I was horrified when I saw an exerpt of the video of a judge whaling on his daughter. Then I remembered several occasions where I was begging to be spared a beating. At the time I regarded corporal punishment to be avoided by obeying or lying if I could get away with it.
I never thought these beatings deserved a call to the police. I never questioned my father’s love for me . I never questioned his justification. Most guys my age were subject to the same kind of discipline. I find it weird that 40 years later I can say that having a parent beat you like that judge did was okay for me back then but not for someone else today.
No. Good lord, no. I got plenty of corporal punishment (generally deserved), and one time got hit with a belt, but never like that - that was a beating. I don’t have any problems with my parents’ degree of hitting, although I wouldn’t plan to do it with my own kids.
Also I’m pretty sure (although not 100% positive) that I never got hit when I was as old as the girl in the video. That’s kind of creepy, not to mention obviously ineffective.
ETA - you’re saying your dad hit you like that, as in several minutes of winding up to his full power and whaling on you with a belt all over your body? Because I don’t know anybody who would say that was okay.
That video was vicious, like an evil master beating a slave. Apparently the wife is now pleading Stockholm Syndrome or something like but in the video she’s clearly an accessory.
One event stands out, at about age 13 when I told my parents I wouldn’t be going to church anymore. My dad kind of lost it and was literally knocking me around the room, into walls and onto the floor. I ended up inviting him to keep on hitting but I still wasn’t gonna go to church. That kind of brought him to his senses.
He wss subject to very frequent screaming anger-filled fits, often more than one a day. We were lucky that physical violence was not included in them.
But one of my sisters got treated to something that made that video look like tea time at Miss Pitty Pat’s. And the horrible thing was that it didn’t happen just once. There were other times, but either I wasn’t there to witness it or–bizarrely, since I have a great memory–I was there and I have simply wiped the scene from my consciousness.
I have to be honest. When I saw that video, my first thought was, “What? That ain’t nothing! Cry me a river!” And if more truth be told, it’s still not resonating as OMG HORRIBLE!! So now I’m starting to realize how abuse is perpetuated from generation to generation. Household violence can really desensitize a person.
Out of curiosity is this your younger or older sister? And is there a significant age difference? I’m not doubting you, just curious why your parents were so different in their treatment of you. Was she worse behaved than you were?
I haven’t watched the video. I clicked on it and went to the warning/login page; I’ve got a youtube account, but with a chance to think about it, I decided I really didn’t need to see it that badly.
The subject had been on my mind a bit, lately. My family is now just me, my brother, and my dad. My brother hasn’t had any contact with our dad for about 30 years. Sometimes when I see him, my dad will say he doesn’t know what he might have done wrong. It’s never a question; asking me my opinion. We did each get spanked with a belt, although without having seen the video, I can’t compare. It wasn’t a common occurrence, although it must have happened at least twice. (I remember it happening and knowing already how much it hurt.)
I’ve decided that it comes down to two things. For one, all these years later, I remember getting the belt but not what I was being punished for. I didn’t burn the house down. I didn’t kill the cat. You can debate whether it’s ever justified to treat a child that way, but I can’t think of anything I did that could have remotely deserved it. The other thing I remember is that he was angry. It’s one thing to be corrected by someone who cares about you, but it’s another when the underlying message is that you dare not defy someone. Going through life trying not to make someone mad at you is not the way to grow up.
And yeah, she was a hellion. She would say she was a hellion in RESPONSE to the parenting she received. My hypothesis is that she was a hellion and the beatings just escalated things. Regardless, no one deserves having a broom stick broken across her back. I don’t care how many boys she has in the house.
My twin and I (as well as my brother, who’s older by six years, to a much lesser extent) grew up in the shadow of all the turmoil. We were the “good” girls…but we were also the scared-to-do-or-say-a-word girls. Because whenever we expressed an opinion counter to our mother’s, we were taken on a guilt trip about how we were turning into contrary teenagers. And lord knows there’s nothing worse than a contrary teenager! And lord also knows what HAPPENS to contrary teenagers! So we were scared straight into being good. Didn’t spare us completely, but at least our mother never screamed “I’m gonna fuck you up!” at us.
No. Based on some of the stories my grandparents have shamelessly told* about their parenting techniques and some of the things I saw happen to my cousins, I’d say this was because my parents broke the cycle.
*Are there other families that get together over the holidays and reminisce about long ago beatings they gave to their children and received from their parents?
The worst beating I got was for something that I didn’t do, but admitted to doing to make it stop.
I was accused of stealing some silver coins from my grandparents. My dad came home and I was sitting in the living room watching tv when told me to stand up, so I did. Then he asked me if I took the coins and I said I hadn’t. He then struck me in the head so hard that I fell backwards over the chair, then he said “stand up”, so I did. He asked again if I took them and I said “no” and he did the same thing again, sending me flying backwards over the chair.
“Stand up”. I stood up and the next time he asked I didn’t say anything because I learned what saying “no” did. So he hit me again and down I went. “Stand up”. The last time he asked me if I took them, I said I did. I had to bike down to my grandparents to say sorry which was humiliating.
Years later, the cops found the silver coins in a house with a bunch of other stolen things.
That beating was the scariest because I was getting very hurt and I was afraid that I was going to die.
I don’t excuse her at all, but she did seem to come in when it was getting (further) out of hand and take the belt away from the dad and was much more controlled and only gave out two or so hits. The dad got mad she wasn’t doing enough and went to get another belt. After the mom seemed to have it over and done the dad came back and continued the abuse.
I don’t pretend to be any kind of an authority but it seemed to me she was stepping in trying to lessen the abuse, but had to still hit her to make it seem like she was supporting her husband (although much less power and much more control in the hits). Seems consistent with someone being abused themselves.
No, my parents were never physically violent. Us kids got mild spankings from calm parents when we deserved it, but that was all.
Yeah. The daughter says that she’s reconciled with her mother. I’d still hold the mother responsible for her actions in a court of law, but I’d also bet good money that she was being abused too and is not a violent parent when she’s not under the influence of that monster. (Yes, I think it’s possible for someone to be a victim and a perpetrator of abuse at the same time. Neither cancels the other out.)
I just read an interesting update. The Judge says the reason she posted it now is he cut off her financial support and took back her Mercedes because he didn’t think she was applying herself working part time in a video game store.
So which is worse… a grown man beating his own child… a dad taking away unearned privileges… or a woman blackmailing her dad for something he did in the past?
The first is inexcusable, the second could be taken either way… is he “hurting” her again for not living up to his expectations and in her mind “ruining her life”, the third, she is telling the truth, but possibly with the intention of “ruining his life” in return.
