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  #1  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:43 AM
JerriJ JerriJ is offline
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Is tickling ok

I think at some point or another every one of us have been tickled by either a sibling, cousin, parent, friend, etc. I think some of us may have a story or two of being tickled longer than we want which makes us want to squirm away. Is it ok to tickle someone or does it completely depend on the context, how long they do it.

I myself was tickled as a kid by an older brother and it was bothersome but I was laughing so it appeared to be ok.

Any thoughts, stories, etc?
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  #2  
Old 04-15-2012, 11:07 AM
YogSosoth YogSosoth is offline
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This is a fetish thing isn't it?
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  #3  
Old 04-15-2012, 11:13 AM
overlyverbose overlyverbose is offline
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Depends on the context. Some people like it. For others, it's painful.

My daughter, for example, is extremely ticklish like I am. I adore tickling her and she generally enjoys it, too, but when she shows any signs of not enjoying it, I stop. If she feels like being tickled, she'll usually say, "Kickle me," (she's 2.5); if she doesn't, she'll shy away a bit. If in the middle of a tickle fight, she stops laughing, tickling is over.

My son, on the other hand, is extremely ticklish, too, but he loathes being tickled most of the time. So I rarely do it. On the unlikely occasions where he enjoys it, it's not a big part of the interaction. In other words, I'm not going to hold him down just to tickle him; it's more the threat (fingers wiggling at him as though I'm about to do it) he enjoys.

I very much respect that. When I was little I had a friend who held me down and tickled me until I peed on her doorstep. It was awful and painful embarrassing and I was screaming at her to stop and crying but she wouldn't. I actually had nightmares of being tickled after that. It seems incredibly stupid and contrary to what one might believe, but tickling can be torture.
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  #4  
Old 04-15-2012, 11:27 AM
AqualungBats5th AqualungBats5th is offline
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Like with any behavior where we're touching another person, if it's consentual and wanted then it's okay. If it isn't, then you stop immediately (or don't start in the first place if you know it's unwelcome) - otherwise it's the opposite of okay.
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  #5  
Old 04-15-2012, 11:28 AM
monstro monstro is online now
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Tickling is fun when coupled with other physical play and rough-housing.

Tickling is often not fun when it comes out of the blue, is initiated by a non-intimate, and you have a full bladder.

I once read that laughing in response to tickling is a reflex. Assuming this is true, it shouldn't be assumed that the person being tickled enjoys it.
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  #6  
Old 04-15-2012, 11:39 AM
FloatyGimpy FloatyGimpy is offline
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Tickling is one of the ways I was molested in plain site of other people so, for me, I don't tickle and I feel anxious and uncomfortable if someone is really tickling a child.
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  #7  
Old 04-15-2012, 01:02 PM
John DiFool John DiFool is online now
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Old poll here. I was severely shocked at how many people voted "hate it" (the lowest possibly rating)-54%.
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  #8  
Old 04-15-2012, 02:01 PM
Clothahump Clothahump is offline
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I used to tickle SWMBO. Notice the past tense.

I didn't get the message to stop. So she made me. A hard shot to the jugular notch and I went airborne, wound up on the other side of the room trying to breathe.
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  #9  
Old 04-15-2012, 02:17 PM
elfkin477 elfkin477 is online now
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Originally Posted by John DiFool View Post
Old poll here. I was severely shocked at how many people voted "hate it" (the lowest possibly rating)-54%.
I've never met anyone who enjoys being tickled so I'm more surprised that anyone said they love it.
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  #10  
Old 04-15-2012, 02:22 PM
shantih shantih is offline
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Originally Posted by Clothahump View Post
I used to tickle SWMBO. Notice the past tense.

I didn't get the message to stop. So she made me. A hard shot to the jugular notch and I went airborne, wound up on the other side of the room trying to breathe.
Whoa. I'm beginning to get the idea of why S absolutely MBO.
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  #11  
Old 04-15-2012, 02:35 PM
Lanzy Lanzy is offline
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I like it because the look on their face is priceless when they realize I am not ticklish in the least. Not even a little bit. They think I'm holding it in but I have not one area on my body that reacts.
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  #12  
Old 04-15-2012, 02:37 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
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Tickling is like sex. When you want it or are in the mood for it it is great. When you are not it's pretty damn bad (but not as bad as handshake rape).
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  #13  
Old 04-15-2012, 03:08 PM
RTFirefly RTFirefly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by overlyverbose View Post
Depends on the context. Some people like it. For others, it's painful.

My daughter, for example, is extremely ticklish like I am. I adore tickling her and she generally enjoys it, too, but when she shows any signs of not enjoying it, I stop. If she feels like being tickled, she'll usually say, "Kickle me," (she's 2.5); if she doesn't, she'll shy away a bit. If in the middle of a tickle fight, she stops laughing, tickling is over.

My son, on the other hand, is extremely ticklish, too, but he loathes being tickled most of the time. So I rarely do it. On the unlikely occasions where he enjoys it, it's not a big part of the interaction. In other words, I'm not going to hold him down just to tickle him; it's more the threat (fingers wiggling at him as though I'm about to do it) he enjoys.
The Firebug, now 4.5 years old, frequently enjoys being tickled, and will often ask me to tickle him. But (a) I'll stop the instant he tells me to, and (b) I wouldn't dream of holding him down while I'm tickling him; he always has the physical freedom to pull away even if he can't manage a 'no' or 'stop' due to involuntary laughter.
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  #14  
Old 04-15-2012, 03:38 PM
overlyverbose overlyverbose is offline
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As an aside, I don't understand people who can turn ticklishness on and off at will. My husband can do this, as can my daughter. It continually amazes me. For me and my son, being ticklish isn't a choice. We just are. It sucks.
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  #15  
Old 04-15-2012, 07:20 PM
Sudden Kestrel Sudden Kestrel is offline
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I had several older siblings, so I trained myself to be not ticklish when I was very young. This had the humorous side effect of depriving teenaged boys of one of their most potent flirtation methods .

It seems like the excessive tickling I've witnessed was always performed by boys or men, including fathers, uncles, and grandfathers. I've just now realized that I can't recall seeing such behavior by girls or women. Interesting.
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  #16  
Old 04-15-2012, 07:31 PM
Buttercup Smith Buttercup Smith is offline
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I was tickled daily by an older brother and it was not fun after the first 30 seconds except for him. He also twisted my arm behind my back every day and that shit hurt bad. I later had to have a torn rotator cuff fixed and wonder if that relentless arm twisting caused the problems.

This was every day for years. He loved it. I am surprised my parents and other siblings did not put a stop to it.

It was child abuse it my mind. Nothing at all sexual just physical abuse. Poor me.
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  #17  
Old 04-15-2012, 07:59 PM
WhyNot WhyNot is online now
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This is probably going to attract some flames, but my daughter has a safe word. *shrug* She loves to be tickled...sometimes. And she loves to squeal "no, no, let me go!" and she loves to kick and wiggle.

But the second she says, "Please!" It means, no, really, stop. Please. Same thing for turning her upside down or swinging her in a circle or other rough play. "Stop, please!" means stop, and it happens immediately, no questions asked, no "one more for good measure."

I know some people will think that's weird and inappropriate, simply because "safe words" are mostly associated with sex play, but whatevs. It keeps both of us happy and safe, emotionally and physically.
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  #18  
Old 04-15-2012, 08:52 PM
Rhiannon8404 Rhiannon8404 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot View Post
This is probably going to attract some flames, but my daughter has a safe word. *shrug* She loves to be tickled...sometimes. And she loves to squeal "no, no, let me go!" and she loves to kick and wiggle.

But the second she says, "Please!" It means, no, really, stop. Please. Same thing for turning her upside down or swinging her in a circle or other rough play. "Stop, please!" means stop, and it happens immediately, no questions asked, no "one more for good measure."

I know some people will think that's weird and inappropriate, simply because "safe words" are mostly associated with sex play, but whatevs. It keeps both of us happy and safe, emotionally and physically.
This is what it was like when my sister and I were little. We used to beg my dad to tickle us or swing us. We didn't have a "safe word" per se, but my dad seems to always know when to stop.

When I got to be in upper elementary school, tickling (or just poking in the ribs) seemed to be a "thing" for boys to do to girls. I trained myself out of being ticklish because if I didn't react they didn't do it again. I have been happily not ticklish for 30+ years.
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  #19  
Old 04-15-2012, 09:22 PM
Zjestika Zjestika is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clothahump View Post
I used to tickle SWMBO. Notice the past tense.

I didn't get the message to stop. So she made me. A hard shot to the jugular notch and I went airborne, wound up on the other side of the room trying to breathe.
I hit my husband in the face when he was tickling me. He doesn't tickle me anymore, but he still doesn't get it and thinks he was the victim in the situation. No matter how much I tell him that it feels to me like abuse he doesn't understand. But at least he doesn't tickle me.
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  #20  
Old 04-15-2012, 09:41 PM
KarlGrenze KarlGrenze is offline
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It can go from "nice" to "I'll like to crush and completely fracture your fingers" really fast.

Curiously, with my immediate family (mom, dad, brother), it's usually not a problem. They know instinctively when to stop. None of them have tickled me in years, anyways.

With partners, some don't seem to get it. No really, stop caressing me that way or I'll want to crush your fingers (and never ever see you again). ICK!
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  #21  
Old 04-16-2012, 03:44 PM
scootergirl scootergirl is offline
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I had a cousin that tickled me when we were young who came close to getting a black eye when he wouldn't stop one day.
My SO often sneaks up on me and will grab or poke me with his fingers on both sides just above my hips. I always let out this involuntary grunt...I have no idea how to spell out the sound. I like it because he gets such a kick out of it. He hasn't discovered the other part of my body where I am incredibly ticklish yet.
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  #22  
Old 04-16-2012, 03:59 PM
FatBaldGuy FatBaldGuy is offline
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I once dated a girl whose answer to "Are you ticklish?" was, "It depends on who, when and both kinds of where."
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  #23  
Old 04-16-2012, 04:12 PM
Soylent Juicy Soylent Juicy is offline
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I absolutely HATE being tickled. No external reason (molestation or abuse or anything), I just HATE it. My now-ex tickled me once and I (involuntary, ) kicked him in the face and made his lip bleed.

My husband will pretend like he's going to tickle me and will get a couple of tickles in before the panic-stricken look on my face makes him stop. He's smart enough to not get kicked in the face.
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  #24  
Old 04-16-2012, 04:18 PM
shiftless shiftless is offline
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Tickling is torture to me. Some people seem to think that because the victim laughs and there is no visible damage then the victim shouldn't be allowed to complain, much less fight back, so it is a great tool for sadists. I can't think of any other form of putting ones hands on someone else against their will that gets a pass like tickling. I warn people who want to tickle me that I equate it to any other form of assault and still, some people don't believe me. Why? I wouldn't slap someone because I think it's funny or stick my hand in someone's clothes against their will.

So, IMO, tickling is worse than hitting, slapping, spanking or whatever. It might be fun for some people in the appropriate setting but that doesn't mean that it is OK for anyone to use any time.
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  #25  
Old 04-16-2012, 04:57 PM
Clothahump Clothahump is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shantih View Post
Whoa. I'm beginning to get the idea of why S absolutely MBO.
You bet. That actually was a turning point in her martial arts training. You can learn it and practice it, but man, oh, man - when you see it work for real against someone 6 inches taller and 100 pounds heavier than you are, it is a confidence builder like you wouldn't believe.

She always tells this story when someone asks if she's ever used her martial arts training on someone.
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  #26  
Old 04-17-2012, 03:10 AM
Cinnamon Imp Cinnamon Imp is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by overlyverbose View Post
As an aside, I don't understand people who can turn ticklishness on and off at will. My husband can do this, as can my daughter. It continually amazes me. For me and my son, being ticklish isn't a choice. We just are. It sucks.
I've got an answer to this one - when I'm tense, I'm ticklish. If I relax and go limp, I'm not. I've managed to use this successfully on a couple of "tickle attacks" at parties!
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:22 AM
BigT BigT is offline
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Originally Posted by overlyverbose View Post
As an aside, I don't understand people who can turn ticklishness on and off at will. My husband can do this, as can my daughter. It continually amazes me. For me and my son, being ticklish isn't a choice. We just are. It sucks.
For me, that's because it doesn't really turn off. I'm just not that ticklish, so I can hold it in and not respond long enough for the person to usually stop trying. When I want to be tickled, I just respond more quickly.
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:29 AM
amanset amanset is offline
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Originally Posted by WhyNot View Post
This is probably going to attract some flames, but my daughter has a safe word. *shrug* She loves to be tickled...sometimes. And she loves to squeal "no, no, let me go!" and she loves to kick and wiggle.

But the second she says, "Please!" It means, no, really, stop. Please. Same thing for turning her upside down or swinging her in a circle or other rough play. "Stop, please!" means stop, and it happens immediately, no questions asked, no "one more for good measure."

I know some people will think that's weird and inappropriate, simply because "safe words" are mostly associated with sex play, but whatevs. It keeps both of us happy and safe, emotionally and physically.
Going the other way, I have a specific word and action that shows my girlfriend that I absolutely, positively will not continue. So unless I do that the horseplay can still continue, but once it is done she knows she is safe and can relax.
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:41 AM
The Great Sun Jester The Great Sun Jester is offline
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Originally Posted by overlyverbose View Post
As an aside, I don't understand people who can turn ticklishness on and off at will. My husband can do this, as can my daughter. It continually amazes me. For me and my son, being ticklish isn't a choice. We just are. It sucks.
One of the skills I use for dealing with The Crazies is an ability to disassociate to varying degrees. It's also useful for dealing with everyday stuff like sprained ankles, bonking my head on tables (don't ask) and apendicitis. It is wonderful for dealing with people who want to tickle me. It's like turning the volume down on the TV--I just tune out and am only vaguely aware of some pressure in the affected area.

That said, tickling is ok as long as it stops when the victim says so. Like sex. And handshakes.
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  #30  
Old 04-17-2012, 08:51 AM
madmonk28 madmonk28 is offline
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Originally Posted by shiftless View Post
Tickling is torture to me. Some people seem to think that because the victim laughs and there is no visible damage then the victim shouldn't be allowed to complain, much less fight back, so it is a great tool for sadists. I can't think of any other form of putting ones hands on someone else against their will that gets a pass like tickling. I warn people who want to tickle me that I equate it to any other form of assault and still, some people don't believe me. Why? I wouldn't slap someone because I think it's funny or stick my hand in someone's clothes against their will.

So, IMO, tickling is worse than hitting, slapping, spanking or whatever. It might be fun for some people in the appropriate setting but that doesn't mean that it is OK for anyone to use any time.
+1
For me, tickling is justification for me to straight up punch someone in the face. I haven't had to do it in a long time.
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Old 04-17-2012, 10:29 AM
Jophiel Jophiel is offline
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Originally Posted by WhyNot View Post
This is probably going to attract some flames, but my daughter has a safe word. *shrug* She loves to be tickled...sometimes. And she loves to squeal "no, no, let me go!" and she loves to kick and wiggle.
Sounds reasonable and it's not as though she's shouting "Asparagus!" so much as letting you know she actually means stop when she couples it with "please".

My son is only 18 months but will plop his foot in my hand when I'm changing or dressing him and expect me to do "Piggies". He starts to curl up and giggle by "...had roast beef" and openly laughs when I tickle him during "wee wee wee all the way home". He can't mind it that much because he keeps asking for it.
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  #32  
Old 04-17-2012, 12:31 PM
Misnomer Misnomer is offline
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Originally Posted by AqualungBats5th View Post
Like with any behavior where we're touching another person, if it's consentual and wanted then it's okay.
This.

I don't mind some light tickling along my back/ribs, but I can't stand for my feet to be tickled: my involuntary response is to kick as hard as I can, indiscriminately. I also can't stand to be held down, and my ex liked to try to hold my leg down in order to tickle one of my feet. Then he'd get annoyed when I'd hurt him (I have pretty strong legs for a short, fat chick).

When I started dating my current boyfriend I warned him up front about the foot tickling, and that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from hurting him if he ever did it. He sincerely promised that he never would, and it is so nice to be able to wrestle with/tickle him and know that I don't have to worry about him going for my feet. (IOW, it's so nice to be respected/to be dating a grownup!)
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Old 04-17-2012, 02:43 PM
FlyByNight512 FlyByNight512 is offline
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Originally Posted by WhyNot View Post
This is probably going to attract some flames, but my daughter has a safe word. *shrug* She loves to be tickled...sometimes. And she loves to squeal "no, no, let me go!" and she loves to kick and wiggle.

But the second she says, "Please!" It means, no, really, stop. Please.
I think that's great. You're teaching her that she controls what kind of contact people have with her, which is a big deal for kids in general and girls in particular. I've heard of similar situation situation where the parent taught the kid to wave their hands in front of them in a 'no more' kind of motion when they really meant it. They started before she could talk, so it was very useful for establishing communication too.
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  #34  
Old 04-17-2012, 05:54 PM
JerriJ JerriJ is offline
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All answers were good and make sense. I agree how sometimes tickling can be used as some as a way to touch people, whereas other people may over do it thinking they aren't honestly doing anything wrong.

I asked just out of curiosity because I had this discussion with someone not too long ago. I remember being tickled by my older brother, kind of a big sibling bratty thing as a way of teasing me.

Also someone said this is a way to be a sadist? What does that mean?
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