Scenario: There’s a new restaurant in town. It’s upscale (which is really, really great for this one-horse county). My friend’s husband took her there for her birthday.
I asked her how much they spent…you know, like how you’d see the average cost for appetizers, drinks, entree, and dessert in a restaurant review? On account of we might go there this weekend. Just trying to get a feel for whether or not we can afford to go there.
Well, I might as well have asked her how much she makes. She was absolutely floored that I asked her.
Well, I asked her how much they spent. I wasn’t looking for an itemized fucking bill, mind you…I figured she would understand that I was looking for a ballpark figure of what two people would spend for dinner.
When I saw the look on her face, I rephrased it to, “Do you think we could get out of there for $100?”, she was still hesitant, but said yes, we could.
People ask me this all the time, and I’ll say, “We each had a steak, salad, two glasses of wine, and dessert, and we paid blah-blah-blah, with tip.” I don’t understand where the offensive part comes in. I already knew it was an upscale place. I wasn’t expecting a “blue plate special” or to use a coupon or anything.
I’ve got to agree with ftg on this one. Personally, I understand exactly what you mean, but when I think about it…
friend: “How was dinner?”
me: “Pretty good, actually. Very nice atmosphere. He got the reservations without telling me.”
friend: “Was it expensive?”
This is where it sounds a little rude–we’re talking about my evening, or at least that’s what I’m thinking.
If the conversation had been…
friend: “How was dinner?”
me: “Pretty good, actually. Very nice atmosphere…”
friend: “I haven’t been in there since it opened. It looks really swanky; maybe we’ll try it on a special occasion.”
me: “Yeah, definitely. It was too expensive for a casual evening out.”
I don’t think I’d be offended if my friends asked me, but it would take me a minute to shift gears and figure out that they were asking for themselves and not to see what kind of date mr. sofia is.
See, I don’t get that. I don’t see how it has anything to do with her finances, per se. It only has to do with the cost of one meal. What if I asked her what she paid for Coke at a particular grocery store that week? I dunno…it just seems a little…almost paranoid…like I’m trying to find out what her finances are or something. Mind you, she’s not a stranger. We’ve worked together for two years, her husband and mine are chummy, and I adopted a kitty from her.
I don’t think it rude, but I probably would have asked in a different way. Such as, “Was it very expensive? My husband and I love going to new places, but we are on a budget.” That way it doesn’t seem like you are prying into her financials.
See. I don’t think that was rude at all. My automatic assumption if asked the same question under the same circumstances would be that the questioner was wondering if they could afford to eat there, often or not. If I didn’t want to reveal how much I spent on dinner, I would just say something like “Pricey,” or “Reasonable.” I surely wouldn’t take offense that someone asked!
I’m thoroughly confused by your friend and the people in this thread that think it’s rude. You’re asking how much food/ cost, not how much money her husband had on him or how much their car cost.
Lots of people don’t like telling how much they paid for things.
I used to not mind telling, but often times the person asking would then say* "You paid that much? Just for a steak dinner? Jeez, you coulda gone to FillYerFace down the road and only paid half that. You really wanted to spend that much just for dinner, huh?..Must be nice to be as rich as you!..*
So I’d say it’s rude to ask what they paid for dinner.
It’s OK to ask about the dinner, food, service, atmosphere, etc, but don’t ask how much they paid. Even if they tell you, you really don’t know how much you might spend there, because of different liquor consumption and choice of entrees.
Just call the restaurant and ask for prices of some of the dinners. I’ve done it many times.
You made it personal by asking how much they spent. While the restaurant’s prices have some bearing on that, so do their personal eating and drinking preferences. The question could well have been perceived as prying into how extravagant their dinner choices were and how much booze they sloshed down.
As others have noted, the question could have specifically been about the place’s price range, which would have been less personal. It still indirectly pries into what they can afford to spend, and some folks are uncomfortable discussing that sort of thing.
The info you wanted could have easily been obtained by calling the restaurant.
I think it was rude in that you did not tell you why you were asking.
“How much did you spend?” is prying.
“We’d love to go, but we’re counting our pennies right now. Would you consider it a rather expensive restaurant?”
I’ve found that when it comes to financial questions, explaining why you’re asking let’s the questionee know you not being nosy, but that you have a legitimate reason for wanting the information.
I don’t find it rude at all, and I think it’s a better way to find out about a restaurant than calling the place itself. For example, you might also get better info about the quality of the food, service, portion sizes, etc., from an acquaintance that you would by calling the restaurant.
I suppose it might be awkward if the person is your boss and makes ten times the salary that you do (and knows it), but without such a blatant discrepancy in lifestyle/income, I don’t see a problem. I and my acquaintances share this kind of stuff all the time.
My husband thinks it’s rude. When I asked why, he said, “I don’t know. Why is anything rude?”
I don’t think it’s rude, and I think damn near everything is rude! If I were asking the question, I would have phrased it like this:
“So, would you call it moderately priced or pretty high?” That lets them off the hook as to their own meal. Explaining that “we’re on a budget” heads back toward being rude because it implies (at least to me) that the other person isn’t on a budget. Everyone’s on a budget! It’s just that some people’s budgets are bigger than other people’s budgets.
(And that’s a stupid sounding word. Budget. Budget. Budgetbudgetbudget.)
