I’m fortunate that we are financially comfortable with income exceeding outgo. My wife handles the finances, so she knows what we have available. And I have nothing I’m wanting to buy that will require that we save up some specific amount.
I’m often sorta surprised when she will essentially ask if I am okay with her buying something or another. For example, this morning she said she would like to take a course of 6 painting lessons at a local art studio. (I had actually informed her about the studio and their lessons, as a potential Valentine’s present, but we had agreed to do nothing for Valentine’s Day, so I got away with just mentioning them!) So, of course, my answer was, “That would be great!” And I was fine with whatever it meant in terms of schedule.
In such situations it often crosses my mind that I really have zero interest in how much it costs. If she goes shopping for or comes home with some jewelry, or clothes, or stuff for the house - I just assume whatever it cost, we had the cash. We carry no debt, and have saved enough that we’ll be comfortable in retirement. And whether I personally enjoy whatever was purchased depends pretty exclusively on the qualities of the item/experience, rather than the cost.
But it made me wonder - ought I at least ask how much something costs? Ought I care? Do you? If so, why?
If they want to buy a car, yes, i ask. If they want to buy yoga lessons, no, i don’t ask. Maybe a new computer is about the threshold where i appreciate the courtesy comment of how much it costs. Not that I’m going to second guess how much my husband should spend on his new computer, but it’s enough that i like to be told.
We’re struggling financially right now, so yes, I do generally ask DH to be mindful of spending, and he typically does check with me on any substantial purchase. I do keep him informed of the bank balance (which he can also check for himself) and provide heads-ups on upcoming bills.
If our financial situation were a lot better, I probably wouldn’t worry that much.
If it’s something major (say anything over $2000) she’s going to discuss it with me.
On the flip side, my unwritten limit is more like $100 Anything more, I know I’d better ask. She’s going to say yes 99.9% of the time, but even so, she’s going to want to be asked.
Our net worth has increased 12000% since she became responsible for Budget and I became responsible for Investments. You don’t mess with success.
I don’t spend much on myself. The household requires much out go.
I could feed a small Army on the grocery bill. We won’t discuss utilities, TYVM.
But, no we never talk about it.
Mr Wrekker would say something if it was land or a big purchase. But I usually just go with it.
It’s mostly his money.
My money is separated.
Now if he was gonna do something completely out of character, I’d hear and maybe say a thing or two.
We coordinate so we both don’t drain the checking account. If it’s more money than that we figure out whether to put it on a card or transfer something out of savings. If it’s more than that we get divorced, or so I’ve been told.
Similar to the OP. We ask each other if there is something we want that is a bit of a luxury, something special. Maybe a little pricey, but not huge. We still check in about it.
We have joint accounts for everything - we’ve never had an issue with who makes more $$ or who spends more $$. We do have a very similar financial outlook though.
My sister’s first husband was a spender. When there was “extra” money in their account, he’d come home with a $2000 remote controlled plane or other toy. Which drained their savings. Instead of having a mature discussion, my sister just decided to try to spend the money faster, before he could . This did not end well.
It really continues to surprise me - after 38 years of marriage - that she will say something like, “I was thinking about going to the mall and buying a couple of shirts for work. Do you mind?” When have I EVER minded about something like that. Now, I imagine she could be saying, “Are you interested in my appearance and what I do.” To which I would reply, “Definitely.”
I think when we first got married, we had a limit of around $50 that either of us could spend without letting the other person know. I don’t think there is any specific limit right now.
If something makes her happy, I’m happy. And so long as it is paid for out of current income, I couldn’t care is something cost $1000 or $10,000. And if I care about buying something significant, I’m far more interested in getting EXACTLY what we want, than I am about price.
I forgot to add, my wife and I have completely separate accounts. Nothing shared. So she could spend all of it and I would never know until she asked for help.
We “ask”, but in the same way I “ask” if I can be gone on a Saturday for a school thing or go out after work and come home late. Im not asking for permission, I’m saying “This is my plan, I want to keep you in the loop, and is there any conflict or concern I haven’t thought of?”.
Its just posed as a question because that’s more polite.
Say your SO wants to buy a new car. You are fine with the decision, and you know you have the money. It will primarily be their car, so you want them to get the model/options they want.
Do you ever ask how much it cost? Do they tell you? Me, I couldn’t care less.
Our unwritten rule - and I may be the only one aware of it, so maybe it’s just my unwritten rule - is a hundred bucks or so. Anything more, the ask is a courtesy, not a request for permission.
Our money is also her money, that is how marriage or any committed relationship should work. There have been times when she made much more than I do, and other times when I have.
If it is a large ticket item, of course I would like to know, communication is also how relationships work. But I do not have veto power if it is important to her.
We have a pretty good income but also a lot of outgoings (four kids under 6, one of whom has complex care needs so a lot of medical outgoings, pretty big mortgage too). Would love to be in a situation where we could through down a few hundred bucks without it effecting our budget for the month, but we aren’t, so yeah if one of us wants to buy something in that range (say over 200 bucks) we’ll talk about it.
I might mention that I’m going to the mall to buy shirts. I wouldn’t ask. I wouldn’t expect my husband to ask, either. But maybe she’s mostly making conversation.
I don’t care how much it costs - but he would certainly tell me. Because he needs to brag about the bargain he got. That’s the reason he would always know how much was spent on a car or anything else than might involve bargaining - he does all the haggling. Same as I might tell him how much I paid for the four bags of clothes I walked in - because I’m thrilled with the deals I got.
But aside from that - nope, neither one of us cares how much the other spends. If one of us was inclined to buy $2000 toys, maybe the other would care but neither of us is. I did ask how he would feel if I decided I wanted to have a $5K cosmetic procedure done but that was because there’s no practical purpose for it . As I expected, he didn’t care.
Anything more, I know I’d better ask. She’s going to say yes 99.9% of the time, but even so, she’s going to want to be asked.