Women: Are you embarrassed to eat out alone?

[Agent Foxtrot]

I didn't know this was a thing.

[monstro]

Sometimes. But I do it anyway.

[Ibanez]

This is something I never bothered paying attention to. But now that I think about it, I eat out alone on occasion. I remember seeing a lot of other men by themselves, but have no recollection of women dining solo. Interesting.

[stretch]

Hell, no.

As a matter of fact, the last few months have found me in several different restaurants eating alone. I am trying to expand my places to go get food since I hate to cook and living on burgers and fries is probably going to kill me. If I didn't go alone, I'd have to go hungry.

I just bring a book, which is a better companion than 98.9 percent of the people I know anyway.

[kbear]

I'm comfortable with it to a point. I don't think I'd go to someplace really fancy but I've often gone out alone to the restaurants in my neighbourhood when hubby is away or if I feel like having lunch out. It's quite a treat actually to have a nice meal and a glass of wine and read a good book in peace.

Service can be sketchy sometimes when you're alone. They either try and rush you out in order to turn over the table or they ignore you. If they rush me I eat slower and if they ignore me I get more of my book read!

[kittenblue]

Not a bit. I've even taken myself out to eat on busy "Date Nights"...Friday and Saturdays...when I was clearly the only single table there. A few people have looked at me oddly when I'm seated, reading my book, and waiters have a tendency to not check back on you unless it's busy and they want your table turned, but all in all I'm fine with it.

I remember the day in college when one of the "popular" girls on the floor asked if she could go to lunch with me in the cafeteria...me, the nerdy senior in a freshman dorm that everyone pretty much ignored! because she absolutely could NOT eat alone. She told me she was afraid everyone would think she was some kind of outcast (and yes, she said this to my face after I said I ate alone most days) if they saw her sitting alone. Of course, the minute we got into the cafeteria she spotted people she knew and she ditched me.....

[Filbert]

Hell no.
Mind you, I also will cheerfully go to the cinema alone.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Huh - I didn't know this was a thing either.

I'm not bothered by eating out alone at all. In fact a meal by myself sounds like a nice treat.

[ThelmaLou]

Not a bit. Do it all the time.

[Infovore]

Not in the slightest. I usually have a book with me (hardcopy or ebook) and I'll happily sit down and read and eat.

Not sure whether I'd go to a "fancy" restaurant by myself, but that's more because that's usually a special occasion thing than due to any embarrassment.

[carlotta]

I eat out alone quite frequently. I don't think I've ever eaten somewhere fancy alone, but if the occasion (and the funds) arose, I wouldn't let being alone stop me.

I also go to the movies alone more often than I go with someone.

[tr0psn4j]

I'd make use of that website if it allowed men. I have no problem eating alone but meeting a random person might be interesting.

[FairyChatMom]

Doesn't bother me at all. In fact, when I'd go on travel for work, I looked forward to dining alone after a day of dealing with assorted people. Why should I care what a bunch of strangers think about me, whether I'm eating by myself or walking down the street by myself or shopping by myself. Frankly, I doubt that most people even notice me.

[Silver Tyger]

I'm not embarrassed but sometimes I get tired of eating alone.

[monstro]

Since I'm the only one owning up to feeling embarrassed, I'll explain:

I don't like being recognized. I don't like waitstaff to remember me enough that they can anticipate my choices. I don't like when people are "familiar" with me. Don't ask me why. All I know is that it has nothing to do with my gender.

So I don't mind going to new restaurants alone. I'm going out of town on business next week and I'm looking forward to visiting different places every night. But after the third or fourth time of going to the same place all by myself, the weird feeling becomes unpleasant.

But I don't eat at restaurants that often. I usually take stuff to-go, because I like eating in the comfort of home.

[secretsmile36]

Yes and I always feel sorry for people dining alone at fine restaurants.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by Silver Tyger

I'm not embarrassed but sometimes I get tired of eating alone.

That sums it up for me, too. I've been to rather fancy places alone. I'd rather have some company, but I'm not going to forego good meals until I find some.

Originally Posted by tr0psn4j

I'd make use of that website if it allowed men. I have no problem eating alone but meeting a random person might be interesting.

It does seem a bit exclusionary, doesn't it. I might use it, too. I've been to Germany, and it's common to put different groups together if the table is big enough. I kinda wish restaurants here did that.

[SnakeBabe]

Not a bit but I rarely do.

[Rachellelogram]

Not embarrassed, but I have social phobia and I don't like giving strangers a reason to look at me funny. I will go out and eat at a sit-down place alone sometimes (when I'm feeling brave or superlatively confident, which isn't often). But generally I prefer to order take-out instead.

[amarinth]

A bit, yes.

I do eat out alone, frequently, in fact. However, if I were to be totally honest, I will generally not go to a restaurant alone on a Friday or Saturday night. If I'm traveling, I will, obviously. But if I'm in town, I'll think twice about it and will generally opt not to go. I feel conspicuous on weekends in a crowded restaurant. (And waitstaff tend to behave really oddly when you do end up in a restaurant on a Friday alone).

I also don't go to high end restaurants by myself, but that's partially a function of not going to high end restaurants and only partially about not going on my own.

[Tastes of Chocolate]

Embarrassed? No.
But other than lunch during the work day, I rarely do it.
Not because I worry about what others might be thinking, but because I don't enjoy it as much as having company.
Eating out is at least partially a social thing for me. I can eat at home and read a book for much less money.

[Broomstick]

While I enjoy eating out with others, I am perfectly happy to do so on my own. If I'm hungry I should eat, right? Although if alone I prefer to have some reading material along with the meal.

[Guinastasia]

Nope. I used to feel that way, but then when I was in college, I was volunteering down at the Heinz Center, and sometimes I'd have my lunch break by myself. So I'd end up going to a cafe or a restaurant by myself and it's really no big deal. I'd just bring a book, or work on some homework.

Really, I think sometimes people imagine the looks. It's usually when I'm out shopping though, or on a break. I prefer to go to restaurants with friends.

[ladyfoxfyre]

I travel a lot for my job, so I end up eating alone more than I eat with other people.

[Sandra Battye]

Originally Posted by monstro

I don't like being recognized. I don't like waitstaff to remember me enough that they can anticipate my choices. I don't like when people are "familiar" with me. [snip] But after the third or fourth time of going to the same place all by myself, the weird feeling becomes unpleasant...

I'm the same way. I just want to be anonymous. It comes as a huge, unpleasant surprise any time someone recognizes me from my previous visits and knows what I wanted to order before I do.

[Dr. Woo]

No. I travel occasionally on business and I like to explore, so I'm good with eating alone. As others have noted, it's not unusual to be ignored or rushed, but I get that when I'm with other people also, so who cares.

[you with the face]

I feel a little weird, but I do it fairly often. When I dine out alone, I eat a lot faster and the experience is less pleasurable, so that's another downside.

Didn't know this was a gender thing, though. It ain't like I see lots of men eating solo.

[Infovore]

Originally Posted by Robot Arm

It does seem a bit exclusionary, doesn't it. I might use it, too. I've been to Germany, and it's common to put different groups together if the table is big enough. I kinda wish restaurants here did that.

Yeesh. I would hate this. Of course it's fine if it's voluntary, but I have been known to wait until a smaller table opens up at a casual restaurant (like a pizza place) if I think there's even a *possibility* that another group might want to sit down with us.

The thought of sitting at the same table with strangers, possibly having to make small talk...ugh. I wouldn't say I have social anxiety (for example, I have no problem at all sitting at restaurant counters right next to strangers) but the thought of having them across from me at a table...just no. I'd much, much rather eat alone.

[Shakes]

This explaines a lot.

I once had a bizzar expirience.

Went into the restaurant by myself. Told the hostess "Table of one please."

No sooner than I said that some lady puts her hand on my shoulder and says:

Her: Are you eating alone?

Me: Yes

Her: Mind if I join you? I'm by myself too.

Me: [i wanted to say no because I hate eating with strangers but instead I said:] Sure!

The waiter sits us down. She pulls out a book and doesn't say a word to me the whole time. (more or less)

I walked out of there thinking: WTF?

[Lamia]

I've heard that this bothers some women, but I eat out alone all the time. I live alone, I like to eat out, so what's the problem? I generally bring a book to read, although I generally bring a book almost everywhere.

I guess I might feel a little embarrassed if the restaurant were crowded and there were people waiting while I was occupying a whole table, but I don't think that's ever come up. I am guessing that some women are worried they'll be hit on by creepy guys if they go out alone, but that hasn't been a problem for me.

[ThelmaLou]

The reason it doesn't bother me and I'm not embarrassed is that most strangers who look at you might have some thought or other, but then they will immediately move on to something else and never think about you ever again. Sometimes you feel that there's a giant spotlight on you in some situations, but there really isn't. To most people you are barely a blip on their radar screen. People are involved with their own thoughts, their own companions, their own situations and worries, and barely notice anyone else for longer than a fleeting moment. I take great comfort in this realization.

[Morgenstern]

Not a woman, but not all that long ago I traveled quite a bit on business. I always felt awkward eating alone in a restaurant. Most of the time I ordered take out and took it back to the room to eat.

[chorpler]

I have to say, I came in expecting to see a lot more jokes about flexibility and the like.

[wheresmymind]

I read the article too, and was wondering the same thing. I don't really enjoy eating out alone, but it's certainly not embarrassing. It's just sort of boring to sit there twiddling your thumbs for 20 minutes while waiting for your food. When I started traveling extensively for work I quickly learned to take a book with me, problem solved.

I'm a guy though, so I thought maybe there's some secret shame women feel in that circumstance, like women see lone diners and think "Oh that poor old maid, she couldn't find a date tonight. I wonder what's wrong with her." Whereas I would think "Huh, she must be in town on business" or "She must be hungry." It seems from this thread that it's not actually a gender-specific reason.

[CrazyCatLady]

I don't particularly enjoy going out to eat by myself, but it doesn't embarrass me. I mean, yes, I have a book to pass the time, but if I'm going to read while I wait/eat, I could do that at home. You know, where it's cheaper and I can be in my underpants with a kitty on either side of me and dog on each foot.

[ThelmaLou]

Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady

You know, where it's cheaper and I can be in my underpants with a kitty on either side of me and dog on each foot.

If there were a restaurant like this, I'll bet it would do a booming business.

[Moonlitherial]

I used to be but traveling for work got me over it.

[Yumblie]

Relevant news story.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by secretsmile36

Yes and I always feel sorry for people dining alone at fine restaurants.

Don't feel sorry. There's a few restaurants (on all points of the scale from diner to fine dining) that I enjoy, but my husband doesn't. So I go to those restaurants alone, with a book, either dead tree or e book. And I enjoy myself immensely. There's no reason to pity me.

Now, I'll rarely go out to a restaurant during Friday or Saturday night, or Sunday brunch, but that applies whether I'm going alone or with someone else. I don't like being in a restaurant when the staff is slammed, or even in the weeds. The quality of the service and the food usually suffers. Similarly, my husband was thinking of taking me out for Mother's Day...I said no, I really don't want to go out for any meal on that day. If he wants to do something, let's grill steaks or even burgers and eat at home.

And to paraphrase Richard Feynmann's wife, what do I care what other people think?

[monstro]

Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady

I don't particularly enjoy going out to eat by myself, but it doesn't embarrass me. I mean, yes, I have a book to pass the time, but if I'm going to read while I wait/eat, I could do that at home. You know, where it's cheaper and I can be in my underpants with a kitty on either side of me and dog on each foot.

Yeah, that's my feeling about it. Eating out in restaurants is fun when you're with other people. But I don't find it fun or enjoyable when I'm all alone. Unless I have my tablet, it's awkward to read and eat. The noises are distracting. The waitstaff checking on me every five minutes is distracting. If I am with other people, these things don't bother me. But it's different when I'm alone.

That's why you'll only catch me in a restaurant alone when I'm traveling or when I feel compelled to try a new place and I'm not hip on their take-out policy.

I have been hit on before while eating by myself. The guy scooted his table over to talk to me, and I had to make polite chit-chat when I just wasn't in the mood. This is the only time something like this happened to me, though.

[Blackberry]

I wouldn't be embarrassed, I just wouldn't want to because it would be boring. It would never be an issue though because I would just get food to go. Weird to me that this is actually apparently a problem for some women to the point that they'd arrange to meet up with strangers just to avoid it.

[sandra_nz]

No, I'm not embarassed to eat alone, and I'd rather eat along than with a stranger.

[BigT]

Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady

I don't particularly enjoy going out to eat by myself, but it doesn't embarrass me. I mean, yes, I have a book to pass the time, but if I'm going to read while I wait/eat, I could do that at home. You know, where it's cheaper and I can be in my underpants with a kitty on either side of me and dog on each foot.

So the advantage of not having to cook the food and being waited on doesn't appeal to you?

Because that's why I would go out alone in college.

[not what you'd expect]

When I was younger, I would sometimes feel embarrassed if I went out to eat alone. I always thought people were looking at me and thinking there must be something wrong with me that I couldn't find someone willing to have a meal with me.

Now I know that was just stupid of me. But it is still a little uncomfortable without something to read.

[Bridget Burke]

Of course not.

I don't venture out to the hottest places on Friday & Saturday nights. But I've been able to check out some surprisingly trendy places in convenient locales by arriving on my way home from work. A couple of drinks & an appetizer or two make a fine meal.

Then there are the neighborhood standbys. If you don't want the staff guessing what you'll order--don't always order the same thing!

Always with a book, of course. And good tipping is a must....

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by secretsmile36

Yes and I always feel sorry for people dining alone at fine restaurants.

But then, you get the whole bottle of wine to yourself

[Anaamika]

There is this whole set of human beings that are incapable of ever being alone and will go out of their way not to be alone. I don't understand this, I'm the best friend I've got! Well, that and my own mind. Anyway they say we should all practice eating alone. Like others, I never saw the big deal. I do lots of things alone. I even went to a Ren Faire alone a couple of years ago...got a lot of curious stares, but it was lovely to do whatever I wanted, no compromises.

[even sven]

I don't mind it at all. In fact, some of my best daydreaming time has been at restaurants solo. I do a lot of travel, and it comes with the territory.

That said, I'm not an introvert, and I love "shared table" situations. I'd also be open to the idea of a service like this, especially when travelling. Usually I stay at hostels and pick up companions from there, but it can be a lot of fun to have a "date" in a strange city.

I imagine the "women only" thing is to keep it from turning into a dating/hookup service.

[TruCelt]

I have heard this before, and I find it more than a bit condescending. I am an introvert in a highly stressful business. I greatly enjoy being able to go to a restaurant and just relax, only having to interact with the wait staff, and having lovely food prepared just the way I like it and set before me with little to no effort on my part.

The whole concept that this might be a problem confuses me. I get it for the elder folks who grew up nearly never eating in restaurants. It was an occasion to eat out, and occasions should be shared.

But for me, and especially on business travel, a restaurant is a place to get some food and unwind. And for me, unwinding happens in solitude. And the better the food, the more likely I am to want to be able to concentrate on it, rather than on making conversation.

I suppose if I had a friend who also truly appreciated fine food, I would enjoy trying out a new restaurant or cuisine with them. But most of my friends would really prefer a big plate of mac and cheese.

One time in particular, my birthday happened to coincide with Celtling's school "Movie Night." I was beyond thrilled at the prospect of an uninterrupted meal, of adult food, on my day. I carefully chose a fine dining Italian place which had just opened - a place that made actual Italian cuisine as opposed to "noodles and gravy." I walked in and ordered a full meal, from polenta with house-smoked mussels, to a sea bass in fresh herbs that sounded amazing and ending with a lovely raspberry-chesnut crespelle.

I made the mistake of mentioning my birthday, and the owners wife just thought it was horrid that I should be in there alone. So she sat down and chatted throughout the entire meal, mostly about the lives of various celebrities I'd never heard of. Completely ruined the experience for me! It wasn't long before I was contemplating canceling the crespelle and heading to Baskin-Robbins.

And, just in general, it's my feeling that what strangers think about me is really none of my business. We all build these little stories in our heads about the folks we pass by in the course of the day. It would be borderline delusional to believe that any of the stories are accurate, and they are welcome to enjoy whatever little vignette they perceive. Heck, I'd probably have a laugh if I could hear it!

[HazelNutCoffee]

I used to find it a bit embarrassing, but I've done it enough now that I'm used to it.

Actually, it's been a while since I've dined alone in a proper restaurant. Last time I traveled alone was for a few days in Philadelphia, two years ago. All the restaurants were perfectly nice about my dining alone. I try to avoid peak times.