I think it’s always rude to ask someone how much they spent on something whether its a car or food.
Solution: You could easily have called the restaurant and asked about their prices if you wanted to know.
And as half of a couple who likes to occasionally spend way too much on dinner, I would be hesitant to tell someone how much I had spent. It’s not that I’m ashamed to spend $200+ on dinner and good wine, it’s just that I know most people don’t and it would be awkward to say.
I say not rude at all. It would have been better to ask what the average entree price was, as opposed to asking how much they spent, but I don’t think either is rude.
Same here.
Perhaps it’s where you’re at that colored the question and its perception. I live in a large city and have talked to an uncounted number of people about restaurants and have been on both the giving and receiving end of some variation of the question. Neither I nor anyone I’ve talked to has ever thought twice about discussing price. I mean, it’s one of the key features of a restaurant: Food, Atmosphere, Service, and Cost! How can you possibly discuss a restaurant without thinking any of those topics won’t come up?
That doesn’t mean you have to discuss specifics. If someone asks “So, how much did it set you back?” you can simply answer “It was a pretty penny. They were definitely proud of their food!” In fact, that’s often how I phrase it. If someone wants to know more, they’ll ask something like “So you’d say the entrees were in the $50 range?” or some such. I’ve never had anyone grill me on how much I spent, and have never assumed that’s what they wanted to know, even if the question may be phrased in such a way.
I can only guess your friend (as well as a few silly people in this thread) who thinks the question is offensive, rarely go to or discuss restaurants and so make erroneous assumptions about the motivation behind the question. Let me make it clear people: If someone asks you, “What did you spent at Restaurant X last night?” they are not wanting to know your personal finances. They are simply wondering (perhaps in a poorly worded fashion) about how expensive the place is in case they want to go. Take the question for how it is meant and discuss how pricey the place is in general or price-per-entree terms.
Probably true, but they are in fact asking about your personal spending. You may not interpret the question that way, but I don’t see how anyone could be blamed for taking it at face value.
Taking a question for how it is meant is a lot easier if it means exactly what it says, instead of being in some code where one has to figure out what the questioner is thinking. How hard is it to ask “What are the prices like?” rather than “What did you spend?”?
That’s right…but as I said, she’s my friend and we were chit-chatting. I wouldn’t have been put off by it.
This is what makes me amazed at her finding it rude. If it were just some bum off the street then I could see it awkward to ask.
However, if this lady is a friend then I don’t get the big deal.
My friends and I discuss prices of things all the time.
Example:
“Where did you find that blouse!? I’ve been wanting one like that!”
“I found it at XYZ. It was on sale for $30…you better hurry and go get one…they were running out.”
With some of my friends I know how much they paid for their houses, their cars, how much money they make, etc. It’s not a big issue.
I would never point blank ask someone about their personal finances but as friends, sometimes money comes up in conversation and they feel no shame in discussing it.
YMMV.
Well, personally I find discussing finances rude no matter who’s doing it.
Actually “rude” probably isn’t the right word. Gauche is better.
Anyhow - I wouldn’t have asked, and I probably would have pulled a face if I’d been asked, but that’s just how I was brought up. You don’t talk $$ with people that you don’t sleep with.
However, I would have forgiven you promptly and probably forgotten about it almost as quickly.
The only $$ issue that really sticks in my craw is when someone will say “Do you like my new XXX? It cost this much!”
Or if you complement an item rather than saying thank you they come back with “It was really expensive!”
Or if someone complements me on an item of mine and then asks “Where did you get it?” (Ok so far) immediately followed up by “How much did it cost.” This drives me nuts.
My exception to this rule is if I got something on sale, and the sale is still going on, I’ll tell people where I got it and alert them to the sale. (So they can get it at a good price also.)
See, I don’t see it as discussing finances. Finances, to me, are incomes, investments, inheritences…stuff like that. The cost of a meal, whether it’s a burger or a steak, is just idle banter.
I’m like this, too. And I loooove to alert people to sales and deals. “Cute jeans!” “Thanks! $40 at Victoria’s Secret. They’re usually $50.”
In most cases, not rude.
But maybe your friend personalized the question.
Instead of hearing the question as, how expensive is the new resturant? Maybe she heard it as, how much did your husband spend for your birthday dinner?
Not rude.
I’m another one who can’t fathom why asking how much a dinner costs could possibly be rude. Sounds to me like the woman has issues.
Funny you should say that, because he gave her a really pretty ring for Valentine’s Day, and she told me how much it cost. And I didn’t ask. Hence, the surprise at her reaction to my question.
But I agree…she has most likely read something into the question that wasn’t there.
I don’t think it’s rude at all. The question was intended to help discern if the restaurant met your requirements, not as a means of prying into their fiscal state. Me thinks she’s offended waaaay to easily. It’s not like you asked what percentage of their income they spent.
I wouldn’t consider it a rude question and would’ve answered with ranges. “Entrees run $15-20, desserts $5-10, salads are a la carte and don’t come with your entree and, of course, whatever you drink…”
Then again, I was raised by wolves.
I was well past the age of 25 before I learned/realized that some people – many people – consider this type of discussion rude. I was nearly 30 before I realized that nobody wanted nor needed to know what I paid for my latest acquisition, whatever it was. I was raised in a family where you discuss the price of things. Mostly it’s to brag about what a great deal you got at that sale because nobody should ever pay full price for anything. (Or maybe it’s to brag because you can afford something your cousins can’t. I dunno. Whe) All I know is this is a standard topic of conversation among my relatives and my kind friends have tolerated my classlessness for years. They all have far too much class to tell me when I’m behaving like trailer trash. [Disclaimer: slur meant to be directed only at certain members of my family, not you or yours.]
IMHO, the poorer you grew up, the more likely you are to discuss prices. People who were brought up well-to-do, wealthy or [insert euphemism for “not starving to death” here] tend not to discuss prices. No clue if it’s a function of education, social mores, socioeconomic status or what. So perhaps some people consider this type of discussion to be rude because it could enlighten everyone involved in the discussion about the backgrounds of the conversants.
Also, to emphasize the point made by others here, certain societal “rules” seem to be more relaxed around close friends and/or family. (Hence my tolerating my gauche questions and declaractions. Nobody in my family ever indicated, at least in front of me, that these were family-only topics.)
How I would handle it now that I know some people might find that offensive: I never discuss the cost of things, or personal finances except in the most vague and general terms, because you can never tell who is going to be ultra-private about these things vs. who is really open about them. I try to err on the side of conservativism in this case.
Incidently, the restaurant also has live jazz on weekends…which I suppose would increase the cost over an “average” restaurant.
This place is a real treat where we live. It’s in a semi-rural area. Usually, everything is either deep-fried or is served in a basket. :rolleyes:
You make a good point. While I was raised “classy” middle class, this potential error was never pointed out to me. I know you don’t do it to strangers, but I figured food and friends was fair game.
The only thing I can imagine is that she didn’t KNOW what the total bill was. I don’t see that as rude, if it’s a new place a friend should be as happy to let you know what the prices are as to tell you how succulent the Filet Mignon is. I can understand though if this woman is wealthier than you she may feel like it is bragging to say how much they spent. I think I’d probably just ask if it was expensive, a yes or no from that tells you enough, and may just provoke them to discuss further what they are comfortable with.
Me, I’ll tell you, I spent 3.99 on a value meal at McD’s today, didn’t find it too pricey, yet also not what I would deem succulent.
“How much did you pay for dinner?” would rub me the wrong way, too.
Many of the other ways of finding out prices already mentioned in the thread (or asking if it compares to another restaurant that you know prices for) would be less jarring. But asking me how much my food costs would bother me.
I think you could’ve got at value meal cheaper somewhere else. I can get it for you WHOLESALE! 