about 4 1/2 years ago. Most of the inlaws are born again. I don’thave much to do with them but I do like my one bro in law. So I spend a few hours with mostly uncomfortable people because I see my husband in each of them. And to be respectful to the bro in law I like.
This will be the third time I have seen them since the death of my husband. One of the sis in laws has asked me both times what is my worth. I find it very rude. I respond by saying I cant believe anyone would ask me that question.
I need to be ready this time. What would your response be?
What is your worth as in how much money do you have?
I would probably just say something like “I’m doing okay” or “I’m comfortable” and leave it at that.
Those are going to mean different things to different people depending on how much they make, how much they think you make and how you say it. In general. “I’m doing okay” would mean “I have some debt, I could use a raise, but I’ll get by” and “I’m comfortable” means “I make plenty, don’t worry about me”. There’s also a way to say “I’m comfortable” or “I’m very/quite comfortable” to mean “I’m making more then I need, no debt, plenty in the bank…I’m on easy street”. If they’re drilling you for a number, I’d probably just say “I don’t like to get into specifics”.
Depending on your relationship with the BIL you like, you might be able to casually bring up how uncomfortable it makes you and hopefully he’ll pass it along to them and they won’t bring it up again. It’s possible in their circle of friends or family, it’s something that gets discussed.
Even if you’re not “okay” or “comfortable” (either worse or better) this is likely the best answer unless you want more discussion.
Now, if by ‘worth’ you meant something else (since you mentioned the born again thing) then ignore this.
oh no, she wants to know my financial worth. They are not concerned about me at all. Other than I am going to hell. I really think she has it in her mind that she is entitled to some of what I have if I were to die.
Sometimes the best answer to something like that is another question: “Why do you want to know?” You can also say something like “It’s not anything you need to worry about” if you like. Or “I can’t believe that you’d ask such a thing!” if you can pull it off.
I think I stated in my first post I told her I could’t believe she was asking me that question.
The last two times I have seen her she also sneaks up to me and puts the sign of the cross on my forehead. I make a joke about that, or pretend to fall on the ground and speak in tongues.
But the money thing always surprizes me and this time I want something quirky to say.
OK, so perhaps slightly less shocking in case MIL is also present:
“Oh, I’ve got another one: ‘Do you fold the toilet paper, or kinda scrunch it up before you wipe?’ Oh, sorry, I thought we were listing inappropriate questions!”
Someone comes up to me and tries to put the sign of the cross on my forehead, I’d tell them - once - not to do that again if they don’t want their finger broken. If they do it again, break their finger.
“I’m deeply in debt. My late husband said that you borrowed $100,000 from him when you both were in your early twenties and never repaid it. I think it would be appropriate for you to now pay me the money that you borrowed. If not, I’ve had a lawyer look over my late husband’s financial records from that time, and he says we’ve got a pretty good case against you. It will go much easier for you if you just pay now instead of forcing us to make you spend the next year in court.”
Probably it won’t be true, so she’ll think you’re insane and just avoid you from then on. But what if it’s true? Then she’ll be scared you actually mean it, and she might even pay you the money.