I brought some pictures in to work today of a piece of art I bought at Madison’s Art Fair on the Square. I’m very excited about it, as it’s beautiful and fits perfectly into my new place. The pic is from the artist’s website, but it is an accurate depiction of what I purchased.
Basically, I showed it to everyone who passed by my desk. I was amazed that 4 or 5 people (out of maybe 20-30) asked my flat out what I paid for it. I did not expect it, and would not ask that question to someone else, but I answered truthfully since I don’t have a specially good reason to keep it a secret.
So when is it ok to ask such a question? I barely know two of the people who asked: the others I work with almost daily, but we don’t socialize outside of work. Does it matter?
Hmm…I think this depends on how well you two know each other and your past history of discussions, perhaps.
I wouldn’t think twice if a good friend asked me how much I paid for the serigraph on my wall but if a total stranger did, I would probably be put off. In fact, I don’t know what I’d say if they did ask me but I would hope it would be something along the lines of, “I’m not comfortable discussing that.” Though even saying it in my head sounds a bit dorky. I’d probably get really pissed off, too, if they responded, “Oh come on! What’s the big deal…!”
This reminds me of when people used to ask me about my grades. Sheesh, nosey.
On the other hand, some people don’t mean a thing by it and might feel instantly creepy once they realized it came out of their mouth. Eh, I think it’s tacky between relative strangers. My very close friends and I discuss things like this but even then, it is prefaced with, “If you don’t mind me asking and if it isn’t too nosey…may I ask what something like that runs?”
I think part of the surprise when someone asks is that it is a little intrusive. What if you said 2.5 million? Then suddenly you’re talking about your financial status as well.
Okay, I’m rambling and distracted here at the office and I gotta wrap up my break.
To Sum Tacky unless they know you well and even then, they should be very polite about it.
I agree with Tiburon. Maybe I’m a little old fashioned, but I think generally it is rather taboo to make inquiries that are related to personal finance. It’s not quite as blunt as “so, how much do you make?,” but it still leans towards being a none-of-your-business question.
Chances are, they are asking because they probably have no clue about art appreciation. They need to now it’s “value” before they can decide whether or not they should be “impressed.” They probably don’t intend to be rude, but they think that a price tag is indicative of worth and need to know in order to comment.
If you feel uncomfortable by the question, you can respond with an-ever-so-slightly reproachful “I beg your pardon?” to hint that it’s a wee bit personal for casual chit-chat, or you can be a smidge more diplomatic with a more ambiguous response such as “well, it’s an original so I made an appropriate investment.”
I think it’s very tacky to ask someone a question like that flat out, especially if there’s no real reason to do so. If I knew that someone had recently purchased an item that I was in the market for myself I might bring it up, but I certainly wouldn’t demand an exact figure.
If someone asked me such a question and I wasn’t eager to answer I’d probably just play dumb and say I didn’t remember what the item in question cost.
I was taught it’s rude to ask what someone paid for something if it appeard to be worth more than a day’s salary. Houses were a big no-no…which is odd, because it’s a matter of public record anyway.
I say nosy if the asker is anyone but a very close friend.
As for answering, I’d just say something like, “Oh, I got a really good deal on it,” or “Oh, the beauty of it is worth more to me than the dollar value,” and so on until they get it.
Lamia, it would be a little wierd to play dumb because I told them I got it Saturday at the Art Fair.
Several other people said something along the lines of, “I bet that cost you a bundle.” without being more specific, and I simply shook my head in agreement or said “yeah.”
Scarlett67 and FisherQueen, those are some excellent distraction statements. I’ve never had anything really nice enough before that people asked.
Upon further thought, however, it strikes me that people have asked me about a couple of other nice things. I have a pretty nice bike; nothing spectacular, about a $500 15 year old Cannondale. And a new car. Price on stuff like this is easily available, and I wasn’t offended when people asked. I knew I got a reasonable deal.
But art is different. Two similar looking things could be priced differently by whole orders of magnitude. And I bought essentially in a vaccuum, knowing nothing about the artist except what was in front of my eyes. So maybe I’m upset about the question because subconsciously I’m afraid I got a bad deal, and people might laugh (nobody did, though there were expressions of shock). Consciously at least, though I’m surprised at myself for buying it, I’m not kicking myself or regretting it.
Oo! That’s an excellent rule. I knew there had to be an etiquette rule along those lines (like determining the proper price to pay for an engagement ring.)
Context is everything - in this case I think it’s rude. If the person were perhaps interested in buying something similar from the same artist, it might be acceptable.
Oo! That’s an excellent rule. I knew there had to be an etiquette rule along those lines (like determining the proper price to pay for an engagement ring.)
That’s my problem, I don’t understand what the big deal is. My mother taught me it’s rude to ask those kinds of questions and I never do but sometimes want to if I’m interested in buying something like the item in question for myself and want to know if I could possibly afford something like that. This probably doesn’t apply to original art though. I can’t afford it and I wouldn’t even consider asking.
However, people have asked me about what I paid for some things and this little thought pops in my head like “hey! that person just asked a rude question” but then I say well I don’t care about anyone’s financial status anyway (or what they might think of mine) so I answer honestly.
Whenever someone asks me a question I’d rather not answer, I usually answer the question with a question in an effort to deflect or try to determine the questioner’s frame of reference.
“I don’t remember” is always safe, especially when it’s obviously a lie. Sometimes it gets a laugh while making your point.
Asking for an exact figure is pretty tacky. If I were a novice and were trying to determine what things cost, I’d ask for a range. “What does something like that retail for?” is a fair question if it’s a retail market.
Unless they are a close friend or planing to buy something similar it is fairly rude.
One of my co-workers recently purchased a house and privatly I’ve speculated how much they would have paid for it but would never consider asking. When I was talking to his wife about the move and how great it would be to be free of the rent cycle she flat out asked how much rent I was paying and what size my rental property was etc. I was stunned, and stammered out a vague response and walked off.
Another co-worker is looking for a rental property and when he asked the same questions I was more than happy to answer them as I knew him and why he was asking.
Hey, ask me anytime about anything and I’ll probably tell. Unless I get the feeling that you are only asking so you can one-up me and then I’ll be reluctant. I don’t like people who try one-upping me and avoid telling them things they can use in the manner. But anything else is pretty much a fair go. House, car, salary, comic-art, go for it.
I think it depends on the availability of the item and the availability of pricing information of the item.
For example, it would be rude to ask how much a house or a painting, or even a car costs without prefacing it (if you don’t mind me asking…), because these are things where no price is really set beforehand. Thus, you can gain some insight into their financial status by knowing the price.
But if it’s, say, a big-screen TV, stereo system, or a refrigerator or something along those lines, where I could easily get the price from Sears or wherever, I don’t think that’s rude at all to ask. I mean, I’ve already got a good idea about the price range of the item, so you not exactly hiding your financial status from me by not telling me how much it cost.
I’m sorry, but I don’t understand the why this is a rude question.
I do understand why it’s considered rude to ask someone how much money they make, but I don’t understand why asking how much a pair of pants cost can be considered rude. How do you know if “there’s no real reason” to ask? Exactly how much insight can this possibly give them into your personal finances? The fact that you have the object in the first place could be enough to tell me roughly how much you spent, so I don’t get the problem with revealing the specific amount.
I emphasize I am talking about relatively inexpensive items, such as clothing or CDs.
Even with regard to expensive (five or six figure) items, why is it rude? Again, the fact that you have it gives me a general idea of what you paid. What if the person’s thinking of buying a similar item themselves, and wants to know what he’ll be spending? If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want to know?
I also don’t understand the examples of ways to evade answering the question. Isn’t it just as rude to feign forgetfulness or be vague? Isn’t lying about it even more rude than asking about the cost? Why not just say “I don’t want to answer that.” (I know Tiburon posted as much, but others have said otherwise.)
As you can probably guess, it doesn’t bother me at all if someone asks me what I paid for something, but I’m not in the habit of offending people. So exactly what’s the problem with asking?
I was raised in a pretty poor neighborhood. When I was a teenager, there was always a bit of one-upmanship on who could get the cheapest stuff. If you got a shirt from the corner clothing store for five bucks, you were cool. If you got a shirt for fifty-cents at a thrift store, with a broken toaster thrown in, you were way cooler. Cool kids drank generic sodas, borrowed their dads’ 1970s burgundy velvet tuxes to wear to the prom, and drove cars that looked like junkyard rejects.
So when I went into the wider world of college, with a lot of rich rich kids, it took me a long long time not to blurt out the price of everything I bought. I’d visit my boyfriend’s family and talk about how I found my desk for seventeen dollars and how I know where to get giant ice cream cones for twenty-five cents. They tended just to look at me funny, and I am sure that they probably still think I’m obessesed with money or something.
So in short, I never understood why it was considered rude to ask how much something costs, because where I come from the prices of things (rangeing from rent to blocks of cheese) are a subject of everyday conversation. I could never figure out why people are so secretive about their finances anyway, but then again, I’ve only ever been poor.
