Badger vs. Gorilla: Who Wins?

[ultrafilter]

It's a standard animal fight situation. Make whatever assumptions you like. Who comes out alive?

[TriPolar]

No question the gorilla. Way, way, way too big and strong. The badger might get some bites in, but that would enrage the gorilla. Gorillas can move with blinding speed, and rip a badger in half with little effort. Not to mention they bite also.

[Boyo Jim]

What kinds of badger and gorilla?

[cochrane]

The badger. 'Cause he don't give a shit.

[Spectre of Pithecanthropus]

Is the OP serious? I don't think a badger would have a chance against a chimpanzee, never mind a gorilla.

[AClockworkMelon]

Are the badgers ill-tempered?

[TriPolar]

Originally Posted by AClockworkMelon

Are the badgers ill-tempered?

All badgers are ill-tempered.

[LeeshaJoy]

Are we talking about an American badger, a European badger, or a honey badger?

[shijinn]

the honey badger will die and the gorilla will be neutered.

[Autolycus]

Well, it depends. Is it a badger or a badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger?

[shijinn]

and does it get a snake as a sidekick?

[Rachellelogram]

A badger or a honeybadger? It makes a difference.

[Mangetout]

Originally Posted by LeeshaJoy

Are we talking about an American badger, a European badger, or a honey badger?

Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate?

[Namkcalb]

Originally Posted by rachelellogram

A badger or a honeybadger? It makes a difference.

SPOILER:

honey badgers may be small but their loose and thick skin makes them really hard to manhandle/bite, they've been known to survive against killer snakes, lions and leopards

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by TriPolar

All badgers are ill-tempered.

It's a start.

[cochrane]

Originally Posted by rachelellogram

A badger or a honeybadger? It makes a difference.

Originally Posted by Namkcalb

SPOILER:

honey badgers may be small but their loose and thick skin makes them really hard to manhandle/bite, they've been known to survive against killer snakes, lions and leopards

SPOILER:

They're also badass and don't give a shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wH...e_gdata_player

I wish all nature shows were narrated like this.

[RickJay]

A gorilla would probably retreat from the fight. They COULD win but in all likelihood would elect not to fuck around with the scary, pissed off little animal. Gorillas are good at looking scary as shit but don't like fighting.

A chimp would fuck a badger up.

[Hal Briston]

Why is "we all lose" an option when clearly we all win?

[VunderBob]

Originally Posted by LeeshaJoy

Are we talking about an American badger, a European badger, or a honey badger?

An Atomic Racing Badger?

SPOILER:

Atomic Badger Racing was hands-down the coolest user name evar. The fact that I remember him as a Doper really dates me...

[Alka Seltzer]

The badger would win if it was armed with a machine gun, unless the gorilla had a tank.

[TriPolar]

Originally Posted by RickJay

A gorilla would probably retreat from the fight. They COULD win but in all likelihood would elect not to fuck around with the scary, pissed off little animal. Gorillas are good at looking scary as shit but don't like fighting.

The OP says it's a standard animal fight situation. That means the two are locked in a steel cage. So unless they both decide not to fight, the gorilla may back away initially, but if the badger attacks, it will soon be a disassembled badger.

[Rigamarole]

Originally Posted by shijinn

the honey badger will die and the gorilla will be neutered.

No way! Honey badger don't give a shit. Nothing beats a honey badger. Ever.

[Bumbershoot]

You can be a badass and not give a shit and still be dismembered and stomped into the ground by a wild animal ten times your size.

[Rigamarole]

Originally Posted by Bumbershoot

You can be a badass and not give a shit and still be dismembered and stomped into the ground by a wild animal ten times your size.

I refuse to believe it until I see it! Don't underestimate the mighty honey badger.

[Autolycus]

Yeah I once beat that guy 10 times my size. He towered over me like a giant, and then I kicked him square in the 'nads! Take that, leverage!

[Scumpup]

Badgers? We ain't got no badgers. We don't need no badgers! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badgers!

[shijinn]

Originally Posted by Autolycus

Yeah I once beat that guy 10 times my size. He towered over me like a giant, and then I kicked him square in the 'nads! Take that, leverage!

hmm, now i'm in doubt - when the honey badger rips the gorilla's gonads as a souvenir, would the gorilla get angrier and kill the honey badger or would it hug itself and cry?

[Alka Seltzer]

I'd like to change my answer, as I hadn't considered that the badger might have a helicopter gunship at his disposal.

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by LeeshaJoy

Are we talking about an American badger, a European badger, or a honey badger?

The gorilla would still win, but at least against a honey badger he'd receive a severe rateling.

[Bumbershoot]

Here is a nature documentary that shows what an angry gorilla is capable of. Explain to me how a badger is going to withstand that.

[TriPolar]

Originally Posted by Bumbershoot

Here is a nature documentary that shows what an angry gorilla is capable of. Explain to me how a badger is going to withstand that.

Case closed.

[Rigamarole]

Originally Posted by Bumbershoot

Here is a nature documentary that shows what an angry gorilla is capable of. Explain to me how a badger is going to withstand that.

This is how.

[thelurkinghorror]

Originally Posted by rachelellogram

A badger or a honeybadger? It makes a difference.

I don't give a shit which.

Originally Posted by Mangetout

Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate?

I'm not sure, but isn't what makes the honey badger so great is that it's chief weapon is fear? Their one and only weapon is fear. And surprise. Their two weapons are fear and surprise... and a jaunty coat. Three.

Originally Posted by RickJay

A gorilla would probably retreat from the fight. They COULD win but in all likelihood would elect not to fuck around with the scary, pissed off little animal. Gorillas are good at looking scary as shit but don't like fighting.

A chimp would fuck a badger up.

The chimp would be at a distinct advantage if it can figure out a) where the badger stores its testicles and b) how best to bite them off. Gorillas are (relatively and comparatively) docile for their size.

[Bumbershoot]

Originally Posted by RickJay

A chimp would fuck a badger up.

Whereas a bonobo would simply fuck a badger.

[BobLibDem]

Gorilla, without working up a sweat.

[Namkcalb]

Originally Posted by Rigamarole

No way! Honey badger don't give a shit. Nothing beats a honey badger. Ever.

Nothing beats a honey badger... but that doesn't mean that nothing can rip their limbs off

[Boyo Jim]

The honey badger is the Chuck Norris of the varmint world. If Chuck Norris can beat a gorilla, the honey badger can too.

[thelurkinghorror]

The gorilla would just sign "we are related to each other. Humans are descended from apes," and Chuck's head would explode.

[Happy Lendervedder]

Does the badger have AIDS?

[Shawn1767]

The Badger… if he's prepared.

[MacSpon]

If it's an Egyptian Steroidal Whooping Badger ... then maybe.

[Chefguy]

Maybe not a badger; but what about a bodger? He could turn him into something else.

[GargoyleWB]

Originally Posted by Rigamarole

No way! Honey badger don't give a shit. Nothing beats a honey badger. Ever.

Also, from watching the honey badger documentary, they are immune to gorilla venom.

[Carptracker]

Never seen a honey badger or a gorilla outside of a zoo, but I have considerable experience up close w caged badgers of the north American variety. You are talking about lightening fast, strong as an ox, venomous hatred. Ok, not literally venomous, but I would rather be locked in w a dozen rattlers and cobras than a live, healthy, badger. I think a badger would be like Yoda all over a gorilla before the ape knew there was a fight on. I don't care how strong you are, there are no handles on a badger.

[Chefguy]

Originally Posted by Carptracker

Never seen a honey badger or a gorilla outside of a zoo, but I have considerable experience up close w caged badgers of the north American variety. You are talking about lightening fast, strong as an ox, venomous hatred. Ok, not literally venomous, but I would rather be locked in w a dozen rattlers and cobras than a live, healthy, badger. I think a badger would be like Yoda all over a gorilla before the ape knew there was a fight on. I don't care how strong you are, there are no handles on a badger.

This one seems to have two. . .

[Chronos]

Yes, the badger (especially the honey badger) is a total badass for its size. The thing is, though, that doesn't mean that it can defeat any foe in a cage match. What it means is that it can put up a good enough fight that nobody else in the animal world wants to go up against it. Yeah, a gorilla could kill a honey badger, but in real life, it won't, because it knows it'll get pretty badly injured if it tries, and it's not worth it.

In a cage-match situation, though, where running away isn't an option, scaring enemies off doesn't do much good. The gorilla would be forced to fight, the badger would lose, and the gorilla would lose, too, just not quite as badly.

[cinsavant]

I personally would like to see a badger/honey badger versus a woverine...or maybe a tasmanian devil versus any of those

[Taomist]

Originally Posted by cochrane

SPOILER:

They're also badass and don't give a shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wH...e_gdata_player

I wish all nature shows were narrated like this.

Awesome.

[Folacin]

For a fictional anecdote, I think it was in the book Jeremiah Johnson where one of the mountain men recounts a fight between a bear and either a badger or a wolverine, caused by the bear sticking it's snout into the badger burrow.

As I recall it, the badger was chewing the bear's face off, and the bear was howling and growling in pain. Then, the bear remembered it had claws, ripped the badger in half, and ran off.

The mountain man checked out the badger, and it had the bear's nose in it's teeth.