I received a very nice email today. It seems a fan of a certain author recognized my writing style, and was sure I was testing stuff out on the boards.
They were delighted to have found me, and couldn’t resist emailing me to tell me how great it was to engage in conversation with such a fantastic and recognized writer.
I was delighted.
Then I read on about how much she loved my last book, and couldn’t wait for my next one, and checks Amazon.com every week to see when it’s coming out.
Cool.
Except I’m not Dave Barry.
Dave Barry?
Crap. Here I am, this famous author slumming on a message board, and you figure the whole thing out, but come up with a 2nd rate hack like Dave Barry?
I informed her in the most icy tones possible that I was certainly not Dave Barry. I am Samuel Clemens a.k.a Mark Twain, and if she didn’t have the intelligence to appreciate my work to such a degree that it reminded her of Dave Barry I would appreciate it very much if she would stop reading my stuff, and buying my books as I’m trying to cultivate a more highbrow appeal.
And,
I haven’t heard back. It occurs to me that I was an asshole . Again. I was really just trying to be humorous. It also occurs to me that I may receive an email containing an apology, and stating that she would promise to look into this Mark Twain guy, since if he reminds her of Dave Barry, he must be pretty good.
So, if you’re out there, and you’re confused, the truth is, that I’m nobody. Nobody famous that is.
I’m not really Mark Twain.
Then I wondered if we actually did have any famous posters besides Cecil.
So, this is the place to come clean.
I know that you must be famous in real life. Admit it here. Tell us who you are. No more slumming.
Oh, my God. I second that, man. I say we have a Dopefest for this one. I’m going to try to get to NYC ASAP. When is everyone available?
And, Scylla, if I may say, you will always be famous in my mind for Goat Porn. Although I’m sure it would be illegal for you to do it in Utah and maybe three other states I can think of, I think that you should become a professional writer. Just don’t rip off Chuck Palahniuk anymore, ok?
That’s the second time somebody said that I ripped off that thread, but except for the title, it’s all original (and the idea behind it, and the philosophy is inspired from Catch-22 (if we’re being honest,) but I had hoped somebody might pick that up without me spilling the beans. )
And, I don’t feel guilty about the title since there is huge precedent for using a well-known, but unattributed quote in the title of your work.
I figure if Hemmingway does it, it’s ok, right?
Or maybe you’re just joking, and I’m getting paranoid.
There’s just gotta be a way to work a ‘grateness of Scylla’ comment in here, but i’m screwed if I can think of it.
I, in real life, am a character actor. Quite famous, indeed. Women by the buckets, money, villas in the Azores, all that sort of thing…
Well, if you’re serious, then Chuck Palahniuk would be the author of Fight Club and several other satirically biting novels (can you tell I’m a fan?). But I’m thinking you’re just joking.
I thought your thread was quite clever. And I did catch the Catch-22 reference (“Be thankful you’re healthy”, “Be Bitter you’re not going to stay that way”, “Be thankful you’re alive”, “Be furious you’re going to die”, “Things couldn’t be much worse”, “They could be one hell of a lot better.”) Sadly, though, I only caught where it was from after you quoted one of the rules.
Out of curiosity, Scylla, have you read any Martin Amis? Not having anything to do with your thread, but I was just reminded of his work.
I’m famous. No, really. I’ve had my face plastered everywhere. (Well, alright, all over campus. Well, okay, but just in the residences, but…) Okay, so let’s just say I’m well-known?
And hey, I have a song recorded about me! Who else can say that? Not just written, but recorded! Performed by a group! And yes, that’s all I’m going to say on this topic…
Just kidding! I looooove your stories! 